Measure After Measure
by Dream Weaver 85
Summary: S5. "Desperate Measures" Tag. "No matter how powerless they made her feel, she would never be just a helpless victim; as Daniel had tried so hard to make her see, surviving was her ultimate victory."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **It's finally, _finally_ here! Or at least the first chapter is… In spite of a full-time job, a summer internship at a local think tank, two volunteer gigs and the nastiest case of writers' block I've ever had the misfortune of experiencing, I've finally got a good start on this story! It's still a WiP, so feel free to share your thoughts and ideas (my eternal gratitude in exchange for suggestions!)! And now on with the show… Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

Logically, Jack knew he'd experienced worse pain than this before. However, the human body only remembers that at one time there had been pain, providing only the vaguest recollections of intensity or duration. As a result, even though he knew his current discomfort was nothing compared to what he'd endured in the past, he was having trouble convincing his body to see things his way. To top it off, the pain was doing its damnedest to temper his relief at having found Sam, safe and relatively sound. Needless to say, Jack was not impressed.

"Just a little longer, sir," Sam murmured quietly, repeating the words almost as if doing so would hurry the paramedics along. One hand rubbed his shoulder soothingly while the other held his side arm at the ready, lest any other snaky surprises were lurking in the shadows.

"Don't tell her," Jack ground out through clenched teeth, trying to add some humor to the rather crappy situation he'd found himself in. "But I think I actually miss Frasier and her two minutes or less response time."

"My lips are sealed, sir," she swore, eyes twinkling with amusement.

If Jack didn't know better, he'd never have believed that she'd been kidnapped, held against her will for days and almost killed for the sake of so-called medical science. Then again, it was probably easier for her to slip back into the familiarity of following orders and bantering back and forth than it was to deal with all that had happened. He made a mental note to keep an eye on her in the coming days; he may be the king of denial and repression, but Sam was a very capable heir to the throne.

The steady pounding of approaching footsteps broke through Jack's musings and he felt Sam stiffen beside him. Her warm hand dropped away from his shoulder, meeting its mate on the grip of his side arm, aiming into the darkness uncertainly. Jack could feel the tension in her, could feel her training struggling to overcome her ingrained fight or flight instincts, confirming his suspicions that she wasn't nearly as together as she wanted him to believe. Through sheer stubborn determination, Jack pushed down the pain throbbing in his arm and focused, taking control of the situation before it could get out of hand.

"ID yourselves!" he hollered, his voice echoing unnervingly through the maze of hallways running beneath the hospital. With effort, he managed to maneuver himself so the fingers on his right hand brushed against Sam's knee, hoping the contact would steady her understandably frazzled nerves.

"We're the paramedics Major Carter requested," an unfamiliar voice replied in surround sound, the words bouncing off the concrete walls of the corridor and bombarding the two SG-1 members from all directions. "We've got four members of the SWAT team with us," the man added, cognizant of the wisdom in warning them about the men with guns before they came into view.

"You're clear. Come on ahead," Jack called back. Although he squeezed Sam's knee reassuringly, she remained tense and ready for a fight.

Her arms dropped out of firing position instantly, but she maintained a white-knuckle grip on the weapon, her finger still poised to pull the trigger at the first hint of danger. She seemed totally oblivious to his scrutiny as her eyes scanned the steam-filled darkness, ratcheting his concern up another few notches. For someone who seemed so hypersensitive to her surroundings, Sam's lack of awareness of his eyes on her was disconcerting.

The footsteps resumed, approaching their position accompanied by the familiar though despised metallic rattle of a gurney. Suddenly the locals were right on top of them, eight bodies – four of them armed – materializing seemingly out of nowhere. The SWAT guys ensured that their position was secure, sweeping their weapons through the air with practiced ease before waving the paramedics forward. They held their positions, the barrels of their guns aimed outwards, providing a measure of security while leaving their companions plenty of room to work.

Abandoning the gurney, the four paramedics hurried to Jack's side, assessing the damage, asking questions and conversing with one another about the best course of action to take. In the midst of the jargon-filled chaos, one of the paramedics gently maneuvered Sam out of his way. Without a word, she climbed somewhat unsteadily to her feet, backing away and pressing herself flat against the wall behind her. Jack tried to catch her gaze, but failed, first because her face was swallowed up by shadows, and then because of the black spots dancing before his eyes as gentle fingers began probing his wound.

It took only a few minutes for the paramedics to ready Jack for transport and although he protested, they insisted he ride the blasted gurney out to the waiting ambulance. As they settled him on the gurney, Jack bit back a pain-filled hiss and focused on the furtive, hushed conversation one of the SWAT members was having via radio. His efforts were all for naught – there was simply too much ambient noise for Jack to make out more than the odd word here or there – but when the man turned and began making his way over, the look on his face assured Jack that he wasn't going to like the status report he was about to hear.

"Sir, our teams haven't found the suspect yet, but we do have the building sealed off," the man explained apprehensively, correctly assuming that, when angry, the injured Air Force officer before him was a force to be reckoned with. "It's just a matter of time until we find him."

Which, Jack realized, meant they still had a Goa'uld on the loose somewhere in the building. Damn.

"Carter?" Jack called, signaling for the increasingly antsy paramedics to hold off moving him just yet.

"Sir?" she replied uncertainly. Whether it was fear or exhaustion that made her voice tremble ever so slightly, Jack couldn't say.

"You're coming up with me," he instructed firmly, his tone leaving no room for argument. "Daniel and T can meet us on the surface and you can all supervise the search from there."

Thinking that was that, one of the paramedics made to start wheeling him away, but was stopped by a steely glare from his patient. Jack was fully expecting a fight, and Sam, never one to disappoint, delivered, albeit half-heartedly.

"But one of us needs to stay here in case…" she began to protest, trailing off as she realized there was only so much she could say to prove her point in present company.

Knowing her as he did, Jack was able to detect the slight edge of hysteria creeping into her voice. Clearly she was just going through the motions, objecting because it was expected, not because she wanted to spend a single moment longer in the hospital-cum-hellhole Conrad had whisked her off to. That was fine with Jack; he didn't want her to stay either.

Ignoring the aggrieved sighs from the paramedics, Jack leaned forwards and groped blindly through the darkness for his teammate. A sharp burn raced along his nerve endings, white hot agony exploding in his arm as the movement forced damaged muscle into action, but Jack shoved it aside, searching for the woman who seemed determined to fade back into the shadows. When his fingers finally closed around her slender wrist, he didn't miss Sam's sharp intake of breath, nor the desperate yank that jarred his aching body when she tried to break his grip.

"Carter," he said quietly, keeping his voice calm as he tugged her towards him and out of the long shadows that swallowed up the corridor's dim emergency lighting. "It's fine; everything is fine. The locals have everything under control, so we can both go up together, okay?" He chose his words carefully, trying to cut through the panic he could sense building in her while reminding her that the local authorities were to remain in the dark about what had really transpired here.

One more gentle tug brought her out of the darkness, finally letting Jack see how her wide, fearful eyes were darting back and forth between the paramedics. It struck him as odd that she didn't seem bothered by the men with guns, instead keeping all of her attention locked on the men standing around the gurney. Then again, being threatened by guys with guns was just another day at the office for her; menacing medical professionals, however, were still relatively uncharted territory.

"Are you all right, ma'am?" one of the paramedics asked in concern, taking in her chalky white complexion. He made to move towards her, but Sam flinched and tried to back away.

She managed to move only an inch or two before Jack's hand wrapped around her wrist stopped her progress. Sam was dimly aware of the reassuring squeeze of his fingers momentarily tightening their grip; most of her attention was still focused on the paramedics.

"Leave her be," Jack advised, his voice dripping with authority. He was relieved when all four of the medical technicians moved to stand on the far side of the gurney, wisely putting him between themselves and Sam.

But the increased distance did little to put Sam at ease. Her frightened eyes continued to sweep over the four strangers in search of any hint of ill intent, leaving Jack no choice but to try and calm her another way.

"Carter, I don't want to leave you down here alone," he reasoned, gently pulling her closer until she stood right beside him. "Look at me," he advised, waiting until she managed to drag her eyes away from the paramedics before continuing. "Come up with me. Daniel and Teal'c will meet us there and you can stay with them while I get my arm checked out."

"Actually, sir, we should bring her along so someone can take a look at her…"

Jack could feel Sam's pulse pick up, thumping faster and faster under his fingers at the mere thought of being subjected to yet another round of medical poking and prodding. Given what his 2IC must have been through in the last few days, he certainly couldn't blame her for her agitation in the face of additional examinations.

"She'll be okay for a few more hours," Jack declared abruptly, hoping he was making the right decision. "No more doctors until we're back home with Janet," he promised, holding her gaze steadily.

Sam seemed to take an inordinate amount of time to think it over, but she consented in the end, giving him a single sharp nod.

Slumping back against the thin pillows, Jack released his grip on her wrist and slipped her hand into his, lacing their fingers together. He offered her a quick, comforting squeeze before turning his attention to the paramedics.

"All right, guys," he instructed lightly. "Let's blow this popsicle stand."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** A huge thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed so far! Your kind words have made my Monday. : ) And now, on with the show… Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

"They'll find him," Jack repeated, noting how Sam's eyes darted around nervously, paying wary attention to anyone she deemed to be passing too closely to them.

When she didn't reply, he squeezed the hand clinging almost desperately to his own. Throughout the trip to the surface, she had clutched his hand painfully tight but he hadn't complained, knowing that she was using the contact to try and keep herself grounded. He knew what it was like to need that, had been there before in times and places he tried hard not to think about, and so he gladly did what he could to tether her to the here and now. Besides, after days of fear and worry, they finally had her back; Jack wasn't exactly in a hurry to let go.

In spite of himself, Jack realized he too was scanning the area in search of threats; Sam's agitation was catching. With a full SWAT team combing through the hospital and a good portion of the local police force securing the outside of the building, he knew it was highly unlikely that the Goa'uld in Conrad or any of the millionaire's henchmen would be able to get near them. However, 'unlikely' had been the story of his life for the last few years, so he figured it couldn't hurt to keep his guard up, at least until the area was clear.

Jack was pulled from his thoughts when someone burst out of a set of doors on the far end of the parking lot, the commotion enough to make Sam jump a few inches into the air. The jarring motion sent fresh waves of agony through his arm, but Jack gritted his teeth against the pain and kept a tight hold on her suddenly trembling fingers. Everyone in the area trained their weapons on the figure, who wisely chose to raise his hands high above his head. The sight reassured Jack that whoever they had surrounded would be hard-pressed to make it across the parking lot without permission. The local authorities still had things well in hand, which meant he could focus on trying to calm Sam down.

"They've got everything under control, Carter," he pointed out, rubbing his thumb over the back of her knuckles. "Just relax."

"Yes, sir," she replied, her voice tight with the strain of trying to reign in her fear.

That had become her standard response – even more so than usual – and Jack wasn't even sure she was listening to him anymore, but it was a better reply than silence would have been, so he wasn't going to complain about the monotony of it all.

Jack kept one eye on Sam and the other on the impromptu powwow that was underway at the far end of the parking lot. Even from a distance, he could tell there was a fierce debate going on, but it was impossible to guess what the issue at hand was. It soon became clear, however, which side had won. Moments later, the barrels of a dozen guns were lowering to the ground and the cause of all the raucous was jogging towards them. Jack hadn't thought it possible, but at his side, Sam tensed even more and her pulse further quickened, thudding rapidly beneath his fingers.

A heartbeat later, she was sagging with relief.

"Sam! Jack!" a familiar voice rang out, cutting through the cooling air of the early evening.

Daniel crossed the uneven, cracked pavement as quickly as he could, dodging small clusters of police officers and winding his way around the parked cruisers scattered throughout the lot, silhouetted by the sinking sun. When he arrived, he brought with him at least a few dozen questions, but in the end he settled on, "Are you guys okay?" To his own ears, it sounded woefully inadequate but so long as the answer was 'yes', there would be time for further inquiry later.

"Mayborne _shot_ me." Jack grouched, glaring at the bulky bandages secured over his arm. "At least his aim sucks."

He could feel Daniel's appraising eyes on him, but evidently the younger man decided he would live and turned his attention elsewhere.

"Sam?" Daniel prompted, eyes raking over her in concern while a hand settled on her shoulder, the contact tangible proof that she was standing before him now, safe and sound.

"I'm okay," she assured, forcing a strength she didn't feel into the simple assurance. She knew it was the answer he wanted to hear, the answer all of them _needed_ to hear, if they were going to be able to focus on finding the Goa'uld still on the loose; she wouldn't be the diversion that allowed it to escape.

"Good," Daniel sighed, looking her up and down once more before deciding she wasn't about to break and pulling her into a tight bear hug. He knew she would never outright lie to him, but Daniel was pretty sure she was stretching the truth to the brink of its breaking point. He also knew that this was neither the time nor the place to force the issue, so he let her artful manipulation of the truth slide, settling for offering her what comfort and reassurance he could.

"Any news?" Jack demanded, watching the reunion as a ghost of a smile crept across his features. While she was otherwise occupied, he extricated his hand from Sam's and flexed his fingers a few times to get blood flowing back into the cramped digits.

"There's been no sign of Adrian Conrad or any more his cronies, and the ones we captured aren't talking. We won't know if we've caught them all until the building is cleared," Daniel updated, rubbing a soothing hand between Sam's shoulder blades when she tensed at his words. "The SWAT team still has a few more floors to search and Teal'c decided to stay with them. He wants to be there when they catch the Goa'uld."

"Jaffa revenge thing?" Jack asked, a knowing smirk quirking his lips.

"Oh yeah," Daniel confirmed with a wry smile. "He's glad you're all right and he promised to come find us as soon as they've got Conrad in custody," he added for Sam's benefit.

"Okay," she sighed, resting her forehead against the side of his neck, blinding herself to the frenetic activity around them. She tried to block out the approaching paramedics she'd spotted out of the corner of her eye, focusing instead on the security of being held by Daniel. Even with only three good arms between them, she knew he and Jack wouldn't let anyone hurt her; she was safe now, but that knowledge didn't do much to slow her racing heart.

"Colonel O'Neill, " one of the paramedics called quietly, clearly trying hard not to spook Sam again. "We should really take you to get checked out now."

"Is that okay with you, Carter?" Jack asked quietly, keeping his voice low and calm. She seemed to be more relaxed now, but he wanted to be sure she wasn't going to panic again if he left.

Although Janet would kill him for it, if Sam gave the word, he would gladly forego any and all medical treatment until his 2IC was back at the SGC, tucked away behind dozens of armed guards and surrounded by friends. But he doubted it was going to come to that. So far, Sam had been struggling to maintain an air of normalcy about her, and he doubted she would protest his leaving, now that Daniel had arrived.

"Yes, sir," she replied after only a moment's consideration. She craned her neck awkwardly and offered up an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry I kept you so long."

"Don't worry about it," he dismissed, feigning nonchalance while waving off her apology with his good arm. "Keep me updated," Jack reminded as another paramedic joined the first and prepared to load both him and the gurney he loathed into the back of the waiting ambulance.

"We've got it covered, Jack," Daniel promised, smoothing a hand over the back of Sam's head in an effort to help her calm down. Although he didn't know for sure what had her wound so tightly, he could guess, and was doing what he could to settle her.

"Of that, I have no doubt. Oh, and Daniel?" Jack began innocently, as if it was an afterthought, but in truth, the words had been on the tip of his tongue since the archaeologist had first appeared. "Would it kill you to offer the poor woman your jacket?"

Daniel blinked at his friend in confusion before his gaze drifted to Sam, still wrapped snugly in his arms. It took a few seconds for him to realize she was outside in nothing but the thin hospital scrubs she'd been wearing when she had first been found.

As he was hefted into the ambulance and the doors were slammed shut behind him, Jack could see his favorite archaeologist shrugging out of his jacket, apologizing profusely while manhandling their protesting astrophysicist into it. Biting back an amused grin, Jack finally surrendered himself completely to the tender mercies of the local paramedics.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Here's a nice, long chapter for y'all… You don't even want to know how long I spent editing and revising this one! Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed – once again you've made my day! And now, on with the show… Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

"I know you probably went through this with Jack already," Daniel began hesitantly, twisting the cap off a bottle of water and handing it to the vehicle's only other occupant. "But shouldn't you get checked out too?"

"No," Sam said shortly, and just like that, the discussion was over. At least, she'd hoped it would be over, but Daniel didn't seem to be very receptive to that idea.

"I know you say you're fine, but I'd feel better hearing that from an MD instead of a PhD."

His point was valid, but Sam was in no mood to be reasoned with. Hoping her silence would speak for itself, she took measured sips, letting the cool water slide down her parched throat. The so-called doctors on Conrad's payroll had hooked her up to a steady stream of IV fluids to keep her hydrated over the last few days, but that had done little to relieve the dryness in her throat.

"Sam…" he pressed. Daniel knew he was pushing his luck – she hated to be hovered over – but his lingering worry over-rode his sense of self-preservation and so he continued his efforts to try and change her mind.

"Enough, Daniel," she interrupted sharply, but the way she slumped back in her seat took away from the bite in her voice. "I don't want anymore strangers poking and prodding me, and I will be _fine_ until we're back home."

"We'd make sure you were seen by a real doctor," he tried one more time.

Daniel knew he wasn't likely to win, but like it or not, she'd been missing for days, unconscious for long stretches of time and, by her own admission, injected with a whole slew of drugs; he'd feel a lot better once a doctor gave her a clean bill of health. He could understand her reluctance to subject herself to further medical testing, really he could, but at the same time, a part of him wanted to shake her for being so damn stubborn.

"Every medical professional _involved_ in this was a real doctor," Sam retorted in between sips of water. "So forgive me if my trust in doctors is at an all time low. I'm going to wait until Janet can be the one to check me out. And besides, Colonel O'Neill…"

"Jack already gave you the okay to hold off until we're home, I know, I know," he finished, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly. "I'm sorry for nagging; I just want to make sure you're all right."

"I _am_ all right, but I understand why you want to hear that from someone else," she murmured, catching his fingers and giving them an appreciative squeeze. "However, you're not going to change my mind, so can we please drop it?"

"Promise you'll let me know if you start feeling off," Daniel negotiated, squeezing her hand to show he understood her concerns and was willing to concede defeat.

"I promise," she lied, dropping her head to rest on his shoulder. Truth be told, she was feeling extremely 'off', but that was to be expected with the number of drugs that were still in her system. Mentioning that to Daniel, however, would only make him worry even more, so she kept it to herself and closed her eyes against the waves of dizziness and nausea that had suddenly hit her hard.

Giving it up as a lost cause, Daniel lapsed into silence, content to stare at the top of her familiar blonde head. This was the second time Sam had been kidnapped in less than six months and for days he'd worried that they couldn't possibly be lucky enough to find her alive and well two times in a row. But by some miracle their luck had held and they'd done it again.

At least, they had if you believed Sam.

He didn't.

Daniel wasn't foolish enough to think she was as well as she wanted everyone to believe. Anyone who knew Sam could see she was struggling to hold herself together; to someone who knew her inside out and backwards the way he did, everything about her screamed that she was far from 'fine'. Unfortunately, until she was wiling to admit it to herself, there was little he could do. For the moment, he would have to settle for offering whatever reassurance she could find snuggled securely against his side.

The quiet that had settled over the pair was shattered moments later by a knock on the rear passenger window. Although it was little more than a gentle tap, the sound was enough to startle Sam. She jumped clear off the seat and stiffened against him, muscles tensing in preparation for a fight, adrenaline chasing away the cold, sick feeling creeping up the back of her throat.

A heartbeat later, soothing fingers were combing through her hair and she leant back against the seat, letting out a shaky breath. Sneaking a peak out the dark tinted window, Sam recognized Teal'c's hulking outline and realized she had over-reacted again; everything was fine.

Daniel sat patiently, affording her what little privacy he could while she calmed herself. When at last she offered him a weak smile, he unlocked the door, granting their teammate access to the vehicle. Before he had even removed his fingers from the switch, the door was open and Teal'c was poking his head inside. Leaning out of his way, Daniel bit back an amused grin; Jaffa could be infinitely patient sometimes, but not, apparently, when it came to ascertaining the well being of one of their dearest friends.

"Are you well, Major Carter?" Teal'c asked quietly, keen eyes taking in the tension that had yet to drain out of her taut muscles and the fading flash of panic in her eyes.

"I'm okay," she reassured, reaching out a hand to squeeze his arm affectionately. "Any luck yet?" she asked, aiming for normality and trying to distract both him and Daniel from the fact that she was far from 'okay'.

"I regret that we have been unable to locate either the Goa'uld or Colonel Mayborne," Teal'c informed them both, his disappointment clear. "The local authorities are preparing for a final search of the building, however I do not believe it will yield the desired results."

"Has anyone called Jack yet?" Daniel asked, grimacing.

"No," Teal'c replied, a sudden and unexpected glint of mischief shining in his dark eyes. "Perhaps you would do so, Daniel Jackson, so that I might have a few moments with Major Carter," he suggested, arching a pointed eyebrow at Daniel.

"He's going to be pissed," Daniel whined, cringing as he imagined the long litany of curses Jack would no doubt shout through the phone upon hearing the news.

"Indeed," Teal'c replied unsympathetically, holding out a hand to help Sam climb over the archaeologist and out of the vehicle.

"I really don't think this is fair," Daniel groused, even as he fished his cell phone out of his pocket.

He briefly toyed with the idea of getting Sam to make the call – given the circumstances, Jack would be able to muster enough self-restraint to keep from hollering at _her_ – but that really wouldn't be fair. He'd had Sam to himself for over an hour; the least he could do was give Teal'c a few minutes with her… Even if it _did_ mean he would be forced to listen to Jack rant and rave.

"Take one for the team, Daniel," Sam offered without a hint of pity as she climbed awkwardly over his long legs. She paused only to pat his arm cheerfully before slamming the door and turning her attention on Teal'c.

He studied her in silence for long moments, eyes raking over her as he committed every needle mark and fading bruise to memory. Sam knew he was burning her appearance into his mind so that when Conrad was finally in custody, Teal'c would remember precisely what he was to be held accountable for. There was no point in trying to talk him out of it – it was, as Jack would say, a 'Jaffa revenge thing' – and so she stood patiently, waiting for him to finish.

"I am relieved to see that you are well, Major Carter," Teal'c finally said warmly, firmly grasping both her shoulders. "And I am grateful that you have once more returned to us safely."

"Me too," she smiled, touched by his words.

Teal'c didn't usually say much, but when he _did_ speak, his words were always both noteworthy and heartfelt.

"Thank you," Sam added quietly, ducking her head to avoid his gaze. She hated that she'd needed rescuing, even though she knew her teammates wouldn't think any less of her for it. "I owe you guys, big time. Again."

"Having you with us once more is payment enough," Teal'c assured. Then, as if reading her thoughts, he added, "Fear not, Major Carter. By my recollection, you and I have still been forced to rescue both O'Neill and Daniel Jackson significantly more often than the three of us have had occasion to rescue you. A great deal of 'catching up' remains to be done before you may be thought of as SG-1's maiden in peril."

It took Sam a full five seconds to process his words, but when her brain finally caught up, she couldn't hold back a smile. "That's 'damsel in distress', Teal'c."

With his usual timing, Daniel chose that moment to poke his head out of the vehicle.

Blame it on exhaustion, blame it on the countless drugs still coursing through her veins, but Sam was unable to keep her brain from conjuring up an image of Daniel in a medieval gown and she dissolved in laughter. Scant seconds later, a trio of police officers passed by a few feet to Teal'c's left and her laughter changed. Suddenly there was an almost hysterical edge to the sound, contradicting her constant assurances that she was all right, but she ignored it and hoped the others would let it pass without comment. So long as no one called her on it, she could continue clinging to the illusion that she was fine, everything was fine.

"I was right; he's pissed," Daniel announced, sharing a concerned look with Teal'c. Spotting the slight shake of the other man's head, he pretended not to notice the shift in her laughter and continued, "On the up side, I learned some new Russian curses."

"Is he okay?" Sam asked, regaining her composure.

She turned to give her full attention to Daniel, forcing Teal'c's hands to drop away from her shoulders. She immediately missed their steadying presence and shifted a step closer, seeking out the reassuring thrum his symbiote always shot through her naquadah sensitive body. The welcome sensation of safety washed over her and she could almost ignore the three unfamiliar faces that had stopped dead a dozen yards away.

Almost.

There was no shaking off the fear that the Goa'uld had recognized that it would never escape in Conrad and had jumped into one of the local law enforcement officers instead.

Oblivious to her train of thought, Daniel filled them both in on his brief conversation with their absent leader. "There's some pretty spectacular bruising where the first bullet struck his vest. The one in his arm went clean through and did some muscle damage, but he should make a full recovery. I got this from a doctor, not Jack," he added, seeing their skepticism. "He's been cleared to fly home, but after that, Janet will probably confine him to the infirmary for a few days."

"That is good news, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c stated, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Jack's already talked to General Hammond and gotten the okay to leave this with the locals," Daniel added, hopping out of the SUV to join them on the ground. "The four of us are going to meet up at the airport in an hour; our flight will leave as soon as we're ready."

"Did you guys come by chopper or by plane?" Sam asked, hoping for the latter. A plane would be a lot bigger, allowing her to put more space between herself and the unfamiliar members of the flight crew.

"General Hammond arranged for us to have an airplane at our disposal while you were missing, ensuring we would be able to quickly reach your location upon learning your whereabouts," Teal'c informed her.

"Wow," Sam exclaimed, eyes widening with surprise. "I wonder how many favors he had to call in to set that up?"

"It doesn't matter," Daniel said dismissively, squeezing her shoulder. "You're worth it."

She blushed at that and glanced down at her feet. Five years ago, she would have argued against that, insisting she was no more or less valuable than anybody else. But time and trust had worn down some of her rough edges and now she took such sentiments for what they were. It wasn't like her teammates to come right out and tell her they cared about her; it was statements such as the one Daniel had just uttered that tended to get the message across.

"I will go inform the officer in command of our departure," Teal'c stated, watching Sam closely for any sign that she was uncomfortable with the idea.

"If it's okay with you, I'd like to go with Teal'c and thank the local police for all their help," Daniel added, asking permission. He remembered how shaken she had been before Jack had been taken away, and he didn't want to leave her if she wasn't comfortable being alone. "You could come with us, if you'd like," he added, seeing uncertainty flash across her features.

Sam knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she didn't want to be anywhere near the command post. There would be too many people around, people she didn't know brushing by her and jostling her as they tried to do their jobs. But much as she hated to admit it, she wasn't sure waiting in the car would be any better. She wasn't comfortable being alone right now, and certainly not in an area where they knew a Goa'uld to be on the lam. Either way, Sam was sure she would spend the next few minutes jumping out of her skin and fighting to clamp down on the cold fear clawing at her insides.

If she asked, they would get in the car with her and leave for the airport right away. Tempting as that idea sounded, Sam knew the local authorities deserved better than that; the SGC had trampled all over their jurisdiction and monopolized their limited resources for a whole afternoon. Besides, that would be the coward's way out, delaying having to face her fears, as she would inevitably have to do. Weighing her options, Sam decided that as a fiercely independent person, her first priority had to be getting comfortable being alone again; being okay around strangers could wait a little longer.

"I'll wait in the car," Sam said, sounding a lot more confident than she felt. She hoped they would take her at her word. If they asked many more times, she'd order them both to get their asses in the SUV and then drive like a madwoman straight to the plane waiting to whisk her back to nice, safe, well guarded Cheyenne Mountain.

"Are you certain?" Teal'c asked quietly, sensing the hesitation underlying her confident words.

"Yes," Sam replied, hating that it came out more as a question than an answer.

"If you need us, just…" Daniel began before remembering that she had neither radio nor cell phone with her. "Uh, scream, I guess."

"When have I ever screamed?" she demanded, folding her arms over her chest.

"Remember the mission to the marshy planet with the creatures Jack insisted on calling 'Swamp Things'?" Daniel prompted lightly. He was relieved to see that her indignation at what he was implying was slowly crowding out some of the fear in her eyes.

"I believe that was you, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c informed him with a smug smirk.

"No, it wasn't," he lied, hoping to lure Sam into some last minute banter and ease some of the nervousness he sensed rolling off her.

"Yes, Daniel," Sam said patiently, smiling fondly as she recalled the mission in question. "It _was_ you. But if I need you guys, I promise I'll scream just as loud as you did when a 'Swamp Thing' swam around your ankle."

"It did not _swim_, it _wound_," Daniel insisted ardently, proving that he did remember the mission after all. He would have to deal with renewed teasing for a while, but seeing some of the stress lines creasing Sam's face smooth out was more than worth it.

"We will not be long," Teal'c assured, holding the SUV's door open for her.

Sam was only too happy to climb back into the vehicle and lock the door behind her. Under normal circumstances, she would have made a fuss, insisting she could take care of herself and refusing to stay locked up in the car. But at the moment, Sam was relieved to be able to lock out the rest of the world while she was to be on her own. As soon as Teal'c shut the door behind her, her fingers were fumbling with the power lock, the normally simple task complicated by the slight tremor in her hands.

It didn't escape either man's notice that they didn't have to tell her to lock the door, but they let it pass without comment. With a wave and a bow between them, they set off, leaving Sam alone with just her racing heart and the harsh sounds of her increasingly rapid breathing for company.


	4. Chapter 4

**Measure After Measure**

With a grimace, Jack shifted awkwardly and tried to relieve the throbbing ache in his arm. He'd never say it out loud, but he was starting to regret turning down the painkillers Doctor Something-Or-Other had offered back at the hospital. But it was too late to change his mind now; all he could do was hope the others showed up soon. He wanted nothing more than to get back home so Janet could set him up with a steady supply of her happy drugs. Just this once, he wouldn't even wait for her to offer them up; he'd ask for a hefty dose of painkiller right away. As far as Jack was concerned, there was more dignity in whining to a friend than admitting weakness to a stranger.

The clatter of footsteps on the metal stairs leading up from the tarmac gave him hope that his wish might finally be granted. Ignoring the flash of hot pain it sent shooting through his arm, Jack straightened up and twisted awkwardly in his seat, eyes fixed on the entryway.

Teal'c's giant frame appeared first. The former First Prime had to duck slightly to clear the hatch, but even as he lowered his head, his eyes were busy scanning the cabin for any hint of danger. Deeming the area safe, he made his way down the wide aisle running between a dozen rows of seats, trusting the others to follow. Nodding in greeting, he joined Jack, already settled in one of four seats all facing each other.

Even though Jack knew she had spent the last two hours or so safe in the company of Daniel and Teal'c, he was relieved to see that Sam was next to board. Given the slight sag in her shoulders as she stepped through the hatch, it seemed that relief went both ways. Before she had even stepped clear of the entryway, parts of Daniel were appearing, first a hand pressed reassuringly to the small of her back, then the arm the hand was connected to, and last but not least, the rest of the archaeologist materialized.

Having the three of them in sight lifted a weight he hadn't even been aware he'd been carrying off Jack's shoulders. They were all more than capable of taking care of themselves and each other, he knew that, but he couldn't help himself; he always had and probably always would worry about them when they were off dealing with bad guys and he wasn't there to watch their backs.

"How are you feeling, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked quietly as the others made their way over, Daniel pausing part way to nod his thanks at the crewmember that closed the hatch in preparation for take-off.

"Oh, you know how it is," Jack said flippantly, adopting an air of nonchalance despite the sharp throbs of pain that made a liar out of him. "It's just nice to have someone poking holes in my right arm for a change."

"I'm sure it is," Daniel placated, letting Sam pick the seat beside Jack before settling into the remaining space. "But that doesn't answer the question. So, how are you really?"

"It hurts," Jack grudgingly admitted, stretching the truth by adding, "It's only a two on the O'Neill Pain Scale, though." It was more like a five, but they'd all done enough worrying lately; he wasn't going to give his team something else to fret about.

"I'm sorry, sir," Sam said quietly. She squirmed uncomfortably in her seat and kept her eyes locked on a spot somewhere in the general vicinity of his left ear.

Jack spared a quick look at both Daniel and Teal'c, but they looked as confused as he felt; they were no help at all. Leaning a little to his left, he tried to catch her eye, but she was a split-second too fast at shifting her gaze to somewhere over his right ear instead. Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Jack gave up and asked, "What for?"

"It's my fault you were shot," she replied tersely, her eyes still glued to the nothingness to his right. There was anger in her voice, but the guilt shining in her eyes made it clear that anger was directed at herself and not anyone else.

"How do you figure?"

"If you hadn't come after me…"

"Sam…" Daniel interrupted, shaking his head firmly. He trailed off when Jack raised a hand for silence, waiting expectantly for their leader to do something to dispel her irrational guilt.

"Carter, were you skulking in the basement, waiting for a chance to shoot whoever walked past?" Jack asked impatiently. The next moment, the engines were powering up, gentle vibrations running from the engines up though the cabin of the plane. The rhythmic rattle sent fresh sparks of pain through his arm, but he bit the inside of his cheek and did his best to ignore it.

This time it was Sam's turn to look confused, a deep groove forming between her eyebrows as she tried to make sense of his question.

"Well?" Jack pressed, tilting his head to the right and finally managing to meet her gaze.

"No, sir."

"Did you send me into the basement knowing Mayborne was hiding down there, prepared to shoot his way out?"

"No, sir."

"Did you pull the trigger?"

"No, sir."

"Then don't apologize and for God's sake, don't beat yourself up over it," Jack dismissed, a hint of command creeping into his voice. "I'm just glad I didn't send you down there."

"Yes, sir," Sam replied automatically. If her answer didn't make it clear she was merely placating him, the fact that she was back to studiously avoiding meeting his gaze did.

The three men silently traded looks with one another, knowing they weren't going to be successful in talking her out of her guilt, illogical as it was. They would need to talk to her about it eventually, but right now, when they'd only gotten Sam back a few hours ago, none of them felt like fighting with her about it.

"If there is nothing further requiring our attention, I will perform kel'no'reem on the journey back to Cheyenne Mountain," Teal'c stated, effectively changing the subject. He looked to Jack for approval, please with the subtle nod it earned him.

Daniel recognized the tactic immediately, but that didn't keep him from jumping on the idea with genuine enthusiasm. "Ooh! Sleep!" he all but moaned, his face lighting up.

Jack's body agreed wholeheartedly; catching a couple hours of shuteye on the way back sounded like heaven. Unfortunately, the pain radiating out from his arm would probably keep him awake for most of the trip. But that was no reason to keep the others awake. He knew for a fact that Daniel and Teal'c had both been going virtually non-stop since Monday morning, and if the dark smudges under her eyes were anything to judge by, Sam could do with some sleep too.

"T's got the right idea," Jack declared, raising his voice a little to be heard over the growing hum of the engines. "Everybody grab a few seats, stretch out and get some rest."

"Are you going to be okay?" Daniel asked as he stood, eyes narrowed suspiciously. It was clear he'd noted every awkward shift and barely suppressed grimace his friend had made since they'd set foot on board the plane.

"I could sit up with you, sir," Sam offered hopefully despite the yawn she tried to hold back. "I've been out a lot in the last few days, so I'm not really tired."

Daniel and Teal'c raised their left eyebrows in perfect synchronization, though neither said a word. It was testament to just how off her game Sam really was; pointing out how much time she had spent unconscious in the last few days wasn't exactly a convincing argument for not needing rest. Never mind that it completely contradicted her constant reassurances that she was fine.

"'Unconscious' is not 'asleep'," Jack said firmly, making it clear that the matter was not open for debate. "If nothing else, sleep off some of the drugs in your system."

"But…" she protested.

"Major…" Jack drawled warningly. His carefully arched eyebrow silently asked if he would have to make it an order.

Genuine panic flitted across her face for a fraction of a second before she clamped down on it and schooled her features. "Yes, sir," she replied crisply, pushing up from her seat.

No sooner had she planted her feet on the floor than she swayed dangerously, hands instinctively shooting out to steady herself on a wall that wasn't there. Daniel and Jack both made to grab for her, but Teal'c, with his lightning fast reflexes, beat them to it. Before the other two were even out of their seats, he was on his feet and had grabbed her elbow, stopping her descent.

"Are you all right, Major Carter?" the big man asked quietly, studying her with concern.

"What's wrong?" Daniel asked, getting to his feet. He kept a careful eye on Sam, in case she passed out and he needed to grab her other arm to keep her from hitting the floor.

"I'm okay, I just stood up too fast," she assured, blinking rapidly to clear the spots dancing before her eyes.

She flashed the trio a shaky smile, trying to put their minds at ease. In truth, it had been a dizzy spell and not a head rush that had made her so unsteady on her feet, but they didn't need to know that. Admitting it would be tantamount to confessing she wasn't all right, and she wasn't ready to take that step. Not yet.

"You sure?" Jack pressed, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Positive," she replied, shrugging off Teal'c's assistance and squeezing past Daniel to lay claim to a row of three seats. Without further comment, she raised the armrests separating the seats and laid across, curling up on her side facing away from them.

The men watched her in concern but knew better than to say anything. They alternated between studying Sam and trading worried glances with one another for several long minutes before she finally broke the silence.

"Really guys, I'm okay," she reassured, her voice muffled by the arm thrown over her face.

"Just make sure you wake one of us if you _stop_ being okay," Daniel reminded. He squeezed her shoulder once before copying her and stretching out on the row of seats to her left. The few extra inches of height he had on her dangled awkwardly over the edge of the third seat, but he didn't mind; it felt _so_ good to be horizontal. "I'm never flying commercial again," he sighed happily.

"My entire adult life in the air force, and this is the first time I've been in a plane like this," Jack commented off-handedly, squirming as he tried to get comfortable. "I wouldn't get used to it, Danny."

When no one responded, Jack looked up from his contemplation of his much-hated sling. His lips quirked upwards when he realized his two scientists were already down for the count – although he suspected Sam was feigning sleep, he didn't call her on it – and his resident Jaffa was slipping deeper and deeper into kel'no'reem.

No longer bothering to hide his pained grimaces, Jack shifted some more before deciding he was as comfortable as he was likely to get. When the plane began to taxi down the runway a few minutes later, he was the only member of SG-1 to notice.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Yippee, it's another long one! Big 'thank you's to everyone who had read and reviewed so far – you guys brighten up my day with your kind words. : ) And now on with the show… Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

The bump of wheels touching down on tarmac cut through the heavy fog of sleep that had wrapped around her and Sam jolted awake, shooting up while confused eyes darted around wildly. Even as she scanned her surroundings, noting that her teammates were scattered throughout the cabin of the plane, a ghost of a memory teased her, filling her with a sense of dread. Though she couldn't say for sure the memory was real, she vaguely recalled waking up on a plane similar to the one she was on now, surrounded by strangers. In spite of herself, panic bubbled deep in her gut.

"Carter?" Jack's calm, low voice broke through her racing thoughts, dragging her back to the here and now. "You okay?"

Grateful for the distraction, she turned her full attention on her CO. He looked terrible. Deep lines around his eyes told the tale of just how much pain he was really in, and Sam felt a renewed sense of guilt wash over her. If it weren't for her, he wouldn't have been shot and he certainly wouldn't have sat idly in a parking lot, waiting for another member of their team to appear before seeking proper medical attention.

"Carter?" he repeated, more concern creeping into his voice when she failed to respond.

"I'm fine," she replied, shaking her head as if to clear it of the thoughts she was lost in. Wiping sleep from her eyes gave her an excuse to hide from him while she pulled herself together and she made the most of it. When she lowered her hands from her face, it was impossible not to notice the skeptical look Jack was sending her way.

Taking a deep breath, she elaborated with something a little closer to the truth. "I was a little disoriented for a minute… I forgot where I was."

"Are you forgetting anything else?" he pressed, straightening up as he eyed her with growing concern. Sam's lapse in memory was probably nothing, but until Janet gave her a clean bill of health, he would worry about every ache, pain or other possible symptom of something amiss that she experienced.

She hated how worried he was, how worried they all were, about her; more than anything, she wished they would stop. She appreciated the concern, but in the face of it, it was increasingly difficult to maintain the illusion that she was fine. She needed space, had to be free of the eyes that watched her so closely and knew her so well, catching every nuance of her behavior that countered her claims that nothing was wrong.

"Well, now that you mention it, who are you?" she inquired, forcing a mischievous grin onto her face. Sam hoped that if she could divert his attention, Jack wouldn't notice that her grip on the calm, collected demeanor she'd adopted was tenuous at best.

"Cute," Jack retorted dryly. He wondered if she knew how transparent she was, how much like him she was becoming, using humor to divert attention from her true feelings. In the end, he decided to cut her a break and let the matter drop. She could be stubborn, but she knew when to check her bravado at the door and admit that she was hurting, sick or otherwise afflicted; he trusted her judgment.

Picking up a handful of remains of the many pens scattered around him – evidence of his inability to sit still and not fiddle for more than a few minutes at a time – Jack quickly reassembled one. Selecting his target was a no-brainer and despite having to throw with his left arm, his aim was perfect. The pen sailed clear across the cabin, bounced off the top of Daniel's still sleeping head, dropped to the ground and rolled out of sight.

On impact, Daniel's left hand came up to slap uselessly at his forehead. Then, with the unpleasant distraction taken care of, he tried to roll over in his sleep. In the end, all he ended up doing was dumping himself on the floor. It wasn't the kindest wake-up call the archaeologist had ever received, but it also wasn't the most unpleasant.

"Wha…?" Daniel asked in confusion, staring up at the unfamiliar ceiling through crooked glasses as he tried to get his bearings.

"We just landed," Jack smirked. He shared an amused look with Sam while readying another pen for launch. It was easier to ignore the throbbing ache in his arm now that his team was waking up. He had someone to put on a show for and so he hammed it up, hoping to deflect their attention from his injury while at the same time distracting himself from it.

"It would be extremely unwise to attempt to rouse me as you did Daniel Jackson, O'Neill," Teal'c warned solemnly, opening his eyes a split second before Jack let a second tiny missile fly.

Fortunately for Jack, his aim was thrown off by a combination of surprise and trying to lob the projectile at an awkward angle with his left hand. The pen landed harmlessly at Teal'c's feet before rolling under the chair, probably never to be seen again.

"How much longer until we're back at the SGC?" Sam asked, holding out a hand and hauling Daniel to his feet. There were a few places they could have landed, but she hoped they were as close to the base as possible. Maybe once she was safely under a few hundred feet of mountain, she'd be able to shake the panic that lay at the edge of her consciousness, waiting to overtake all rational thought if only she let her guard down enough.

"We will arrive within the hour," Teal'c assured, getting to his feet as the plane braked and the engines were dialed back.

"In the meantime, some of the more important parts of the SGC should have come to us," Jack added, struggling to get to his feet with only one good arm and a leg that had fallen asleep even though the rest of him hadn't.

The co-pilot emerged from the cockpit and began making small talk with the others, killing time while the ground crew prepared for them to deplane, but Sam found she couldn't focus on the words washing over her. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the newcomer, watching him for any sign of hostile intentions, alert for anything that might jog her memory and place him as someone involved in some aspect of her kidnapping. It was paranoid and she knew it, but at the same time, she couldn't help herself. Racing through the meager scattered memories she had of the last few days, she tried to place the young man's face.

She was snapped out of her thoughts for the second time in less than five minutes when a hand landed on her shoulder. Even as she jumped in surprise, training kicked in and she wrenched free of the grip, backing up several steps to give herself room to maneuver. Alert blue eyes raked over her surroundings in search of an escape route, but it was an emergency exit in an abandoned hospital and not the cabin of an airplane that they were seeing.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Daniel had sensed Sam's growing unease and sought to reassure her, but the instant his hand had landed on her shoulder, he'd felt her tense as if expecting an attack and he realized his mistake. Letting his hand fall away, he raised both arms in the universal gesture for 'I'm not going to hurt you' and backed off. He wasn't sure what Sam was seeing right now, but it was obvious she felt threatened and crowding her would only exacerbate things.

"Major Carter," Teal'c called gently, having spotted the problem. He kept his voice calm and soothing, but Sam didn't seem to have heard him.

"Get that open and go wait outside," Jack instructed the co-pilot quietly, thrusting his chin in the direction of the hatch. It was nothing more than a guess – an educated one, for sure, but still just a guess – but Sam seemed to be having real issues with being around unfamiliar faces right now. Jack hoped that removing the young man from the situation would be the fastest way to resolve it.

To the immense relief of all three male members of SG-1, the co-pilot didn't hesitate. Demonstrating a great deal of insight even without knowing anything about the people he'd shuttled back and forth from Seattle, the young man kept as much distance between Sam and himself as possible while he followed the order. He had to wait a few moments while the metal stairs were wheeled into place, but as soon as he was able, he deplaned, leaving the four teammates alone.

Once the co-pilot was out of sight, Jack tried to break through the haze of panic Sam seemed to be lost in. Banking on the high comfort level she'd demonstrated with him, Daniel and Teal'c thus far, he tried to soothe her. "It's okay, Carter. He's gone; it's just us now."

No reaction, beyond her eyes sweeping the interior of the cabin in a slightly wider arc this time. Sharing a quick look with Teal'c, Jack saw the same uncertainty he felt mirrored in the Jaffa's eyes. Whether they were getting through to her or she was growing increasingly desperate to find a way out, neither man could tell.

"Sam," Daniel called quietly, happy when her eyes darted over to him and stayed there, losing some of their wild anxiety. "No one's going to hurt you. It's just us," he repeated, echoing Jack's words. Taking a chance, he reached out a tentative hand and was pleasantly surprised when her hand shot out and latched on to his.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Adrian Conrad's sickly looking face melted away. In his place were the familiar faces of her teammates, all watching her with various degrees of concern. Gone was the cloying scent of antiseptic that leached into her clothes, her hair, her pores, replaced by the dry, stale air she always acquainted with air travel.

Exhaling sharply, her mind raced, trying to reconcile her current surroundings with what she'd experienced just moments ago. Despite the confused jumble of thoughts clamoring in her head, she was able to come up with a handful of possible explanations; none of which she liked. Sam felt the overpowering flash of fear slowly ebbing away, the fading adrenaline leaving her feeling shaky and weak.

Then Daniel's voice was calling to her, speaking in calming tones as he reached out for her. She grasped the offered hand gratefully and let him pull her close, surrendering to the need to confirm that he was there and solid and _real_.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, blushing with embarrassment. It was bad enough she'd lost control like that, but this was now the second time Jack had witnessed her freaking out in the span of just a few hours. He'd be duty bound to report it and as a result, Sam knew she'd be spending some quality time with Doctor MacKenzie before anyone would even _think _ofclearing her for field duty again.

"Stop apologizing," Daniel chastised, gathering her trembling body in his arms.

"To be honest, learning that our lives were in the hands of some kid who isn't even old enough to shave scared the hell out of me too," Jack joked lightly, earning himself an eye roll from Daniel and a slightly raised eyebrow from Teal'c. It wasn't some of his better work, but it did the trick, taking some of the other men's attention off Sam while she settled down; Jack was sure she appreciated his efforts.

Resting her forehead against Daniel's shoulder, Sam was grateful for the hug. Not only did it help chase the last of the horrible, blinding panic away, but it also shielded her from her teammates while she got herself under control. She made the most of the opportunity, steeling herself to face the countless strangers she would likely encounter when she stepped off the plane. When her breathing had slowed and the heat had faded from her cheeks, she broke the hug off and turned to face the others.

"Are you prepared to depart, Major Carter?" Teal'c asked, eyeing her appraisingly.

"Yeah, I'm good," she assured, flashing him a ghost of a smile. It was getting easier and easier to make the lie fall from her lips. Making it convincing, however, was growing increasingly difficult; the looks on her teammates' faces told her just how short of the mark she was falling.

"Okay. T, why don't you walk ahead of us, and Daniel, you be ready to grab Carter if she loses her balance again," Jack instructed, recalling the dizzy spell from a few hours ago that she'd yet to own up to. The last thing they needed was for Sam to take a tumble down two-dozen or so metal stairs. But really, that was just an excuse and they all knew it. He wanted her safely sandwiched in between them almost as badly as she did, creating a protective barrier between Sam and the rest of the world.

Sam couldn't even find it within her to roll her eyes at his rather transparent motivations, she was too overwhelmed with gratitude. She'd been hoping she'd be able to arrange it so that they formed up around her – even now, too full of stubborn pride to come right out and ask – but this way, she wouldn't have to worm her way in; they'd do it because Jack had ordered them to.

A round of nods rippled though the cabin and, as one, the quartet started towards the open hatch.


	6. Chapter 6

**Measure After Measure**

Sam was relieved to see that the only people between her team and the vehicles from the SGC motor pool were Janet and General Hammond. There were other people out on the tarmac, presumably doing their jobs, but they were all far enough away that she didn't feel threatened by them. Still, she wasn't planning on letting her teammates wander very far, and her eyes were constantly scanning her surroundings, on guard against anything suspicious.

"Welcome back, SG-1," Hammond greeted, his gaze wandering briefly over the three men before coming to rest on Sam. He smiled warmly at her, a slight, relieved slump settling in his shoulders. Apparently, he hadn't been willing to let himself believe she was in one piece until he could see it with his own eyes. "I think I speak for all of us at the SGC when I say it's good to have you back, Major."

"Thank you, sir," she smiled in return. This time she managed to muster a genuine smile that reached her eyes. "It's good to be back."

"Colonel O'Neill said you didn't let anyone check you out back in Seattle?" Janet asked, scanning her friend in an assessing manner. She jumped into business with both feet, professional mask firmly in place, but none of them missed the way the fine lines of worry on her face smoothed out once she laid eyes on the blonde woman.

"I didn't want to let someone else take away all your fun," Sam replied, attempting levity. In truth, the mere thought of any other doctor laying hands on her, even Bill Warner, left her heart racing. But now wasn't the best time to bring that up; not when she was trying to present a confident, collected front to General Hammond.

"Sam, you know better than that," Janet lectured sternly, her voice carrying the weight of her disapproval.

The petite redhead failed to notice the shudder of revulsion that raced down her friend's spine at those words. However, standing close enough to brush shoulders with Sam, both Teal'c and Daniel couldn't help but feel it and almost imperceptibly shifted closer, reassuring Sam of their presence. Jack didn't feel her reaction, but he saw it in the way the light from a bright halogen lamp glinted off the blonde head in front of him.

"Cut her some slack, Doc," Jack jumped in on Sam's behalf. He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, reminding her that she was safe, surrounded by her friends. To her credit, Sam didn't flinch at the contact, but rather leaned into it, seeking confirmation that he was still right behind her, still had her back.

"She had her reasons," he added, shooting Janet a pointed look. Even in the poor light, Jack could see she had understood there was more to the story than there appeared to be and he was relieved when she let the matter drop without further comment.

"All right people, we should head out," Hammond announced, observing the silent communication flowing between Jack and Janet. Although he hated breaking up the reunion, they'd inconvenienced enough people this evening. So far, everyone had been rather good-natured about it, but he didn't want to start breeding resentment now by giving observers the impression that they were standing around gabbing and generally getting in the way of normal operations.

"Teal'c and Doctor Jackson can ride back with me. Doctor Frasier will ride back with Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill, if necessary."

"How's the arm, sir?" Janet asked, somehow managing to simultaneously assess the bandages partially obscured by the sling and study him for any signs of deceit.

"Holier than it was when I left," Jack quipped, as if he weren't in sheer agony from the injury. It was what they all expected of him and he was happy to deliver, but when Janet's eyes narrowed, he seized the opportunity that presented itself. "Honestly, Doc, it's not too bad. If you don't believe me, you can give it a quick once over before we leave."

"That would be for the best," Janet agreed, masking her surprise. Jack _never_ volunteered to place himself at her tender mercies! Obviously he was worried about something – probably to do with Sam, if the protective huddle her teammates had formed around her was anything to judge by – and wanted to talk to her in private. Far be it from her to look a gift horse in the mouth; Janet would gladly accept whatever heads up he was willing to give her.

Hammond must have picked up on it too, because as quickly as he could, he ushered the other three members of SG-1 away. They went without protest, but Sam hesitated slightly; heading to the base vehicles necessitated walking amongst the ground crew. Many of their faces were cloaked in shadow, their identities unknown to her, but Teal'c's hand on the small of her back gently propelled her into motion. As the foursome walked away from Jack and Janet, the low, soothing tones of Daniel's voice drifted back to them, murmuring incomprehensible assurances in Sam's ear.

Jack watched them go reluctantly, fighting against that familiar desire to not let his team out of his sight. But he knew why General Hammond had seen fit to take his kids away and he appreciated it, glad for the chance to speak with Janet alone. Knowing that after another near miss, he would be wrestling with his need to keep his teammates close, Janet kept quiet, giving him the time he needed to bring his protective instincts under control. Keeping up appearances, she set to work, gently probing his wounded arm and letting practiced fingers explore the damage through the thick wad of bandages over the wound.

"Would you be surprised to hear that hurts?" Jack finally asked, aiming for flippancy but her practiced ears caught the kernel of truth in his words.

"Not at all. Now, would you care to tell me why you decided to submit yourself for examination sooner than I would have required?" she asked in concern, sparing a quick glance up at his face before returning her attention to her examination of his arm.

"Don't leave Carter alone," Jack advised quietly, wincing as Janet's nimble fingers managed to dance over each and every millimeter of his injury. Teeth gritted against the searing pain, he explained, "She's pretty uneasy right now… Almost jumped out of her skin when Daniel touched her shoulder a little while ago."

"That's understandable," Janet nodded, settling his injured arm back in the sling as gently as she could. "I'll be sure to warn my staff though, just to be sure no one startles her."

"Uh, about your staff…" Jack began awkwardly. Shifting under the weight of her gaze, he huffed out a shaky breath, trying to expel some of the pain right along with it. "It would probably be best if you kept them away from her, at least for now."

"Why?"

"She didn't say much to me, but I know there were a couple of doctors who did a bunch of experiments on her," he stated grimly, face twisting up outrage. "That's why I didn't force her to get checked out before we left; she's leery of doctors right now, but she seemed to be okay with letting you examine her, so…" Jack trailed off, not needing to finish the sentence to get his meaning across.

"What type of experiments are we talking about?" Janet asked, eyes wide as she waved him into motion. She _really_ didn't like the way that sounded.

Professionally, the idea of conducting medical research on an unwilling patient flew in the face of everything she believed in. Personally, she couldn't fathom anyone being capable of treating another human being like that. Sure, she knew of the sometimes dark history of medical science, but a naïve part of her liked to believe that was a thing of the past, that her profession had moved beyond the occasionally brutal experimentations that had made her and her classmates recoil in horror when they learned about them back in med school.

"She wouldn't say," Jack replied, slowly making his way to the waiting vehicles. "She was kept unconscious for long stretches of time, so she might not know, or…" Again, he didn't need to finish the thought. They both knew what the 'or' was.

"Okay," Janet said slowly, shoving aside her dread at just what her friend may have endured in the last few days. Instead, she forced her professionalism to the forefront and began mentally revising her plan. "Doctor Warner's still on duty; I'll ask him to give you a quick once over and get you settled before leaving. Meanwhile, I'll take care of Sam, since she seems all right around me, and I'll try to limit her exposure to the nurses, at least for the moment."

"Sounds good, there's just one last thing," Jack added quietly. Gently grabbing Janet's arm with his good hand, he pulled her back a few steps. Keeping his voice low so no one else would overhear, he added, "I can't say for sure, but I think she had some sort of flashback. I could be wrong. It might have just been all the stress and the drugs Conrad's goons pumped her full of, but _something_ happened right before we got off the plane."

If she _had_ experienced a flashback, Sam would never admit it, knowing it could have serious repercussions for her career. Janet would have to operate on the assumption that it _was_ a flashback and try to avoid triggering any more without the benefit of knowing what may have triggered the first. To make matters worse, Janet would have to be sensitive to the fact that Sam had been put through any number of unpleasant and maybe even painful tests; she would have to balance the tests she absolutely _had_ to run to ensure her friend's well being against those she would _like_ to run for her own peace of mind. Knowing Sam, she wasn't likely to be very forthcoming with answers, so the whole examination would require a fair bit of guesswork on Janet's part.

"Thanks for the heads up, sir," Janet sighed, knowing her entire evening had just gotten a lot more complicated.

"Not really sure I did you any favors, but your welcome," Jack grimaced. Then, grinning hopefully, he switched tracks. "So, whaddaya say, Doc? Can I ride back with the others?"

He started inching towards the vehicle General Hammond had whisked Daniel and Teal'c off into. Not only would riding back with the other three men keep him out of Janet's evil clutches for a little longer, it might also give her a chance to get Sam to open up a little. With him there, he knew getting straight answers from her would be like drawing blood from a stone; without him, Janet might have a little more luck.

"Yes, provided you report to the infirmary _as soon as you get back_," Janet said firmly. "If I have to send anyone chasing after you, I start tacking on extra weeks of physio before clearing you for a return to field duty."

"Thanks, Doc," Jack grinned over his shoulder, bolting off to the SUV before she could change her mind, ignoring the sharp pain his quick footsteps sent stabbing through his injured arm. Just shy of climbing inside, he turned back around, calling her name. "Janet?"

"Sir?"

"Take care of her," he requested, warm brown eyes swimming with concern for his teammate.

"Yes, sir," she assured with a gentle smile. It was always nice when people close to her patients asked her for a promise she could actually keep.

**A/N: **And now you all know what I did at work today... Being the dispensible summer student does have it's advantages after all! Not sure if I'll be able to update tomorrow, but I _did_ give you two chapters today, so… : )


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Surprise! I managed to pull a new chapter together after all. Now 'fess up - which one of you has superpowers that allowed you to rain-and-thunderstorm-out a good chunk of my busy, busy day? ; ) Hope you all enjoy another nice, long chapter! And now, on with the show... Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

"How's Colonel O'Neill?" Sam asked anxiously, noting that it was just Janet climbing into the back of the ambulance.

"He'll be out for a while, but he should regain full mobility with a few weeks of physio once everything is healed," Janet assured. She forced herself to look beyond the façade Sam was trying to maintain, to see how her friend was really holding up and decided that she didn't care for what she saw. That same wariness Jack had warned her about was present now; Sam looked ready to lash out at even the slightest hint of danger.

"How are you doing?" Janet asked, knowing how unlikely it was that she would get a straight answer out of her.

"I'm fine," Sam replied. The lie was simple enough that she didn't feel the need to avert her eyes to pull it off; she held Janet's gaze determinedly.

But try as she might, Sam couldn't suppress a violent, full-body shudder when the ambulance rumbled into motion. Even though Janet was standing right across from her, even though Sam trusted her as much as she did her teammates, it did nothing to loosen the cold squeeze of fear around her heart. The ambulance joined the convoy of vehicles snaking their way out on to the road, but Sam didn't feel the gentle vibrations of the engine, nor the bump as the driver failed to avoid a pothole. Instead, she felt overwhelmed by a sense of claustrophobia and the remembered weight of three strangers pressing her struggling body into the hard, cold floor of a cube van…

"Well I'd like to be the judge of that. Lose the jacket," Janet said lightly, unknowingly pulling Sam back from the brink of another terrifying memory. "I understand you were drugged a few times in the last few days. Do you know what with?"

"No," Sam grimaced, drawing a deep, calming breath. She slipped her arms out of the sleeves and let the jacket drop to the bench behind her, bracing herself for the poking and prodding that was to come. "All I know is that they knocked me out."

"Okay, we'll do blood work back at the base and see what shows up," Janet assured, her smile still firmly in place. "Any headaches, nausea, or dizziness?" she asked, shining her ubiquitous penlight into her friend's eyes and making note of how her pupils responded to the intrusion.

"No headaches," Sam winced as the bright light threatened to make a liar out of her. "I've had a few dizzy spells, but I think I just stood up too fast, and the occasional bout of nausea, but they never lasted long."

"How much do you remember about what happened?" Janet asked, running her hands over the back of Sam's neck with an apologetic smile, feeling for a symbiote entry wound. She hated doing it, but like it or not, Sam had been alone while a Goa'uld was on the loose; it was a necessary precaution. More than she normally did, Janet hoped she didn't find anything. She didn't know if Sam would be able to cope with being taken as a host again on top of everything else that had happened to her in the last few days.

"Enough," Sam replied cryptically, expression hardening.

That was both the truth and a lie. Yes, she remembered enough about her abduction to fuel her nightmares for a long time. But in terms of what had actually been done to her, Sam remembered very little. She wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse; the list of things that she may have been subjected to was long and living in ignorance might prove to be easier than living with answers.

From Sam's reaction, Janet knew she'd hit a nerve and decided to press on along that same line of questioning. "Are your recollections vague, or can you remember pretty clearly?" she asked, turning her attention to the various injection sites that marred the pale skin on the inside of her friend's arms.

"My memories from when I was awake are pretty clear, I guess," Sam shrugged.

"Vivid?" Janet inquired, keeping her voice neutral despite the growing anger bubbling inside her. She counted over thirty different puncture marks, evidence that Jack was right; Sam truly had been pumped full of as yet unknown drugs while she was missing.

Janet just hoped the astrophysicist had been considered valuable enough for her captors to take drug interactions into account. The damage that could be done by carelessly mixing a variety of drugs in a patient with Sam's unique body chemistry was extensive. Even now, with years of experience under her belt, Janet tried to avoid prescribing Sam more than one medication at a time; there were simply too many risks involved in mixing prescriptions unless Sam absolutely needed it.

"What are you really asking me?" Sam demanded quietly, pulling away from Janet's probing hands. Her eyes flashed with barely restrained anger and Janet was actually relieved to see it; it was the first time all evening that she'd seen some of the spark that usually made Sam such a force to be reckoned with.

"Sam, did you have a flashback?" Janet asked as gently as she could, careful to keep her voice down so that their driver wouldn't overhear the question.

"No," she denied firmly, ice-cold blue eyes locking on Janet's. "Did Colonel O'Neill tell you that?"

"He's worried about you; we all are," Janet soothed, laying a comforting hand on top of her friend's. "If it wasn't a flashback, can you tell me what it _was_?"

"There was – and still is, by the way – a Goa'uld on the loose, most of the people who kidnapped me are still running around free, and I've got God only knows what in my system right now," Sam ground out past gritted teeth. "So excuse me if I was a bit on edge."

"Sam, I'm trying to help you, but I can't do that if you don't tell me the truth," Janet reminded patiently. The men of SG-1 hadn't pushed, thinking it was for the best to let Sam open up in her own time, but Janet was really starting to doubt that was the right approach to take. If they let her, Janet suspected this would be one of those experiences Sam buried deep down, pretending it had never happened.

"I _told_ you, I'm just…"

"Sam, _please_."

After a few moments of indecision, Sam finally gave in, recognizing the truth in her friend's words. "I freaked out. Twice. In the basement of the hospital, the paramedics spooked me a bit. But on the plane, it was a lot worse… For a minute, I thought I was back in the hospital with Conrad. When I snapped out of it, there were a few seconds when I didn't know which was real – being with him or being with my team.

"I never saw the men who grabbed me, Janet," Sam murmured, a slight tremor in her voice. "We caught two of the people involved – _two_ out of at least _a dozen_ – and when I see people I don't know, I can't help but wonder if it's one of them, coming after me to try again."

"You've been kidnapped twice in the last few months," Janet reminded gently, squeezing her hand. "Quite frankly, I'd be worried if you _didn't_ have some trust issues right now."

"They weren't flashbacks," Sam insisted vehemently, continuing on as if she hadn't heard Janet. "I'm not losing it."

And suddenly she was drowning in the aching familiarity of betrayal, transported back to last year when no one believed she had an alien living in her house. Back to almost daily visits with MacKenzie and multiple psych evals, because it was so much easier to think she was going crazy than it was to simply _trust_ her.

"No one is saying you are," Janet promised, but she could see the lingering doubt in the blue eyes watching her so closely.

"And yet here you are, asking me about PTSD symptoms," Sam retorted bitterly, looking away in disgust.

"Sam, I'm trying to help," the redhead swore patiently. "And I know you know that. As your doctor, I _have_ to ask; it _doesn't_ mean I think you're going crazy."

Sam sighed again and dropped her head, running her fingers through her short hair. Janet wanted nothing more than to grab her friend up in a tight hug, but she knew better. Right now, the best way to help Sam was to keep Doctor Frasier and Janet as two distinct personalities, not blurring the lines between them. At the moment, Sam trusted her friend but was wary of her doctor; Doctor Frasier needed to prove that most doctors could still be trusted without using Janet's friendship to coerce Sam into trusting her.

"If I was having a flashback, would the whole scene replay itself?" Sam breathed quietly, reluctantly. Asking the question into her knees, as if that would make the answer easier to swallow.

"Not necessarily," Janet replied. "Some people do experience flashbacks that are identical to their recollection of a scene. Other people only remember sights or sounds, or sometimes even smells or sensations."

"What about emotions?" Sam pressed so quietly Janet could hardly hear her.

"Sometimes," Janet answered honestly. It was slowly breaking her heart to remain professional. She wanted nothing more than to grab her friend – her _best friend_ who was in a world of pain right now – up in a hug, but she forced herself to remember that she was acting in Sam's best interest.

"If I _was_ having flashbacks, would I have to talk to MacKenzie?"

"You're going to have to talk to him anyway. It's standard procedure and you know it. And even if it wasn't, I would still be recommending it; I think, all things considered, it'd be a good idea."

Sam blew out a shaky breath and finally looked up, teary blue eyes locking on Janet. "I think I had two, maybe more. I don't know. I just… The feelings are so overwhelming, I sort of got lost in them sometimes."

"You were grabbed out of a parking lot in broad daylight, fighting tooth and nail the whole way. You were smuggled a few states over by a selfish, low-life millionaire. You were pumped full of drugs over and over again. And up until a few hours ago, you were still strapped to a bed while strangers ran a battery of tests on you against your will," Janet reminded soothingly, struggling to keep her own anger at those facts out of her voice. "Factor in exhaustion and the drugs – whatever they are – still in your system, and it's really too soon to say if what you experienced were flashbacks or a reaction to the drugs or exhaustion-induced hallucinations or something else."

Sam blinked furiously, battling tears at hearing someone else recite what had been done to her in the last week. When the words were only in her head, she could almost convince herself the whole experience was just one more nightmare that would fade with the sunrise. Somehow, hearing the words spoken aloud made the whole ordeal real; it was a nightmare that had begun in broad daylight and wasn't likely to dissolve when the sun crept over the horizon tomorrow morning.

Hearing the whole horrific affair described so bluntly made Sam realize how absolutely ludicrous her constant chorus of 'I'm fine's must sound to everyone around her. Even knowing that, however, she would continue to make the same claim in the days ahead. She needed to say it for her own benefit if nothing else; if she said it often enough, it would become the truth. But right here, right now…

"Janet? I know what you're trying to do and I appreciate it," Sam whispered, voice thick with still unshed tears. "But right now, I need you to be my friend more than I need you to be my doctor."

Hearing the woman sitting across from her admit it out loud, knowing what it cost her to do so, broke Janet's resolve to compartmentalize the different parts of herself. Joining Sam on the gurney, Janet wrapped her arms around her friend and squeezed tight, pretending not to notice the hot tears that landed on her shoulder.


	8. Chapter 8

**Measure After Measure**

"Okay, I'm all done for now," Janet announced, scribbling a few final notes in Sam's file. She didn't take it personally when the other woman wilted with relief; Janet was well aware of how much the exam had tested the limits of her friend's patience, to say nothing of her self-control.

"Am I free to go?" Sam asked anxiously, resisting the urge to jump off the bed and make herself scarce. The cry she'd indulged in on the drive back to the SGC had been cathartic, but it had served only to release some of the stress of the last few days; her fear of all things medical, save Janet, was still undiminished. She could tolerate being there a while longer – provided she was with the rest of her team – but the thought of an overnight stay made her skin crawl.

Janet hesitated, considering her options. It would still be a few hours before she had Sam's blood work back from the lab and until she had the results in hand, she would feel better if her potential patient stayed close by. But at the same time, Janet knew what a strain simply being in the infirmary was putting on her friend and, given that she had been able to function more or less as usual for the last few hours, it was difficult to justify keeping her over night. With a gentle sigh, the doctor made her decision.

"I probably won't have your test results back until late tonight, maybe even early tomorrow morning," Janet informed her. "You need rest, and although I'd really like to keep you nearby, just in case, I know you aren't going to sleep well in the infirmary. So, if you promise to be on your best behavior, I'll let you go home for the night…"

"With my body guards?" Sam guessed. She knew there was no way Janet would allow her to go home by herself. Even if she had wanted to, she wouldn't have wasted her breath asking.

"Well, two out of three of your body guards, anyway. We're keeping Colonel O'Neill here for a few days," Janet replied. Seeing a frown appear on Sam's face, she quickly added, "It's just to make sure he wears the sling for a while, but don't tell _him_ that."

"He's really okay?"

"He'll be fine; he's already whining to the nurses that infirmary jell-o is inferior to commissary jell-o. I think Doctor Warner's done with our favorite cranky Colonel, if you'd like to go pay him a little visit before you go," she offered. Such a visit would serve dual purposes: reassuring Sam that her CO would be just fine and gradually re-introducing her to the idea that the infirmary was a safe place to be.

"Okay, thanks," Sam smiled, a spark of light finding its way back into her haunted eyes.

And then, before Janet could process that she had even started moving, Sam was off the bed and out of sight.

Blinking in surprise, Janet pulled back the curtain and saw that Sam was already perched on the foot of Jack's bed, Daniel's hand on her knee and Teal'c at her shoulder. Shaking her head affectionately, Janet gathered up the last of her equipment before making her way back to her office. She'd let them be for an hour or so before crashing the impromptu team night. In the meantime, she had a backlog of paperwork to get through.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"How are you feeling, sir?" Sam asked quietly, squeezing Daniel's hand absently. She kept her eyes locked on Jack's, devoting every last shred of stubborn determination she possessed to ignoring all the medical equipment in the room, to not scanning the infirmary for danger.

"He's fine," Daniel replied, rolling his eyes dramatically. "Just pouting."

"Well maybe if Warner wasn't hoarding all the good stuff…" Jack huffed, holding her gaze. He recognized that look of intense concentration, the one usually reserved for complicated equations and mysterious alien devices, and knew how hard she must be focusing on keeping her cool. For whatever reason, she'd chosen him as her focal point and Jack would gladly do all he could to help keep her anchored in the present.

"O'Neill is speaking of jell-o and not of medication, Major Carter. Doctor Warner has been generous in his offers to dispense the appropriate medication, however O'Neill has refused to accept anything stronger than Advil," Teal'c clarified dryly, although his voice carried traces of amusement.

"Jack wants me to go comb through the constitution," Daniel added, fingers flexing on her knee. "He swears there's an article outlining a patient's inalienable right to quality jell-o."

"Check the Geneva Convention while you're at it," Jack stated seriously. "I know my rights; Warner can't be allowed to get away with this."

"He _did_ warn you you'd regret the last jailbreak you staged on his watch, sir," Sam reminded with a smile. She could do this, could sit with her teammates in the infirmary while they gently ribbed one another. She let out a slow breath, feeling her racing heart start to slow as she slipped back into comfortable old habits.

"Yeah, yeah," Jack flapped his good arm dismissively. Despite the awkward flailing, his eyes never wavered from hers; he'd maintain the connection for as long as she needed. "So, what did Frasier say?"

"She's still waiting on some of my test results, but so far, so good," Sam assured, noting how her teammates all marginally relaxed at the news. Until she was given the all clear, she knew they wouldn't be able to completely relax. Neither would she.

Finally, she felt grounded enough to really take in her surroundings and she broke eye contact with Jack, letting her gaze wander over the various pieces of medical equipment scattered throughout the infirmary before coming to land on Daniel and Teal'c. "I'm allowed to go home for the night, provided I can find myself a couple of roommates," she informed them hopefully.

"I think you've come to the right place," Jack jumped in, leaning forward eagerly. His arm reminded him yet again that waiting for genuine pain relief until he could pester something stronger than Advil out of Janet wasn't one of his brighter ideas, but he ignored it. "There are three volunteers right…"

"Two volunteers, but nice try," Daniel interrupted, unbothered by the glare Jack shot him. He was accustomed to being on the receiving end of such looks by now; it took a full blown O'Neill Glare of Death to even come close to fazing him anymore.

Sam smiled at the exchange, the idle banter between her teammates like balm to her fraught nerves. She still felt the first tendrils of panic at the edge of her consciousness, threatening to consume her, but it was manageable. She could even listen to the thud-thud-thud of footsteps passing out in the corridor without whipping around and searching for a potential threat. It was so much easier now, trusting that no harm would come to her when she was tucked away in the SGC, her teammates at her side.

"…You desire, Major Carter?" Teal'c's voice broke through her thoughts.

Blushing, Sam realized she hadn't been tracking the conversation, content to simply listen to their familiar voices rise and fall around her while at least a few of the day's stresses bled away.

"It's commissary food, Teal'c; it all tastes bad. Just bring her some blue jell-o and whatever goop Daniel's having," Jack presumably answered on her behalf. Her lapse in attention hadn't escaped his notice and he was quick to cover for her, sparing her from concerned inquiries from the others.

"Four plates of goop, four glasses of jell-o and one plate of cake – even though we all know Janet will confiscate it before you get to eat any – coming right up," Daniel confirmed, getting to his feet. "We'll be back in ten," he added casually. Shooting Jack a meaningful look over his shoulder, he left, Teal'c following close on his heels.

When they were gone, Jack once more shifted his attention wholly onto her and Sam shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny. Ever since the incident in the basement at Saint Christina's, she'd known this conversation was coming; her subsequent behavior had only served to accelerate its arrival. But Sam knew she was nowhere near ready to confront the demons lurking in her mind. Not yet. Maybe not ever. And certainly not with her commanding officer.

She took a fortifying breath and sat up straighter, bracing herself for what was to come. She had to fight the urge to start babbling on about some scientific something or other – anything to delay the inevitable – and bit down hard on the inside of her cheek to keep a rush of polysyllabic words from escaping. Somehow she managed it, waiting him out in silence.

"I could order you to stop blaming yourself," Jack finally spoke, breaking the stalemate. Cocking his head to one side, he studied her intently, waiting to see how she would field the curveball he'd just thrown her way.

For a few heartbeats, Sam did nothing but blink blankly at him. He'd known what she'd been expecting him to confront her about and had purposely latched onto an entirely different topic. The man had a knack for putting people off balance and now she had no idea what to say, no idea what he wanted to hear.

"Carter, if you'd gone down there, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now," he sighed, drumming the fingers of his left hand against his thigh. "I'll be out of commission for a few weeks and that sucks, but I'd much rather I get shot in the arm than you get shot in the back when you're not even wearing a vest."

Sam was so taken aback by the self-recrimination in his voice that she didn't process his words right away.

When she did, her eyes went wide, realization dawning that if she'd been the one to venture into the basement, she'd most likely be dead. She'd been so caught up in her own worry, guilt and, most of all, fear, that she hadn't given much thought to how else the day could have played itself out. Now she could kick herself for not realizing it sooner: although Jack had made the decision to secure the basement himself on the spur of the moment and for no apparent reason, his choice had probably saved her life.

"I didn't think of that," Sam murmured, glancing up at him briefly before averting her eyes again.

"I did," Jack replied with feeling. "So if anyone is going to beat themselves up over something that happened back there, it ought to be me. I never should have let you run around that hospital without a vest, some back up and a radio. As far as command decisions go, that was the stupidest one I've made in quite a while."

Sam remained quiet, letting him vent; it wasn't often he spoke so openly about his insecurities. If he was willing to _voluntarily_ open up and actually _talk_ to her, then she was more than happy to listen. Especially since she still didn't have any clue what she was supposed to say.

"With all due respect, sir, even if you'd ordered me outside, I probably wouldn't have gone," Sam finally murmured, granting the forgiveness that, though unnecessary, he would never see fit to grant himself. "I was angry. More than anything, I wanted to help round up Conrad and his goons and prove that I wasn't afraid of them, that they didn't have control over me any more."

"I know," Jack smiled tightly.

He'd never shared details, but she knew enough of his history to get that he understood being at someone else's mercy, that he understood, upon release, the need to prove that you weren't powerless, if only to yourself.

"That's why I would have slung you over my shoulder and personally dragged your ass outside," he added lightly a moment later, though she didn't miss the edge of sincerity creeping into his words.

"I would have been pissed, but respectfully pissed, sir," Sam smirked. They both knew he would have done it. That she would have been cursing and fighting him the whole way went without saying.

"As long as you were pissed – respectfully or not – and _safe_, I could have lived with it," he retorted. His patented Jack O'Neill smirk once again took up residence on his lips, and that was that, conversation over.

Sam couldn't really complain about his sudden lapse back into his usual, sardonic ways. This had been one of the most honest, open conversations they'd had in all the time they'd known each other. What's more, it had been a dialogue between equals; typically in their more personal conversations, he spoke as her mentor and she as his mentee. This discussion had made for a nice change but it had been unusual, never more than a hairsbreadth away from awkward, and Sam knew it was a miracle it had lasted as long as it had. Really, truthfully, it wasn't the abrupt end to the discussion that bothered her.

No, the thing that rankled was the fact that, in less than two minutes, he'd managed to untwist the knot of guilt that had been growing in the pit of her stomach over the last few hours.

She was also unnerved by the fact that the conversation she'd been dreading all afternoon still loomed on the horizon. Sam had no doubt he would spring it on her when she was least prepared, and she dreaded the things she might reveal under those circumstances.

The pair was spared from lapsing into self-conscious silence by the timely arrival of General Hammond, his footsteps announcing his presence a few seconds before he crossed the threshold of the infirmary.

"Colonel, Major, how are you both feeling?" the older man asked in concern, shrewd blue eyes appraising each of them in turn. Though both appeared pale and tired, he was relieved to note that, save for an IV line running into the back of Jack's good hand, neither was hooked up to any medical equipment. Given SG-1's track record, that was a minor miracle in and of itself.

"Like I don't need to spend the next few days here, sir," Jack stated flippantly, petitioning the highest authority he could with his request for freedom.

"Well, until you get your medical degree, son, I'm afraid we have to defer to the experts," Hammond chuckled, much to his 2IC's dismay. "Major?"

"I'm fine, sir. I'm here as a visitor, not a patient," she smiled, warmed by his genuine concern. Most commanders would have met their flight at the airport and then called it a day, but not Hammond. He'd returned to the base and kept himself busy while waiting for news on his officers' health, unwilling to leave until he knew for certain that they would both make full recoveries. Not for the first time, Sam appreciated how truly blessed they were to have George Hammond as their leader.

"So, any word from Seattle yet, sir?" Jack asked. At the moment, he wanted nothing more than to hear that both the Goa'uld and Harry Mayborne had been apprehended and were being delivered to the SGC for questioning. If that questioning happened to include a few minutes alone in a room with him and Teal'c during a mysterious surveillance camera malfunction, so much the better.

"I'm afraid there's been no sign of Colonel Mayborne…"

"I can't believe that son of a bitch _shot_ me!"

**A/N: **And so ends the 'in between scenes' aspect of this story, but never fear, there's lots more story to come! Thanks for reading. : )


	9. Chapter 9

**Measure After Measure**

"That's enough havoc for one day," Janet declared loudly, three hours later. "Out, out, out!"

She'd had every intention of kicking three-quarters of the team out hours ago, but in the end, she hadn't had the heart to do it. Having seen first-hand the hell the men of SG-1 had been through since Monday morning, not to mention the horrors inflicted on Sam, Janet had, against her better judgment, allowed the teammates the time they needed to de-stress together.

To be fair, they had all been well behaved, relatively speaking. Even Jack had kept his harassing and haranguing of her staff to a minimum, owing, no doubt, to the fact that he, along with the rest of his team, was utterly exhausted They had even foregone their usual infirmary past times – tongue depressor Jenga, five or ten syringe bowling, gauze roll basketball and prescription drug hangman – in favor of a companionable meal and quiet conversation amongst themselves, voices little more than gentle murmurs the whole time.

"You heard the lady!" Jack grinned, enthusiastically throwing back the blankets draped over his legs. They were all clinging to whatever traces of 'normal' they could find right now, and 'normal' involved at least one attempted escape from the infirmary on his part.

"All of you not currently hooked up to IVs are free to go," Janet amended. Upon seeing Jack's hand creep towards the tape holding his IV line in place, she barked, "Colonel O'Neill, if you disconnect that line, I'm confining you to that bed for the next week and hooking up a catheter!"

"You wouldn't," Jack stated confidently while his team looked on, amused.

Janet stared him down while his fingers toyed with the edges of the tape. When her expression didn't change, he felt his confidence begin to wane. Finally, after a few long moments, Jack's hand dropped away and the stare down ended; Janet looking pleased while he muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'Napoleonic power monger' under his breath.

"You're sure Sam will be okay if we take her home for the night?" Daniel asked, glancing at his teammate in concern. She had been uncharacteristically quiet for most of the night and although he knew it was probably just because she was worn out and coming to terms with the week's events, a part of him couldn't help but worry it was indicative of something more.

"I don't see any reason to keep her here, but I want her back for a check-up tomorrow and a promise that she'll drink lots of fluids to help flush some of the drugs out of her system," Janet stipulated, making her terms and conditions clear.

"_She_ can hear you," Sam said quietly, looking less than amused at being talked about like she wasn't even in the room.

"We will ensure that Major Carter complies with your instructions, Doctor Frasier," Teal'c swore solemnly. He could always be counted on to follow her instructions to the letter. Unless, of course, they were issued for the benefit of his own health; he had the annoying habit of doing the exact opposite of _those_ instructions.

"One of you will, at least," Janet replied, mock glaring at Daniel who, more often than not, helped the others bend if not flat out break her rules. "I'll be back in five minutes and the only person who'd better still be here is one cranky colonel with bad knees."

"Shot through the heart, Doc," Jack retorted playfully, clapping his good hand over his chest. Having successfully negotiated himself a shot of morphine two hours ago, he was feeling much better. The dosage was just strong enough to take the edge off the pain without affecting his cognitive state, and he was grateful Janet had left him in full control of his faculties.

"Five minutes," she reminded over her shoulder, giving the team some privacy.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"No one gets left behind," Jack reminded, hopefully uttering the unofficial team motto, making one last effort to slip out of Janet's clutches.

"One word," Daniel reminded, ducking his head and watching the older man over his glasses. "'Catheter'."

"Fine," Jack sighed heavily, rolling his eyes. "I'll humor the Doc and stay here. You kids be good tonight; no wild parties just cause the old guy's not around to cramp your style."

"Do you wish for us to bring you anything from your home, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked, untangling his legs and gracefully rising out of something vaguely resembling the lotus position.

"Yo-yo, Gameboy…" he held up a finger for each item he listed.

"Uh, sir," Sam interrupted, looking pointedly at his sling. "Maybe you'd like to try that again?"

"Right," he agreed, glowering at the sling. "_Simpsons_ DVDs and a laptop in return for my eternal gratitude?"

"Janet's too," Daniel grinned knowingly. Jack's favorite way to kill time in the infirmary was by harassing Janet, followed closely by harassing her nurses. From pressing the call button incessantly to peeling off heart monitor sensors without warning, Jack never failed to drive the infirmary staff up one wall and down the other. "Consider it done."

"T, make sure these two get to Carter's and crash. No work, no reading the dreadfully boring journals either one of them subscribes to, no puttering around the house. Just sleep," Jack ordered, looking back and forth between his two exhausted scientists as he recited the ground rules. "And absolutely no coffee. You guys need sleep, not caffeination."

"Yes, sir," Sam smiled indulgently, even as Daniel whimpered quietly at the thought of having to go until morning without the beloved brew.

"Two minutes!" Janet's voice called out from her office, glad there were no other patients in the infirmary right now.

"It has _not_ been three minutes already!" Jack called back, protesting even as he checked the clock on the wall and saw that she was correct.

"One-minute and fifty-three seconds!" Janet retorted, daring him to continue arguing.

"I believe Doctor Frasier will strictly enforce her deadline, O'Neill," Teal'c observed helpfully, hands clasped behind his back. Even after all these years, he still loved to observe the small woman effortlessly bend battle-hardened warriors to her will. Until it was his turn, of course. It was flat out embarrassing that he who had stood up to his god could be so easily handled by the diminutive doctor.

"I think you're right, big guy," Jack sighed, looking back and forth between his teammates. They were all still standing, all going home at the end of the day. His team had walked away from another brush with disaster and that, Jack decided, made it a good day even if Mayborne_ had_ shot him. "Look after each other, kids."

"Always," Daniel promised, his lips quirking upwards slightly as Teal'c slowly began ushering him and Sam towards the door.

"Good night, sir," Sam bade over her shoulder, offering him a half smile. "We'll see you first thing in the morning."

"Hey! Where do you think _you're_ going?" Jack called, fixing Sam with an indignant glare. "Get back over here, Major!"

Knowing Janet really was sitting in her office watching the seconds tick by, Sam didn't waste time arguing. Turning on her heel, she made her way back over to his side, unconsciously giving two instrument trays a wide berth.

She might not have noticed the detour, but her teammates did, trading significant looks with one another. They didn't comment on it though, knowing she was too tired to begin actively trying to curb unusual behaviors tonight. When she was close, Jack patted the mattress beside him pointedly, waiting for her to take a seat before speaking

"Frasier let me keep my cell," he said quietly, lowering his voice. His words were for her and her alone; the others didn't need to hear them, but she did. Catching her gaze, he added, "If you need to talk, any time, don't be afraid to call, all right?"

"I won't," she promised, swallowing hard against the sudden lump in her throat. "I promise."

"Good," he nodded, satisfied that she was telling the truth. Her easy acquiescence told him more about how she was really coping than anything else ever could. It took a lot before she would agree to reach out if she needed to, rather than argue that she was fine and insist their concerns were unfounded.

"C'mere," he held his good arm out invitingly. Forget the cameras, forget what anyone else might think, he needed the reassurance almost as much as she did.

Careful of the sling keeping his injured arm in place, Sam slid further up the bed and leaned into him gratefully. Closing her eyes, she let out a slow breath and relaxed at the familiar yet still novel sensation of being held by him. It wasn't quite up to the usual caliber of a Jack O'Neill hug, but there was no denying the feeling of safety that flowed through her when he pulled her close.

"You're okay," he murmured into her shoulder, though he didn't know if he was trying to reassure her or himself. "You're okay," he repeated, turning his head enough to brush his lips lightly against the side of her head.

"All right, time's up," Janet declared, marching out of her office. As soon as the words left her mouth, she started berating herself for so thoughtlessly slipping back into her usual habits when dealing with SG-1. Usually loud and brash was the best approach to take when dealing with this particular team, but at the moment, when one of them was so painfully skittish, loud and brash was the last thing they needed from their friend and doctor.

Startled, Sam pulled away from Jack and hopped off the bed with a quiet yelp. She tensed as she spun around, searching for the source of the disturbance. The familiar sound of Janet's voice faded into nothingness; squealing tires and the sound of a heavy door being rolled back assaulted her ears.

Mercifully, this time the memory failed to take complete control over Sam's senses and through the heart-stopping noises, the familiar sights of the infirmary stayed with her. Fighting against the panic that screamed for her to lash out in self-defense, the logical part of her brain railed that she was with her friends in the infirmary, not a deserted parking lot on a bright, sunny Saturday morning. Her eyes landed on Janet's guilt-ridden face and Sam forced her fists to unclench, releasing the tension in her shoulders and exhaling slowly.

The others all noticed her reaction – it was hard not to – but before any of them could intervene, Sam had already reigned herself in. Having witnessed similar behavior several times throughout the day, her teammates were pleased to see that Sam had managed to snap herself back to reality so quickly. Unfortunately, it was hard to say whether she was becoming more adept at coping with her fears or merely learning to better handle the flashbacks.

"We are departing now, Doctor Frasier," Teal'c assured quietly, closing some of the distance between Sam and himself. He stopped when he felt his symbiote squirm in reaction to the naquadah in the astrophysicist's blood, confident that she could sense him as well and hoping the sensation would soothe her.

"I'll see you all in the morning?" Janet asked, keeping her voice low and calm.

"We will be here," Teal'c assured solemnly, bowing his head. "Good night, Doctor Frasier, O'Neill."

"Night," Sam offered, forcing a weak smile onto her face as she moved to join the others by the door. She still looked shaken, but there was no panic left in her eyes. It wasn't much, but it was still progress.

"See you tomorrow," Daniel bade Jack and Janet farewell as he draped an arm around Sam's shoulders and pulled her against his side. He was a little surprised when she let him get away with it on the base, but took it as a sign of how much she needed the comfort the simple gesture provided. Squeezing her shoulders, he escorted her out of the infirmary, trailing in Teal'c's wake.

"Take good care of her, boys!" Jack called softly after his departing teammates before lapsing into silence, listening as their footsteps faded down the corridor. He ruthlessly quashed the little voice in his head that screamed he couldn't possibly take care of his teammates if he wasn't with him. Nope, no separation anxiety there.

"Sorry, sir," Janet apologized quietly once the trio were gone. "I didn't think… I didn't mean to scare her."

"Hate to break it to you, Doc, but you scare most people around here!" Jack retorted brightly, clamping down on his concern and flashing her the cheekiest grin he could muster.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **It's another nice, long chapter today. Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

Toweling the excess moisture from his hair with one hand, Daniel let the other skim the counter in search of his glasses. When little spots of water were no longer dripping down onto his sweatshirt and the world had slid back into focus, he made short work of gathering up his things and exited the steamy bathroom.

Next, he made a quick stop in the laundry room, tossing his damp towels in the washing machine before wandering into the hall to return his shower kit to the overnight bag he'd stowed there. That done, he made his way into the kitchen, stopping dead in the doorway to take in the scene before him.

Teal'c was standing at the sink, up to his elbows in soapy water and talking in low tones with Sam while she perched on the edge of the counter, feet swinging distractedly. If he had to guess, Daniel would say she'd been forbidden from lifting a finger to help. The archaeologist couldn't help but be struck by how oddly domestic it seemed; the pair looked for all the world like they did this every day.

Folding his arms over his chest, he leaned against the doorframe and observed his friends.

When they'd arrived at her house, Sam had barely made it through the front door before making a beeline for the shower. In an attempt to be at least a half-way decent hostess, she'd instructed them to make themselves at home before disappearing, leaving the two men to their own devices.

The antiseptic smell that seemed to have imprinted itself on her skin over the last few days had been tolerable – just barely – while in the infirmary, but upon arriving home it had become unbearable, the smell incongruous with the environment. The scent turned her stomach, bile burning a hot trail up her throat, and the desire to wash it away had become a desperate quest. She'd spent over half an hour under the nearly scalding spray from the showerhead, scrubbing hard at her skin and hair to remove the lingering reminder of where she had spent the better part of the week. When she finally turned off the shower, it was because she'd run out of body wash; Sam swore she still reeked of the antiseptic's sharp tang.

Emerging from the bathroom, she'd found Daniel and Teal'c watering the last of her plants, having already taken out the garbage, sorted her mail, cleaned out her fridge and, embarrassingly enough, taken out the garbage again. They'd both assured her they hadn't minded, but she'd still felt bad about it; it was one thing to be there as bodyguards, it was another to be there as housekeepers.

Neither man had commented on the unusual length of her shower, nor the fact that she'd rubbed her skin raw, but by silent agreement, they would be sharing their observations with Janet tomorrow. They would also be telling her about how much the antiseptic smell that had leeched into their own clothes had bothered their teammate; she had practically ordered them both to shower before calling it a night.

Daniel had been happy to oblige, the warm water helping to wring some of the week's tension out of his muscles, leaving him relaxed and more than ready for sleep. However, his list of observations to share with Janet had grown to include one completely empty and one half-empty bottle of shampoo Sam had left behind in the shower – evidence of just how hard she had tried to wash the last week away – and the clothes she'd worn home that he'd found stuffed in the garbage can. That Sam hadn't even _tried_ to wash the imagined smell of antiseptic out of her favorite sweater before giving it up as a lost cause spoke volumes about how she was really coping.

When the last of the dishes the astrophysicist had probably intended to wash last Saturday afternoon were placed on the draining board, Daniel announced his presence and presented himself for inspection.

"I think the shower's all yours, Teal'c," he stated, moving closer to Sam so she could decide.

Self-consciously, she sniffed the air a few times, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, before nodding approvingly. It was a relief to be near him and smell _Daniel_ not the stale, sterile air of Saint Christina's that would haunt her for a long time to come.

"I will not be long," Teal'c advised, drying his hands on a dishtowel. "Please bear in mind the activities O'Neill has prohibited the both of you from partaking in this evening," he added pointedly, looking back and forth between the two scientists.

"We'll be on our best behavior, we promise," Daniel assured dryly. He and Sam were far too old to be babysat, despite what their eldest teammates seemed to think.

"Daniel Jackson, you would do well to recall that a Jaffa's senses are superior to those of a Tau'ri. Should any attempt be made to brew coffee in or around Major Carter's home, I will know immediately," Teal'c said seriously, eyes locked on the archaeologist.

Before Daniel could formulate a reply, the other man was gone.

"I think you've just been told," Sam teased lightly, nudging him with her foot.

"He's been spending _way_ too much time with Jack," Daniel declared, shaking his head in dismay.

Turning his attention elsewhere, he studied her quietly, noting that she appeared to be more at ease now than she had been all day. Being removed from the constant reminders of what had happened seemed to have done her a world of good. There was still an underlying tension about her, but the hair-trigger her combat instincts had been on for most of the day seemed to have been deactivated.

"What?" Sam asked, shifting uncomfortably under the weight of his gaze.

"I was just wondering how you're doing," Daniel replied with a half-shrug.

"I'm okay, just tired," she assured. Truth be told, she was so far beyond exhausted she knew she was in danger of passing out if she tried to stay both vertical and mobile for much longer, but she didn't say so. Besides, Sam knew she wasn't the only one pushing herself to the limit; there was a fifty-fifty chance Daniel would collapse from exhaustion before she did.

"Teal'c will be out of the shower in no time and then we'll call it a night," he replied, squeezing her knees affectionately. There was no point sending her to bed before Teal'c had been subjected to the sniff test. If nightmares woke her in the middle of the night and their teammate smelled even faintly of antiseptic, his attempts to comfort her could easily do more harm than good.

"Where are you sleeping tonight?" Sam asked suddenly, shyly. She kept her eyes on her restlessly swinging feet, studiously avoiding his attempts to catch her eye.

"In the guest room, if that's okay with you."

"Oh," she said flatly, letting her heels thump heavily against the cupboards beneath her before ceasing her swinging.

And there it was. The nervous tension Sam had been virtually vibrating with all afternoon was back with a vengeance and Daniel realized that much of the calm she had been exuding in the last few minutes had been for show. She wasn't comfortable at home, not really, she'd just been faking it.

"_Is_ that okay with you?" Daniel prompted, a slight frown marring his features. He already knew the answer was a resounding 'no', but asking the question seemed like the least awkward way of getting her to open up.

"Yeah, of course," she replied, false brightness in her voice as she resumed her role. "That's what it's there for."

She'd always been an absolutely dreadful actress. That he'd been even temporarily fooled by her earlier performance said a lot about just how desperately Daniel needed sleep.

"Sam, don't play games. Not with me," he said firmly, ducking his head as he tried once again to catch her eye.

She considered denying it, he could tell from the way her head dipped down briefly, summoning the last of her reserves of will power. Whether she'd found her stores thoroughly depleted or had simply decided to acquiesce to his request, he'd never know, but when she finally looked up, she did so with an embarrassed sigh.

"I was kind of hoping you'd sleep in my room tonight."

"I can do that," Daniel said gently, trying to reassure her that he didn't mind. "Honestly? I think it will help me more than it helps you."

That was the truth. He'd hardly let her out of his sight since they'd found her; a few minutes here and there throughout the day and even then, only when she'd been with someone he trusted wholeheartedly. It was overprotective, it was paranoid, but he'd almost lost her – for a few horrible, gut-wrenching days, thought he _had_ lost her – and he'd be damned if he ever had to go through that again. He couldn't stay at her side indefinitely, but he would happily be there, as paranoid and overprotective as he could manage to be, for as long as she would allow it.

"I still want Teal'c in the living room, though," she added uncomfortably. She felt guilty making the request when she had a perfectly good guest room he could use.

But there was no need for her to feel guilty; Daniel could see why she wanted it that way. Given the layout of Sam's house, anyone wanting to get upstairs would have to go through the living room to get there and it was impossible to sneak past Teal'c's keen Jaffa senses. The slightest noises were enough to snap him out of kel'no'reem and into action. Even if Teal'c didn't manage to stop an intruder, he could still alert them to the fact that something was wrong in time to do something about it; she wouldn't be caught unawares. Not again.

"You think I'm being silly," Sam guessed, watching him carefully. "Because I've already got the alarm…"

'The alarm' was a state-of-the-art, high-tech wonder that had been de-commissioned by Area 51 just two years ago. Its installation, thanks to some string pulling on General Hammond's part, had made Sam's house the most secure residential building on the face of the Earth. When the system was tripped, alerts were instantly sent to both the general and Jack, and a security contingent from the SGC was dispatched to her home. The house was as safe as any house could get, making a guard Jaffa seem like a low-tech redundancy, but still…

"No," Daniel argued, shaking his head firmly. "Actually, I think you're being extremely logical about this."

After all, the right people could defeat even the most high-tech gadgets. Having Teal'c stationed in the living room was a good back-up measure, not a mark of paranoia.

"I know it's paranoid," Sam ploughed on, and for a moment, Daniel thought he'd spoken aloud.

He soon realized that even if he had, it wouldn't have mattered. She hadn't heard a word he'd said.

"It's not that I don't trust you guys, or feel safe with you, because I do," Sam rambled, eyes darting anxiously around the kitchen while she spoke. "But…"

"But you've been kidnapped twice in the last six months and the people who arranged both kidnappings are still wandering around free," Daniel finished for her. Stepping directly in front of her, he caught her eyes and held them. "It's not paranoia, Sam; you're allowed to be scared. God knows, the rest of us are."

"I hate being afraid," she confessed quietly, sounding so small and vulnerable it broke his heart. "It feels like letting them win."

"Jack said those two doctors we captured were about to kill you," Daniel said gently, almost choking on the bile that clawed its way up his throat at the thought. Death by lethal injection. How anyone could do that to another human being, let alone the amazing, vibrant woman in front of him, he'd never know, never wanted to know.

"Yeah," she breathed shakily, closing her eyes against the memory.

It didn't help; she could still picture in vivid detail those heart-stopping moments before Jack burst through the door. Fighting as hard as she could against the handcuffs restraining her, the cold, unrelenting metal biting into her skin. Kicking out with everything she had, trying to force the doctors to back off and almost succeeding in landing a few hits because their thoughts were already wholly devoted to her autopsy and what they might learn from it. Wanting to scream for help but knowing none would come because no one who cared was around to hear her cries. Watching helplessly as the needle holding her death advanced on her…

"You're still here, still alive," Daniel choked out past the lump in his throat, voice thick with emotion. "_That's _winning, Sam."

Hearing the passion in his voice, she opened her eyes again, trying hard to banish those last horrible moments of her captivity from her mind and focus on him instead.

It was easier to block the past when she was so starkly confronted with her friend's pain, knowing that he too was in turmoil after Conrad had so brazenly decided her life was meaningless, that she was worth more dead than alive. This, right here, right now, was proof that she _did _matter, that she was _worth something _to someone, Adrian Conrad be damned.

Releasing a shuddering breath, Sam met his eyes again. She was still here, still alive. What was winning if not walking away?

Deep down, she knew Daniel was right, but he was wrong too.

"It doesn't feel like winning, not this time," she murmured, blinking rapidly against the tears suddenly stinging her eyes. She didn't want to cry again, wasn't sure what would come out once she allowed the floodgates to open, but she was so scared, so angry, so hurt, so _everything _that she didn't know how much longer she could keep it all inside.

"It's been a long day, Sam. Give it time," he reassured, squeezing her knees again.

"How much time?" she demanded, all the other emotions swirling inside her giving way to the white hot rage that exploded in her chest at his words. He made it sound so easy but he knew better and she hated that he would dare stand there and lie to her. "Days? Weeks? Months? Until the next time someone decides they want answers only I can give them and _kidnaps me_ to satisfy their own curiosity?"

She clung to her anger, embraced it, letting its strength seep through every inch of her. It overwhelmed her but at the same time, she could control it and she reveled in the feeling. She wasn't on the brink of a breakdown, wasn't ready to fall apart at the drop of a hat. Anger, Sam decided, was her best hope of keeping the floodgates closed.

Without a word, Daniel tugged on her knees, sliding her off the counter in one easy move. When she was standing, he wrapped her in a tight hug, arms winding around her to pull her close. He could feel a slight tremble running through her body and though he knew she was genuinely angry about what had happened, he also knew she was channeling all her fear into righteous outrage, transforming it into something she felt she could display openly, that she didn't have to be ashamed of.

She went willingly enough into his arms. She didn't fight him, but she didn't relax either.

"I wish I could promise we'll keep you safe and stop anyone from ever hurting you again, but I can't," Daniel murmured into her hair, his breath ruffling the soft blonde locks. "What I _can_ promise you is that you'll never have to get through the bad stuff alone. If it happens again, we'll come after you and help you pick up the pieces afterwards."

Sam refused to be soothed. As long as she was angry, she was in control and she had been _out _of control for far too long to willingly surrender it now.

"I don't want you, any of you, risking your lives for me," Sam snapped. In her head, the words were a plea but filtered through her anger, they came out as a demand. "I'd rather be dead than live with the knowledge that one of you died for me."

"We put our lives on the line for one another everyday. That's the job."

"Not on Earth!" Sam spat, pulling out of his arms with a furious jerk. "We're supposed to be safe here! Thanks to 'the job', I'm safer camping on an unexplored world than I am in my own home, or hiking through an alien forest than walking down the street in broad daylight! That's not 'the job'; it's a load of crap, and you know it!"

"You're right," Daniel agreed, his voice strained as he shared in her anger at the injustice of it all. "You're _not_ safe on Earth and it's not fair because after everything you've been through to save this place, you should at least be allowed to enjoy the planet you've sacrificed so much for.

"But the people who've come after you in the past aren't going to change, Sam. They aren't going to wake up one morning and realize their plans and schemes for you are morally reprehensible and just abandon them. You're going to have to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder, even if you leave the SGC, because it's not 'the job' that's caught their attention, it's _you_. And it's not 'the job' that makes us risk our lives for you, Sam, it's _you_, because you're more important to us than anything. That's never going to change, so you're just going to have to learn to live with it!" he barked fiercely, eyes flashing.

She didn't deserve his anger, not on top of everything else she'd been through in the last week, but he couldn't help it. He'd been through hell too and hearing her condemn him, all of them, for caring about her had shredded his last nerve.

"Don't you dare die for me," Sam rasped brokenly, her voice tinged with urgency, anger fading. She struggled to hold back a fresh wave of tears as she whispered, "I'm no more important than you are."

She was teetering on the edge again, close to toppling headlong into all the pain she'd been fighting so hard to contain. She tried to hold on to her anger – tried _so hard_ – but it was slipping through her fingers. It was one more thing to despise Conrad for; he'd ripped away the calm self-assurance that made her who she was and left her an unstable wreck who clung to rage because it was the only emotion she felt that could crush the people around her instead of crushing _her. _

"Yes, you are," he replied, blinking back tears of his own. "I think you're more important than I am. Jack and Teal'c each think you're more important than _they_ are… Just like you think we're all more important than you are."

All the fight drained out of Sam and with the fire gone, she looked completely and utterly shattered. She closed the distance between them in two steps and hugged him desperately. Her arms squeezed so tight that it was a struggle to draw more than the shallowest of breaths, but Daniel didn't care. He wrapped his arms around her again, letting her take whatever comfort she needed, relieved beyond measure that she _was_ still here, still alive, if a little worse for the wear.

"We'll always come after you, Sam," Daniel swore quietly, pressing a gentle kiss into her hair. "I know that scares you, but we think you're worth the risk."

"Don't die for me," she repeated. This time she was pleading in perfect unison with the voice in her head. "If you die, they win just as surely as they do if I die."

"Shh," he soothed, smoothing a hand over her hair. "Don't think about that. We're all going to be okay. For now, let that be enough."

He held her for a long time, slowly feeling her relax once more. As the minutes ticked by, her arms gradually loosened their grip but it still felt like she was clinging to him. Like he was the only thing keeping her from drowning in the sea of fear and pain she was adrift in. He was just grateful she was letting him be her lifeline; he could endure the furious, hateful words of a thousand angry outbursts, just so long as she let him reel her back in to herself when all was said and done.

"I'm sorry," she finally murmured, voice muffled against his chest. "I don't know why I'm so emotional."

"You've had a stressful couple of days; don't worry about it."

"That's no excuse. I'm sorry I yelled at you, you didn't deserve it."

"I yelled back, so I'd say we're even," Daniel shrugged, squeezing her tight. He never wanted to let her go, would happily spend the rest of his life right here in her kitchen holding her close, keeping her safe, if only she'd let him.

"You're not going to let me hold myself responsible for anything, are you?"

"Nope," he chuckled, pleased that she was starting to catch on.

"Just checking," she smiled, a hint of laughter lilting in her voice.

Daniel swore it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **A _huge_ thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing this story! I'm completely overwhelmed by all the positive feedback I've received so far and glad that so many of you are enjoying this fic. And now without further ado, another new chapter for your enjoyment! Happy reading! : )

**Measure After Measure**

Not surprisingly, Teal'c was happy to kel'no'reem in the living room. He even went so far as to plant himself at the foot of the stairs – the better to protect Sam from intruders – despite her assurances that it wasn't necessary.

Their friendly neighborhood Jaffa's behavior reassured Daniel that he wasn't the only one feeling overprotective right now. As unlikely as it was that the Goa'uld in Conrad would track Sam down, Daniel knew there was still a chance he would come after her and try to negotiate access to the stargate in exchange for her safety. Factor in the standing threat the NID posed, and Daniel was left feeling as though they weren't doing nearly enough to keep her safe.

The lingering worry that someone somewhere might one day choose to make Sam disappear again weighed heavily on his mind, making sleep elusive despite his recent estrangement from Hypnos. Given how his mind raced with enough material to fuel months' worth of nightmares, Daniel couldn't help but feel that maybe his sudden insomnia was a blessing in disguise.

Lying in the dark, he resisted the urge to toss and turn until he found a comfortable position for fear that he'd wake Sam. Ever the gentleman, he'd intended to sleep on the floor, but she had nixed the idea immediately. Instead, he lay sprawled across one half of the bed, listening to her deep, even breathing. He was glad she was asleep and hoped she would stay that way; her body had been through the ringer in the last few days and desperately needed the rest.

The exhausted ache in his muscles reminded him that he hadn't exactly spent the week taking walks in the park either, and he sighed quietly, rolling onto his side. He'd be more comfortable on the floor – free to toss and turn as he pleased – and Daniel knew it, but Sam had wanted him close for a reason, had even come right out and asked for it; he'd be damned if he disappointed her.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Even though her heart was pounding, Sam kept her breathing slow and rhythmic, feigning sleep. As tired as she'd been going to bed, she hadn't been able to drift off. The instant Daniel had killed the light, her other senses had kicked into overdrive, compensating for her reduced visual acuity.

Though she kept still, every creak the house made as it settled on its foundation set her heart racing, sure that someone was creeping through the darkness, coming after her. It was completely irrational – if an intruder _did _manage to get past Teal'c, the victory certainly wouldn't be achieved quietly – but she couldn't shake off the uncomfortably familiar feeling of being hunted.

Knowing how drained Daniel had been after too many consecutive sleepless nights, she tried hard to minimize any outward signs of her growing distress. It wouldn't be fair to ask him to stay awake any longer simply because she was losing her nerve and, she was starting to think, quite possibly her mind as well, so she continued pretending to be relaxed in sleep.

It would be so easy to give in to temptation, to sneak into the guest room, close the door behind her and call Jack. She knew he was sincere in his offer; he wouldn't mind if she rang even though it was late, and she _had_ promised she would call if she needed to talk. But even if she picked up the phone, she had no idea what she would say. 'I'm terrified' wasn't exactly a conversation starter, and Sam wasn't sure she'd be able to follow up with an explanation of _why_. The way she was feeling right now, after 'I'm terrified' she might very well give in to the tears that had been threatening for hours and spend the remainder of the night bawling into the phone.

But she couldn't call and wake Jack just to have him listen to her break down again. He needed rest as badly as Daniel did, and he'd already endured enough sleepless nights on her account.

Which left Teal'c. She knew he would gladly sit up, listening to each and every thought in her head as they came to her, offering advice born from over a century of life experiences and calming her with his steady, solid presence. He would keep her confidence and wouldn't let the words that spilled from her affect the high regard he held her in.

But he too had set his own well being aside for the last few days, ignoring his symbiote's need for kel'no'reem in favor of finding her. In a way, it was far more dangerous than giving up sleep. A human pushing himself too long and too hard would eventually pass out, thus getting the rest he needed, but a Jaffa was immune to such autonomic defenses. Teal'c had the ability to push through exhaustion indefinitely, stopping only when his health was so seriously compromised that even his symbiote was unable to heal him without rest.

No, Sam couldn't – _wouldn't_ – allow Teal'c to jeopardize his own life any further. Not for her.

Beside her, Daniel shifted restlessly, and it was clear that even in sleep, he was being conscientious, trying to sprawl out without jostling her.

That made the decision for her. Even dead to the world, Daniel was doing what he could to ensure that her sleep wouldn't be disturbed. The least she could do was return the favor. She would leave her teammates to get the rest they needed; she wouldn't ask one of them to sacrifice any more for her sake.

Mind made up, Sam slowly rolled over. Despite the voice in her head screaming for her to stay flat on her back, granting her a clear view of both the bedroom door and the window, she gently eased on to her side. She hated sleeping in that position, only did it when she had to, but it would bring her face to face with Daniel and she craved evidence that she wasn't alone. Not tonight.

When Sam turned her back to the window, leaving herself exposed to possible threats lurking outside, she expected her heart to speed up and the blood pounding in her ears to drown out all other sounds.

She didn't expect two sets of surprised blue eyes to meet in the dark.

"Sorry, for waking you," Daniel breathed quietly, berating himself for not being able to hold still. She needed rest, and here he was jostling her awake. "Go back to sleep."

"I wasn't sleeping," she confessed. There was no point maintaining the illusion any longer, not when they were both suffering from insomnia. "I feel like all my senses are on high-alert, waiting for something else to happen. I'm too keyed up to sleep."

Sighing heavily, his hand found hers and he twined their fingers together, squeezing reassuringly. "If you want, we could head back to the SGC and let you get some sleep in your quarters?" he offered.

It was late, he was exhausted but even now he was looking out for her, trying to do what was best for her with no regard for his own needs. She loved him for it, but she also wished he would stop being so sweet. If Daniel kept giving her the opportunity to return to the SGC and the sense of security being there gave her, she would eventually give in to the part of her demanding that she return to the barbed wire, armed guards and countless security checkpoints the base offered.

For the moment, she still had enough will power to refuse.

"I can't hide under the mountain forever," she argued. Reasonable. Rational. Two things she certainly wasn't feeling at the moment.

"Sam, we found you less than twenty-four hours ago. Give yourself a break; no one expects you to have bounced back come morning."

"I do," she refuted quietly. There was no bravado, just blunt honesty in the words.

"Well then you're going to be disappointed," he warned, trying to reason with her. "This wasn't 'nothing', Sam. What happened to you was bad, I don't have to tell _you _that, and there's no shame in needing a while to recover from it. It's going to take time; you have to be patient."

He was right and she hated it. Every moment she spent recovering was one more moment in which Adrian Conrad had power over her. Each time she fell victim to her crippling fear of doctors, strangers, loud noises, riding along in windowless vehicles, she granted him another tiny victory. She needed to wake up in the morning and be herself again, otherwise she might as well still be locked up in Saint Christina's; holding her captive psychologically was as bad, if not worse, than doing it physically.

With a defeated sigh, Sam slid across the mattress. She nestled against Daniel's side and settled her head on his shoulder, immensely grateful when he took her unexpected cuddling in stride and wrapped an arm around her waist. Lying still, she listened to the soothing, steady rhythm of his heart beneath her head and let her mind replay his words from earlier in the evening.

She was still alive and back with the people who cared about her. Meanwhile, Conrad had become a prisoner in his own mind. She'd won and he was paying for his crimes in the most terrible way Sam could think of. She wouldn't have wished becoming a host on anyone, but she didn't have any sympathy for the wealthy man either. He'd chosen his fate. Things hadn't worked out the way he'd planned, but it had been a calculated risk on his part; he'd known what it meant to let a Goa'uld crawl inside his head and he had allowed it to happen anyway.

"You're going to be okay, Sam," Daniel assured quietly, brushing her hair back.

"I'm having flashbacks," she murmured. "Probably having flashbacks. Possibly."

She knew he'd been there for a few of them, but still, she felt like it needed to be said. Because even if she reached a point where she no longer suffered from irrational, debilitating fears to nice, normal everyday things, there was still a chance the Air Force would decide she was unfit for service, let alone field duty.

"I know," he murmured, using the pads of his fingers to rub tiny circles against her scalp. Daniel was painfully aware of how much it had taken for her to make that admission to herself, never mind saying it out loud.

"Janet said it's too soon to say if they're flashbacks or not. If they are…"

"If they are, we'll deal with it," he said calmly, confidently. In his mind, there was no question of whether he and the others would be there to help her work through the consequences; it was a foregone conclusion.

"But what if I lose SG-1?" she insisted, sick with shame at thought of her field career meeting such an inglorious end. So many things had come close to breaking her over the years; it seemed unfathomable that Adrian Conrad might be the one to finally manage it.

"You might lose your field status, Sam, but you'll never lose _us_," Daniel promised, pulling her closer and kissing her gently on the forehead.

The conviction in his words moved right through her, forming a protective barrier between her mind and all the fears and worries clamoring for her attention. She'd needed to hear the words so desperately, but hadn't been able to ask. Now that they'd been spoken out loud, a promise had been made and she knew Daniel would do anything and everything he could to keep it.

Safe in the knowledge that, whatever the coming days brought with them, she would face it with her teammates at her side, Sam quickly fell into a deep, easy and much-needed sleep.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Teal'c's well-trained ears noted when the voices drifting down from the bedroom fell silent again. He waited patiently to see if the two scientists would strike up a new conversation, counting out a full ten minutes in his head before climbing to his feet. As silently as he could, he made his way upstairs to check on his teammates, employing all the stealth lessons Master Bra'tac had drilled in to him decades ago.

When he reached the door to the master bedroom, he pushed it open just enough to poke his head inside, a hint of a smile crossing his features at what he saw. He was relieved that Daniel and Sam had finally managed to fall asleep, curled up together on the half of the bed nearest to him. Their faces were relaxed in sleep, no trace of the week's worries and stresses marring their features, and the slow, gentle sounds of their breathing reassured him that neither was lost in a nightmare.

Confident that he had kept his word to Jack, Teal'c withdrew, closing the door quietly behind him. In no time at all, he was settled at the foot of the stairs once more, a silent sentry standing guard over his friends. He needed to kel'no'reem but would do so reluctantly. Although he was confident he would quickly snap out of his meditative state should there be any hint of trouble, he still wished he could stay up all night, the better to ensure no harm befell the people sleeping overhead.

Finally, he could wait no longer. Closing his eyes, Teal'c relented and slipped into kel'no'reem, giving his symbiote the time it needed to heal his body so that he would be at full health, should the need to act in defense of his friends arise in the days to come.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Still managing to put out a chapter a day! Ye-e-e-e-e-es! It's another biggie… Enjoy! : )

**Measure After Measure**

"Don't you think it's a bit soon?" Daniel asked quietly, quirking a surprised eyebrow at Jack bright and early the next morning. He and Teal'c were huddled around their still infirmary-ridden friend's bed for a hushed three-quarters-of-a-team huddle, wearing jeans, sweaters and concerned expressions.

"MacKenzie says if it _is_ PTSD, the sooner she starts attending sessions, the better," the older man replied distractedly, rifling through the DVDs sprawled across his bed.

"Jack she's _petrified_ that it might be PTSD," Daniel hissed, mindful of the fact that Sam was just on the other side of the infirmary and, judging by the distinct lack of yelling coming from that direction, hadn't heard the news yet. Frustrated, he snatched a DVD case out of his friend's hand to ensure he had Jack's full attention before continuing, "By rushing her straight to MacKenzie, aren't we telling her that's what we think too?"

"It's out of my hands, Daniel." Jack replied testily, snatching the case back. "MacKenzie overruled Frasier and I on this one. He's going to start working with her today, end of story."

Jack didn't like it anymore than Daniel did, but 45 minutes of heated debate hadn't managed to bring MacKenzie around to his point of view. Like it or not – and 'not' seemed to be the consensus so far – MacKenzie got to make the call and there was nothing Jack could do about it.

"Major Carter already holds Doctor MacKenzie in low esteem," Teal'c reminded, doubt shining in his deep brown eyes. "May it not do more harm than good to force her to discuss her experiences with him, given that she is currently uncomfortable in the presence of medical personnel?"

"I don't like it either," Jack sighed quietly, mindful of the need to keep his voice down. "But MacKenzie _does_ know his stuff, for the most part. We all want what's best for Carter, and if he says it's in her best interest…"

Daniel was no psychology expert, but he _was_ one of the leading authorities on Major Doctor Samantha Carter. Everything in him screamed that this was the worst possible thing they could do to her, forcing Sam to talk to a shrink when she wasn't even opening up to her closest friends about what had happened to her, not really. She hadn't even been back for a full day yet! But none of that seemed to matter to MacKenzie.

"What if he's wrong?" Daniel interrupted, casting a worried look at the curtained off bed Janet had ushered their teammate off to just moments ago.

"Then we will be there," Teal'c declared determinedly. Come hell or high water, they would stand by their friend, just as they had countless times in the past.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"How are you feeling?" Janet asked quietly, expertly drawing blood from her friend's arm.

"Like it would be wonderful if everyone stopped asking me that," Sam retorted, rolling her eyes even though she kept her head turned away. Seeing anyone, even Janet, come near her with a needle was enough to make her want to run. If she didn't watch, it only made her want to throw up.

"Sam…"

"I feel pretty good today," she relented, knowing the other woman wouldn't let it go until she'd gotten a real answer. "I got about seven hours of sleep and it made a world of difference."

"Seven hours straight? No nightmares?" Janet pressed, trying to mask her surprise. It was no secret that Sam suffered through bouts of truly terrifying nightmares from time to time, their onset usually triggered by a mission gone wrong. Once they started, they ran the gamut from Jolinar and the Ash'rak, to Sokar and Netu, from losing her teammates under circumstances that had happened, as well those that hadn't, to her mother's death. Janet had been expecting to hear of a long night spent wrestling with her demons, not a refreshing, peaceful sleep.

"None," Sam smiled, fondly recalling the reason she'd managed to sleep so soundly.

Morning had found her curled around Daniel, head tucked snugly under his chin, and both of her hands had been fisted in his t-shirt as extra insurance that he wasn't going anywhere during the night. At some point, Daniel's one arm had tightened around her waist to squish her tight against his side, and the other hand had come up to tangle in her short hair, cradling her close. She'd woken feeling so safe that she hadn't wanted to move ever again.

Evidently, Daniel had felt the same way. It had taken a great deal of cajoling from Teal'c to coax them both out of bed; they'd been too relaxed and comfortable to seriously contemplate moving on their own. In the end, Teal'c had fallen back on the trick that was known to all parents of teenagers, apparently even those from other planets: he'd yanked the blankets off the pair and taken them with him when he left the room. Not long after that, they'd gotten up, lured out of bed by the chill in the air and the memory that coffee was no longer a prohibited item.

"Honestly?" Skepticism crept into her voice this time, but Janet couldn't help it. Nightmares were one of those things Sam would lie through her teeth about, knowing there was nothing the infirmary staff could do about them, and it never hurt to push a little when the subject came up.

"Honestly… I had some trouble falling asleep, but once I did, I was okay."

"That's fantastic, Sam," Janet smiled reassuringly, snapping off her gloves and dropping them into a nearby disposal unit. "Unfortunately I don't have the results of your last blood work-up back yet. SG-11 reported in last night after making contact with a village experiencing some sort of disease outbreak, and the lab's been busy testing blood and tissue samples to try and get a handle on the situation."

"Are they okay?" Sam asked, brow furrowing in concern. She'd been in SG-11's position before, knew how frightening it was to wait for test results while the people around you got progressively sicker. She remembered how hard it was, being helpless to alleviate the suffering you saw every time you opened your eyes, and wondered how the other team was faring, both physically and mentally.

"Their labs came up clear," Janet reported, relief evident. "Samples from the natives show something similar to typhoid, and we're testing vaccines and antibiotics known to be effective against Earth strains to see if it's effective in the disease SG-11 encountered. We should have something soon, but until the situation is cleared up, all other labs are on hold."

"Good," Sam nodded approvingly. She could wait for her test results, but some of the villagers SG-11 had encountered probably couldn't afford to wait for treatment.

"If our lab can't start running the tests by lunchtime, I'll take your samples over to the Academy Hospital and run them myself. One way or another, we'll have results by mid-afternoon," Janet promised. Even though Sam didn't mind the delay, as her doctor, Janet did. The blonde woman seemed healthy enough, but until she had the blood work to prove it, Janet would continue to worry.

"I'll be right here. Daniel and Teal'c are dropping off a bunch of DVDs to keep Colonel O'Neill occupied, and since I'm not allowed in my lab until you clear me, I've been tasked with keeping him out of your hair," Sam informed her, hopping off the bed. It would be impossible to keep Jack out of trouble indefinitely, given his restless nature, but she could probably manage it for at least part of the day.

"Actually, Doctor MacKenzie would like to see you this morning," Janet informed her friend casually, knowing the other woman wasn't going to be happy about it.

"No," Sam replied firmly, her face hardening, posture stiffening at the suggestion.

"He's expecting you in an hour."

"Well then, he'll be very disappointed, because I sure as hell won't be there," Sam snapped, gut clenched tight with fear, adrenaline flooding through her.

"General Hammond will make it an order if you don't go voluntarily," Janet warned, stubbornly folding her arms over her chest. She didn't miss the flash of complete and utter terror that stole over Sam's features before she managed to rein it in. Nor did she miss the anger that quickly took over, leaving no room for anything else on her friend's usually expressive face.

"I'm not ready," Sam argued. She tried taking deep breaths through her nose, hoping to force down the hot bile sliding up her throat, but it wasn't working. She couldn't believe this was happening, that the people she trusted were foisting her off on a doctor they _knew_ she didn't trust so soon after her rescue.

"I think that's the point, Sam," Janet said patiently, keeping her voice down despite Sam's rising volume. "He wants to talk to you before you have a chance to build up walls around what happened and figure out what he wants to hear."

She knew what Sam was afraid of, even understood why, but there was nothing she could do about it. She'd fought MacKenzie on the issue and lost; she may outrank even General Hammond on medical matters, but on psychological ones, MacKenzie's word was law. However, giving any indication that she had reservations about the appointment would only fuel Sam's uneasiness, so Janet spoke as though she fully supported the idea, presenting a united front with the base psychiatrist despite what her own instincts were telling her.

"I don't even _like_ MacKenzie!" The words exploded from Sam in a rush of hot air, laced with raw anger.

"Would you be more comfortable if we brought in someone else for you to talk to?" Janet offered, knowing what the answer would be even before she'd asked the question.

"I'd be more comfortable if everyone left me alone," Sam retorted. Her eyes narrowed to slits and her voice crept up a few more decibels, not caring that anyone passing by the infirmary would be able to hear her quite clearly by this point.

She was furious. She was being _ambushed_ with a visit to MacKenzie and she had no say in the matter at all! Even _Janet_ was forcing her into it, knowing how badly shaken she was after the last few days, having seen the proof of just how poorly she had been treated by the _last_ set of doctors she'd had no choice but to see. That gut-wrenching, powerless feeling was starting to return and Sam hated it.

"We're worried about you, Sam. We're just trying to help."

"If I need help, I'll ask for it," she growled, rolling down her sleeve with a single furious jerk.

"See, that's the thing, we know you won't," Janet said, keeping her voice calm to take some of the sting out of her words.

That gave Sam pause, but only for a heartbeat. Deep down, she knew Janet was right. Asking for help flew in the face of everything she'd been told growing up, ran counter to who and what she was. It was easier to suffer alone, battling her demons by herself, than it was to admit there were things she couldn't handle on her own, to admit she needed help. And right now, needing help was simply one more weakness she had to thank Adrian Conrad for.

Besides, she was already leaning on her team – her family – why couldn't that be enough?

"There's no harm in talking to him, Sam."

"Actually, there is. MacKenzie is pretty fond of labeling people as 'crazy' and shunting them into the mental health system," Sam snarled, spinning on her heel and stalking off.

"Ten o'clock," Janet called to her back, noting that once again, Sam was giving the medical equipment in her path a wide berth. "Otherwise General Hammond will have no choice but to make it an order."

She wasn't surprised when her words failed to garner a response.

Gathering up the vials of blood she'd collected, Janet forced herself to take a deep breath. She knew Sam wasn't really angry with her; she was terrified of having to face a doctor she'd never really trusted in the first place, and panicked by the thought of what she might accidentally let slip when she was still so off-balance. It was inevitable that she would lash out at whoever was tasked with delivering the news, up to and including General Hammond.

Deciding that Sam's anger would fade faster if she weren't around, Janet left the infirmary to personally deliver the latest blood sample to the lab and check in on SG-11's situation.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"Are you well, Major Carter?" Teal'c inquired with concern, noting the scowl on her face and the fire in her eyes. She was quite obviously _not_, as Jack would say, a happy camper and it was easy to guess why.

"For a little while longer, I am," she replied angrily. "Janet wants me to talk to MacKenzie this morning; it's just a matter of time until he labels me as a head case."

"That's not true," Daniel refuted, resting a calming hand on her shoulder.

"I can't believe you of all people would defend him!" Sam snapped, shrugging off his hand in frustration. She'd at least expected Daniel, the man MacKenzie had branded 'schizophrenic', drugged to the eyeballs and shipped off to an asylum, to be on her side.

"Carter, sit!" Jack ordered, stopping her before she could either say something she'd regret or storm off in an enraged huff.

She shot him a murderous glare but did as she was told, plopping down on the side of his bed and folding her arms across her chest. If it weren't for the ferocity of the rage shining in her eyes, she would have looked like nothing more than a child pouting. But Jack had seen a lot of kids in his time, and not one of them had ever looked so thoroughly, frighteningly incensed as Sam did right now.

"No one is saying you're crazy, Carter. You've been through a lot and all of us, MacKenzie included, want to know that you're coping. The Air Force is going to make you do a few sessions with MacKenzie before you're back on active duty; the sooner you start, the sooner you're back in the field with us. You _know_ that."

"He's going to twist my words and ask me leading questions until he can make a case for removing me from duty permanently," Sam argued, struggling to get her anger at the perceived betrayal under control. She couldn't believe her closest friends, the people she had thought knew her inside out and backwards, could possibly think talking to a shrink was in her best interest.

"I do not believe that is Doctor MacKenzie's intention, Major Carter," Teal'c replied gently. He'd hoped the words would soothe her, but all they ended up doing was inspiring her to turn the full force of her glare on him.

"Sam, MacKenzie made a mistake when he had me committed and he learned not to jump to hasty conclusions," Daniel soothed, once again demonstrating his boundless capacity for forgiveness. "He's a good man; give him a chance."

He was trying to be supportive, aware of how much courage it would take for her to simply sit in a room alone with the man in question, but each time she appealed for a reprieve, Daniel's resolve weakened a little bit more. If she asked enough times, he knew he would give in and find a way, any way, to spare her from the thing she was so obviously afraid of.

"I don't trust him," Sam rebutted petulantly. Just like last night, the anger that had burned so strongly inside her was quickly slipping away, leaving the fear and pain that were fast becoming her constant companions in its wake. But it was easier to be angry at being forced into this against her will than it was to admit how much the idea of being alone in a room with MacKenzie scared her, so she stuck with her original argument against the whole arrangement.

"Carter, we need you to talk to someone today," Jack sighed, scrubbing his good hand through his hair. "Now _maybe_ we can get him to agree to hold off a little longer if you talk to one of us instead, but you'll have to go see MacKenzie eventually."

It was the one tactic Jack hadn't tried when arguing with the other man earlier that morning and the reason he hadn't mentioned it before was because he really didn't expect Sam to agree to it. At the moment, it wasn't just talking to MacKenzie about what happened that she was uncomfortable with, it was talking about it at all.

Jack recognized the tactic, had tried it himself more times than he cared to remember. In spite of everything, Sam was still clinging to a shred of hope that if she didn't acknowledge the full extent of what Conrad had put her through, it would somehow cease to be real. The sooner she realized that would never be the case, the better it would be for all of them.

"I'm not ready," she repeated, surprising everyone, including herself, when her eyes suddenly filled with tears. "Don't make me do this. Not yet."

Glancing briefly at the other two men, Daniel saw that the sudden swing from blazing fury to teary desperation was as hard for them to refuse as it was for him. She hadn't done it on purpose, they all knew that, because Sam – although she could have done it easily enough – would never try to make things go her way by tugging on their heartstrings.

Seeing Daniel and Jack look away, battling the warring desires to do what was best for her and to make all the anguish in those haunted blue eyes go away, Teal'c knew it fell on him to speak up. The others were close to acquiescing, unable to bring themselves to force the usually strong, fearless woman in front of them to face something that genuinely terrified her.

"Doctor MacKenzie believes that the longer you wait before beginning to overcome your distrust of medical personnel, the more difficult it will be for you to do so," Teal'c advised, moving closer so he could press his knee against her calf, feeling his symbiote writhe at the tingle of naquadah radiating out from the point of contact. He was relieved when she didn't pull away from what small comfort he could offer.

"Maybe he's right," Sam conceded, sniffling. She pressed back against him, twisting her leg slightly to increase the amount of contact between them. "But can't it wait another day?"

She looked so forlorn that it broke his heart, and Daniel had to fold his arms across his chest to keep from reaching out and pulling her into a crushing hug.

"No," Jack said firmly, effectively ending the conversation.

Sam felt the anger flare inside of her again, but it was weaker, didn't consume her the way it had just moments ago. She could admit defeat, but in this case, she refused to do it with grace, and outrage was an infinitely more attractive alternative to desperate tears. Here she was, free but still powerless against the whims of doctors; it made the bile start sneaking up her throat again.

For his part, Jack ignored the rather insubordinate glare she pinned him with. He was clearly turning out to be a bad influence on her; a few years ago Sam would have been much better at hiding the fact that she wanted to kick a superior officer in the teeth. Instead of commenting on her insubordination, he began regaling his team with summaries of the _Simpsons_ episodes they should have brought to ensure his maximum distraction, hoping that his antics would, in turn, distract them all from what lay ahead.


	13. Chapter 13

**Measure After Measure**

"I will remain here," Teal'c said, coming to a stop just outside the door to MacKenzie's office.

"I'm not going to make a break for it," Sam retorted, wrapping shaking fingers around the doorknob in the hopes that doing so would hide the tremors in her hands. "You don't need to stand guard."

"I am merely here for moral support, Major Carter," Teal'c calmly replied, folding his hands behind his back. He knew better than to take offense at her accusatory tone; she was angry at the situation, not him.

"A couple of days with you, Daniel and the Colonel would do more good than six months of daily sessions with MacKenzie," Sam stated bluntly.

She knew Teal'c was immovable on the issue, one way or another she would be walking through the door to MacKenzie's office. She could even appreciate that he thought he and the rest of her team were acting in her best interest. But despite their good intentions, they had forced her into the situation, giving her no choice in the matter. She felt as helpless now as she had when she'd been restrained in an abandoned hospital, and she hated it. The scenery had changed, but her situation was, in her mind, pretty much the same as it had been with Conrad.

"O'Neill will be released in a matter of days and then we shall all be available to assist you in recovering from your ordeal."

"I can wait."

"Major Carter," Teal'c began quietly, the very model of patience, despite the fact that they'd been going around in conversational circles for almost ten minutes now. "I have had the honor of fighting at your side these past years and have seen you repeatedly overcome your fears with great courage and determination. I ask only that you employ these same traits now so that you may more quickly reclaim your position with SG-1."

Well, how could a girl say 'no' to that?

Blushing from the praise as well as the admonishment, Sam flashed him a tight smile that slowly morphed into a grimace and she marveled again at the way Teal'c could halt an argument through heartfelt confession as easily as he could through sheer intimidation.

She clamped down on the fear threatening to swallow her up, reminding herself that this was nothing compared to staring down Hathor while being threatened with Goa'uld implantation just months after Jolinar's death. Nothing compared to riding a ship over-run by Replicators into the Earth's atmosphere. Nothing compared to standing feet from the mouth of an active wormhole as it slowly but steadily sucked her into a black hole. Teal'c was right: since stepping through the gate she'd faced a hundred things more frightening than MacKenzie and hadn't even blinked. She could do this.

With one final glance at her teammate, determined blue eyes locked on supportive brown ones and then she was twisting the knob and pushing the door open.

oOoOoOoOoOo

MacKenzie fought to hide his surprise when the door opened at ten o'clock on the dot, revealing the blonde air force officer he'd honestly expected to have to chase down. His surprise grew when she entered under her own power; he'd been figuring that if she _did _show up, one or more of her teammates would be pushing, pulling or even carrying her through his door.

Of course, he didn't take it personally. He was used to reluctant and even outright hostile patients; of all the military personnel he'd treated throughout his career, very few had looked forward to their sessions with him and Sam Carter was no exception. So what if she closed the door behind her with more force than absolutely necessary? She was still exceeding his wildest expectations simply by showing up.

"Good morning, Major," he greeted calmly. "Have a seat," he added, gesturing to the two armchairs nestled in the back corner of the office and stepping around the desk to join her.

"I don't need to be here," Sam stated firmly, still standing just inside the door. Resentment seeped into her words, but she couldn't help it. She hated being here against her will, presenting herself to the man that held her fate in his hands when she still felt so horribly off-balance.

Compounding that was the fact that resolving to be brave was one thing, getting her body to comply was another. She wondered if MacKenzie could hear her heart thudding in her chest, if he knew just how scared she was to be here, alone in a room with him. That he was a completely different type of doctor than the ones who had so merrily conducted experiments on her was irrelevant; he was a doctor, he wasn't Janet, ergo Sam didn't trust him.

"You're not being punished, Major, this is standard procedure," he assured, settling himself in the chair backed into the corner.

Studying her carefully, MacKenzie noted how she relaxed marginally once her only choice was to sit in the chair nearest the door. She still radiated nervous tension, but some of the stark fear in her eyes faded when she realized no one would be between her and the exit. Escape remained a possibility and that, MacKenzie noted, put her somewhat at ease.

"Is it standard procedure to move so quickly?" Sam retorted, in no mood to be patronized. Despite the words falling from her lips, she moved to stand in front of the second armchair and pointedly threw her weight backwards as she dropped into it, gaining a couple extra inches of space between them. "This time yesterday, I was still drugged into oblivion and strapped to a bed in Seattle."

"How much do you remember about the time you were missing?" MacKenzie asked, seizing the opening she had inadvertently created. He studied her closely; patients' body language often said more than their words did and everything in the way Sam carried herself screamed that she was expecting danger to rear its ugly head at any moment. Screamed that she was a heartbeat away from bolting.

"Not much," she said, stubbornly keeping her answers short. If she said very little, MacKenzie wouldn't have anything to work with when he started trying to twist her words. And Sam was confident he would try, it was only a matter of time.

"How do you feel about what you _do_ remember?"

"How do you _think_ I feel?"

"If it were me, I would be angry," MacKenzie began patiently. He was used to this, did it everyday. Coaxing answers out of reluctant patients was how he made his living.

"More like 'pissed', but keep going," Sam interjected, gritting her teeth. How dare he sit there and pretend to understand what she'd been through? He had no idea, couldn't even _begin_ to comprehend what it was like to be experimented on, to be considered more valuable as a cadaver than as a living, breathing human being.

"But we're not here to talk about me," MacKenzie continued as if she hadn't spoken. "I want to know how _you_ feel."

"I feel like I don't need to be here," Sam retorted, staring him down with an icy glare. Really, she didn't. She would be fine, given enough time with her teammates; there was nothing MacKenzie could do for her that the rest of SG-1 couldn't.

"I spoke with Doctor Frasier, and she mentioned that you were concerned you might be having flashbacks," MacKenzie pushed, holding her gaze determinedly. He knew that if he looked away, Sam would interpret it as a victory and power would shift to her, so he refused to allow his eyes to wander. "Can you tell me what those were like?"

"I _could_, but I'm not going to," Sam replied disdainfully, her face twisting up in a bitter smirk that looked completely out of place on her usually pleasant features.

So, the easy way was out, then. Fortunately, he had lots of practice doing this the hard way.

"Well, unless you tell me about them, I can't rule them out as being flashbacks," MacKenzie noted, breaking eye contact to scrawl notes on his legal pad. "And, as I'm sure you're aware, flashbacks are a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder, so until I can rule _that_ out, you'll be off active duty."

"I knew it," Sam growled accusingly, jumping to her feet. "You just label everyone who walks through your door as 'crazy' and shove them back out again!"

"People with PTSD are not 'crazy', Major Carter," MacKenzie replied calmly. He was getting somewhere. He recognized the increasingly hostile behavior for the defense mechanism it was, and pushed on.

"Now, I'm not the one making decisions about your duty status; you are. Until you start talking to me, I can't assess your mental state and until I'm convinced that you can hold up under the constant pressures associated with life at the SGC, I won't allow you to return to active duty. I _will not_ risk the lives of other personnel like that, nor do I believe that you really want me to."

"I'm not a danger to anyone here," she retorted waspishly. She'd charged headlong into enemy fire to mount rescue missions for her colleagues, fought for them, bled for them, hell, even _died_ for them! The suggestion that she would ever willfully endanger anyone at the SGC was absurd and she felt her anger grow, thudding through her veins and smothering her fear of the man before her.

"And what about you?"

"What _about_ me?"

"Are you a danger to yourself?"

"I'm not going to hurt myself!" Her voice quaked with barely contained fury at the implication. After everything she'd handled over the years, how could he think she would cope with this latest nightmare so poorly? Sure, what Conrad had put her through had been bad, but she'd survived worse…

"There are other ways to jeopardize your own well being, Major," MacKenzie noted, ignoring the searing glare she now had permanently fixed on him. "Reckless behavior, not taking care of yourself… If you received a shock while working in your lab and Doctor Frasier wasn't on duty, would you report to the infirmary?"

"What's your point?" Sam demanded evasively, patience worn clean through. His reasoning was sound and they both knew it. But while she could admit it to herself, Sam refused to give him the satisfaction of hearing her say so out loud.

"You're understandably wary of doctors and other medical staff right now; no one can fault you for that," MacKenzie empathized, trying to get through to her, to be the voice of reason she so obviously needed to hear. "I understand that your friendship with Doctor Frasier seems to trump your fear of doctors, but she won't always be here. If you're ill or injured and avoid medical treatment because Doctor Frasier's not on duty, it could cost you your life.

"Alternatively, if you were brought to the infirmary unconscious and then woke up, the experience could trigger a flashback," he continued, despite the outraged sound she made in the back of her throat. "You're significantly better trained for combat than the infirmary staff, Major. If you lashed out during a flashback, you could seriously injure or even kill someone."

"I would never do that!" Sam exploded, seething anger finally boiling over.

The cry tore from her throat with such force it strained her vocal chords, but it didn't hurt. In fact, it felt good. The conviction behind the words was reassuring, reaffirming that the _real_ Sam Carter – the one who handled everything the galaxy threw at her with calm self-assurance and quiet confidence, who did anything and everything to keep the people she cared about safe – was still inside her somewhere, she just needed the right motivation to appear. In that moment, Sam realized that while Adrian Conrad had changed her – that much, although regrettable, was inevitable – he hadn't destroyed her.

Conrad only managed to take away who she was if she let him. And Sam would be damned if she let that happen.

MacKenzie watched her thoughts play across her face, her surprise at the strength of her own words ripping away her mask and leaving her face an open book for him to read at will. In that moment, he knew he'd succeeded. He'd broken down Sam's walls and gotten through to her; she wouldn't fight him about whether or not she needed the sessions anymore, although he knew she would continue to resist any future attempts to get her to open up. He'd made progress, but it was only a baby step and he was experienced enough not to overestimate the significance of what he'd accomplished.

The hard way always worked, eventually.

"Not intentionally, no," he agreed, acting as though he hadn't just achieved his main goal for the session. "But you could very easily do it _unintentionally_, and my job is to work with you to see that you don't. To do that, you need to trust me and, more importantly, talk to me."

Sam's fingers twitched, grabbing the hem of her sweater – she'd stayed in civilian clothes to remind everyone that she was off-duty until further notice, and therefore not available for comment on work-related issues – and twisting it idly while she studied the floor. It was obvious she was turning his words over in her head and MacKenzie was content to sit in silence, giving her time to think.

"I don't want to hurt anyone," Sam finally breathed, her voice thin and brittle. "But I can't do this today, it's too soon… Can I come see you tomorrow?" she finished, looking back up at him uncertainly.

MacKenzie studied her closely for any sign that she was simply putting it off for the sake of avoiding him, but he couldn't find one. Instead, he saw soul-deep weariness staring back at him from usually bright eyes, rendered dull and lifeless by the strain of the past week. She'd been to hell and back in recent days and asking her to relive that now, when she'd been home for less than a day, wouldn't do her any favors. Sam needed time – not too much, otherwise she would bury the experience so deeply that he would never be able to dig down to its roots – but enough that she was somewhat distanced from it, could view it a little more objectively without her feelings about her horrendous treatment overwhelming her.

"I'm on duty at the Academy Hospital tomorrow morning, but I'll be here in the afternoon," MacKenzie finally nodded. It was probably still too soon for them to make any real progress together, but if she was willing to come, he would happily make the time for her. Even if they sat in silence for the full hour, it would be worthwhile because it would force her to confront her fear of doctors head on.

"Is two o'clock okay?" she asked hesitantly. Sam figured it would give her time to drop by for lunch with the others and visit Jack for a while without being _so_ late in the day that she talked herself out of coming.

"That will be fine," he agreed, glancing at his notepad again and making a note of their next appointment.

Sam nodded once and was out of the room without another word.

In the silence that followed the slamming of his office door, MacKenzie allowed himself a small, triumphant smile. Their first appointment may have lasted only a few minutes, but they had accomplished a lot in that short time, even if Sam didn't realize it yet.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **I'm volunteering with Habitat for Humanity this summer, and the build has entered the 'work like crazy until completion' phase. As a result, I probably won't be able to update every day, but I'll do my best! In the meantime, rest assured that while my body is busy framing, hanging drywall, installing siding (Can you believe I did _all_ that in the last three days? Neither can I.) and all that jazz, my brain is busy drafting upcoming chapters of this fic (probably _not_ a good idea when using power tools)! And now on with the show… Enjoy today's _huge_ chapter!

**Measure After Measure**

Teal'c watched with a self-satisfied almost-smile as his roll of gauze sailed through the air and landed dead centre in the bedpan that was serving as a basket. Turning his attention to his groaning commander, he held his hand out expectantly, awaiting his prize.

"I'm stuck playing left-handed! You could at least do the same," Jack protested. Despite his displeasure with losing, he handed over the appropriate number of jellybeans, fulfilling his side of the bet, albeit reluctantly.

"I am afraid I cannot, O'Neill," Teal'c said smugly as he sorted his earnings into three neat piles. "Doing so may adversely impact my ability to collect winnings from you."

"Fine," Jack sulked, setting aside a portion of his rapidly dwindling holdings as his bet for the next round. "Carter, you're up and I'm ordering you to play left-handed."

"Jack, be fair," Daniel protested on her behalf, accepting the handful of green and orange jellybeans Teal'c passed him. "You can't handicap Sam just because she's the only one of us who can't tell you to stop being a sore loser."

"I'm not a sore loser!" Jack protested, shooting the archaeologist a wounded look.

"Actually, sir, sometimes you are," Sam grinned, cupping her hands so Teal'c could share his red and yellow winnings, her favorites. A moment later she was twisting awkwardly in her seat, trying to protect her cut from Jack's grabby fingers.

"Fine, just for that, forget playing left-handed," Jack groused, managing to snag a jellybean from the unguarded pink, white and black stockpile in front of Teal'c. "Eyes closed, Major."

"Sir…" Sam protested, coming as close to whining as she ever allowed herself to.

"Ladies first, Carter," Jack stood firm, holding out a roll of gauze and raising one eyebrow as if issuing a challenge.

Accepting the roll with a long-suffering sigh, Sam dutifully lined up her shot and closed her eyes.

"I believe it would be prudent for you to aim slightly to the right, Major Carter," Teal'c advised helpfully. Years of observation had taught him that her shots had a tendency to drift a little to the left and given that Jack was so blatantly abusing his authority, Teal'c had no qualms about taking her side. Besides, it was always fun to team-up on their commander.

"Teal'c's right," Daniel agreed, tilting his head to one side as he considered the angles involved in the shot.

Adjusting her aim as instructed, Sam lobbed the gauze through the air, opening her eyes in time to see it land smack dab in the middle of the bedpan. A satisfying thud rang out through the room, confirming her success, much to Jack's chagrin.

"I knew it couldn't last," Janet sighed from the doorway, announcing her presence before Sam had a chance to gloat. She eyed the rolls of gauze unraveled on the floor and draped over the bed the 'basket' was sitting on, clearly unimpressed. Turning a glare on the members of SG-1, only half of whom had the good sense to look appropriately chastised, she added, "You _do_ realize those rolls on the floor are going in SG-1's first aid kits, right?"

"You're the one who took the tongue depressors away," Jack reminded, shrugging to show that the thought of having his next wound treated with very _un-_sterile gauze didn't bother him. "You left us no other choice."

"Right," Janet drawled, exasperation warring with amusement. "What _was _I thinking?"

"We'll clean it up," Sam promised, popping a jellybean in her mouth. She knew Janet was bluffing; the gauze they'd used for their little game would be donated to the next field medicine course offered to incoming SGC personnel; it would never make its way off-world. It was the mess, not the waste, that bothered Janet, and they all knew it.

"No, actually, you won't. I'm kicking three-quarters of you out for the day," Janet replied, a smile chasing across her features as she helped herself to Daniel's winnings. Given that she was the wielder of big needles, the archaeologist made no effort to fend her off.

It was hard to feign frustration with the team's shenanigans in light of the drastic changes the good-natured goofing around had wrought in their resident astrophysicist. Sam had returned from her extremely brief appointment with MacKenzie pale, shaky and quiet, but exuding an air of accomplishment. She'd spent the rest of the morning quietly playing cards with Jack, killing time until the rest of their team joined them for lunch and an afternoon of what Janet privately dubbed 'Infirmary Olympics'. As the afternoon wore on, slowly but surely, the three men had managed to draw Sam out of her shell until she was laughing at their antics and taking part in the light banter flowing back and forth. Looking at her now, Janet could see no trace of the anxious, withdrawn woman who'd come back from MacKenzie's office.

"You got Sam's test results back?" Daniel guessed. Leaning forward in his seat, he shared a hopeful smile with his blonde teammate before giving his full attention to the base's CMO.

"I did," Janet agreed, wishing she could share in his enthusiasm. She wasn't bearing the sort of news any of them had been hoping to hear, but unfortunately, delivering bad news was as much a part of her job as delivering good was. She was used to doing it, but that didn't make it any easier.

"SG-11's situation is under control?" Sam asked. Her genuine concern for the other team was evident in the furrow that formed between her eyebrows.

Whether she knew it or not, her question was met with approval from all four of her friends. It was just like Sam to be more concerned with the well being of others than with her own; she was acting more and more like herself as the afternoon wore on, and it was a relief to them all.

"An inoculation program is underway as we speak, and the ill are all responding well to treatment," Janet assured, her relief over that turn of events palpable.

"Way to go, Doc," Jack congratulated warmly. It was always nice when they visited another planet and had an immediate positive effect; so much of what they did day in and day out sought to introduce positive change in the long run, with little to show for their efforts in the short-run. Quick impact projects gave them all something to hold on to when the situation with the Goa'uld seemed particularly bleak.

"It was a team effort, sir, but I'll be sure to pass your eloquent words of praise along to my staff," Janet teased, smiling warmly. Then, knowing it was unfair of her to keep stalling, she moved on. Directing her words at Sam alone, she added, "Why don't we step into my office for a few minutes?"

"They're going to hound me until I tell them, and even then, they won't believe me if I tell them I'm fine," Sam said, smiling fondly despite the exasperation lacing her words. "You might as well just tell us all at once and save you repeating yourself."

"Okay," Janet chuckled, knowing her friend wasn't even close to exaggerating. If the whole team couldn't be together to hear test results when one of them was injured or sick, Janet usually wound up having to explain herself over and over again until all four SG-1 members had heard the news straight from the SGC's resident medical expert.

"Your blood work up turned up several drugs, all of which we were able to identify," she began, referring to her notes before continuing. She felt the weight of four impatient sets of eyes on her, but Janet took her time, choosing her words carefully, so as not to alarm them, without sounding as if she were sugar-coating her findings. "There were four different sedatives in various concentrations that showed up in your blood work; my guess is that they were using trial and error to find which was most effective."

"They had to," Sam agreed quietly, eyes locked on the floor. In the space of one heartbeat, she was back to being quiet and withdrawn. "They couldn't get the dosages right and I kept waking up when they didn't want me to. Eventually the doses were getting too high and they started trying other alternatives to see if something else worked better."

Sam knew she'd surprised them all by volunteering that information. In truth, she'd surprised even herself.

Janet tried hard to clamp down on the fury that admission sparked and from the looks on the men's faces, they were fighting a similar battle with varying degrees of success. She wanted to say something to comfort her friend, but she didn't even know where to begin. Instead, Janet decided to press on with the rest of her findings; better to bring back a flood of horrible memories all at once than to dredge up a few at a time and stretch things out for Sam.

A deep breath to control her rising anger, and then, "The results also turned up modafinil, which is a stimulant that promotes alertness in patients…"

"Sometimes they needed me awake," Sam said quietly, glancing up for a split second before returning her gaze to the floor tiles. "They didn't like waiting for me to wake up on my own, so they just…" A vague hand gesture finished the sentence, conveying what she was having difficulty putting into words.

Even the promised oblivion of unconsciousness had been no reprieve from the ordeal, the others realized. The relief of being granted a respite from the endless tests and questioning had always been tempered by the uncertainty of what Sam would be facing when she woke up. Of whether or not she would come to with another needle in her arm, delivering yet another unknown substance into her system.

"Is that safe?" Jack demanded, concerned eyes raking over his 2IC as if he could see though her to determine if the combination had harmed her. "I thought mixing sedatives and stimulants was a _bad_ idea?" He wanted five minutes alone in a room with Adrian Conrad even more now than he had before, fists clenching at the mere idea of such a meeting.

"It is," Janet agreed. She made a point of meeting Sam's eyes, making sure she felt as though she was being spoken to, not spoken about. Making sure the other woman felt that she was a participant in the conversation, not just its subject, was important, and Janet was doing her best to include her. "But in this instance, it didn't do any harm."

"Are you sure?" Sam asked quietly, glancing up again but this time holding Janet's gaze.

"Sam, I swear it didn't hurt you."

And just like that, Sam was convinced it was true. Janet had always been completely honest with her, almost to a fault sometimes; if Janet said she was fine, then she believed it. With a nod, Sam indicated that she should continue, struggling to focus through the wave of relief that flooded her veins.

"All right. Morphine and tramadol – another drug used to manage pain – were both present, presumably they were trying to determine which was more effective with your unique physiology?" Janet inquired, hoping with all her heart that the question would go unanswered. She could think of no way to experiment with painkillers that didn't necessitate _actually_ inflicting pain on the subject, and the idea of Sam being put through such pointless torture broke her heart.

"Probably," Sam shrugged, noncommittal, and went back to studying the floor. It was easier than meeting any one of the four sets of eyes watching her with so much empathy, so much concern. Hearing Janet's words was dredging up all sorts of unpleasant memories from the last few days, and Sam was holding herself together through sheer stubborn determination; seeing her friends' reactions was more than she could handle right now.

"Sam?" Daniel prompted gently, obviously sharing Janet's fear. He traded glances with the other three before trying to catch his teammate's eye. "Did they…"

"I don't know what they did," Sam murmured, so quietly they barely heard her.

The silence that followed was all Sam needed to decide that they didn't believe her. Taking a slow, steadying breath, she added, "A few times they gave me something and I woke up feeling fuzzy and disconnected from my body, but I don't know what happened while I was out."

It must have been killing her, they all realized, genuinely not knowing what had happened to her during the long periods of time she'd been unconscious. Given how unscrupulous the doctors involved seemed to have been, it was impossible to rule out just about anything as too atrocious a procedure to subject an unwilling patient to. Worst of all was knowing that they would probably never be able to get Sam the answers she so desperately needed, so justly deserved.

Janet felt sympathetic tears prickle her eyes but she blinked rapidly to try and clear them. Shaking her head, she scolded herself for letting her control slip and re-focused on the task at hand with single-minded determination. She had to get through this quickly; there was a good chance she would reach her limit before Sam did, and the delay _that_ would result in would only prolong her friend's suffering. She would finish this conversation without giving in to anger or sadness or any of the other emotions washing over her right now, because it was in Sam's best interest to do so.

"The good news is that everything is breaking down in your system," Janet reassured with a gentle smile. And thank God for that. She had no idea what they would have done if they _weren't_ breaking down. With so many different medications involved, any attempt to try and flush Sam's system, especially with her unique blood chemistry and general distrust of all things medical, would have been riddled with challenges.

"There's bad news though, isn't there?" Jack asked quietly, attentive brown eyes swinging back and forth between the two women. "I mean, _more_ bad news."

Heaving a sigh, Janet chose her words carefully; this was the part she had been dreading. "One of the sedatives, nitrazepam, is breaking down much more slowly than we would have expected. It looks like the naquadah in your system is interfering with your body's ability to metabolize the drug at a normal rate."

"Does this pose a danger to Major Carter's health?" Teal'c asked, voice deadly calm despite the concern shining from his eyes. He might appear to be unbothered by Janet's revelations, but anyone who cared to look close enough would see the twitching muscle in his jaw that signaled he was as distressed as the rest of his team. Teal'c was just better at hiding his feelings than the rest of them were.

"No," Janet assured, shaking her head to emphasize her words. "But nitrazepam is a member of the benzodiazepine family of sedatives, and one of the side effects patients taking these types of drugs sometimes experience is behavioral changes."

"Like what?" Sam asked, breaking her one-sided staring contest with the toes of her very civilian blue and white sneakers to meet Janet's eye. She completely missed the flurry of furtive glances her teammates exchanged at the news.

Here it was, the moment Janet had been tap-dancing around since she'd started the conversation. She knew that if she wasn't careful, Sam would treat them all to a demonstration of _exactly_ the kind of behavioral changes she was hinting at.

"Have you noticed that your moods have been…" Grimacing, Janet realized she had yet to think of a good way to finish that sentence.

Fortunately, the men of SG-1 came to her rescue.

Sort of.

"Unpredictable?" Daniel offered.

"Volatile?" Teal'c suggested.

"Scary." Jack stated matter of factly.

"Look, I admit I've been a bit more emotional than usual…."

"Sam, two of the side effects occasionally experienced by people taking nitrazepam are increased aggression and violent outbursts," Janet said gently. "You have every right to be emotional and angry right now, but I think the fact that your temper has been flaring _so_ much has more to do with the nitrazepam in your system than the kidnapping."

"Have I really been that bad?" Sam asked quietly, ducking her head in embarrassment. She knew she wasn't the easiest person to be around right now, and she could think of at least one instance in the last two days when she'd snapped at each of the four people watching her intently, but until now, she hadn't realized just how short her fuse had been.

"Yes, but we still love you," Jack assured, patting her on the knee and offering her a playful wink, trying to alleviate some of the guilt suddenly rolling off her.

"God, I'm sorry," Sam sighed, dropping her head into her hands. How ungrateful must she seem, walking around biting off the heads of the people responsible for saving her from the hellish death Conrad had planned for her?

"It's not your fault, Sam," Daniel reminded, shifting until he could reach to squeeze her shoulder. "And even if there wasn't incontrovertible medical proof that you can't help it right now, we'd be telling you not to worry about it."

"Daniel Jackson is correct, Major Carter. Do not concern yourself with this matter," Teal'c pitched in, voice warm and sincere. Then, seeing the self-loathing etched in every line of her body, he added, "You must bear in mind that even in your current state, O'Neill is infinitely more unpleasant to spend any length of time with."

That earned smiles from Daniel and the two women, meanwhile Jack looked torn between pride that Teal'c had actually made a joke, albeit at his expense, and annoyed that he was being picked on. As soon as he saw the genuine smile light up Sam's face, however, he made up his mind. If making fun of him was what it took to get her mind off the last few days and put a smile back where it belonged, Jack would happily open himself up to as many cheesy one-liners and bad jokes as came his way.

"Sam, I want to do daily blood testing so I can keep an eye on how you're metabolizing the drugs left in your system," Janet advised, getting back down to business with a smile still on her face. "I'm not anticipating any problems, it's just a precaution," she added, seeing two sets of worried brown eyes and one set of blue snap back to her so fast that she was amazed the three men didn't give themselves whiplash.

"Thank you, Doctor Frasier," Teal'c bowed his head in gratitude.

"So, on your side of things, she's cleared to return to duty?" Jack pressed, stealing a handful of Sam's jellybeans while the others were sufficiently distracted. He was relieved that there were no serious complications arising out of Sam's kidnapping, and could feel a knot of worry deep in his gut slowly unravel.

Looking at the others, Jack saw he wasn't the only one who felt that way. He was still outraged at what she had been subjected to and knew Daniel, Teal'c and Janet felt the same way, but there was nothing they could do about it now. Better to dwell on the relief than the fury he had no ready outlet for.

"Not yet," Janet cautioned, tucking her notes under one arm. "I won't be able to give Sam the all clear until her blood work comes up completely clean. As I said, the nitrazepam is breaking down much more slowly than we would expect, and because we don't know how much was initially in her system, we can't calculate the rate it's breaking down at."

"Can you use my initial results as a baseline?"

"You read my mind," Janet nodded. "It won't be precise, but it _will_ give us a rough idea of when we can expect the last of it to clear your system… I know it's hard, but unfortunately it's a waiting game now."

"Hey, 'patience" is our official team motto!" Jack exclaimed enthusiastically, glancing back and forth between his teammates in search of support.

Skeptical looks all around were the only response he got. Even Janet joined in; none of the members of SG-1 were known for their patience. They tended to get antsy when forced to sit around and wait, the only difference between the four of them was in how that antsiness manifested itself.

"_Any_way," Janet sighed, neatly sidestepping the issue and making it clear that she'd had enough of their antics for one day. "You three are leaving the base _now_, and Colonel O'Neill, if things are still looking good in the morning, you can leave with them tomorrow."

"Sweet! So Carter, in for your blood work nice and early tomorrow morning?"

"We'll come by at nine tomorrow," Daniel promised, though no one was sure if he was trying to make Jack or Janet feel better. Regardless of what he claimed, 'patient' was one of the last words anyone would use to describe Jack O'Neill on a _good_ day. A Jack O'Neill who knew he was only hours away from escaping the infirmary was absolutely insufferable and had no qualms about driving the staff round the bend a dozen times over, all in the name of tiding them over until his next stay.

"I have my next appointment with MacKenzie at two tomorrow," Sam reminded, a light blush staining her cheeks. "I have to stick around until then."

"But I don't want to stay in Doc's evil clutches for that long!" Jack protested, feigning indignation.

The look on Janet's face clearly said she wanted him in her infirmary even less than he wanted to be there.

"Jack…" Daniel drawled, rolling his eyes. If it weren't for the fact that Sam was still in need of a few good nights' sleeps, he wouldn't have put it past Jack to call at oh-dark-thirty tomorrow morning, demanding they get to the base and get Sam's blood work started so he could leave the infirmary sooner.

"We do not mind waiting for you, Major Carter, it is of no concern," Teal'c assured. He'd been very pleasantly surprised when she'd walked out of today's appointment with another one already booked. The last thing he wanted to do was make her feel as though that appointment was an inconvenience to them all; he wanted to encourage her to talk to MacKenzie, not make her feel guilty about it.

"Fine," Jack huffed dramatically, recognizing the wisdom in Teal'c's approach and getting on board as subtly as he could. "But only because I like you," he teased, stabbing a finger in Sam's direction.

"I'm touched, sir," Sam replied with an easy grin. She appreciated that they were including her in their teasing; it was normal and comfortable and familiar. That her teammates didn't seem to think she was poised to fall apart at a moment's notice was starting to make her believe it was true. She was starting to pull herself together, starting to take back her life.

The others couldn't help but grin back; the genuine happiness in Sam's smile was infectious. In that moment, she seemed more like herself than she had in the last two days, and it removed a weight from all their shoulders. But as good as it was to see…

"I'm not telling you again," Janet stated, using her best doctor voice. "Out!" she ordered, pointing at the door. She knew if she didn't get them out now, they'd be here well into the night, terrorizing the nurses and generally wreaking havoc.

It took several minutes, but eventually all the goodbyes were said, and a multitude of meaningful looks exchanged. Finally, Janet managed to usher three-quarters of the team out the door, leaving her alone with the most difficult and, though she'd certainly never tell _him_ so, most entertaining patient she'd ever encountered. Her high heels clacking, Janet made her way back to the foot of Jack's bed, her best no-nonsense doctor expression plastered on her face. In return, she was treated to the most innocent expression Jack could muster. She wasn't fooled for a second.

"Well, sir, since this is your last night here, do you think you could be on your best behavior?" Janet asked, unable to keep the occasional hopeful note from creeping into the question.

"I could say 'yes', but we both know I'd be lying," Jack replied with a manic grin. "So, Doc, can I interest you in a game of gauze basketball?"

**A/N:** Today's chapter was brought to you by Wikipedia. Without it, Janet would have been the Queen of Vague Explanations and General Hammond probably would have had to launch an investigation into the authenticity of her medical degree! : P


	15. Chapter 15

**Measure After Measure**

Sam was inordinately proud of herself when her first order of business on returning to her house wasn't to race into the shower and scrub until the antiseptic smell from the infirmary went away. It might not be much, but the fact that she'd managed to stay with her teammates long enough to offer an opinion on dinner and request a dish or two from a local Indian restaurant that delivered was progress. She'd still spent far longer in the shower than she usually did, but all progress was to be celebrated at this point, no matter how minor.

When she returned downstairs, dinner had already arrived, and Daniel and Teal'c had set the food out in the living room and cued up one of her all-time favorite love-to-hate sci-fi movies for her nit-picking pleasure. They'd already loaded up her plate with Teal'c-sized helpings of everything and claimed places on the couch, leaving her to curl up in her favorite over-stuffed armchair. The rich aromas wafting from the food set out on the table weren't quite enough to cover the sharp smell of antiseptic that still clung to both men, so Sam was happy they hadn't expected her to sit squished between them on the couch. Showers were definitely in both their futures, but Sam decided she could tolerate the smell long enough for the three of them to eat dinner together. Probably.

"I can't eat all this!" Sam warned, balancing her plate on her knees and getting comfortable in her seat.

"Try," Teal'c retorted simply, his tone making it clear that although he didn't expect her to clear her plate, he _did_ expect her to make a rather large dent in its contents. Seeing that she was settled, he started the movie and adjusted the volume so it was loud enough to hear but still quiet enough that they would be able to make out Sam's voice as she ripped the whole thing apart. It was one more reassurance that she was back with them, back where she belonged, and Teal'c didn't want to miss one word of her commentary.

"We're doing team night at Jack's tomorrow," Daniel reminded, passing her a huge bottle of water as the opening credits rolled. Apparently he was taking Janet's instructions about drinking lots to flush the various drugs from her system _very _seriously. "That means pizza, cake, beer… Fat, fat, junk and more fat. Eat from as many other food groups as possible while you still can."

"'Fat' is not a food group," Sam rebutted, taking an obligatory sip from the huge bottle. Daniel was crazy if he thought she would be able to get through the whole thing in one night, but she would do her best, just to keep him and the others off her back.

"It is under the Jack O'Neill Diet Plan."

There was no arguing with that, so Sam gave it up as a lost cause and delved into her meal with gusto; it was the first non-commissary food she'd eaten all week. In between mouthfuls, Sam pointed out glaringly obvious – to her anyway – inaccuracies, inconsistencies and plot holes in the movie, oblivious to how much comfort her behavior brought her teammates.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"You don't have to sleep on the floor, Teal'c," Sam insisted, three bad sci-fi movies, two very thorough showers and enough food to feed a mid-sized army later. Trailing him to the front door, she added, "Really, it'll be okay if you kel'no'reem in a chair or something."

"It is of no consequence, Major Carter," Teal'c assured, checking to see that the door was locked and the alarm system was activated, even though he had seen to both tasks himself when they'd first arrived back at her house. "I will be fine on the floor."

Sam felt terrible about it, but she knew she wouldn't be able to change his mind. His insistence on forming a human barricade between her and the rest of the world probably should have been disconcerting – a paranoid little voice in her head demanded to know if Teal'c knew something she didn't that made him think it was a necessary precaution, or if he was just being overprotective – but really, all it did was make her feel unbelievably safe and she loved him for it.

Instead of arguing for half the night only to inevitably give in to his demands, she gave Teal'c's arm a brief, grateful squeeze and bade him goodnight. Before she was even halfway up the stairs, Teal'c was already settled on the floor and slipping into kel'no'reem, a one-of-a-kind security system she unquestioningly trusted with her life. Seeing him there, some of the creeping fear that nightfall had brought with it eased, and Sam felt a calm that had been absent all week suffuse her. She focused on that feeling as her ascent of the staircase led her into ever-deepening darkness, letting the certain safety Teal'c's presence promised ward off her instinctive fear of what might be hiding in the dark.

Understandably, Sam was surprised when, upon reaching the top step, something, or rather some_one,_ turned out to be lying in wait for her.

"What are you doing?" she asked, brow furrowed in confusion.

"Uh, I wasn't sure where you'd want me tonight," Daniel explained, shrugging awkwardly. He was loitering in the hallway, leaning against a section of wall equidistant between her bedroom and the guest room. Even through the darkness, Sam could tell he was blushing furiously. "I can sleep wherever," he added hurriedly, as if afraid he was being presumptuous.

Shaking her head affectionately, Sam snagged the sleeve of his sweatshirt as she passed and guided him into her bedroom without a moment's hesitation. She was feeling more like herself today, more centered than she had been last night, but she was well aware that even on days when she was fighting fit and at the top of her game, the nights could bring terrible dreams that woke her up screaming and drenched with sweat. She wasn't ready to chance such a night just yet.

"One more night," she explained, pulling back the covers and kicking off her socks in easy, practiced moves. "Tomorrow I'll try sleeping on my own."

She knew Daniel didn't mind being the warm body beside her that chased the nightmares away, but she didn't want to become too dependent on him either. Eventually she would find herself alone in bed at night and she'd need to be able to fall asleep and, unfortunately, be able to deal with her nightmares all on her own. Tonight, Sam could justify using Daniel as a crutch, reminding herself that not 48 hours ago she'd still been at Conrad's mercy. But by this time tomorrow, that number would be 72, then 96 and with each increase, it would be more and more difficult to justify needing someone beside her to make it through the night.

"I can sleep on the floor," Daniel offered, setting his glasses on her dresser so they wouldn't get stepped on during the night. He'd do it happily; anything to help her get a good night's sleep. God knows, she needed it after what Conrad's so-called doctors had done to her. Recalling the vague though still unsettling explanations Sam had given earlier in the day, he suppressed a shiver and reminded himself that in spite of all that, she was still back with her team, right where she should be.

"What is it with you guys and my floor?" Sam teased lightly, drawing the curtains and dulling the orange light spilling in from the streetlights outside. She refused to let herself scan the shadows in her yard, knowing that in the darkness, her eyes would have an easy time convincing her mind that danger lurked just outside the four walls of her house. "Is there something wrong with my furniture?"

"Nah, your furniture is great," Daniel assured. If it weren't, he would have kept her from buying it. After all, he'd been with her at the time. "I just don't want to be pushy..."

"Daniel, get in bed," she demanded, plopping down on the mattress with a little bounce. Tired as she was, Sam had no such qualms; she wanted sleep and she wanted it now.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied lightly. Before complying with her request, he stripped off his sweatshirt, revealing a well-worn t-shirt proclaiming 'I dig archaeology' in big letters. Tossing the sweatshirt on the foot of the bed, he sat on the side of the mattress and swung his legs up, turning in time to see a wide grin break out on Sam's face.

"That shirt was a gift from the colonel, wasn't it?" she giggled, eyeing the dark brown lettering with amusement.

"What gave it away?" Daniel asked dryly, rolling on his side to face her.

"It's not really your style," Sam pointed out, adjusting her pillows until she was comfortable. "Also, it's a lot like the 'say hello to junior' shirt he bought Teal'c last Groundhog Day," she added, rolling her eyes at the memory. The shirt had tried so hard to be lewd with its downward pointing arrow but had, thanks to Teal'c's symbiote, proven to be a source of much entertainment instead. Well, entertainment for Jack, anyway. Teal'c had looked less than impressed.

"I don't know which was stranger: that shirt, or getting presents on Groundhog Day," Daniel chuckled. Taking her hand, he twined their fingers together and squeezed reassuringly as his other hand reached to out the light.

"The shirt, but not by much," Sam decided, releasing a long, slow breath when the room was plunged into darkness. She appreciated the gentle pressure of Daniel's hand in hers, anchoring her when the sudden blanket of blackness sparked an irrational flash of fear deep in her gut. A few moments later it was gone, leaving only the sure confidence that her teammates were nearby and wouldn't let anything bad befall her.

"Don't be afraid to wake me if you need me," Daniel reminded quietly, his voice carrying easily through the otherwise silent room. He could already feel himself drifting off; it had been a long, sleepless few days and even though he'd slept well last night, it wasn't enough to make up for the rest he'd lost lately.

"I won't," she assured, closing her own tired eyes.

Lying in the dark, Sam was pleased to note that she felt much more at ease with the night. She was still lying flat on her back, giving herself a clear view of both the bedroom door and the window, but her heart wasn't hammering at every little noise and the gentle creaking of the house settling was comfortingly familiar, not terrifying. Still, she was glad to have the steady rhythm of Daniel's breathing beside her, lulling her to sleep.

Just before she drifted off, Sam mused that maybe her most recent kidnapping hadn't affected her as much as everyone else seemed to think it had.

**A/N: **I actually saw someone walking down the street wearing the "Say hello to junior" shirt the other day. I immediately thought of Teal'c, and it made me giggle like mad. I couldn't help myself; it just begged to be incorporated into a fic! : )


	16. Chapter 16

**Measure After Measure**

A heavy weight landed across her legs, shattering her peaceful slumber and Sam jerked awake, thrashing to rid herself of the restraint. Before she could process where she was or what was happening, more weight came to rest on the left side of her body. Even before adrenaline had cleared the fog of sleep from her mind, Sam recognized the contours of a human body pressing into her. With both legs and now one arm trapped under the crushing weight, she scrabbled for some sort of leverage, anything she could use that would give her an advantage, create some sort of opening she could exploit to shuck off the body pressing her down…

Instinct taking over, Sam knew she needed to be as difficult a prisoner as possible, needed to create as big a scene and draw as much attention to her plight as she could. If she could scream loud enough, long enough, someone would hear, would take interest in the nondescript white van peeling out of a parking lot bright and early on a Saturday morning.

But before she could so much as drag in a breath, never mind resume her cries for help, another body was on top of her. A knee pressed hard into her abdomen, forcing all the air out of her in one hard exhalation and taking away any chance she had of making someone hear her. Now fighting fear and the instinctive, animal panic that always accompanies the realization that no amount of effort will force air into starving lungs, her mind raced through her training, desperate for any maneuver, any hint that could help her at this moment.

Before she could use her right arm to mount an almost certainly futile defense, another body was upon her, easily pinning her remaining arm to the cold, hard metal beneath her. Though she bucked and twisted, nothing threw the men off her, and the knee still crushing her diaphragm quickly weakened her efforts, oxygen deprived muscles refusing to co-operate despite her brain's demands.

Spots danced before her eyes as her lungs continued to try and fail to draw breath, desperate panic bubbling up deep in her chest. Fighting to remain conscious, her eyes raked over her surroundings, searching for some hint of what was going on, anything that might help her identify these people later on. But their masks remained firmly in place, only letting her glimpse their cold, uncaring eyes. Even then, her vision was graying out and Sam knew she couldn't trust what her eyes were telling her.

Indistinct voices all clamored for her attention, though she couldn't make out the words over the growing roar in her ears. Whether they were shouting instructions at her or at one another, Sam would never know. Later, she wouldn't even remember what their voices sounded like.

Just as she was about to pass out, the pressure on her abdomen eased up slightly and her burning lungs seized the opportunity, dragging in a great gasping breath. But the relief the simple move granted was short-lived. A heartbeat later, the third man was wrenching her head to one side while a fourth came at her with a syringe…

Light snoring coincided perfectly with tiny huffs of warm, moist air against the side of her neck. The sensation, so different than the sharp jab of a needle that she'd been expecting, was like being doused with a bucket of ice water and Sam gasped loudly in the darkness as awareness returned.

Breathing heavily, she took in the familiar surroundings of her bedroom, eyes scanning the room for anything amiss before turning to the man beside her. Daniel had sprawled out during the night, throwing one leg across both of hers and snuggling up beside her to ward off the nighttime chill. It had been his weight, not that of a masked stranger, pinning her to the soft, springy mattress beneath them; the cold, hard floor of a cube van had been substituted in by her overactive imagination.

One quick glance at the covers was all it took for Sam to realize that the recollection of being restrained had kept her from thrashing while lost in the throes of terror; no wonder Daniel was still asleep. Without any thought to what she might say if she woke him, she heaved Daniel's weight off of her, the force behind it making him roll over with a quiet groan. As soon as she was able, Sam peeled the sweat-drenched sheets back from her body and slipped out of bed, reveling in the sensation of being free to move as she pleased.

Mindful of Teal'c meditating just a few dozen feet away, she picked her way over to the door and eased it open as silently as she could. In spite of herself, she checked the hall for threats before padding the short distance to the bathroom, the thick, plush carpet muffling her steps. Flicking on the bathroom light was a relief, the pool of warm yellow light chasing away the last hints of the memories that had surfaced.

The cold water she splashed on her face felt good, rinsing away the salty stickiness the drying sweat had left behind. As she patted her face dry, Sam toyed with the idea of a quick shower. In the end, she decided that it was worth the chance that she might wake her teammates; even though it had only been in her head, she could still feel the sweat soaking through her abductor's clothes and dampening her own, and the grit from the floor of the van clinging to her skin.

She started the shower cold, letting the cascades of water cool her still overheated body before turning the temperature up and allowing the hot water to pound down on taut muscles, slowly convincing them to relax. When at last she felt clean again, she toweled off and threw on a pair of sweatpants and one of the t-shirts she kept in the bathroom for her father when he visited. The short-sleeves revealed the many bruises and puncture marks still visible on both of her arms, but it was the best she could do at the moment, so Sam settled for pulling the sleeves down as far as they would go and avoided looking in the mirror.

Not surprisingly, Sam emerged from the bathroom to find Teal'c waiting just outside the door. His eyes raced over her to make sure she was still in one piece before locking on her face, noting the slightly haunted look that lingered in her eyes.

"Are you well, Major Carter?" he asked quietly, keeping his voice down so as not to disturb Daniel. The look on her face was enough to confirm his suspicions, but he asked anyway, hoping she would open up to him and reveal details he couldn't read from her expression alone.

"I'm fine," she whispered, the lie slipping out before she could stop it. Then, knowing he wouldn't let the lie stand, not this time, she added, "I had a…"

Trailing off, Sam realized she wasn't sure which she had just experienced, a nightmare or a flashback. Her recollection was a little fuzzy, but she was pretty sure Daniel's weight had woken her and _then_ the memories had assaulted her, which would mean she'd just had a flashback. But flashbacks were a lot less acceptable in their line of work than nightmares were, and no one had witnessed it; it would be _so easy_ to pass it off as a bad dream…

"Major Carter?" Teal'c inquired, his concern growing the longer she left her explanation unfinished.

"Sorry," she murmured, shaking her head to clear it of the unwanted thoughts. "I had a nightmare."

"Do you wish to discuss it?" he offered. Even with his superior vision, his eyes failed to take in the brief flash of guilt that crossed her face, shadowed as it was in the darkness.

"I don't really remember much about it," she replied, building on her initial lie with an uncomfortable little shuffle. "But thanks for offering."

"Then if there is nothing you require, I will return to kel'no'reem and I suggest you return to sleep," Teal'c held her gaze, sensing that she was reluctant to return to bed just yet.

As willing as he was to sit up with her until she felt ready to go back to bed, it was one of those ideas that had to come from her; if Sam didn't make the suggestion herself, she would get stubborn and defensive. She'd done it before, returning to bed just to prove that she didn't need anybody, even if it meant she spent the remainder of the night wide awake, jumping out of her skin every so often. Teal'c knew that was the last thing she needed tonight, so he held his tongue, waiting for her come to the realization that she needed someone to talk in her own time.

Sam's mind turned over the suggestion; she knew sleep would be elusive for the rest of the night, and she didn't relish the idea of returning to bed only to experience another paralyzing flashback. Besides, there was something weighing on her mind that she'd been waiting for an opportunity to speak with Teal'c about, one on one and free from possible interruptions. Although the circumstances were less than ideal, this was probably the best chance she'd get and Sam decided to take advantage of it.

"Actually, would it be okay if we talked downstairs? There's something I've been wanting to ask you," Sam murmured, making up her mind.

He was relieved by her choice, happy that she wasn't trying to shut her friends out in favor of dealing with her kidnapping on her own. Inclining his head, Teal'c gestured for her to lead the way downstairs, knowing from the tense set of her shoulders that she would be more comfortable being able to face potential threats lurking downstairs head on and knowing he was at her back to guard against attack from behind.

Sam crept down the stairs as quietly as she could, heading straight for the kitchen and settling herself at the table. She didn't bother turning on the harsh overhead light, content to see by the moonlight and the gentle glow from the streetlamps that spilled through the windows. Fiddling with the hem of her t-shirt, Sam waited for Teal'c to take a seat, making the most of this chance to gather her thoughts before speaking.

"When you kel'no'reem, you don't dream, do you?" Sam asked quietly, watching him consider her question.

"Not as humans do, no," Teal'c replied. "At times, a Jaffa may experience a stray thought that takes him by surprise, although that experience is rare. The point of kel'no'reem is to control one's thoughts, a task which dreaming is not conducive to."

"Do Jaffa children ever meditate? I mean, before they get their symbiotes, can they do it?"

"It takes a considerable amount of persistence and concentration to achieve kel'no'reem," Teal'c explained patiently, even as his brain was turning over where this conversation could possibly be leading. "I have yet to meet a child capable of the focus required to learn and apply the appropriate meditative techniques."

"What about an adult without a symbiote?" Sam pressed, getting to the root of what had been weighing on her mind.

"I can think of no reason why such an individual could not achieve kel'no'reem," he replied after a moment's hesitation. "However without a symbiote, a human would not enjoy the same benefits of the practice that a Jaffa does. Why do you ask, Major Carter?"

With a deep breath, Sam made her request, watching him through hopeful blue eyes. "Can you teach me?"

Teal'c regarded her in silence for a few heartbeats. He was surprised, to say the least. None of his teammates had ever expressed more than a passing interest in his meditation, just as he had never given much thought to their need for sleep; they'd simply accepted one another's perceived eccentricities for what they were and moved on. That she was expressing such interest in learning now warned Teal'c that he shouldn't just agree without understanding _why_ she was asking.

"May I ask why you wish to learn, Major Carter?" he asked, tilting his head slightly to the left as he waited for her answer.

Taking the time to consider her reply, Sam finally decided to just be honest with him. After all, she was still feeling guilty about the two lies she'd already told him tonight; the idea of telling a third, especially one that manipulated him into teaching her to meditate, didn't sit well with her.

"Sometimes I just can't handle the nightmares," she murmured, ducking her head. "I've done okay so far these past two nights, but… Sometimes, after something really bad happens, I'm afraid to fall asleep because the idea of my old nightmares merging with the new ones is just too unsettling. If I can learn how to meditate instead, it might help me sort through my thoughts and make it easier to deal with everything up here," she concluded, tapping a finger against the side of her head.

"You will not be able to substitute kel'no'reem for sleep," Teal'c advised gently. He appreciated how hard it must have been for her to admit that, but he wanted to make sure she had realistic expectations of what kel'no'reem could offer her.

"I know," Sam nodded, meeting his eye again. "I don't want to do it _all_ the time, just… It would be like a back-up plan for when things get really rough."

"Then it would be my honor to teach you," he replied warmly, bowing his head. If kel'no'reem stood even a remote chance of helping her deal with all that she had experienced in the years he had known her, not to mention the things the future held for her, then Teal'c would happily instruct her in the art. He might not be able to protect her from the nightmares that sometimes plagued her, but he would gladly ensure she was as well equipped as she could be to deal with them.

"Thank you," Sam smiled, a newfound sense of hope washing over her. Even if meditating did little more than help her relax, it would be a step in the right direction; too often sleep turned out to be a stressful experience, as had been the case this very night.

"Do you wish to begin tonight?"

"Do you mind?"

"I do not," Teal'c assured, rising to his feet and extending a hand to her.

She grasped it, letting him pull her off her chair and squeezing his fingers gratefully before releasing his hand. The thought of being able to relax without surrendering control of her thoughts to her subconscious was a tremendous relief. That, she knew, was when she got into trouble and woke up with her heart trying to beat right out of her chest.

"Do we need anything? Candles? Matches?" Sam asked uncertainly. On Earth, Teal'c always meditated in a room full of candles, but off-world he'd always managed to kel'no'reem, regardless of their surroundings. She wasn't sure if candles made it easier, or if he simply lit them to give his quarters a more pleasant atmosphere.

"That will not be necessary, Major Carter," he assured. Pressing one large hand to the small of her back, he ushered her into the living room, sure to keep his voice down so that Daniel could sleep in peace. "All we will require is your willingness to learn, time and patience."

"Okay," Sam agreed, determined. "I can do that."

They both settled into comfortable positions on the floor, seated across from one another. With no end of patience and quiet words of encouragement when necessary, Teal'c slowly guided her through the process of reaching a state of kel'no'reem. Though at times she grew frustrated with her apparent lack of success, and on more than one occasion, her temper had threatened to bring an abrupt end to the lesson, Sam listened to the low rumble of her friend's voice, using it as a point of focus when her restless mind threatened to wander.

At long last, Sam succeeded, slipping in to the meditation that had always brought such comfort and healing to Teal'c. Once he was sure she was settled, Teal'c gave in to his symbiote's demands for kel'no'reem and allowed himself the luxury of an extremely deep level of meditation. With Sam only an arm's length away, he felt sure enough of her safety to meditate much more deeply than he had the previous night.

When the first fingers of dawn crept through the windows, they illuminated the two teammates, both deep in the centering meditative state.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: **Exhausted, maybe a little brain damaged (a piece of drywall fell down from the ceiling and on to my head today. Fortunately I was wearing a hard hat at the time!), but still keeping my promise! Here's the next chapter of the tale for your reading pleasure. It's another long one, so get comfy. Hope y'all enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

"Morning," Daniel greeted, breezing through the door at nine o'clock on the dot the next morning. His long legs quickly ate up the distance to Jack's bedside and he carefully deposited his precious cargo on his friend's tray.

Teal'c followed silently, carrying two white boxes filled with an assortment of muffins and pastries, continuing a tradition that dated back to their early days as a team. Whenever one of them had an extended stay in the infirmary, the others would bring breakfast on the day of their downed member's release. They intentionally brought more food than the four of them could eat and shared the excess with the infirmary staff in an attempt to make up for the chaos they tended to subject the medical personnel to during their stays and visits. It was part peace offering and part bribe, but the strategy had proven to be rather successful in keeping the doctors and nurses from causing any of them more pain or discomfort than absolutely necessary, and so the team kept the tradition alive.

"You'd better make a trip back to Carter's," Jack advised when his 2IC failed to appear a full ten seconds after the others had. "I think you guys forgot something."

"Major Carter asked us to inform you that she will be joining us momentarily. She wished to deliver coffee to Doctor Frasier first," Teal'c stated, opening both boxes and perusing their contents carefully. He took his baked goods very seriously.

"Making nice after yesterday?" Jack guessed. They'd been trying hard not to eavesdrop, really they had, but it had been virtually impossible not to overhear when Sam had lost her temper with Janet the previous morning. Even though the doctor had clearly gotten over it no more than five minutes after her friend and patient had finished snapping at her, it would be just like Sam to dwell on the conversation and feel the need to apologize anyway.

"She knows Janet forgave her as soon as the words left her mouth, but you know Sam. She still feels bad about it," Daniel shrugged as if to say 'what can you do?' and laid claim to the most chocolatey pastry he could find.

"How is she?" Jack asked, peeling the lid off his coffee. He breathed in its rich aroma with a happy little smile, but it was quickly replaced by a look of concern when he noticed the uncomfortable glances his two teammates were trading.

A paranoid little part of Jack's brain skimmed over the film reels labeled 'Daniel' and 'Teal'c' and pulled the one marked 'Carter' off the shelf. Taking perverse pleasure in torturing him, the nasty little corner of his mind fed the reel's contents into his imagination, treating him to a clip show of every nightmare scenario he'd ever dreaded befalling her. But even as the images looped through his mind, Jack knew he was over-reacting. Whatever had happened, it couldn't have been too terrible, otherwise Teal'c and Daniel wouldn't have left her side.

"What happened? Is she okay?" he demanded. All Jack wanted was to hear that she was all right. Then he could stop the hellish images from all blurring together and stuff the film reel back in the deepest, darkest recesses of his mind, where it belonged.

"Major Carter is well this morning," Teal'c assured, trading another meaningful look with the team's bespectacled archaeologist.

"But she wasn't last night?" Jack pressed looking back and forth between the two. They were hedging, and Teal'c _never_ hedged. Jack could feel his concern starting to reach unmanageable proportions, and he wished one of them would just spit whatever it was out already.

"She had a nightmare," Daniel explained, folding his arms over his chest. "I guess it was pretty bad."

He'd woken up in Sam's empty bed earlier that morning, and in a haze of panic, had raced downstairs only to discover that his missing teammate wasn't really missing after all. Unfortunately, his anxious entrance had startled Sam out of the meditative state she'd worked so hard to achieve and, in a moment of disorientation, she'd feared someone was coming after her again. Not that she had said so, of course; Daniel had read it in her eyes and the stiffening of her body.

The guilt associated with frightening her so much had been compounded when he'd learned of her nightmare. Despite her assurances that it was nothing, Daniel still felt horrible that he'd been less than a foot away from her the whole time and had been none the wiser. Knowing how loud and restless Sam tended to get when lost in the terrors that so often interrupted her sleep, he couldn't help but wonder how he had managed to sleep through the disruption.

"Although she claimed she did not recall the content of her nightmare, it unsettled Major Carter to the point that she did not wish to attempt to return to sleep for the remainder of the night."

"You let her stay up all night?" Jack snapped in disbelief, feeling the first tendrils of anger taking root in the pit of his stomach "You were supposed to be making sure she _took_ _care_ of herself!"

"We didn't _let_ her, Jack," Daniel sighed, his mounting frustration obvious from the tone of his voice. "Will you just listen to Teal'c and stop flying off the handle every ten seconds?"

"Fine," Jack retorted, slumping back against his pillows and clenching his jaw to try and keep any future outbursts from escaping. "I'm listening."

"Major Carter did not wish to speak of her nightmare, however she did inquire about kel'no'reem," Teal'c continued, as though he hadn't just been interrupted by his two worried, short-tempered teammates. "Upon learning that it was possible the practice could help her better control her thoughts, she asked that I attempt to teach her."

"She did?" Jack asked in surprise. He didn't know much about Teal'c's meditation, but he _did_ know that it required relaxing and thinking about very little – two things Sam wasn't particularly adept at.

His internal radar that was perfectly attuned to his teammates was starting to sound a warning that something was off, but for the life of him, Jack couldn't figure out what it was. From the wary looks the other two men were trading, Jack could tell they were bothered by something too, though they couldn't put their fingers on what just yet.

"Indeed. Although it took several hours for her to achieve a light state of kel'no'reem, Major Carter was ultimately successful in her efforts," Teal'c replied, a hint of pride plain on his face, if you knew what to look for.

Something about the whole situation still didn't sit well with him, but Teal'c knew how much effort it had taken for Sam to clamp down on her currently uncontrollable anger, and he was pleased that she'd been able to muster the self-control to keep her emotions in check. Based on what Janet had revealed yesterday, he knew it had been no small feat for her to do, but Sam had set her mind to it and success had not been far behind; it was one more piece of evidence that she was slowly getting back to normal.

"She didn't go back to sleep, but she did rest," Daniel concluded, pausing to sip at his still-steaming coffee. "It's not much, but it still beats Sam staying up for the rest of the night, like she's been known to do in the past."

"How much sleep did she actually get?"

"Approximately three hours," Teal'c replied.

"That's not…"

"She _knows_, Jack," Daniel interrupted, exasperated. "Sam said tonight she'd try meditating for a while before going to sleep to see if it helps. She's not using kel'no'reem to escape the nightmares; she just wants to learn how to control them. The least we can do is let her try."

"You made it clear that kel'no'reem isn't an alternative to sleep?" Jack sighed, eyeing Teal'c carefully. He knew Daniel was right; Sam had suffered through more nightmares in the last few years than the rest of them had – mostly thanks to Jolinar – and if meditation could help her learn to minimize the number of restless or even sleepless nights she had to endure, he had little choice but to support her. What kind of friend would he be if he didn't?

"I did," the big man promised, inclining his head. "Major Carter assured me it was not her intention to substitute one for the other."

"Then I guess we let her try," Jack conceded. "But let's keep an eye on her and make sure it's not doing more harm than good, okay?"

"It was already our intention to do so, O'Neill."

"I figured as much," Jack smirked. He wasn't the only one prone to hovering after something bad happened to Sam; early on he'd had to learn to share her airspace with Daniel and Teal'c. But now, after years of practice, they were so in sync with one another that they could easily predict one another's moves, and Jack issuing orders to keep an eye on his 2IC was as expected as tomorrow's sunrise. He knew they'd do it anyway, but still, saying it out loud made him feel like he was doing _something_ to help.

"She's still not talking about it," Daniel reported quietly. His job always had and probably always would be to try and coax Sam to open up. Years of careful observation had taught them that if Sam wasn't talking to _him_, she probably wasn't talking to anyone. "Every once in a while she starts to talk about how she feels about what Conrad did or how she's coping – I mean really talk about it, not just say the things she thinks I want to hear – but then she clams up pretty quickly and that's that, conversation over."

"Perhaps Major Carter will be more forthcoming during this afternoon's session with Doctor MacKenzie," Teal'c offered hopefully, in between big bites of his apple danish. "He may be more adept at asking the correct questions, as he is best suited to evaluate the nuances of her responses."

"I _beg_ to differ," Jack snorted derisively, almost spitting a mouthful of hot coffee all over himself in his haste to protest.

MacKenzie might be best suited to _formally_ evaluate Sam's mental state, but he hardly knew her. He wasn't tuned to her moods, sensitive to the subtleties of her speech, well versed in reading her facial expressions, or even aware of the many eccentricities that came together to make Sam Carter. The people best suited to evaluating her responses to direct questioning were sitting in the infirmary, drinking over-priced coffee and munching on breakfasts that none of the medical personnel would approve of.

"Has Doctor Frasier been to examine you today?" Teal'c asked, cognizant of the fact that Sam could arrive at any moment and deftly changing the subject.

It wouldn't do any good for her to return and find them sitting around talking about her. Ever since the incident with Orlin last year, she'd been justifiably sensitive to discussions _about_ her that didn't _include_ her. After all, if she'd been included more, consulted more, they would have seen she was very much still in full control of her faculties and her sanity would never have been called into question. Dredging up memories of _those_ visits with MacKenzie wouldn't make the base psychiatrist's job any easier this time around, nor would it help their teammate overcome her discomfort with him.

"Yep," Jack agreed, changing tracks smoothly. "I'm still good to go this afternoon… As long as someone baby-sits me," he added making a face to show what he thought of the stipulation the Napoleonic power monger had slipped in at the last minute.

"Janet doesn't trust you to take your medication, wear the sling _or_ stay away from beer, does she?" Daniel grinned, sharing a knowing look with Teal'c.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"Are you busy?" Sam asked hesitantly, poking her head into Janet's office.

"Never too busy for you," Janet smiled, closing the file she'd been making notations in and giving the other woman her full attention. Practiced eyes gave her friend a quick once over, noting the slightly bloodshot eyes that told of a rough, sleepless night, as the rest of her tall, athletic body rounded the corner.

"The guys have the food, but I brought you this," Sam held the cup-of-coffee-cum-peace-offering tentatively in front of her, as if afraid it would be rejected. She knew if she asked, Janet would tell her she was being silly, but still, she felt like she needed to make yesterday's rather poor behavior up to her friend.

"You read my mind," Janet grinned, coming around the desk and accepting the offering gratefully. Dropping into one of the chairs in front of her desk, she offered, "Have a seat; your boys wouldn't dare eat all the blueberry muffins before you get there."

Doing as she was told, Sam perched herself on the edge of the second chair and fiddled with the lid of her own coffee. Janet watched her patiently; she knew what was weighing on her friend's mind, ridiculous as it was, but Sam would worry about it until she got the chance to ask for forgiveness, and so Janet waited for the astrophysicist to broach the subject on her own.

"I want to apologize for yesterday," Sam finally began, forcing herself to make eye contact. "I shouldn't have snapped at you. You were just passing the message along and, more importantly, you were looking out for me. It probably didn't seem like it at the time, but I _do _appreciate it."

"I know you do. Apology accepted," Janet smiled, mentally adding 'though completely unnecessary' to the sentence. "So, how are you doing today?"

"Okay, I guess," Sam shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee. She didn't really expect Janet to believe her – she looked like hell and she knew it – but being honest about how she was coping required her to break years' worth of habit, and it was easier said than done.

"You look a little tired," Janet prodded pointedly. She knew she wasn't getting the whole truth and she wouldn't stop pushing until she did.

"I didn't sleep well," the astrophysicist replied. For a fraction of a second, she considered sharing her suspicions with her friend, knowing that doctor-patient confidentiality would keep her teammates from finding out that she'd lied to them about what had woken her last night, but then Sam remembered MacKenzie and all thoughts of telling the truth vanished. "I had a nightmare and afterwards I was too keyed up to go back to sleep."

"Sam…"

Disapproval, but she didn't let that faze her.

"Teal'c taught me how to kel'no'reem instead."

"He did?" Janet asked, blinking in surprise, her interest piqued. She'd always been curious as to whether or not a human could benefit from kel'no'reem, but it had seemed like such an insensitive thing to ask, especially since there wasn't exactly a line-up of humans ready and willing to try their hand at it.

"Yeah," Sam smiled gently, recalling how patient he'd been, even when her temper had flared for, she could now acknowledge, no good reason. "It helped, I think. I'm going to try it before I go to bed tonight; Teal'c thinks it might minimize the nightmares if I focus my thoughts before going to sleep."

"That's great," Janet encouraged, caution tempering her enthusiasm for the idea. "But you still…"

"I still have to sleep, I know," Sam sighed. First Teal'c, then Daniel and now Janet; she really wished everyone would stop assuming she was looking for a way to avoid sleeping altogether. "But I really think this will help me sleep _better_."

"Then I think you should give it a shot," Janet agreed, nodding her head. She'd witnessed the sorts of nightmares Sam suffered through, had seen first-hand just how much her friend could thrash and had heard just how loud her cries could get before Sam snapped out of the dream. In Janet's opinion, anything that could spare her friend from even one night of such unsettling experiences was worth a shot.

Deciding to make the most of the fact that they were well and truly alone with no one to overhear the conversation, Janet finally gave voice to something that had been weighing on her for two days now. "Cassandra's been asking about you."

"What did you tell her?" Sam demanded, a hint of panic clouding her eyes. She'd known it was only a matter of time before Janet brought it up, but she'd been hoping for more time to come up with a good explanation, a solid answer that was truthful enough not to be a lie but not so honest as to frighten the teen.

"Not much," Janet assured, peeling the lid off of her coffee for lack of anything better to do with her hands. "She knows we found you and that you're going to be all right, but she doesn't know details. I told her you don't remember much, and she assumed that meant we didn't know much either."

"Did you tell her…" Sam realized she didn't have any idea what to ask first. That she'd been grabbed out of a parking lot in broad daylight? That she'd been a human guinea pig for a couple of mad scientists on a self-obsessed millionaire's payroll? That she'd been seconds away from dying a senseless death in the name of saving a life that hadn't, as far as she was concerned, done one shred of good for anyone but the person living it?

"I promised you four years ago that I would _never_ tell her anything without your permission, and I meant it," Janet reminded, holding her gaze. "I haven't told Cass any more than I had to for her to understand why you didn't show up for chess on Saturday."

"Thank you," Sam sighed, sagging a little with relief.

Early on, she and Janet had agreed Cassandra didn't need to know the details about what Sam experienced on- and off-world; it was bad enough that the young girl fully grasped just how dangerous her adopted aunt's job was, informing her about every near miss or medical emergency would only worry her unnecessarily. Janet had sworn not to tell her daughter anything without Sam's express permission, and over the years, the two women had gotten quiet adroit at weaving tales to explain away injuries and prolonged absences while glossing over many of the more frightening aspects of the truth. They knew Cassandra was smart enough to realize she was only ever getting part of the story, but they did it anyway, trying in some small way to shelter her from the dangers of life at Stargate Command.

"Cassie assumes you were kidnapped for your brains, like what the NID did a few months ago," Janet informed her friend, watching her process that information. "I haven't corrected her."

"Don't," Sam said firmly, her tone leaving no room for argument. "The truth will just give her one more thing to worry about if anyone ever finds out she's an alien."

"She already knows, Sam," Janet pointed out gently.

That much was true; when Cassandra had first started attending school, Janet had enlisted SG-1's help in sitting her adopted daughter down and making sure she understood the potential dangers life on Earth presented to her as someone from another planet, as well as a little girl. They'd hated having to do it, worried they would scare the child who'd already been through so much, but in the end Cassandra had understood that they wouldn't always be around and that she needed to be able to spot dangerous situations on her own. As with everything else life had thrown at her, the Hankan girl had taken their warnings in stride and embraced her new environment, always bearing their words in mind but never living in fear that their concerns might one day be realized.

"Until now, it's been an abstract threat," Sam argued, shaking her head for extra emphasis. "It's not anymore. Let Cass think being smart gets me into trouble, but please don't tell her the truth, Janet."

There was no way she could deny the request. A big part of Janet was glad she wouldn't have to look her daughter in the eye and tell her there were people who wanted her dead simply because she was different from them. Sam was right: for now, it was enough for Cassandra to know that there were bad people out there who would love to be able to pick her other-worldly brain for information.

"She wants to see you," Janet said quietly before taking a sip of her coffee. "She misses you and wants to see for herself that you're okay."

"Not yet," Sam replied, hating that she had to say 'no', but sure that it was the right thing to do. "I don't want her around me when I'm still so jumpy and short-tempered."

"Cassandra won't care."

"_I'll_ care."

"Maybe over the weekend?"

"Maybe."

Janet knew when it was best to admit defeat, and this was one of those times. Sam wouldn't be swayed; she was determined that avoiding Cassandra was in the teen's best interest and no amount of persuading would change her mind. Janet understood her friend's concerns – neither of them wanted Cassie to witness a flashback, or be on the receiving end of Sam's uncontrollable anger – but she wasn't sure that avoiding the girl who had unwittingly pulled her through so many rough patches in the past was in _Sam's_ best interest.

"Speaking of Cassie, have you checked your e-mail since you got home last night?" Janet asked seriously, steering the conversation in a much more amusing direction.

"I skimmed while Daniel was in the shower this morning," Sam replied, grinning as she recalled the subject line of the e-mail she'd received from her adopted niece. "I didn't get a chance to read 'The Nathan Chronicles' though."

"It's 'Nathaniel', as Cassie will screechingly inform you if you ever make such a dreadful mistake in her presence," Janet corrected, a matching grin breaking out on her face. "Well, he texted Maria who texted Lauren who IMed Jenny who e-mailed Reilly who IMed Cassie to let her know that Nathaniel wants to ask her out."

"Remember the good old days when we just passed notes in class and whispered in the hallways?" Sam teased, winking mischievously at her friend. "What did Cass do?"

"Let's see if I can get this right," Janet tapped her chin thoughtfully, glad that Sam was acting more and more like herself with each passing day. Not only was it good to have her friend back, but it was nice to have a second parental figure for Cassie to practice her exuberant storytelling on; keeping up with the ins and outs of her daughter's social life all by herself was exhausting.

"Cassie IMed Reilly who texted Brian who e-mailed Tyler…"


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: **It's another long one today, folks! Again, I'd like to say a huge 'thank you' to readers and reviewers alike; the positive response to this story is keeping me motivated and never fails to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! You'll all be happy to know (at least, I hope you will be) that no fic writers were harmed in the making of this chapter... Apparently the building supplies approved of today's chapter and felt no need to attack! ; ) And now on with the show... Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

"'Z'," Teal'c guessed without studying the game sheet for even a fraction of a second.

Jack dutifully filled in the appropriate blank, his penmanship considerably worse than usual due to the fact that he had to write left-handed. Daniel looked on unimpressed and knowing full well what was coming next.

"We'll guess," Sam declared confidently, flashing a grin at Teal'c.

"Of course you will," Daniel sighed heavily, glaring at each of his teammates in turn. He wasn't sure how, but he was convinced Teal'c and Sam had conspired against him to make sure he ended up on Jack's team. Again.

"But you only guessed one letter," Jack protested, just shy of whining the complaint.

"We'll guess anyway," Sam retorted, grin widening when Daniel's glare returned to her. She wasn't worried, he'd get over it; he always did.

"'Diazepam'," Teal'c smirked, diverting Daniel's glare from their resident astrophysicist.

"How did you get that from _one_ letter?" Jack demanded, tossing his pen down in frustration. The celebratory high five Sam and Teal'c exchanged served only to rub salt in the wound, and he scowled at the pair.

"Maybe because you _always_ pick 'diazepam'," Daniel suggested. It pained him to do it, but in the spirit of fairness, he added yet another point to the score sheet under the column labeled 'The Dynamic Duo'.

"It's the only one I can spell!" Jack retorted, throwing his good arm out in exasperation and almost knocking the archaeologist's glasses off. "How far behind are we?"

"Ten points," Daniel scowled after tallying up the tick marks in the 'The Team That Always Kicks The Dynamic Duo's Sixes!' column… He was _never_ letting Jack name anything ever again. "It would have been eight points, but we had to take that two point penalty when you picked 'marijuana' as our word."

"There are places where you can get marijuana by prescription," Jack insisted, his voice getting progressively louder. He'd already made his case several times and lost – even Daniel had agreed the word didn't count – but that didn't stop him from renewing his protests whenever the opportunity arose.

"Yes, sir," Sam agreed placating him even as she rolled her eyes in exasperation. "But _you_ were the one who amended the rules last year to allow only the names of drugs Janet has prescribed for one of us."

"And never in a million years would I prescribe marijuana to _any_ of you," Janet joined the conversation, making her presence known. She suppressed a shudder at the memory of SG-1 returning from a mission with all four of them – even Teal'c – high as kites; it had been a _long_ couple of hours for everyone on duty in the infirmary at the time. "You're enough of a handful when you're _not_ high; when you are, it's… Well, it's not pretty."

"That wasn't our fault," Daniel insisted, as he always did when the topic came up. "The natives on '746 had no way of knowing their ceremonial fruit would have that kind of effect on us."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah… And it was really nice of them to stuff us in the first outgoing wormhole that came along after they realized just how much their wacky fruit got to us. So Doc, wanna join us for a game of prescription drug hangman?" Jack asked hopefully, unleashing his most charming smile on the petite redhead. "You can be on my team," he added, as if that was supposed to make the offer more enticing.

"I'm afraid the game will have to be put on hold," Janet neatly sidestepped the offer and put an end to The Great Marijuana Debate in one fell swoop. "It's ten to two, Sam."

"Already?" she asked, eyes going wide. She'd gotten so caught up in chatting with Janet and goofing around with her teammates that she hadn't noticed how quickly time was passing. Now she had to face Doctor MacKenzie in just ten minutes and she had no idea what to say. Her stomach gave an uncomfortable little clench at the thought, but she tried to ignore it.

"Off you go then, Carter," Jack shooed, happy to bring the game to an end before the butt kicking could start in earnest. "You don't want MacKenzie to think you're standing him up."

"Maybe I should reschedule," she suggested quickly, dragging the toe of her sneaker back and forth across the floor tiles near her chair. "I mean, I haven't given much thought to what I want to talk about, and I don't want to waste his time."

"If you speak from the heart, you will have wasted no one's time, Major Carter," Teal'c assured calmly, catching her gaze and holding it.

Just as it had yesterday, his belief in her soothed some of her nerves and boosted her confidence. But still, a part of her demanded that she refuse to go, denying MacKenzie the opportunity to discover she'd had another flashback. She'd convinced her friends that it was simply a nightmare easily enough, but would she be able to do the same with MacKenzie?

"When you get back, Colonel O'Neill should be done the last of his IV antibiotics and then you'll all be free to go," Janet reminded. She kept her voice calm and gentle, aware that although Sam had made huge progress simply by scheduling the appointment, she was still uneasy about the idea of actually sitting down with MacKenzie.

They could all sense Sam's hesitation, her need for everyone to believe she was always 'fine' warring with her acceptance of the fact that she was off active duty until MacKenzie cleared her. The four of them held their breath, waiting to see if she would make the decision on her own, or if they would have to coax and cajole her into keeping the appointment.

Glancing at the four people studying her so closely, Sam realized they were counting on her to do whatever it took to get back on SG-1. That settled the debate raging in her head. There were a lot of things she was good at; disappointing people wasn't one of them. Letting out a slow, steadying breath, she got to her feet.

"I'll be back soon," Sam promised, offering Janet a weak smile. Trying to ease some of the sympathetic tension that had descended over the group, she added lightly, "Then I'll take these three off your hands."

"Take as long as you need, Carter," Jack replied, voice suddenly serious. He gave her a pointed look, the message clear: he'd gladly stick around all day if the time with MacKenzie would help her.

"Yes, sir," she nodded, briefly meeting his gaze before turning on her heel and making her way out of the infirmary, her silent Jaffa shadow close behind her.

As their footsteps faded down the corridor, the remaining trio traded worried glances, all concerned about their friend.

"She'll be okay," Janet said quietly, trying to reassure herself as much as the other members of SG-1.

"Sam's always okay," Daniel agreed, although there wasn't much conviction behind his words.

"Yeah," Jack said flatly, his heart obviously not in it. "Yeah, she'll be fine."

oOoOoOoOoOo

"How are you today, Major Carter?" MacKenzie asked, studying his patient closely and resisting the urge to twiddle his pen between his fingers. She wasn't angry today, but her nervousness was palpable and, it seemed, contagious.

"Okay," Sam shrugged. When he continued to watch her expectantly, she confessed, "I'm not sure what else you want me to say."

Determined not to shift under the weight of his gaze, she employed the same tactics she used when trying to appear unshakeable during interrogations. She knew the two situations were entirely different, but the rules were the same: MacKenzie would ask questions and she had no choice but to answer at least some of them; she needed to monitor the information she revealed to him; and she needed to appear together for the duration of the session.

First and foremost, she knew she needed to control her body language. To do that, Sam laced her fingers together, hiding the fact that her hands were shaking slightly, and planted both feet flat on the floor to keep from jiggling them nervously. Next, she straightened her spine and squared her shoulders, hoping her posture radiated the confidence she was sorely missing at the moment. Finally, she locked her eyes on MacKenzie's face, determined not to let her gaze wander throughout the session.

"Just tell the truth," MacKenzie encouraged.

He didn't miss the shift in her body language; in a heartbeat, she went from an anxious, reluctant patient to a battle-hardened soldier ready to face down an enemy. Just two minutes in and she was already shutting down on him. He needed to get her talking soon, before she became as unresponsive as she had been yesterday. There were only so many times he could manipulate her anger in order to get through to her, and he was reluctant to employ that particular strategy too often.

"You seem more comfortable being here today," he observed, deciding to let her shift in behavior pass without comment.

"I guess," she shrugged, unblinking. The part of her brain that had studied Interrogation 101 under Jack O'Neill kicked in at that moment, and she was tempted to add 'it helps to remember that I can kick your ass to Chulak and back without breaking a sweat,' but Sam bit her tongue to keep the words in. This wasn't an interrogation, not really, and glib answers wouldn't fly with MacKenzie.

"Are you also feeling more comfortable around the other medical personnel on base?" he pressed, watching her closely.

"I've spent a lot of time in the infirmary visiting Colonel O'Neill with the others. I haven't… It hasn't really bothered me to be there," she admitted. That, at least, was the truth. The only time being in the infirmary bothered her was after she left; the sterile antiseptic smell that lingered after each visit still got to her, dredging up a flood of memories from her time in Saint Christina's. But if MacKenzie didn't ask, she wasn't going to tell him about it.

"And when you're not in the infirmary, what have you been doing?" he asked, continuing with his seemingly casual line of questioning. He'd been at this long enough to know when a patient was tap-dancing around his questions, but MacKenzie wasn't concerned. He'd let her get away with it for the moment, assessing when she merely flirted with the truth and when she replied honestly. She probably didn't realize it, but he was perfectly aware of the difference between the two; Sam wasn't fooling him, as hard as she might be trying.

"Daniel and Teal'c have been staying with me," Sam explained, relaxing slightly. _This_ she could be truthful about; there was no need to censor herself when discussing her team. Besides, if MacKenzie thought she was lying, all he had to do was schedule a session with one of them and do a little fact checking. "We've been shuttling back and forth between the base and my house. When we're not here, we're at my place, watching movies or catching up on a few days' worth of missed sleep."

"I'm sure Doctor Frasier is happy about that," MacKenzie smiled. He'd passed the other members of SG-1 in the corridors over the course of the week, and it had been easy to see that sleep had been at or near the bottom of the men's priority lists. Upon arriving back, Sam had looked as bad as the rest of her team and, truth be told, still looked exhausted. If sleep were a drug, Janet would have written out prescriptions in quadruplicate and banished all four of them to the nearest beds until further notice.

"You could say that," Sam agreed, a ghost of a smile creeping across her face.

"Have you been anywhere else?" MacKenzie asked, seizing the opportunity to ask the question while she was still somewhat relaxed.

"Just Colonel O'Neill's house and a local coffee shop," Sam replied off-handedly. "Oh, and Daniel went shopping for coffee, cream and other essentials yesterday, but Teal'c and I stayed at my house," she added as an afterthought. "Why?"

Her question went unanswered.

"Tell me about the coffee shop," MacKenzie suggested, making a quick note on his legal pad.

"What's there to tell?" Sam asked, a little surprised by the request but also suspicious of the motives behind the question. She knew now that she'd made a mistake in letting her guard slip, and she was determined not to repeat it. "We went to pick up breakfast because Colonel O'Neill is being released today. We brought coffee and food back to the base and ate together, just like we always do."

"I want you to tell me about the coffee shop itself," MacKenzie clarified, his attention divided equally between her words and her body language. "Did you go inside? Or through the drive-through?"

"There's no drive-through; Teal'c went inside while Daniel and I waited in the car," Sam replied impatiently. Despite her determination to sit still, she found herself shifting with annoyance. "Look, if you're looking for a new coffee shop, I'd be happy to recommend a few good ones _later_…"

"Whose idea was it for you to stay in the car?" MacKenzie pressed, unbothered by her increasing frustration. Whether he meant it to or not, it seemed like maybe capitalizing on her anger was going to become standard practice during these sessions.

"I don't know…" she wracked her brain, trying to remember. The question seemed innocuous enough, but she could tell from the slight narrowing of MacKenzie's eyes that it meant something to him; Sam knew she needed to be careful with this answer. "Mine, I guess. Why does it matter?"

Again, her question went unanswered.

"And when Doctor Jackson went shopping yesterday, was it your idea to stay home then too?"

"Maybe," Sam said slowly, trying to wrack her brain for details. "I can't remember… He offered to go, that's all I recall."

"Major, do you think it's fair to say you're avoiding public places right now?" MacKenzie asked gently, noting the way she tensed at the suggestion.

"No more so than usual," Sam joked weakly, deflecting the question and trying to cover the fact that she was uncomfortable with where the conversation was heading. "I usually spend most of my time on Earth either at home or here on base; I don't get out much," she added wryly, hoping to distract him from his train of thought.

It was a tactic MacKenzie had seen a million times before. It didn't even come close to working.

"How does it make you feel, thinking about being out in public and surrounded by people you don't know?"

"I was a little nervous at the thought of going into the coffee shop… Anxious maybe, but it's only been…"

"Were you afraid?" MacKenzie interrupted, finally voicing the million-dollar question. As soon as the words left his mouth, her answer became irrelevant; her body language screamed 'yes', shoulders tensing and face hardening, as her anger from yesterday's session returned with a vengeance.

"I've only been back a little over two days," Sam defended herself, venom dripping from her voice. "And if Colonel O'Neill had been a few seconds later finding me, he would have shown up just in time to watch me die.

"So yes, I guess I was afraid to be in a group of people, any of whom could have been on the NID payroll or at the beck and call of some millionaire willing to sacrifice my life to save his own. Can you blame me?" she finished furiously, face flushed and eyes flashing.

"You think it will happen again," MacKenzie deduced calmly, letting the sudden flash of rage roll over him like water off a duck's back. He'd spoken to Janet yesterday afternoon and knew about the nitrazepam still in Sam's system. He was inclined to agree with the CMO's conclusion that Sam's unusually short-temper was a side effect of the drug, and armed with that knowledge, he refused to be bothered by her changing moods.

"It's the second time I've been kidnapped in the span of just a few months and the people responsible for both abductions are nameless, faceless and still walking around free, as far as I know," Sam snarled. "You're _damn right_ I'm afraid it will happen again. Isn't that a _normal_ reaction?"

"Major Carter, I want to be very clear about this," MacKenzie said quietly, leaning forwards slightly in his seat. He could tell his calm demeanor was frustrating her, but he maintained it anyway; she'd be over her fit of fury soon enough and then the only way to make progress would be through reasonable discussion. "I'm not here to judge you, nor your reactions to what's happened to you. I want to help you overcome the experience by helping you understand your reactions and altering those that, at present, may prevent you from returning to active duty."

"I know," Sam sighed, deflating just as he'd expected. "Sorry. I've been a little high strung lately."

"A normal reaction," MacKenzie assured, offering her a smile to show there were no hard feelings. "Now, unless there's something else you'd rather discuss, I'd like to talk some more about how you've been holding up the past few days."

Feeling like she didn't have much of a say in the matter, despite how he'd phrased the suggestion, Sam gave him a tight half smile in return.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"How did it go?" Jack asked gently as Sam and Teal'c made their way across the infirmary to join the rest of the team. The lack of color in her face and the slight sheen of unshed tears in her eyes pretty much answered his question, but he figured it would be strange if he didn't ask.

"It went," Sam smiled tightly. Then, averting her eyes, she took a seat beside Daniel on the adjacent bed, so close she was practically sitting in his lap.

"Are you well, Major Carter?" Teal'c asked, not for the first time. He'd been expecting her to emerge from today's session with MacKenzie anxious, frustrated or angry. He hadn't anticipated her walking out the door so upset. Despite his gentle inquiries, she had yet to reveal what the problem was, and he was growing increasingly worried.

Sam didn't trust her voice enough to try speaking, afraid it would crack under the weight of the tears she was struggling so hard to hold in. Instead, she nodded and stared resolutely at her feet, making it impossible for any of them to establish eye contact with her. She completely missed the concerned looks the three men traded back and forth.

Slipping an arm around her shoulders, Daniel squeezed comfortingly and felt her lean further into him. His concern grew, and he looked to the other two men for an idea of what he was supposed to do now. He could deal with Sam in pretty much any state and expect some degree of success, but he was completely mystified this time, unsure of what he could possibly say that wouldn't make things worse.

Teal'c arched an eyebrow at him pointedly, clearly trying to prompt him to say _something_, although he wasn't forthcoming with suggestions. Jack was no help either, shooting him the same 'do something _now_' look he usually reserved for missions when the natives gave them a less than warm reception. This time, it seemed, Daniel was on his own.

"Sam, we know something's wrong," the archaeologist finally settled on, rubbing a hand up and down her arm soothingly. "Talk to us."

She seemed to think about the request for a long time, trying to decide whether or not she wanted to spill the beans. Eventually, she opened her mouth, but then snapped it shut again quickly, changing her mind at the last moment. Sliding out from under Daniel's arm, she shrugged off his efforts to comfort her and slid off the bed.

"Are we ready to go?" she asked, her voice coming out stronger than she'd dared to hope for. She sounded almost normal, if you ignored the lingering hint of tears choking her words.

"Yeah," Jack nodded, pulling his pant leg down after he got his shoelaces stuffed comfortably down the side of his shoe. He absolutely refused to let someone tie his shoes for him; he was both too old and not old enough for that type of treatment. "Frasier already brought my prescriptions and rattled off her instructions a dozen times or so. We were just waiting for you."

Jack knew that pushing wouldn't get them anywhere; Sam would tell them what had upset her in her own time. In the meantime, all they could do was be there, reminding her that she wasn't alone and that there were people willing to listen to her, whenever she was ready to talk.

"Okay," Sam nodded once and then she was out the door again, leaving the rest of her team staring after her.

It should have been reassuring to see her moving around on her own; since they'd rescued her, Sam hadn't strayed too far from them, even when tucked away behind the SGC's many security checkpoints. Instead, the sudden and unexpected show of independence gave them one more thing to worry about. It was too abrupt to just be evidence that she was slowly returning to normal, making them all apprehensive about what might have brought on the change.

"What was that?" Daniel asked the room at large, blinking in surprise.

"I am unsure. Major Carter was not acting so strangely this morning," Teal'c noted, worry plain in his voice. "Nor did she behave this way after awakening from her nightmare last night."

"MacKenzie said something that upset her," Jack decided quietly, careful to keep his voice down since he'd yet to hear Sam start down the corridor. Apparently her newly re-discovered independence only went so far. "Let it go; she'll tell us when she's ready."

"But…"

"Daniel, let it go," Jack repeated firmly, fixing his archaeologist with a steely glare. "Don't push her." He waited until he saw resignation appear on the younger man's face, then turned and followed in his 2IC's wake, trusting the other half of his team to catch up.

Sighing in defeat, Daniel turned and dutifully trudged after him, a frown marring his features. He'd do as he was told – for now – but he didn't have to be happy about it.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: **Today's update is a little on the short side, relatively speaking, but it's the best I could do in the time I had to actually write it… I'll make it up to y'all in a future update though, I promise! And now, on with the show… Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

"Money's on the table!" Jack called from his spot on the couch as the doorbell chime faded away. Listening, he heard the familiar thud of Teal'c's footsteps heading towards the door, and a lighter set of footsteps that could only be Daniel scampering off in the opposite direction.

Wishing his archaeologist the best of luck, Jack stretched out one long leg and shoved the magazines off the coffee table, clearing space for dinner. He couldn't be bothered to go kick the mess underneath the table – it was too much effort to get up from the overstuffed couch when he had only one good arm to push up with – so he chose to just sit and wait for his team to join him. If the clutter bothered anyone, they were welcome to take care of it themselves.

A few moments later the voices in the front hall fell silent, replaced by the solid _thunk_ of the front door closing. The slightly spicy aroma of well-seasoned tomato sauce rounded the corner just before Teal'c did, and Jack's stomach did a happy little flip at the idea of eating something that _wasn't_ prepared by anybody on the air force payroll.

"Young Matthew Foster wished for me to convey his hopes for your rapid recovery," Teal'c informed Jack solemnly as he set the boxes down on the newly cleared space. Once the pizzas were safely stowed, he set four plates beside them and a thick pile of napkins beside those.

"How's he doing?' Jack asked, perking up. When he wasn't off-world, he ordered so much pizza that he was well acquainted with the ins and outs of his regular delivery boy's life. But between SG-1's busy mission schedule lately and the chaos of the last week, he hadn't had a chance to catch up with the teen in a while.

"He is well, although the intricacies of advanced placement algebra continue to elude him," Teal'c replied over his shoulder, making his way back into the kitchen for drinks.

"Sure they do," Jack drawled disbelievingly. "The fact that Cassie tutors AP algebra has nothing to do with his troubles, I'm sure."

He liked Matt, really he did, but Jack liked him a little less since he'd come out of the shower one night and discovered his friendly neighborhood delivery boy flirting with the somewhat younger teenage girl Jack thought of as a daughter.

"Where's Daniel?" he called to Teal'c, even though he already knew the answer. Frowning down at his sling as he tried and failed to lean forward and snag some pepperoni off the top of a pizza before anyone was around to protest, Jack realized with dismay that its presence was going to hamper his eating on top of everything else. Wonderful.

"He has gone to inform Major Carter that this evening's meal has arrived," Teal'c replied, returning with three bottles of beer and a can of soda. Paying no heed to the pleading look Jack sent his way, he pointedly set the soda in front of the other man and moved the beer bottles out of his reach.

He'd figured as much, but Jack indulged in a heavy sigh anyway; this was shaping up to be the strangest team night they'd ever had, and _that_ was saying something. From the moment they had left the base, Sam had been distant and quiet, leading to long, awkward silences as her teammates struggled to appropriately react to her uncharacteristic behavior. Once they'd arrived at his house, they'd unloaded their overnight bags, stocked the fridge with drinks and made sure the guest room and sofa bed could quickly be turned down. It was their established routine for team nights and they moved through it with practiced ease, but the usual good-natured banter had been absent from their preparations.

No sooner had they finished than Sam up and disappeared into the guest room, reappearing minutes later decked out in sweats and running shoes. She hadn't said a word to them, just patted her pocket when Daniel asked if she had her phone before taking off. For what felt like the millionth time that afternoon, the men of SG-1 had traded concerned glances, their worry for their teammate ratcheting up another few notches. Ever the optimist, Daniel had opined that maybe Sam just needed a good run to help the stresses of the past week bleed away; Jack and Teal'c hadn't been so sure, but they hadn't been able to bring themselves to dash his hopes.

An hour and a half, plus a half dozen worried phone calls later, Sam had finally returned, drenched with sweat and deathly pale but stubbornly insisting she was fine. They were all dismayed that she was back to the broken-record response, but let it go, lest her temper flare and she storm out in a pique of anger. Instead of trying to drag answers out of her, they'd ushered her into the nearest chair, all the while exchanging even more worried looks. In the end, Teal'c had managed to force two glasses of water and a banana on her before Sam had shrugged them all off and headed for a much-needed shower.

That shower had ended almost twenty minutes ago, but she had still yet to emerge from the bathroom. Although concerned, Jack and Teal'c had agreed that giving her breathing space, at least for the moment, was for the best; Daniel, being Daniel, disagreed and had been chomping at the bit to go and check on her. Ultimately, the threat of being pinned in his seat by Teal'c's bulk had dissuaded him from doing so, at least for a while. As soon as the doorbell had sounded, Daniel had apparently seized the opportunity and rushed off to see Sam.

Jack was snapped out of his thoughts when the missing half of his team filed into the living room. With a brief glance, he scanned Sam from head to toe, noting that some color had come back to her face, although she was still a bit too pale for his liking. Aside from that and the slightly troubled look in her eyes, she appeared to be all right, but her behavior was still out of character and _that_ was why he was even more worried about her now than he had been before.

Further proving that something was wrong with their favorite astrophysicist, Sam dropped into an armchair for one, rather than claiming a seat beside him on the couch or squishing into his favorite recliner with Daniel. For whatever reason, she seemed determined to keep her distance from the three of them, both literally and metaphorically. A quick look at the other men made it clear they'd noticed it too but, thankfully, even Daniel seemed inclined to keep his mouth shut for the moment.

Jack had no idea what was going on. Sam had been herself, if a little anxious, leaving the infirmary before her session with MacKenzie. Her unusual behavior didn't start until she'd returned from the appointment, and he was confident that something had happened with MacKenzie to bring about the change. However, Jack could think of absolutely nothing she could have discussed with the base shrink that would explain why she was distancing herself from them.

"Dig in, kids, the pizzas getting cold," Jack instructed, ruthlessly shoving aside his suspicions and keeping his tone light. Sam was already pushing them away; if they started hounding her, it would only exacerbate the problem.

Three and a half pairs of hands made short work of distributing slices and loading up the plates, working in sync thanks to years of practice, but the warm camaraderie that usually accompanied SG-1's team nights was conspicuously absent.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Jack trailed Sam into the kitchen under the pretense of getting another beer, despite Janet's strict instructions that he steer clear of alcohol. He'd been waiting a while now for a chance to talk to her alone, wanting to check in and make sure that – at least physically – she really was okay. Keeping up the charade, Jack opened the fridge and got out four bottles of beer, setting them on the counter one by one while Sam rinsed their cheesy plates. Finally, when he was feeling ready to undertake his real mission, Jack sidled up beside her, leaning casually against the counter.

Studying her closely, he asked in a low voice, "Are you feeling okay? That was a long, hard run after everything else your body's been through this week."

"I'm fine," she said, the standard response tumbling from her lips before he'd even finished speaking, the words devoid of inflection. Her full attention was focused on the plates, giving the simple task the same attention she usually devoted to alien gizmos. Sam was determined not to look at him; if she did, she knew she might give in to temptation and tell him the truth.

"Okay," Jack nodded, playing along. He didn't for one second believe she was 'fine', but he had resolved not to push her and he was determined to stand by that decision. "Just know that if you need it later, there's muscle rub in on the bathroom counter."

"Yes, sir," she acknowledged, her voice still flat and expressionless, eyes still locked on the plate in her hands. "I'll be back out in a minute. You guys can start the next movie without me."

"Carter, so far we've done this whole team night without you," he sighed in frustration, the words escaping him before he could stop them. As soon as he'd spoken, Jack kicked himself for not thinking before opening his mouth, but there was no way to take it back now. Like it or not, he'd said what had been on his mind all night and now he would have to deal with the consequences, whatever they may be.

"I've been here all night, sir," she replied calmly, determinedly scrubbing away at a plate she'd already rendered spotless. Biting down hard on the inside of her cheek, she silenced the explanation that begged to be allowed out.

"Physically, maybe. But mentally, you might as well be on another planet," Jack refuted, careful to keep his voice neutral. He'd already passed the point of no return; he might as well follow through. After all, in for a penny, in for a pound. "We're worried about you."

"I'm…"

"_Fine_. So you've said," he reminded, his skepticism obvious. Leaning over her, he shut off the tap and eased the plate out of the death grip she held it in, stacking it on top of the others already on the counter.

With nothing left to divert her attention, Sam had no choice but to glance at him, to look him in the eye and acknowledge the toll her behavior was taking on her friends. The genuine warmth and concern for her shining in his familiar brown eyes was like a sucker-punch to the gut and it almost broke her. But her refusal to be the one who brought her friends' worlds crashing down around them won out in the end, and she stared at him in silence.

"When you're finally ready to admit that you're not 'fine', you know where to find us," Jack reminded gently, squeezing her shoulder to let her know he wasn't angry with her. It soon became obvious that she had nothing more to say, so he let his hand fall away and grabbed a single beer off the counter, heading back into the living room to join the others.

When he was gone, Sam finally allowed her mask of indifferent detachment to slip out of place. Closing her eyes, she struggled to keep the flood of hot tears at bay and ducked her head, warring with herself. She wanted nothing more than to join walk back into the living room and tell them all about her session with MacKenzie, but the man's words rang in her head every time she considered it, taunting her with their truth. She still had time – but not much – to prove him wrong and she was determined to do it; the consequences of failure were unacceptable.

Drawing a shaky breath, Sam loaded the already clean plates into the dishwasher and wiped up the puddles her exuberant rinsing had left on the counter. Then, with no more excuses to hide out in the kitchen, she snapped her mask back in place, grabbed the remaining beers off the counter and returned to her teammates, even though she was intent on remaining apart from them.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: **Today's update is another long one and hopefully it makes up for how short yesterday's was. I decided to spread the update out over four chapters, simply because there was too much going on to pull it all together into a single coherent one, but don't worry, I should be getting back to nice long chapters again very soon! And now on with the show... Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

"No more movies. I need sleep," Jack insisted, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Although it was relatively early, he still had a few hours of missed sleep to make up for from earlier in the week and, looking at the others, it seemed they did too.

"I'm ready to call it a night," Daniel agreed, staggering to his feet despite his lethargic body's protests.

"Yeah, I should get going," Sam added, copying him. Raising her arms high over her head, she arched her back and stretched out a few of her stiff muscles. Feeling eyes on her, she looked up and found three very confused men staring back at her. "What?"

"We always crash here after team night," Daniel said slowly, as if trying to jog her memory so she would remember on her own.

He looked for all the world like a smacked puppy, and once again, Sam had to clamp down on the urge to tell her teammates everything.

"Have we done something to offend you, Major Carter?" Teal'c asked, wracking his brain to try and come up with an explanation for her behavior. This was unlike her white hot anger that flared unexpectedly, burned for a short while and then died out; something else was wrong here, and Teal'c wished she would tell them what so they could start fixing it.

"No," Sam said firmly, struggling to get a handle on the guilt his heartrending tone sparked. "I just want to spend the night in my own bed."

"You're not driving tonight," Jack said decisively, accepting the hand up Daniel offered. "It's late, you're tired, and you've been drinking."

The last point may have been a bit of a stretch – Sam had only had two beers all night and she'd finished the last one almost four hours ago – but it strengthened his case, so he mentioned it anyway.

"I'll call a cab," Sam rebutted stubbornly, folding her arms. She'd known her teammates wouldn't make this easy, but a tiny part of her had hoped that between her unpredictable temper and her sullen silence throughout the night, they'd be relieved to be rid of her and let her go without argument. The rest of her knew better; her guys didn't give up, especially not on her.

"Not at this time of night," Jack argued, ignoring the little warning sound Daniel made. He knew the younger man was concerned the argument would set off their teammate's hair-trigger temper and send her storming out of the house, but Jack didn't think it was likely – it was still painfully obvious that nighttime made Sam jumpy – so he pushed a little harder than he might otherwise have done. "The guest room has your name on it."

Without another word, Sam got to her feet and stalked off, not even pausing long enough to glare at any of them. Furious footsteps stomped their way down the hall and a few seconds later, a slamming door rattled the walls, the sound echoing through the otherwise silent house.

"I believe that could have gone better, O'Neill," Teal'c observed, quirking an eyebrow at him. Yes, Jack had won in the end, but the victory hadn't come without a price and they would probably all be paying for it tomorrow.

"At least it wasn't the front door," Daniel pointed out, his eyes still glued to the corner Sam had rounded before disappearing. "I kind of expected her to leave anyway."

"If she's still pissed come morning, I'll find a way to make it up to her," Jack shrugged, knowing that he'd probably be buying a whole lot of very expensive coffee and chocolate the next time Sam was confined to the infirmary. "Give Carter her space tonight. Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I'm going to drop in on Mackenzie and see what happened today."

"Doctor MacKenzie will be prevented from revealing what he discussed with Major Carter by confidentiality concerns, will he not?" Teal'c asked quietly. He thought it was ridiculous that Tau'ri doctors were prohibited from sharing information with those closest to their patients and therefore able to do the most good with the knowledge, but past experience had taught him that most Earth doctors took the rule very seriously. He highly doubted MacKenzie would be willing to break it.

"Yes," Daniel agreed slowly, the wheels in his head turning over the problem as he spoke. "But as Sam's CO…"

"I'm privy to certain information about her health, mental health included," Jack finished for him _sotto voce_,rocking back on his heels. "Until then…"

"Leave Major Carter be if we 'know what is good for us'?" Teal'c suggested, the colloquialism rolling awkwardly off his tongue.

"Got it in one, big guy," Jack chuckled. No matter the circumstances, it never failed to amuse him just how scared all of them, even a former First Prime of Apophis, could be of Sam. She looked sweet and harmless enough, but they all knew well enough not to be fooled; when she was angry, Sam Carter was a force to be reckoned with and the smartest thing to do was stay out of her way.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Slamming the door behind her, Sam leaned back on it and drew a deep breath. She was trying to prove MacKenzie wrong, but it wasn't turning out to be an easy thing to do. Fortunately, her teammates would probably leave her alone for the rest of the night after that little display.

Sam still hated that Conrad's goons had pumped her full of drug cocktails without her permission, but at least the nitrazepam was coming in handy; flying into a rage every now and again was making it a bit easier to dispel the base psychiatrist's favorite myth.

Pushing off the door, the muscles in Sam's legs reminded her they'd yet to forgive her for the punishing pace she'd set on her run earlier in the day. She'd known all along she would regret it, that she was pushing too far, too fast, too soon, but she'd done it anyway, needing to clear her head and feel like she was in control of her body, if nothing else. If she were honest with herself, Sam could admit that she was also hoping the workout would force her to get out on her own and start facing the world again. Unfortunately, her plan had backfired rather spectacularly.

As soon as she'd reached the park near Jack's house, her heart had started pounding and it had had nothing to do with the exercise. There had been people all over the place, enjoying the early spring that seemed to be gracing Colorado Springs this year. Despite all the smiles and cheerful greetings she'd been met with, Sam couldn't shake the lingering fear that any one of them might have been sent to kidnap her for any number of nefarious purposes.

She'd tried hard to get a handle on the anxiety that bubbled up in her stomach and threatened to transform into full blown panic, circling the park over and over again at a brisk clip, the pace providing an outlet for the rising dread churning her insides. Just before the worried phone calls from her teammates had started, her pace had increased to a flat out sprint; it didn't take a degree in psychiatry for Sam to figure out that she was running the way Conrad's goons had made sure she'd never had a chance to do.

When her cell phone had started ringing almost an hour into her workout, she'd answered bent double and sucking wind, feigning annoyance at the interruption. In truth, it had taken every last ounce of will power she had not to break down and ask one of her teammates to come get her. The fear gnawing at her gut had demanded it, but her determination to prove MacKenzie wrong had won out in the end. She'd continued to loop through the park, albeit at a slower pace, until her legs had grown heavy and clumsy. Heeding the sure sign that her body was reaching its limits, she'd finally called it a day and started back to Jack's, covering the half-mile or so between his house and the park at an easy pace.

The memory that relief from the uncomfortable aches and pains was only a few feet away surfaced, and Sam was sorely tempted to seek it out. She knew Jack wouldn't mind if she helped herself to some of his muscle rub, but that would mean leaving the room and most likely facing her teammates again. That fact made Sam's mind up for her and she began working her way through a series of stretches instead. It wouldn't be as effective at easing her discomfort as the little slice of heaven in a plastic jar, but the stretches were better than nothing and she'd certainly survived worse.

On autopilot, her body moved through the routines that were almost reflex by now, she'd been doing them for so many years, and her mind wandered back to earlier in the afternoon.

She knew she must have looked awful when she'd gotten back from her run, given how pale and shaky she'd still appeared in the bathroom mirror some fifteen minutes later, but she'd let the others believe she had simply pushed herself too hard. She'd worried them, probably even scared them a little by being gone for so long, and guilt had flooded her veins the instant she'd stepped through the door. After everything she'd put them through in the last few days, to go and cause them any additional angst was inconsiderate and must have made her seem so ungrateful.

Distracted by the shame of how thoughtless she'd been, Sam had made the mistake of letting her teammates ply her with water and even a banana before noticing she was slipping back into her old habits and proving MacKenzie right. When realization had slammed into her, she'd stood abruptly and disappeared to shower, knowing Jack wouldn't mind and would, in fact, probably insist on it. Under the hot spray, she'd resolved not to be swayed by her guilt over causing them even more worry this week. She was doing the right thing, even if the others didn't know it yet.

It hadn't even hit her until the second movie was well underway that she hadn't felt the need to shower as soon as she'd left the infirmary for the day. The antiseptic smell that had made her race for the shower immediately upon arriving home the last two days had once again seeped into her clothes, but it hadn't bothered her. In fact, she hadn't even been aware of it today. However, in light of everything else, Sam hadn't been able to muster the enthusiasm to celebrate that tiny shred of progress.

Done with her stretches and feeling slightly better for having done them, Sam climbed onto the bed and reluctantly turned off the lights. Her heart immediately sped up, hearing the creaking of floorboards and several sets of heavy footsteps moving throughout the house, but she tried to force down the threatening wave of panic. She knew the only people in the house with her were her teammates and even though she'd been terrible to them today, they wouldn't let anything happen to her.

Sam sat still, listening to the low rumble of voices as the men bade one another good night. She forced herself to stay in the guest room, letting the night's last opportunity to give in to temptation and tell them everything slip away.

When the house finally fell silent, she allowed her eyes to drift shut, ignoring the voice in her head that demanded she turn the light back on and stay alert, wary of any threats that might arise during the night. It would be harder tonight, without Teal'c's soothing voice guiding her, but Sam was still determined to try kel'no'reeming before sleep in the hopes that it would help keep the nightmares at bay. It wouldn't do for her to wake the others with her cries in the middle of the night; doing so would only lend credence to MacKenzie's theory.

No, Sam was determined to get through the night on her own, no matter how hard it might turn out to be.


	21. Chapter 21

**Measure After Measure**

A startled cry intruded on Jack's dreams, letting him know something was amiss, but it was the pounding footsteps coming towards him that dragged him from the depths of sleep. Even as his sluggish brain was trying to work out what was going on, instinct had him sitting upright and shoving the blankets aside. A sudden, sharp stab of pain in his right arm reminded him that it was out of commission for a while, and awareness flooded through him, the rather jumbled pieces of the puzzle all but flying into place.

Team night. Sleepover at his house. Someone crying out in the middle of the night. _Sam _crying out_..._

Even as he was reaching for his personal weapon, the low rumble of Teal'c's voice carried from down the hall and the last of Jack's disorientation – damn Janet's magic pills; if they kept him from waking up fighting fit, he didn't want the things – melted away. Abandoning the gun, Jack swung his legs over the side of the bed and got to his feet, ignoring the brief head rush the sudden change in position brought on. He was in the hall even before the spots had completely cleared from his eyes and took up a position next to his anxious archaeologist, hovering just inside the door to the guest room.

"She had a nightmare," Daniel murmured quietly for the older man's benefit, his eyes never straying from the pair on the bed. "We thought maybe…"

It didn't matter that Daniel never finished his sentence; Jack knew exactly what they'd been afraid of. It had been his first thought too, that sickening, creeping fear that someone was trying to make Sam disappear again. Peering around the doorframe, Jack saw the remaining two members of his team sitting close together on the bed, conversing in low murmurs. Teal'c's hand rested lightly on Sam's shoulder, the big man ignoring her repeated attempts to shrug him off and paying no mind to the glares she was sending his way.

"Do you want a glass of water?" Jack asked quietly, letting out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. There she was, right in front of him. No one had snuck into the house, no one had tried to make her vanish right out from under their noses. She was still here, still safe, even if she _was_ still trying to get over what appeared to have been one hell of a nightmare.

"I'm fine, sir," Sam insisted, even as the slight tremor in her voice said otherwise. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"It was your turn anyway," Jack shrugged, seemingly unbothered by the heart-stopping wake up call. Being woken up by a teammate's nightmare wasn't new for any of them; it had happened before and, unfortunately, given their jobs, it was likely to happen again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Daniel asked quietly, blinking at her myopically. In his haste to make sure she was all right, he hadn't bothered with his glasses.

"There's nothing to talk about," Sam insisted, her expression hardening with determination. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to sleep."

Sleeping looked like the last thing she would be doing for the remainder of the night. Jack recognized the adrenaline-fuelled restlessness she was practically vibrating with; he'd seen the same thing in the mirror after countless nightmares that he tried hard not to remember. But Sam had made up her mind and five years' worth of experience said that nothing and no one would manage to change it. However she wiled away the remainder of the night, she was determined to do it alone.

"If you are certain you are well, then we will take our leave of you," Teal'c agreed. She'd calmed some since he'd first come bursting through the door, heart in his throat and ready to rip any intruders limb from limb. Although he wasn't happy about it, Teal'c was convinced she'd settled enough not to lose herself in her fears if they left her to her own devices.

Resigning himself to the fact that there was little else they could do until she was willing to let them in again, Teal'c got to his feet and bade her goodnight. With just three long strides, he'd crossed the room and was ushering his other two teammates back out into the hall, pulling the door shut behind them. One look at Daniel's face was all it took to know the younger man was gearing up for an argument, but Teal'c stopped him in his tracks before he could utter a single syllable of protest.

"Major Carter will not tell us anything tonight, otherwise she would have done so already."

"We should at least _try_ talking to her," Daniel murmured, keeping his voice down even though he knew there was a good chance Sam could still hear him anyway.

"We should not," Teal'c disagreed, his tone leaving no room for argument. "Further attempts at discussion of the matter will serve only to frustrate Major Carter, and, in turn, ourselves. Good night, Daniel Jackson, O'Neill," he added before retreating back downstairs.

Jack watched him go, knowing he was right even though he didn't like it. Daniel was oblivious to the other man's departure, focused as he was on the closed door in front of him.

"Are you sure we're doing the right thing?" the half-blind archaeologist asked, doubt shining from his squinted eyes.

"No, but Teal'c's right; she won't say anything tonight," Jack sighed, patting the younger man on the shoulder. "Try and get some more sleep," he advised.

"Right," Daniel nodded, although he had no idea how he was supposed to do that with so much worry coursing through him.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Giving up sleep as a lost cause, Sam left the light on and waited for the three-quarters-of-a-team huddle outside her door to break up, all the while cursing the fact that she hadn't been able to achieve even a basic level of kel'no'reem without Teal'c's help. She'd tried for almost two hours, but in the end had conceded defeat and gone to bed hoping that between the late hour and the toll her long, hard run had taken, she'd be able to sleep through the night.

After so much experience with nightmares, she really should have known better.

It hadn't taken long for the dreams to start, tormenting her with a barrage of memories and imaginings, the two mingling together until fact and fiction ceased to have any meaning at all. It was only when the images had stopped looping and a single scene had formed that Sam had been able to distinguish between the two again.

She'd lied; she remembered every detail of the nightmare in vivid, frightening detail.

Warm sunshine dancing across her skin, promising a beautiful spring day ahead. Opening her trunk to stow her gym bag. A white van careening towards her, seemingly out of nowhere. Screeching tires. A door sliding open, spilling out too many black-clad men to count. Being surrounded, trapped between her car and the masked men. A burly body lunging for her. Lashing out and feeling the satisfying crack of ribs giving way beneath her foot. The sound of her cries for help and the sinking realization that none was coming. A never-ending onslaught of attackers, too strong and too many to fend off. So many arms wrapped around her, squeezing too tight, gripping too hard, _hurting._ Her feet coming off the ground without her permission. Being hefted inside the van and thrown roughly to the gritty, grimy floor. The crushing press of bodies on top of her, pinning her. The slam of a door shutting even as the van jolted into motion. Suffocating until mercifully, the knee crushing her diaphragm vanished…

She'd woken up then, crying out like she'd wanted so badly to do that fateful morning. Even as the sound died on her lips, she'd regretted making it; there was no way her teammates would have slept through her sounds of distress.

That it had been a nightmare and not a flashback that had left her shaking and drenched in sweat tonight was a cold comfort.

When the final set of footsteps had faded down the hall, Sam rifled through her overnight bag, searching for the stack of science journals she'd buried at the bottom. She was still exhausted, but she couldn't risk any more nightmares, wasn't sure she could handle another one tonight. Besides, there were only so many times she'd be able to kick her friends out before they risked incurring her wrath and started demanding explanations.

Propping up the pillows behind her head, Sam pulled the blankets up over her knees and settled in to catch up on her reading. It would be a long night, especially since coffee was out of the question, but she was determined to stay awake.

At her next appointment, she would be able to look MacKenzie in the eye and truthfully say she'd made it through the night on her own.


	22. Chapter 22

**Measure After Measure**

"Are you sure you don't want me to stick around for a while?" Daniel asked gently, shifting in his seat to study his passenger closely. She looked absolutely dreadful this morning; one look was all it had taken for him to realize that she hadn't gone back to sleep after her nightmare. At best, that made for about five or six hours of sleep in the last two days, although Daniel had the niggling suspicion that his estimate was overly generous.

"Positive," Sam said reaching for the door handle, even though she wasn't.

She was just minutes away from being alone in her house for the first time in almost a week, and her heart was racing at the idea. What she really wanted, deep down, was the safety and security that Daniel joining her inside would provide. But there was no way to lie to MacKenzie about this – even if she pulled it off, the psychiatrist could strike up a casual conversation with Daniel and uncover the lie easily enough – and so she had to face her fears of being alone in her house head on.

"It's bad enough you guys are stuck chauffeuring me around until the police release my car. You don't need to waste the whole day on me."

"It's not a waste of the day, Sam," Daniel sighed, exasperated by her continued insistence that she was being a bother. If he were honest with himself, _this_ way would waste his day; he'd be too distracted by his worry for her to accomplish much of anything on this, yet another day off courtesy of General Hammond. "If I minded, I wouldn't have offered."

"Right," she said, although it was obvious she was appeasing him rather than agreeing with him.

He wouldn't convince her to change her mind; he'd been trying all morning and had yet to have any success. But looking in her eyes, Daniel could see just how uncomfortable she was with the idea of being alone. She wasn't insisting he leave because she _wanted_ him to, she was doing it because she thought it was expected of her.

"I'll be back at one to pick you up for your next appointment with MacKenzie," he reminded, holding her gaze seriously. "If you want me to drop by sooner though, just call."

"Thanks," she smiled and for the first time since yesterday's visit with the base psychiatrist, it was a genuine, warm smile. "I'll see you this afternoon," she added as she climbed out of the car, trying hard to appear as though what she was about to do didn't scare her senseless.

"Lock the door once you're inside," Daniel reminded just before she slammed the door shut. Realistically, he knew that would be one of the first things she did, but it was something he, Jack and Teal'c always said when they dropped her off at home, and the familiarity of the habit made him feel a little less like he was abandoning her to face her fears alone.

She nodded and smiled again, though this time nerves crowded out some of the light from her eyes, before turning to face her house. Even from behind, Daniel could see the deep, steadying breath she took before starting up the walkway. He watched her progress, seeing her safely inside before shifting the car into drive and pulling away from the curb. He didn't like leaving her, but she'd woken up this morning sure she was ready for this step. If she was right, he'd celebrate the success with her; if she was wrong, he'd be there in a heartbeat.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Sam locked the door behind her and reset the alarm system with sweaty, shaking hands. It took two tries before she managed to hit all the right buttons, but it was worth it to hear the electronic chirp that signaled the system was once again armed. She stood at the window, watching Daniel drive away and trying hard to quash the panic that clawed at her insides as he disappeared from sight. It was what she'd claimed to have wanted, a few hours to herself at home, but the little voice in her head that didn't give a damn what MacKenzie thought was screaming for her to pick up the phone and get Daniel back here right away.

It took several deep breaths, but finally Sam worked up the nerve to kick off her shoes and actually step in beyond the front door, away from a quick exit. Slowly, she made her way from room to room, taking stock of the well-known surroundings of her home. With a concerted effort, she resisted the urge to grab her weapon out of her bedroom and secure the house, knowing that the alarm would have been tripped if anyone were inside. She was safe here, even if she didn't really feel it right now. Even a team of experts would be hard-pressed to beat her NSA approved security system.

Once in the living room, Sam opened the blinds and flooded the room with sunshine, the warm light dispelling some of the tension that had knotted in her muscles. Deciding she was more comfortable with the day spilling through the windows, she walked from room to room, opening blinds and drawing back curtains. It helped: the bright light put her more at ease and the clear view of the world outside quieted the fear that people were lurking just outside her house, waiting for an opportune moment to swoop in and make her disappear again.

Catching a glimpse of her appearance in the bathroom mirror, Sam realized she looked like hell. It was no wonder her teammates hadn't believed her this morning when she'd insisted that she was fine. Dark circles served only to draw unwanted attention to her bloodshot eyes, telling a tale of too many sleepless nights in a row. Although she was a little uncomfortable with the idea, Sam knew a nap was in order if she wanted to have any hope of convincing MacKenzie she was doing all right.

Paying no heed to the way her heart sped up at the idea, Sam grabbed her alarm clock and headed back to the living room with it, making a quick detour through the kitchen to pick up the cordless phone on the way. She set her alarm to go off an hour before Daniel was due back, knowing that would leave her enough time to eat, shower and change before she had to leave to meet with MacKenzie. In all honesty, she wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of going to sleep while she was alone in the house, but at least if she had another nightmare, no one would know.

Stretching out on the couch, Sam pulled the afghan down from the back and covered herself, making sure to keep the phone in easy reach. Closing her eyes, she focused on relaxing each and every one of her muscles, starting at her toes and working her way up. More than once she had to start over again after an innocuous creak or a too loud car engine in the distance startled her, but eventually she managed to completely relax her weary body. A long time later, she drifted into an uneasy doze.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"Colonel O'Neill," MacKenzie greeted with surprise, closing the file in front of him. "What can I do for you today?"

"You can tell me what you did yesterday to break my major," Jack replied, closing the door behind him. He was trying hard to stay calm, knowing he stood a better chance of getting answers if he came across as a concerned commander and not as a worried friend. From word one, however, it became obvious his strategy had overlooked one little fact: he couldn't _not_ be a concerned friend after what Sam had been through in the last week.

"I'm sorry?" MacKenzie blinked, genuinely puzzled about what he was referring to.

"Carter was fine yesterday until she came and talked to _you_," Jack explained, his frustration with the situation starting to creep into his voice. "For the rest of the day she was… off. She spent the whole time trying to push us away. _Something_ happened when she came to see you, and I'm hoping you can tell me what that _something_ was."

"Colonel, as you're well aware, doctor-patient confidentiality precludes me from discussing my conversations with Major Carter," MacKenzie reminded calmly, folding his hands on his desk.

"Just tell me what you talked about," Jack retorted as persuasively as he could. He tried hard to channel Daniel, utilizing negotiation and diplomacy to get his way, but the determined set of MacKenzie's jaw warned him he was failing spectacularly. "Something's wrong with her and we can't fix it if we don't know what _it_ is."

"Major Carter has another session scheduled this afternoon. I'll speak with her about your concerns then," MacKenzie rebuffed, standing firm. Although this was an interesting and unexpected turn of events, he wouldn't be swayed. Sam had spoken to him believing her words wouldn't go any further than his ears, and if she hadn't seen fit to share their conversation with her teammates, it certainly wasn't his place to do so.

"Look," Jack growled, his tenuous grip on his self-control slipping. "I understand that you're trying to help her and we all appreciate it, but you speaking with Carter started this, whatever _this_ is. I _really_ don't see how having you talk to her about it again is going to make things better. All I'm asking is that you give me an idea of what we're dealing with. You don't know her like we do, MacKenzie; we can help her more than you can."

"I don't believe that's true. In fact, I think what you're proposing would do more harm than good at this point," the other man argued. He'd spent enough time with Jack to know when the air force colonel was reaching the limits of his patience and they were rapidly approaching that point. The window of opportunity in which to make him see reason was closing and once it did, the conversation would degenerate into a one-sided hollering match.

Jack raised a skeptical eyebrow, making it clear what he thought of the base psychiatrist's assessment of the situation.

"Now, Major Carter is free to discuss our sessions with you if she chooses to, but I _will not_ breach her trust by continuing this conversation any further."

"You said you were seeing her again this afternoon?" Jack ground out through gritted teeth. He knew he wouldn't be able to change the other man's mind and gave it up as a lost cause. He didn't like that he'd be walking away with his questions unanswered, but from the look on MacKenzie's face, it was clear he truly believed he was acting in Sam's best interest. It was hard to be angry with him, in light of that.

"I did."

"Well whatever you did yesterday, you'd better fix it," Jack demanded. It was _hard_ to be angry with MacKenzie; it wasn't impossible. "We only just got her back and we don't appreciate you taking her away again."

"Colonel, I haven't…"

"You have," Jack interrupted, eyes flashing, voice low and serious. "The person who walked out of here yesterday wasn't _our_ Sam Carter."

With that, he turned on his heel and stalked out of the office, letting the door slam shut behind him.


	23. Chapter 23

**Measure After Measure**

"I'll be in my office when you're done," Daniel reminded gently, squeezing Sam's shoulder reassuringly. From the look on her face, she didn't appreciate the gesture of support. Apparently the flash of the real Sam he'd seen when he'd dropped her off that morning was just that, a momentary glimpse of his friend.

"I'll get someone else to drive me home," Sam said firmly, her tone brokering no room for argument.

Daniel paid no heed to the warning in her voice and ploughed on. "Don't be silly. There's no point in making someone else drive out to Jack's when I'm heading there anyway."

"I don't need to spend every waking moment with the three of you, Daniel," she sighed, frustrated. "Have guys' night instead of team night."

"We did that _last_ night," Daniel huffed, letting his hand slip off her shoulder. "Jack, Teal'c and I hung out and tried to have a good time while you sat in a corner trying every excuse to leave that you could think of. We don't want to spend time with one another, Sam – wedidn't almost lose each other this week – we want to spend time with _you._"

"If I'm such a killjoy, then you should be happy I won't be there tonight," Sam snapped. Normally she adored her teammates for their persistence, but at the moment, it was proving to be a hindrance and not an asset. She didn't want to have to do it, but it seemed that her best chance of getting her teammates to help her prove MacKenzie wrong was to make them angry with her.

"I didn't _say_ that, Sam," he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in agitation. Jack was right, he should have left it alone; he certainly wasn't getting anywhere in his efforts to get Sam to talk. "You're just not acting like yourself and we're worried about you. You're there, but it's like you're a stranger… I know you've been through a lot, but we're trying to help and all of the sudden, you're pushing us away. I want to understand, but you're not making it easy."

Sam knew from the tone of his voice that he was genuinely frustrated with her, but he was hurt too and _that _made her feel absolutely awful. However, she was trying to do what was best for him, for all of them, even if they couldn't see it at the moment. It made her feel lower than dirt, to treat her friends so poorly, but she'd committed to her current course of action and she was determined to see it through.

"I'm going to be late," she said bluntly. The flash of hurt that crossed his face at the casual dismissal made her chest ache, but she didn't let it break her resolve.

Fighting against the urge to apologize and explain everything, Sam forced herself to leave him standing at the elevator. She was being terrible and she knew it, but she didn't know what else she could do to prove to MacKenzie that he didn't know what he was talking about.

Making her way through the corridors, she nodded at the personnel she passed along the way, working hard not to let her discomfort with the occasional unfamiliar face show.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"How did it go with MacKenzie?" Daniel asked distractedly, cradling the phone with his shoulder as he searched his desk for the appropriate journal. He knew it was somewhere under the pile of translation work he'd been neglecting for the better part of the week.

"He didn't tell me squat," Jack replied unhappily. His sigh huffed across the mouthpiece and a tiny explosion of air sounded in Daniel's ear. "He did say something interesting though."

"Really? What?" the archaeologist asked, shifting a stack of other teams' mission notes onto an empty chair.

"I told him we could do more to help Carter than he could," Jack explained, relaying the only useful part of his discussion with the base psychiatrist. "And he came back with something about us making things worse instead of better. I don't know what he meant, but all things considered, it seemed like a strange thing to say."

"Did we upset Sam?" Daniel asked in concern, straightening up and abandoning the search for a moment. Wracking his brain, he tried to come up with something that might have hurt her feelings, but he couldn't think of anything. Besides, with the way Sam's temper had been lately, if they'd done something she didn't like, she definitely would have let them know.

"I don't think so. She was her usual Cartery self right up until she left to talk to MacKenzie. My money's still on something he said… Maybe he said something about _us_ that she didn't like?"

"Like what?" the younger man asked, brow furrowed in confusion. Surely if that were the case, Sam would be angry with _MacKenzie_, not them.

"I don't know. _Something_," Jack replied in what he seemed to think was a helpful manner.

"Well, for better or for worse, she's in with him now," Daniel sighed, fingers finally closing around the object of his search. Gingerly sliding the journal out from under a pile of reference books, he added, "She was still being weird when I left her a little while ago, but maybe things will change after she talks with MacKenzie some more."

"Oh, I wouldn't hold my breath on that one," Jack drawled, skepticism dripping from every word. "If worse comes to worse, we'll just three-on-one her tonight."

"Uh… About that," Daniel started awkwardly, flipping to the page he was looking for to buy himself an extra second or two before breaking the news. "Sam might not be coming."

"The hell she isn't," Jack shot back angrily.

The sudden increase in his volume made Daniel wince and hold the phone away from his ear.

"You camp out outside MacKenzie's office and as soon as she's done, you tell Carter she's under orders to get in the car with you and head over here."

"You can't really order her to do that," Daniel pointed out, hoping Jack would rethink that plan and spare him from the inevitable confrontation with Sam. "What's to stop her from storming off in the opposite direction?"

"Your charm and long ago perfected puppy dog eyes," Jack replied, and Daniel just knew the older man was smirking.

"I'll try, but I can't promise anything," Daniel conceded. "I'll call when I'm on my way."

He hated to admit it, but Jack was right: tag-teaming Sam might prove to be the only way of getting her to talk to them. They'd tried leaving her alone, hoping she would come to them in her own time, but so far that hadn't worked out. A new approach was definitely called for; he just hoped that ganging up on her didn't turn out to be a mistake.

"Good luck," Jack bade, hanging up on his end and leaving his friend with just a dial tone for company.

"I'll need it," Daniel muttered to himself.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"How are you today, Major?" MacKenzie asked, taking in the bags under her eyes and her drawn features. It was easy to see how she was, but he always liked to start sessions off with a question that allowed him to assess how honest his patients were willing to be with him that day.

"Fine," Sam replied, hoping that the two-hour nap and the heavier than usual make-up she'd applied made her response believable. She knew she still looked pretty rough, but hopefully he would be willing to put it down to the bad start to her week.

And now MacKenzie had his answer: apparently she was back to giving the expected answer rather than the truthful one.

"And how did you sleep last night?" he continued, letting the lie go

"Fine," she repeated, hard, cold eyes daring him to challenge her.

He accepted.

"Your appearance today says otherwise," MacKenzie pressed, tenting his fingers and resting his hands on his omnipresent legal pad. "Did you have any nightmares?"

She stared him down in silence, and for a few long, awkward moments, he was sure she wasn't going to answer. Then her eyes slid to the left and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. It wasn't a sure sign she was going to answer, but for whatever reason, the odds had just tipped in his favor. Patiently, quietly, he watched her, the battle raging inside her head playing out on her expressive face. It didn't take long before a victor was declared, the resignation that flashed across her features letting MacKenzie know he was going to get an answer after all.

"Just one."

"Can you tell me about it?"

"No," Sam snapped irritably. It was one of only a few solid, reliable memories she had of her abduction, and if MacKenzie found _that_ out, he'd latch on to it and refuse to let the subject drop. She knew she wasn't ready for that just yet.

MacKenzie's lips quirked downwards disapprovingly at her answer and he opened his mouth to probe the issue further. Apparently he was done accepting terse one and two word answers.

Sam decided to elaborate on her own before he could ask any more questions she didn't like. "I don't remember," she lied, meeting his eye. "I cried out and the guys woke me up… The dream was gone before I was even completely awake."

It wasn't the whole truth, he knew that, but he could live with it for now. She'd raised another issue that he was much more interested in delving into.

"Your teammates stayed with you again," he noted, scribbling a note on his pad. He didn't miss her frown when his pen started moving over the paper, nor the narrowing of her eyes.

"We had a team night at Colonel O'Neill's house," Sam corrected, laying her hands flat on her thighs to keep from clenching them into frustrated fists. "We ate dinner together and then watched movies. We finished late and all of us stayed the night, just like we usually do when one of us is released from the infirmary."

"I see," MacKenzie said slowly. He pretended to scribble another note, watching her for a reaction. As expected, her frown deepened. "And this morning?"

"This morning we all had a quick breakfast, then Teal'c drove Colonel O'Neill back here for a meeting and Daniel dropped me at my place before heading home. I spent the rest of the morning…"

"Is there a reason you couldn't drive yourself home?" MacKenzie interrupted, tilting his head to one side and studying her over the rims of his glasses.

"The police seized my car as evidence," Sam explained, curling her fingers under and pressing down until her short nails bit into her palms. She knew exactly where this was heading and she wasn't happy about it, but she was trying to keep her mounting frustration reigned in. "It will be another couple of days until they can release it."

MacKenzie nodded thoughtfully. It sounded rational enough, but…

"Major, you seem to have a reasonable explanation for every example of the behavior we discussed yesterday," MacKenzie observed gently, setting his pen down. "We talked about behavior modification being a long-term project; I don't expect change overnight. But in order for behavior modification to _succeed_, you need to be making a conscious effort to implement change. At the moment, it sounds as though you've been falling back on your old habits.

"I've been trying," Sam argued, giving voice to the frustration and the guilt that had been growing since yesterday afternoon. "But it's been _one_ day and my teammates don't understand what's going on! All four of us need to change if we're going to address your concerns, but I'm the only one you've talked to so far. It's making it a little hard to introduce much change, and the harder I try, the more confused and worried they get and the less they want to let me be!"

"As I said yesterday, I'll be talking to all four of you – both individually and as a group – next week. Until then, I'm working with you and you alone."

"Maybe we don't really _need_ to change," Sam argued, anger creeping into her words. She didn't care about appearing calm and collected anymore; she just wanted him to drop the issue. "Most SG teams are tight-knit."

"There's a difference between being tight-knit and being overly dependent on one another," MacKenzie rebutted, dismissing her concerns and moving on. "Now, I'd like to go back to the nightmare you had, unless there's something else you would rather talk about today?"

Sam bit her tongue hard to keep 'how about why you're trying to drive a wedge between me and my teammates?' from tumbling from her lips.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"What are you doing here?" Sam asked as she let the door slam shut behind her, surprise clear on her face.

Even after she'd been so terrible to him, Daniel was here waiting when she'd finished her appointment, wanting to make sure she was all right. She wasn't sure how she'd been lucky enough to find such good friends, but Sam was sure there'd been some sort of mistake somewhere along the way; she certainly didn't deserve them.

"Bringing you to team night," Daniel replied calmly. Holding his hands up in self-defense, he tried to stave off the inevitable brush off, "I don't want to fight you on this, Sam. Please just come back to Jack's with me."

Letting out a long, slow breath, she considered the offer. MacKenzie's advice echoed in her head, screaming at her to refuse, to brush past Daniel and catch a ride home with somebody – anybody – else. But the words of a man she had little respect for were no competition for the hopeful, warm eyes of one of her dearest friends. She couldn't turn Daniel down, not when she had the ability to make him really, truly happy simply by acquiescing.

Her mind made up, Sam nodded once and was rewarded with a beaming smile. She couldn't help but smile back.

"Really?" Daniel exclaimed, his voice tinged with surprise. Then hesitantly, as if afraid she would change her mind, he asked, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Sam smiled wider in spite of herself. "I'm sure. I want to make up for last night, and besides, I need to talk to you guys."

Did she ever. She'd come to that realization during this afternoon's session while listening to MacKenzie prattle on endlessly about behavior modification and unhealthy relationships. Ignoring for a moment that she thought the base psychiatrist's concerns were crazy and completely unfounded, his approach didn't make any sense at all. She'd been wrong to ever try it; she just hoped that her teammates understood _why_ she had felt the need to. Forgiveness, Sam knew, they would grant her in a heartbeat. Comprehension might prove to be more difficult to attain.

"Are you okay?" he pressed, smile dropping away and a look of concern once again taking up residence on his face.

"I'm all right," she assured, careful not to let 'I'm fine' slip out. He'd heard _that_ so many times this week when it just wasn't true that saying it now wouldn't do anything to dispel his worries. Squeezing his arm gently, she was gratified to see a small smile reappear on his face. "Are you ready to go?"

"I'm ready whenever you are. I just need to call Jack and let him know we're on our way."

"What about…" Sam asked, gesturing at his clothes.

"Oh," Daniel replied, looking at the BDUs he'd thrown on out of habit. Technically, he was still off-duty, but after so many years of roaming the corridors in uniform, it felt strange to walk around the SGC in anything else. "Why don't you call Jack from my office and I'll meet you there once I've changed?"

"Do we need to go round up Teal'c?"

"He drove Jack back home after his meeting this morning," Daniel informed her.

'Meeting' was a bit of a stretch – knowing Jack it had probably been more of a confrontation – but Sam still had no idea why he'd come in this morning and Daniel had no intention of being the one to tell her. If she learned of the real reason their leader had stopped in at the base, there was a chance she'd change her mind about going peacefully to team night and Daniel really didn't want to fight with her about it.

"Okay," Sam nodded, offering him another smile. In a way, she was glad it would just be the two of them making the drive to Jack's. It would be easy to lure Daniel into a lecture on his latest translation or a recent archaeological find off-world, and then let his familiar, friendly voice wash over her while she got her thoughts in order.

"I'll meet you in ten minutes," Daniel promised, heading off for the elevator nearest the locker room with a spring in his step.

He was still worried about Sam, but she seemed to be more like herself this afternoon and, more importantly, she was willing to open up about what had been bothering her. It was hard not to feel relieved at the sudden change in her behavior; Daniel just hoped it lasted.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: **Today's chapter is another _huge_ one! Also, this story is now officially the longest thing I have ever written (and probably _will_ ever write) in my entire life. : ) As always, "thank you"s go out to readers and reviewers alike - your patience and support are very much appreciated! And now on with the show... Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

"Greetings, Daniel Jackson, Major Carter," Teal'c welcomed, stepping back to grant them entrance to Jack's house. He held the door open while they shuffled past him, waiting until the three of them were clustered close together in the front hall before adding in a much quieter voice, "I am extremely pleased to see you both."

"He's been driving you crazy, hasn't he?" Daniel murmured, a knowing grin lighting up his features.

The answering climb of Teal'c's eyebrow said it all, really. But just in case there was any doubt…

"Is that them?" Jack's familiar voice hollered at a much greater volume than was really necessary, considering they were no more than a dozen feet or so apart. Sure there was a wall between them, but there was also a nice, open doorway for his voice to carry through that really should have been taken into account.

"Indeed," Teal'c replied. From his tone, the two newly arrived scientists could tell that Jack had been less than patient while waiting for them to show up.

Overall, it made Daniel glad he hadn't been the one stuck hanging out with their commander all day. If Teal'c was nearing the end of his rope, Daniel knew he himself would have taken drastic action hours ago.

"Tell them to get in here!" Jack demanded impatiently, once again bellowing far louder than the situation required.

_Extremely _drastic action. Like strangling Jack with his sling.

"We're coming, sir," Sam called back, her eyes dancing with mirth. She kicked off her shoes and shrugged out of her coat, dropping it on top of Daniel's, before allowing the gentle hand Teal'c settled at the small of her back to guide her into the living room.

Daniel led the way, glad to see some of that familiar sparkle back in his friend's eyes. The transformation she'd undergone during her appointment with MacKenzie was remarkable, though Daniel was hesitant to give the other man much credit for the sudden turn around in her attitude. The more he thought about it, the more convinced he was that Jack was right: MacKenzie had said something that had gotten under Sam's skin. If something he'd said this afternoon had been responsible for the change in her, then he had merely fixed his mistake, and Daniel found it hard to laud him for that.

Jack's face fell when he rounded the corner, but Daniel didn't take it personally.

"Where's…" Jack began. He cut off the question when his archaeologist stepped aside, revealing his astrophysicist. The easy smile on her face took him by surprise, and he blinked at her in silence for a few moments, marveling at the change from this time yesterday. Although he could still detect tension in the set of her shoulders, she looked at ease with them once again and he was glad.

"I'm right here, sir," Sam assured.

"I can see that," he replied, an honest to God grin stealing across his features.

The knot of guilt already twisting her insides tightened a little more when Sam saw that, just like Daniel, it was _so easy_ to make him genuinely happy. All she had to do was be around and be herself, and yet she'd wasted most of yesterday making her teammates miserable while she tried to please MacKenzie, pushing them away and trying so hard to be someone she wasn't, to be someone who didn't need these three men so much it frightened her sometimes.

"The movies we didn't get through yesterday are on top of the TV," Jack informed them. He was still grinning like a fool, but he didn't care; his team was back together, safe, sound and happy to be all three. As far as he was concerned, life was pretty much perfect at the moment.

In silence, Teal'c backed out of the room, vanishing into the kitchen and reappearing a few moments later with three bottles of beer and a bottle of fruit juice. He passed out the drinks, noting how quickly dismay turned to pleasure when Jack realized it was the third bottle of beer and not the fruit juice that was intended for him. Teal'c gave the other man a pointed look, making it clear that he was only breaking Janet's rules because it was a bit of a special occasion.

"Actually, I think Sam wanted to talk to us," Daniel stated pointedly, shooting her a beseeching look. He ignored the deer in the headlights brand of panic that flashed over her features and settled in an armchair, expectant gaze locked on her. Given enough time, he knew Sam could talk herself out of pretty much anything; in this instance, giving her the opportunity to do just that wouldn't be doing her any favors.

That's not to say, however, that his motives were entirely altruistic. Daniel was anxious to learn what had made her behave so out of character for twenty-four hours straight.

"Carter?" Jack prompted when it became clear Sam was more interested in shredding the label on her beer than actually speaking.

"We can watch a couple of movies first, sir," she said quickly, offering up the first stall tactic she could think of. "It can wait."

In the car, it had seemed so easy. She'd decided how she wanted to approach the conversation and exactly what she wanted to say. But now that the scene was playing out in reality instead of just in her head, it was proving to be _anything_ but easy. Worst of all was the knowledge that what she had to say would suck the joy out of the afternoon. She'd only just managed to put smiles on the faces studying her so closely, the last thing she wanted to do was make them disappear again.

"The matter you wish to discuss weighs heavily on your mind, does it not?" Teal'c observed, noting just how nervous she really was.

The slightly panicked look she shot his way answered his question.

"Then we wish to hear your words now, rather than permit your concerns to cause you further discomfort," he stated, taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch from Jack.

Sam could feel three pairs of eyes on her as she drew a deep breath and tried to collect her thoughts. She couldn't help but feel like they'd ambushed her into this, springing the inevitable conversation on her within minutes of arriving, but she didn't really blame them for it. The longer she put it off, the more likely it was she'd lose her nerve and never bring it up. They'd recognized that even before she did.

Setting her beer down on the table, she forced one more deep breath into her body, feeling some of her nerves dissipate as she exhaled. She didn't sit, preferring to pace back and forth across the room to give herself an outlet for her lingering anxiety.

"I talked to MacKenzie yesterday afternoon," Sam started before realizing how stupid it was to open with _that_. "But you know that already," she added, before trailing off with a grimace. She could kick herself for being so horribly _bad_ at this.

"Take a deep breath, Carter," Jack advised patiently. Her apprehension was contagious and he could feel an uneasy flutter building in the pit of his own stomach.

She did as she was told, deciding it was best to just spit the problem out without preamble; she was worrying them more than she was explaining herself anyway.

"MacKenzie thinks we're too close," she blurted out quickly, the words running together. Even the individual syllables seemed to tangle with one another, and she was left hoping they'd understood her; she really didn't want to have to repeat herself. Then, because she felt like they deserved a better explanation, she added, "All four of us." As if there was any doubt who 'we' referred to.

Three sets of eyes blinked at her in confusion, each man clearly thinking 'that's it?' but holding his tongue because he didn't want to upset her.

She stared back, waiting for someone to say something. Anything would do. She'd even settle for a timely 'indeed' right about now. Anything to fill the silence her words had brought on.

"He's not the first one to have said that," Daniel finally spoke up, shrugging to show he was unbothered by her big revelation. As far as he was concerned, the bond between the four of them was their greatest asset. He knew there were a lot of people who didn't see it that way, but he'd dare _them_ to go out and experience the things SG-1 did without forming close ties with their colleagues.

"He's recommending that we be split up. Permanently," Sam argued, shaking her head. No wonder they'd been so calm, so accepting; her explanation had been clear as mud.

That did it. All three of them were staring at her, displaying varying degrees of shock and anger as they processed the enormity of her words. Satisfied that they understood now, Sam focused her attention on the floor, watching her feet eat up the distance from one side of the room to the other. She wished someone would say something, but at the same time, she savored the silence; once her teammates started talking again, they'd ask questions that she either couldn't or didn't want to answer.

"On what grounds is Doctor MacKenzie making such a recommendation?" Teal'c finally asked, recovering first.

"He says we've developed an unhealthy reliance on one another; we're dependent on one another to the extent that if one of us was seriously hurt or even killed in the field, our negative reactions to the loss would jeopardize the mission and the remaining team members," Sam explained, her pacing speeding up with each word she said.

She couldn't bear to look at her teammates anymore, not even a quick glance out of the corner of her eye. Each of them – even Teal'c – looked as though they'd been sucker punched in the gut. Guilt threatened to swallow her whole; this was all her fault. If she'd only paid more attention to where the questions were leading during her sessions with MacKenzie, downplayed her team's involvement in her life outside work…

On her next pass, Jack caught her wrist and stopped her frantic progress across the length of his living room. With a soft tug, he guided her around to the coffee table to stand between him and Teal'c. A second, downward tug and she was perched on the edge of the table, staring at him through eyes swimming with regret. He didn't say anything – didn't have a clue what he _could_ say that would make this better – but he squeezed her wrist gently, both reassuring her and keeping her in place.

"When was he planning on talking to the rest of us?" Daniel's turn to break the silence. Rising from his seat, he crossed the room and sat himself beside Teal'c, balancing on the arm of the couch. "Or was he just going to make a diagnosis about all four of us after speaking with just one of us? No offense, Sam."

She smiled tightly to show none was taken as she replied, "He was going to sit down with the team next week, once Colonel O'Neill is cleared for light duty."

"Hammond won't let MacKenzie split us up," Jack said, but even though his words were confident, his tone was less sure.

"Doctor MacKenzie may overrule even General Hammond in this matter," Teal'c reminded quietly, his voice quaking with suppressed outrage. "There is little General Hammond may do if Doctor MacKenzie is determined to follow through with this course of action."

"Where did this even come from?" Daniel asked, resting his elbows on his knees and leaning across Teal'c to get a better look at Sam. "I can think of other situations over the years when his concerns might have been justified, but nothing lately."

"It's my fault," Sam murmured, hanging her head. They didn't need to see her eyes to get a sense of the magnitude of her guilt; it weighed down every syllable that passed her lips. "Every time he asked me how I was handling the kidnapping or asked how I felt about it, I brought you guys up… He thinks I'm relying on you all too much."

"You are not to blame, Major Carter," Teal'c comforted, touching his knee to hers. "It seems Doctor MacKenzie had a diagnosis in mind even before you spoke with him. It is likely he would have reached the same conclusions the next time he spoke to any one of us."

"Maybe he's right," Sam murmured, hating herself for even entertaining the idea, but the thought of one of them being hurt or killed because she couldn't keep it together after a serious in-the-field casualty wouldn't stop racing through her head. Keeping her eyes locked on her sock clad feet, she continued. "I mean, you guys had to come after me, snap me out of flashbacks, drive me home, stay with me, wake me from nightmares… Hell, I couldn't even fall asleep the first night back until I cuddled up with Daniel!"

"MacKenzie's not right," Jack said firmly, making all three turn their attention on him. He was practically oozing conviction, and they were all desperate to share in his certainty.

"How can you be so sure, sir?" Sam asked quietly, her eyes begging him to make her believe it in the same way he seemed to.

"Because he's looking at us like co-workers," Jack explained simply, holding her gaze steadily. "He doesn't get that we're family."

"O'Neill is correct," Teal'c concurred, pressing his knee more firmly against hers. "If we were solely the people you returned to at the end of the day, Doctor MacKenzie would not be concerned. Similarly, if we were merely your colleagues and associated with you only when our duties required it, he would not interest himself with our interactions. It would seem Doctor MacKenzie fails to understand the many roles we play in one another's lives."

The other three regarded him with surprise, having expected such an explanation to come from their usually verbose archaeologist, not their often-mute Jaffa. Their surprise was compounded by the fact that, in five years of knowing him, they couldn't remember having ever heard Teal'c say so much in a single go. As usual, Teal'c had held his tongue until he had something truly meaningful to contribute.

"But why us?" Daniel asked, brow furrowed in confusion. "Most of the teams are close… We aren't the only ones who hold team nights and spend time together outside the SGC."

"Who knows? Maybe he has a list and we're just at the top of it," Jack suggested, his thumb tracing idle patterns on Sam's sleeve. Whether he was trying to soothe her or himself, he couldn't say.

She flinched at his words, clearly interpreting them to mean that somehow, someway, it was her fault.

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I tried to put some distance between us yesterday so I could prove him wrong, but it didn't work. As soon as he heard we had a team night last night, he jumped all over me for using you three as a crutch and avoiding my 'issues'."

A gentle pressure on her wrist brought her eyes back up to Jack's, and he offered her a smile to show he wasn't blaming her, didn't think _any_ of this was her fault.

"When is your next appointment with Doctor MacKenzie?" Teal'c asked, voice laced with steely determination.

"Tomorrow at ten," Sam replied dejectedly. She looked like she'd rather single-handedly face down a battalion of Jaffa in hand-to-hand combat than go back to see the base psychiatrist. All things considered, the men couldn't really blame her.

"I believe it would be prudent for us to accompany you. It would seem we have much to discuss with Doctor MacKenzie," Teal'c stated, looking back and forth between the rest of his team for confirmation.

"What do you think, Sam? Want some company tomorrow?" Daniel asked gently. He didn't want to pressure her into letting them tag-along, but he agreed with Teal'c; they needed to talk with MacKenzie before he could formalize his recommendations. Besides, the man obviously needed a good talking to. What the _hell_ had he been thinking, dumping this on Sam on top of everything else she'd been struggling to deal with over the last few days.

"Definitely," she smiled and they were all glad to see it reached her eyes. There were still worry and guilt on her face, but some of the lines creasing her features had smoothed out. It wasn't much, but it was a start.

Looking at Jack, however, Daniel thought that maybe the lines from Sam's face had just migrated over to the older man's instead. "Is that okay with you, Jack?" he asked, eyeing his friend with concern.

"You bet," Jack replied, though his light tone was at odds with his deepening frown.

"Sir?" Sam prompted, trying to get him to share what was on his mind.

"It just seems ridiculous that _this _would be the time MacKenzie decides we're too close for our own good," Jack said quietly, his voice weighed down by guilt and eyes clouded with regret. "Carter, you were gone for _two days_ before any of us even noticed you were missing. If anything, I'd say we aren't close enough."

His words cast a pall over the room, the silence that stretched between them suddenly becoming uncomfortable and awkward. Two pairs of brown eyes and one pair of blue dropped to the floor, studiously avoiding Sam's gaze, and three sets of shoulders seemed to sag under the weight of responsibility. She knew that no matter what she said, they would continue to assign blame to themselves, but still, she needed to say something to try and assuage their guilt. Even though none of them would ever say so, on some level they all needed to hear that she didn't fault them for what had happened, for how close to 'too late' her rescue had almost been.

"You guys can't call me every five minutes that we're not on duty just to make sure I'm okay," Sam finally murmured, her voice calm and quiet but firm. She let her eyes wander over each of the three men as their eyes slowly rose to meet hers again, one by one. "Not only is it impractical, but it would drive me absolutely nuts before lunchtime on day one.

"Yeah, our check-in system turned out to be inadequate, but _I_ was the one who insisted on one call per weekend, not any of you," she reminded, thinking back to the conversation they'd had when the NID had first started making direct threats against her. "And even after what happened with Conrad, I'm still going to insist on one call per weekend because I need that independence, otherwise he wins."

Guilt still sat heavily in the pit of his stomach, but Jack found himself smiling in spite of it. Finally, Sam was starting to sound like herself again: spunky, self-possessed and determined as hell not to let the bad guys get the best of her. Sparing quick glances at Daniel and Teal'c, Jack noted twin looks of approval on both their faces.

"What?" Sam demanded, glancing back and forth between her teammates, trying to determine what they all seemed to be so happy about.

"We're just glad to have you back. I mean, _really_ back," Jack replied, squeezing her wrist again.

A fresh wave of guilt slammed into her, once again reminding her just how much worry she'd caused them.

"God, I'm sorry for how I behaved yesterday," she apologized sincerely, ducking her head in embarrassment. "I thought if I pushed you all away, I'd be able to prove to MacKenzie that he was wrong, that I could deal with all this on my own and didn't need you as much as he seemed to think I did… I feel like such an idiot."

"Don't," Daniel said firmly, reaching over Teal'c to squeeze her shoulder. "You were doing what you could to keep MacKenzie from splitting us up; you thought you were acting in all of our best interests."

His words earned him an appreciative smile, and her free hand came up to cover his.

They lapsed into silence, turning the situation over in their heads, trying to figure out where MacKenzie was coming from and what arguments they could make to dissuade him from putting his recommendations forward. Without being able to answer the first question, it was virtually impossible to answer the second and all the quartet ended up doing was thinking in circles.

Finally, Jack decided that no good could come from dwelling on the problem; there was nothing they could do until they'd spoken with MacKenzie, with the possible exception of driving themselves crazy. Slapping his good hand against his least bad knee, he made two-thirds of his teammates jump and got all of their attention.

"MacKenzie already ruined one team night… I said 'MacKenzie', Carter, not you," he rebuked sternly when he saw the blush creeping up her cheeks. "Let's not let him ruin another. You guys go take care of snacks and I'll start up one of the movies we didn't get through last night."

"What beverage do you wish to consume next, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked, pointedly eyeing the half-empty beer bottle as he climbed to his feet.

"One more beer?" Jack asked hopefully. He figured he'd pushed his luck last night, convincing his teammates to overlook the fact that he was disregarding Janet's orders and today Teal'c had been generous, bending Janet's rules for quite possibly the first and last time; he didn't really think he'd manage to wheedle another beer tonight, but it couldn't hurt to try.

"No," all three of them replied in unison.

Daniel and Sam exchanged an exasperated look while they followed Teal'c's lead and stood. Suddenly the area around the couch was very crowded and with this three rather tall teammates looming over him, Jack did the only thing he _could_ do, given the situation.

"D'oh!" he acquiesced, earning two eye rolls and a raised eyebrow.

As Daniel and Teal'c headed for the kitchen, Sam extended a hand and helped heave her CO off the couch. Once he had his feet under him, she made to follow the others, but Jack kept hold of her hand, the steady pressure halting her progress.

"How are you doing? Really?" he asked quietly, studying her face closely in search of any indication that she might be lying to him.

"I'm okay, sir," she assured, once again being careful not to let 'I'm fine' escape her. "I'd feel better if I knew we weren't going to be split up, but…" she shrugged helplessly, knowing it was out of their hands. Once again, she was powerless against a doctor, but this time there was no cavalry to come to the rescue; her fate was in MacKenzie's hands and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Jack knew what was going through her head, but he was just as powerless as she was in this case. He couldn't burst through a door in the knick of time and hustle her away from MacKenzie, though he wished more than anything that he could. They were in this together, for better or for worse, and there was nothing could do to protect her from it.

But he knew he could make it better, if only for a few moments.

"C'mere," Jack murmured, pulling her towards him.

She acquiesced with a small smile, glad to let him wrap her up in a comforting hug. Careful of his injury, she slid her own arms around him and rested her chin on his shoulder. Her eyes drifting closed, she reveled in the safety of his arms – well, _arm_ in this instance – around her and the familiar tones of Daniel and Teal'c's voices drifting in from the kitchen.

How MacKenzie could think _this_ was bad for her, wrong for her, she'd never know. These three were her sanctuary, her home, her family; she belonged with them as surely as her head belonged on her shoulders.

"Whatever happens, it's not your fault," Jack breathed in her ear, squeezing her tight. He knew she'd blame herself anyway, but he had to try and assuage her guilt, lest he be consumed by his own.

"Yes, sir," she replied, pulling back reluctantly and putting some space between them. "What do you want to drink? And please don't say 'beer', sir."

"Soda," he conceded, stepping around her and heading for the TV.

Grabbing the case on the top of the pile of movies, he watched her go out of the corner of his eye. She seemed more like herself now, the weight on her shoulders quartered and distributed amongst the four of them. Sam was once again comfortable with him and the others and was starting to get comfortable in her own skin; it was a relief to see. Jack just wished he could take away the guilt so obviously still eating away at her.


	25. Chapter 25

**Measure After Measure**

"Sleep," Daniel groaned long hours later, pleading with his teammates for all he was worth. "_Please_."

"You're getting _old_," Sam teased, twisting slightly so she could grin up at him. "It's only a little after midnight."

"Not all of us can be as full of youth and vigor as you are, Carter," Jack retorted wryly, struggling to keep his eyes open. He was slumped to one side and looked like only the arm of the couch and the last dregs of stubborn determination were keeping him from toppling over into an undignified sprawl.

"I am more than twice your age, O'Neill," Teal'c reminded with a smirk, exchanging a conspiratorial look with Sam. "And I feel no need to perform kel'no'reem at this time."

"Well isn't that special for you?" Jack groused, twisting around into something more closely resembling an upright position. "Bedtime, kids; we want to be well-rested when we chat with MacKenzie tomorrow."

After a great deal of additional protest from Teal'c, who insisted that it wasn't too late to start _Return of the Jedi_ yet again, and Sam, whom he had a niggling suspicion just didn't want to chance another doozy of a nightmare,Jack finally decided a little abuse of power was called for and ordered them all off to bed. Accepting defeat, Teal'c got to his feet and started cleaning up, taking empty beer bottles and dirty plates into the kitchen while Sam finally allowed Daniel up from the recliner they had spent the night squished together in.

While the archaeologist went to help Jack off the couch, Sam gathered an armful of soda cans and followed her Jaffa teammate into the kitchen. Hearing the other half of her team moving around the living room and gathering up the final remains of their most recent team night, she seized the opportunity to talk to Teal'c alone.

"Teal'c, did you mean it when you said you didn't need to perform kel'no'reem right now, or were you just giving the colonel a hard time?" she asked, trying to keep her tone casual.

Either she hadn't come across casually enough or he knew her too well to be fooled into thinking it was just a simple question. Teal'c straightened up and turned to face her, abandoning the dishwasher for a moment in favor of studying her carefully. After a few heartbeats of silence, he guessed, "You wish for me to assist you in achieving a state of kel'no'reem again this evening."

"Would you mind? Or would your symbiote?" she checked, depositing her burden in the almost overflowing recycling bin in one corner of the kitchen. She wanted his help, but not if it was going to be to the detriment of his or Junior's health.

"My earlier words were the truth, Major Carter," Teal'c assured warmly. "I do not require kel'no'reem at this time. No harm will befall my symbiote or myself if I assist you, and I would be honored to do so."

"Thank you," she smiled, laying a hand on his arm and squeezing briefly. Knowing she would be spared last night's frustration of trying to meditate on her own and, with any luck, the heart-pounding nightmares that continued to plague her, suddenly going to bed didn't seem like such a bad idea.

"I tried to do it on my own last night," she said off-handedly, stepping back so he could finish loading the dishwasher.

"How did you fare?" Teal'c asked, even though he could guess at what her answer would be. If she'd managed it on her own last night, she wouldn't have asked for his help tonight. Bending to reach the lower tray of the machine, he missed the grimace that twisted her features.

"Not well," Sam replied, setting the timer on the coffee maker so that there would be plenty caffeine to go around come morning. On the rare occasions when no one remembered to do so, there tended to be a lot of grumpiness while the three human members of SG-1 waited for their first cups of the morning kick-starting brew. They managed without coffee in the field when they had to, but their bodies all seemed to associate Earth-bound mornings with caffeine and refused to function properly without it. Sam figured they could do without the grumpiness tomorrow morning.

Tag-teaming MacKenzie was one thing, but he didn't deserve to be ganged up on by a team of mostly cranky, decaffeinated grouches. Even _he _wasn't quite _that_ bad.

"For what reason?"

"I couldn't stay focused," Sam shrugged, pressing flat against the counter behind her so Jack and Daniel could squeeze past her and join them in the kitchen.

"When?" Daniel asked curiously, stacking leftover takeout containers in the fridge.

"Last night when I was trying to kel'no'reem."

"_You_ had trouble sitting in one place, doing nothing and not thinking about anything?" Jack asked, feigning shock. Dumping the last of the night's soda cans in the recycling bin, he shot her a sidelong glance, eyes sparkling with amusement. "But that's so _unlike_ you, Carter!"

"Jack, don't be an ass," Daniel sighed, rolling his eyes.

"And let all those years of practice go to waste? Sorry, Danny, no can do," he shot back, winking at Sam. Being an ass wasn't the only thing Jack had years of practice at; five years of experience had made him somewhat of an expert in archaeologist baiting.

The look that crossed Daniel's face made it clear to Teal'c and Sam that if they didn't step in, they would be up half the night watching back-to-back episodes of _The Jack and Daniel Snark Hour Variety Show_. It would all be in good fun, but if allowed to really get in their groove, the pair could go for hours on end and Sam _did_ want to try and get at least a little sleep tonight. The past few nights were starting to catch up with her and she knew she wouldn't be able to keep fooling Janet into believing she was sleeping well for much longer.

"Come, Major Carter," Teal'c said firmly, interjecting before Daniel could verbally retaliate. Squeezing past the others, he made his way to the door, adding, "We will begin immediately."

"Keep the Zen-finding down to an hour tonight, kids," Jack instructed, eyeing Sam pointedly. "We've got to be up and out by 0930 and I want you getting _at least_ eight hours tonight."

"Yes, sir," she sighed, knowing that this was one of those things he would obstinately refuse to budge on. Given what Sam had seen when she'd last looked in the mirror, she couldn't really say she blamed him.

"Teal'c, why don't you go get ready?" Daniel suggested, double-checking that the timer on the coffee maker was set. "I need to ask Sam something really quick."

"Is your question work related?" Jack asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion. He wouldn't put it past Daniel to aid and abet his fellow workaholic in breaking Janet's rules. After all, it had happened before and, in all likelihood, it would happen again.

"No," Daniel replied, shaking his head for extra emphasis. "And I haven't even _spoken _to anyone from the science department – besides Sam, that is – in three days, I swear."

Jack's eyes stayed narrowed as they swept back and forth over the two youngest members of his team, trying to detect whether they were in cahoots and using their super-genius powers to trick him. Apparently he didn't detect any hint of conspiracy because after about thirty seconds of bouncing from one to the other, he nodded and bade his team goodnight. Teal'c did the same before leading trailing their commander out of the kitchen.

Waiting until their teammates' footsteps had faded down the hall, Daniel eyed Sam over the top of his glasses and drummed his fingers idly on the countertop. He knew he was making her uncomfortable, could tell from the way she shifted her weight from foot to foot, but he was also aware of the fact that he needed to tread carefully. Since sharing MacKenzie's concerns with them, Sam had been the person they'd come to know better than themselves, but the results from her latest blood work up had revealed that there were still relatively high levels of nitrazepam in her system, meaning that sudden fits of anger were still a very real possibility.

"There's something that's been bothering me since your nightmare last night," he finally decided to open with, watching her closely for any signs that she was about to blow up at him.

"There is?" Sam asked, a flutter of panic building in her chest. Trying hard not to give anything away with her facial expression or body language, she stared at him intently, waiting for him to continue.

"Last night, you cried out," Daniel reminded, voice calm and low. "Teal'c and I heard you from the living room and woke up right away."

"So?"

"So you always call out in your sleep, or at least as you're waking up. I can't remember a single time that you've had a totally silent nightmare. Not until two nights ago, that is."

In spite of herself, Sam felt her eyes widen and the flutter of panic morphed into the wash from a jet engine, slamming into her lungs with so much force she couldn't breathe. He couldn't have figured it out. She'd been so careful in what she said, keeping her story consistent no matter who she was talking to, knowing that her teammates were probably comparing notes when she wasn't around, trying to ascertain just how honest she was being with them about how she was holding up.

"I don't see…" Sam began, shaking her head and moving to step around him, to make a hasty escape from the kitchen and sequester herself until morning. A gentle hand closing around her elbow stopped her and turned her around to face its owner, Daniel's sharp blue eyes seeming to look right through her.

"Two nights ago, you didn't have a nightmare," Daniel stated quietly, radiating confidence. "It was a flashback, wasn't it?"

She could lie. Or she could shake off his hand, his concern, and refuse to answer. Both were easy options. But he'd already guessed the truth. Daniel wasn't asking, not really; he knew he was right and was merely waiting to see how she would react to the question. Besides, the easy options were also the easy ways out, and Sam had made her whole life about never settling for doing the easy thing.

"Yes," she breathed, closing her eyes because she wasn't sure she could take seeing his reaction right now.

"Who knows?" Daniel murmured, bringing both hands up to rest lightly on her shoulders.

"Me and you," she replied, looking up to find warm, concerned eyes staring back at her.

"What about Janet? Or MacKenzie?"

A headshake was all the answer she could give.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"MacKenzie already wants to take SG-1 away from me," she whispered, throat suddenly clogged by tears of shame that took her by surprise. "If I tell him, he'll want to take everything else away too. I should be able to handle this better, Daniel. I'm _trained_ to handle this! But I can't, not this time, and if MacKenzie finds out…"

"Sam, listen to me," Daniel interrupted, cutting off her rambling explanation and squeezing her shoulders reassuringly. "You _aren't_ trained to handle being kidnapped every time somebody with the right resources gets an idea that they want to test out, or decides that they want to pick your brain about something and doesn't want to waste time asking nicely. And you certainly aren't trained to handle being subjected to God knows what sorts of experiments to satisfy some sick bastard's curiosity. _Nobody_ is trained to handle those things, Sam: not Jack, with all his black ops training, not even Teal'c with all Bra'tac taught him over the course of _decades_.

"Capture and interrogation and torture are one thing, Sam – _those _are things you've been trained to deal with – but those things _aren't_ what Conrad and his people did to you."

"What if MacKenzie doesn't see it that way?" Sam hated how small she sounded in that moment.

"I think if you're honest with him, if you start telling him the _whole_ truth, he'll _come_ to see it that way," he soothed, squeezing her shoulders again. "But you have to give him a chance to understand, Sam; the magnitude of what you've been through, if not the experience itself."

Daniel hadn't forgiven MacKenzie for the toll his decision to recommend that SG-1 be split up had taken on Sam. He was still angry that the base shrink had dumped that on his friend and teammate with no regard for the effect it might have on her after everything else she'd been through this week. But like it or not, MacKenzie had to give his approval before Sam could return to duty – be it in the labs or off-world – and if he sensed she was telling him half-truths and outright lies, he would never clear her.

"Do you really trust him?" Sam asked, blinking back the tears still threatening to spill. "After what happened to you with Ma'chello's Goa'uld killers and now this whole 'split up SG-1' fiasco, do you really think he's someone I should trust?"

"He's human, Sam. He makes mistakes just like the rest of us."

"His mistakes can ruin people's lives."

"So can ours," Daniel pointed out, fingers kneading the tense muscles they rested on. "But when we've screwed up in the past, the people whose lives stood to be ruined gave us the chance to fix our mistakes. The Cimmerians, the Medronans, the naked, white aliens on '445, the Edorans, the people on Juna and K'Tau… Aren't they all better off for having given us a chance to make-up for our interplanetary blunders?"

"I almost rendered an entire solar system uninhabitable with the K'Tau incident," Sam reminded, grimacing. "You can't really compare that to MacKenzie's mistakes."

He smiled, glad he had gotten his point across. "No, you can't. But if the people of K'Tau can give us another chance, don't you think MacKenzie deserves one too?"

"I guess," Sam sighed. He was right, even if she didn't like it. Realizing just how easily Daniel had handled her, she added, "Sneaky, Doctor Jackson."

"I prefer 'honest', Doctor Carter," he corrected, eyes twinkling with laughter. "So, will you tell MacKenzie the truth?"

"Yes." She wasn't happy about the prospect of opening up to the man in question, but if she didn't, she would find herself grounded indefinitely at best, and discharged from the air force at worst. Neither outcome was acceptable.

"Will you tell _me_ the truth?" Daniel pressed.

"Yes."

"How many other flashbacks have you had?" he asked gently, careful to keep his voice calm and gentle. Angry Sam hadn't reared her head since leaving the SGC that afternoon, but Daniel knew that one wrong word, one wrong inflection in his voice could change that so fast his head would spin.

"That's it," Sam swore holding his gaze, eyes wide and earnest. "You already know about the others."

"If you have any more…"

"I'll tell you, I promise."

"Good," he nodded, knowing he could trust her word. He'd probably have to keep prodding her to be honest with MacKenzie, but Daniel could deal with that. So long as there was at least one person she was being completely truthful with, she wouldn't reach that same low she had yesterday, so far from fine but refusing to admit it even to herself, and pushing away anyone who knew her well enough to call her on it.

"Now, you'd better go join Teal'c," he instructed lightly as he released her shoulders. "Time's wasting and Jack's probably lying in bed with a stopwatch."

Sam chuckled at that, knowing there was a good chance that a little less than an hour from now, Jack would come bursting through the door to the guest room, ordering her into bed and Teal'c out to the living room at the top of his lungs. The man had all the tact of a cranky two-year-old sometimes and had no qualms about making just as much racket, banking on the fact that people would be sorely tempted do just about anything he wanted, if only to get him to quit being so noisy.

Stepping around her, Daniel retrieved a clean glass from the cupboard and filled it with water, expecting Sam to stop letting precious meditation time slip away. He was a little surprised when he continued to feel the weight of her eyes on his back, but he didn't say anything. He'd asked her enough questions tonight; he didn't want Sam to feel like he was interrogating her.

"Daniel?" she started hesitantly, considering whether or not she really wanted to make the request. It felt dangerously close to taking the easy way out, but the alternative made her stomach churn just thinking about it. In the end, Sam decided that 'the easy way' was still pretty damn hard and there was no shame in taking it.

"Hmm?" he replied, turning to face her once more.

"Can you tell the colonel and Teal'c about two nights ago?" she asked quietly, her voice quiet and unsure. "I… Let's just say I don't really want to talk about it."

"I can do that," he agreed, understanding her reluctance to tell them herself. If she did it, there would be questions that she probably didn't want to answer; if _he_ told the rest of their team, he could avoid having to answer those questions by admitting that Sam hadn't told him much of anything. It seemed he wasn't the only one that could be sneaky, Daniel mused.

"Thank you," she smiled, glad that was one less awkward conversation she'd have to look forward to in the coming days.

"If you need anything through the night, you know where to find me," Daniel reminded, offering her a smile of his own.

"That I do," Sam agreed, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing tight. She owed him more than he'd ever know for showing up outside MacKenzie's door that afternoon. If it weren't for Daniel, she knew she would have spent the rest of the day curled up in the corner of her couch, dreading her teammates' reactions when they found out what the base psychiatrist had planned for SG-1 and jumping at every little sound in her silent house.

"Night, Daniel," Sam murmured against his shoulder, relieved beyond words that he had so easily forgiven her for the way she'd treated him in the last two days. Being more persistent than the others in trying to determine what was bothering her, Daniel had borne the brunt of her attempts to distance herself from her teammates.

"Sweet dreams tonight, okay, Sam?" he replied, one hand rubbing soothingly between her shoulder blades, the other holding her tight against him.

"I hope so," she breathed.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"Sorry I kept you waiting," Sam murmured, easing the door shut quietly behind her. She paused momentarily, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness before making her way over to where Teal'c sat, ready and waiting on the floor.

"Was your conversation with Daniel Jackson fruitful?" Teal'c asked, watching patiently while she settled herself into a comfortable position in front of him. Bathed in the pale light spilling in from the window, she looked more at ease than she had even in the days leading up to her most recent abduction. Whatever she and Daniel had talked about, it seemed to have relieved her of a great burden.

"I think so."

"Then your apology is unnecessary," Teal'c assured, flashing her a faint smile through the moonlight. She returned the gesture and it reached her eyes, lit up her whole face and chased away all traces of the strains the last week had placed on her. It was a sight that warmed his heart.

"How may I be of assistance to you this evening, Major Carter?" he asked quietly, the rich tones of his voice reaching out through the darkness and washing over her, soothing the lingering fears that nightfall awakened.

"Just talk to me," she requested, hoping he understood that it wasn't that she needed a voice to ground her while she worked through the meditative techniques he had taught her. Sam needed to hear _his_ voice; it's steady tenor and calm, unshakeable strength had always been a source of comfort to her, no matter the situation they found themselves in. "It doesn't matter what you say."

"If you would permit me, I would like to relate an ancient tale traditionally told to the young," Teal'c said after only a moment's thought. "As a small child, Ry'ac often requested Drey'auc and I tell him this particular fable, at times refusing to go to sleep until we did so."

"A Jaffa fairy tale?" Sam asked, her smile growing at the idea.

"Indeed."

"That sounds perfect, Teal'c," she confirmed, seeing an answering smile on his face.

Mindful of the time limit Jack had imposed on their kel'no'reem session, Teal'c wasted no further time. He delved into the tale he hadn't had occasion to tell for many years, the memory of his young son's excited face crystal clear in his mind as he recited the familiar words.

Closing her eyes, Sam focused her mind just as Teal'c had taught her and let rise and fall of his voice fade into the background, white noise promising security and warm friendship, regardless of what came their way.

**A/N: **In case anyone is wondering, the 'interplanetary blunders' Daniel mentions are from the episodes 'Thor's Chariot,' 'Touchstone,' 'One False Step,' 'One Hundred Days,' 'Double Jeopardy' and 'Red Sky,' respectively. : )


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: **Forgive the lateness of this update… It was a tough one to write, but I think I finally got it worked out! Also, I just have to say… One more sleep until "Continuum"!! You'll all know when my copy arrives in the mail because there won't be an update that day. I'll be too busy watching the DVD, re-watching the DVD, and cuddling with the case the DVD came in to write much of anything. : P And now on with the show… Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

"Are you certain you wish us to accompany you, Major Carter?" Teal'c asked, giving her one last chance to change her mind.

Sam nodded her head decisively. Her teammates had given her several opportunities to call off the group session with MacKenzie and she appreciated it, but she was committed; she wanted to confront MacKenzie with the three people he'd been trying so hard to isolate her from at her side.

"After you," Jack made a sweeping gesture and allowed Sam to precede him through the door, the others filing in after her.

"Good morning, Major," MacKenzie greeted, head bent low over his desk while his pen flew across the pad that never seemed to be more than an arm's length away from him. "Have a seat, I'll just be one moment."

"Gonna need a few more chairs, I think," Jack quipped, keeping his tone flippant. He shut the door behind Teal'c before shuffling around the big man, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with the rest of his team in front of the base psychiatrist's desk.

The unexpected voice got Mackenzie's undivided attention. He looked up from his paperwork, blinking at the quartet in surprise and noting for the first time how genuinely intimidating the foursome looked together, even when they weren't decked out with weapons and field gear. Closing the file in front of him, he tried hard to cover his surprise, though he wasn't sure how successful he was.

"Is there something I can do for all of you this morning?" he asked, careful to keep his tone neutral. He had a pretty good idea what this was about, but MacKenzie generally tried not to jump to conclusions, preferring to let the people who walked through his door reveal things to him in their own time. Psychiatry was as much about patience as it was about helping people, and jumping to the wrong conclusions usually did more harm than good, as experience had taught him.

Three heads turned expectantly towards Daniel, and MacKenzie found his own head following suit. It was a little unnerving, bearing witness to the silent communication that seemed to be flowing between the four people standing before him. Unnerving to be the only one in the room operating on a wavelength no one else was in sync with.

"As a matter of fact, there is." Daniel replied, clasping his hands behind his back for lack of anything else to do with them. Usually when opening negotiations, he was seated at a table and could clasp his hands in front of him, letting his body language convey an air of calm confidence; he knew he needed to project that same image now and did the best he could while cluttering up MacKenzie's office. "We wanted to speak with you about your plans to recommend that SG-1 be split up."

Apparently they'd all agreed that their archaeologist, with all his tact and diplomatic skills, was the best choice to get the ball rolling. Allowing his eyes to rove over the others still standing before him, MacKenzie decided Daniel probably _had_ been the best choice to broach the subject; Jack looked spitting mad, Teal'c looked ready to knock a few heads together, and Sam had found a way to appear nervous, defiant and victorious all at once.

Sighing, MacKenzie set his pen down and pushed his chair back a bit from his desk, reducing the degree that he had to crane his neck to take in the team assembled before him. He could have stood to address them, but all four members of SG-1, even Sam, had a few inches of height on him; he'd be looking up at them no matter what, and doing so from a chair served to make him seem as if he had some measure of control over the situation.

"I don't know how much Major Carter has shared with you," MacKenzie began, his voice even and his eyes moving up and down the line. "So I'm going to give you a full explanation, and I'd appreciate it if you would bear with me."

He paused, waiting for nods of assent. As MacKenzie had come to expect over the years, Jack was the last to agree and when he finally did, it was with a reluctant dip of his head.

Folding his hands in his lap, MacKenzie launched into the explanation he'd anticipated having a few more days to prepare.

"The four of you are an exceptionally tight knit group of people and in the last few years, those bonds have allowed you to accomplish some truly incredible things," he began. It wasn't flattery, rather an acknowledgment that the very thing he was concerned with was also a major factor in the successes the team had enjoyed in the past. "However, after observing each one of you, both individually and as a group, and speaking with all of you at various points in time, I'm concerned that your relationships have shifted from the healthy relationships that often develop within military units to an unhealthy series of co-dependencies."

"What is it that you have observed?" Teal'c inquired, head tilting in interest. Despite the rage clearly bubbling just beneath the surface, his voice remained calm and free of anger; although he was unhappy about the situation, apparently Teal'c was making a genuine effort to understand.

"It's natural to want to look after each other; you rely on one another for your lives out in the field and, given your friendships, it's not unusual that you also want to look after one another at home," he said patiently, eyes still scanning up and down the line. His gaze skipped over Sam occasionally because she'd already heard all this before; her reactions didn't interest him nearly as much as the men's did. "Where my concern lies is with the extent of your desire to look after one another."

"That's it?" Daniel demanded, beating Jack to the punch by a split second. Clear blue eyes blinked in surprise from behind his glasses as he tried to wrap his head around the idea. "You want to break up the team because we're a little _over-protective_?"

"No," MacKenzie corrected. "'Over-protective' implies that you want to _protect_ one another. What worries me is something we call 'excessive care-taking': when someone who could, under most circumstances, sufficiently care for him or herself, isn't given the opportunity to do so because others have taken that responsibility upon themselves."

"Look, I may have to force them to eat their dinners once in a while, but I don't hold my team's hands when we cross the street," Jack retorted, folding his arms across his chest and looking for all the world like he wished he had a P-90 with him. Then, because he couldn't help himself, he added, "And okay, I've tucked Daniel in once, but only because he'd had two beers and was too drunk to do it himself."

Down the line, an archaeologist blushed and stamped on a colonel's foot, a former First Prime raised an amused eyebrow and an astrophysicist tried and failed to hold back a giggle at the memory. Behind the desk, however, a psychiatrist frowned his displeasure with the casual dismissal of his concerns.

"Setting aside that issue for a moment, there's also the fact that you are _all_ prone to emotional, irrational behavior when a member of your team is injured or missing," MacKenzie ploughed on, refusing to let the discussion be waylaid by Jack's bad jokes. MacKenzie had spent enough time with the other man to know that he used humor to try and deflect attention from things he wasn't comfortable discussing, and took it as a sign that at least some of his words were hitting close to home.

"Because we care," Sam interjected forcefully, emboldened by the knowledge that her teammates were at her side this time. Her eyes sparked with a fire that he'd rarely seen in the past few days, daring him to argue with her.

"Yes, but my concern is that the panic you each exhibit when one of the others is in danger could lead you to act rashly in the field and take unnecessary risks that endanger everyone's lives," MacKenzie explained, holding Sam's gaze. "As you and I have already discussed, Major Carter."

"There isn't an SG team that wouldn't risk their lives to save a teammate," Jack refuted, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Hell, there isn't an SG team that wouldn't take that risk for any other team… As _we _already discussed with Major Carter," he added confrontationally, voice hard and challenging MacKenzie to dispute his claims.

Refusing to let himself be baited into an argument, MacKenzie conceded that the other man had a point. "You're absolutely right, Colonel O'Neill. However, staffing SG teams requires that people be drawn from a very limited pool of candidates with very specific skill sets. The classified nature of the work, as well as the sheer amount of time and resources devoted to training team members makes it unfeasible to rotate personnel in and out of this command. Under those circumstances, it's inevitable that bonds will form between many personnel assigned to SG teams; it's beyond anyone's control. Making sure the members of any given unit don't get too close, however, is well within my power."

"You believe that you are able to judge when the bonds between warriors have become detrimental to their performance, without ever witnessing them together in battle?" Teal'c asked coldly, hard eyes boring holes right through the base shrink.

"Yes," MacKenzie replied, fighting down the urge to shirk away from the muscular man who looked like he could snap him in two and would be happy to do so. "And so does the Air Force."

"You're the expert on this subject, Doctor MacKenzie, none of us will argue with that," Daniel interrupted, hands making their way out from behind his back of their own accord. "But what we do here at the SGC – traveling through wormholes to other planets, exploring the galaxy, _saving the world_ – it's unlike anything else mankind has undertaken in all of human history! There's no precedent, no past experiences to draw on. We're making things up as we go along; sometimes we're right and sometimes we're wrong but we're _always_ doing the best we can and hoping like hell that things work out in the end."

Hands carving elegant shapes through the air, passion lacing his voice and shining from his eyes, Daniel argued his point to the best of his ability. His teammates let him; this was Daniel Jackson in his element and they were loath to interfere.

"Everyone here is an expert in something, and at some point, each one of us has had to throw everything we thought we knew about our field out the window because we discovered it was wrong, or because a situation arose that shattered all our preconceived notions about something."

"What's your point, Doctor Jackson?" MacKenzie questioned calmly. He knew how easy it was to become hypnotized by the younger man's eloquent words and expressive hands, and he refused to let himself get caught up in the enthusiasm Daniel was exuding.

"My point is that day in and day out, SG teams see and do things that nobody outside the SGC can even _dream_ of," Daniel explained quietly. "Field duty at Stargate Command is unlike any other assignment military personnel have ever been posted to. Ask any member of any team and they'll tell you that the rules are different once you're on the other end of a wormhole…"

"Doctor Jackson…"

"Who are you to say how close is too close?" Daniel demanded, ignoring the interruption, planting his hands on the desk in front of him and leaning forward to look the other man square in the eye. "Everything we thought we knew about _everything else_ has been turned upside down since we first opened the stargate; what makes your field any different than mine, or Sam's or Janet's or anyoneelse's?"

MacKenzie held his gaze, considering the impassioned argument he'd just been presented with. It was true; most everything the people of Earth thought they knew was routinely proven to be just plain wrong as explorations through the stargate opened their eyes to a galaxy of knowledge. MacKenzie would be among the first to admit that all his years of education and formal training, not to mention decades of professional experience, had been woefully inadequate preparation for some of the situations he had been presented with over the years.

In spite of that, he still clung to the things he'd read in textbooks so many years ago, the things he still read in journal articles to this day. The thought of shoving aside all the knowledge he'd worked so hard to accumulate was frightening. He held people's lives in his hands – maybe not in as immediate a way as Janet did, but stress and depression and grief could end a human life as easily as battle wounds and disease – and to wade blindly through the river of troubles that flowed into his office without a life preserver seemed irresponsible, if not downright criminal.

But there was no denying that Daniel had a point. Who was he to say how close was too close for the members of an SG unit? He made his judgments based on rules and guidelines established for a set of circumstances so far removed from what they faced from day to day that it was absurd anyone should expect those same old rules to be applicable to the SGC.

Straight up the chain of command, there was recognition that exploring new worlds necessitated a new set of rules to play by. That's why the President and the Joint Chiefs granted General Hammond such leniency when emergencies required him to make split second calls that, by all rights, should have been up to the bigwigs in Washington. Hell, that was why the four people standing before him now were still serving at the SGC, even after having disregarded orders and hijacked the stargate to try and stop an alien invasion back when the program had still been in its infancy. If even the Commander in Chief could admit that there were times when all the rules had to be tossed aside, why shouldn't he, the lowly base psychiatrist, do the same?

"I understand where you're coming from, Doctor Jackson," MacKenzie began, not willing to acquiesce so easily. He never got the chance to finish.

"Look, MacKenzie," Jack snapped, anger boiling over, volume increasing and eyes seething with fury. "Maybe the four of us are closer than the rulebook says we should be, but quite frankly, I don't give a damn! We get the job done, no matter what. All of us know what's at stake here, and when push comes to shove, we do what needs to be done.

"To save the world, I left Daniel fatally wounded and alone on a Goa'uld mothership because I knew the lives of _six billion_ people took precedence over the life of a single person, even if that person was Daniel. I stood by and watched Teal'c' slowly die from being without his symbiote because I knew keeping _all_ the things he knew about Earth and our allies from falling into enemy hands was more important than keeping the man who's called me 'brother' alive. And I shot Carter twice with a zat, knowing it would kill her, _should have_ killed her, because stopping an alien computer virus that could jump from machines into people from spreading was our first priority, and finding a way to save the life of one of my closest friends took a backseat.

"I stand by my team's record and I dare _anyone_ to comb through our mission files and find even one time when we let our friendships get in the way of getting the job done," Jack finished, breathing as harshly as if he'd just run a marathon with a horde of angry, armed Jaffa behind him.

"No one is questioning your team's record, Colonel," MacKenzie assured, somewhat taken aback by the vehemence behind the words. "All of you have always acted in the best interest of this planet and her allies, regardless of what doing so might have cost you, both personally and professionally.

"But stop for a moment and consider this from my perspective. The fact that Major Carter shared my concerns with you and now you're all here protesting my forthcoming recommendations only serves to reinforce my concerns."

"Major Carter did what _you_ should have done in the first place!" Jack all but hollered, stepping forward and taking Daniel's place leaning over the desk.

When Daniel had done it, MacKenzie had felt as though he was being brought into the man's confidence, included in his impassioned argument. When Jack did it, MacKenzie felt as though the other man was a heartbeat away from reaching over the desk and unleashing all the outrage coursing through his veins. In spite of himself, he tilted his chair back a little, putting another fraction of an inch between them.

"SG-1 is _my _team," Jack continued, voice low and dangerous, gratified to see a hint of fear cross MacKenzie's face. "These are _my _people, and you have _no right_ to go behind my back, telling my second-in-command news she should have heard from either General Hammond or myself. And you _sure as hell_ shouldn't have done it after the week she's already had!"

"Sir," Sam warned quietly, her calm, gentle tone a stark contrast to his flat out livid one.

Pushing back from the desk, Jack spun around and scrubbed a frustrated hand through his hair, trying hard to get a grip on his anger.

"I didn't tell them because I needed them with me to confront you," Sam stated firmly, her gaze locked on MacKenzie. "I told them because I thought you were making a bad decision that affects all four of us. Right now your recommendations are only in your head, but in a few days, you're going to file a formal report and they'll be a part of official record. _You_ weren't going to tell them until it was too late to keep that from happening, so _I_ told them instead; you don't get to twist that around and use it to help you make your case."

There was an edge of steel to her voice that had been noticeably absent over the last few days. Judging by the somewhat surprised yet appreciative looks the men of SG-1 exchanged, MacKenzie suspected they'd been missing it too. Although a part of him wanted to dismiss the sudden spurt of nerve as merely the result of having her teammates present, deep down he knew that wasn't true. It was strength of conviction, not the psychological comfort of having the rest of SG-1 present that had given her the courage to stand up to him like that.

Exhaling slowly, MacKenzie wracked his brain trying to find the right words to tell them the conclusions he'd reached during the course of their conversation, however before he could even wrap his tongue around the first syllables, another effort to change his mind was launched

"Would it not be of greater concern to you if we were to sit idly by and allow you to dismantle SG-1 without protest, Doctor MacKenzie?" Teal'c asked, regarding him stonily. His tightly clenched jaw was the only outward sign of his mounting anger. "After all we have done to ensure that SG-1 remain intact – including, on several occasions, engaging in… vigorous debate with our superiors – did you truly believe that we would allow you to succeed where many others have failed?"

"Of course he didn't, Teal'c," Jack drawled, jamming his hands into his pockets as the final pieces of the puzzle finally fell into place. Suddenly everything made sense. "He knew full well we'd fight it and that's why he told Carter first. He knew she'd tell us and that we'd raise seven kinds of hell about it, storming in here and doing our damnedest to change his mind."

Turning the full force of his most intimidating glare on the base psychiatrist, Jack concluded, "You set us up, set _her_ up, to help you make your case, you son of a bitch."

"I…" MacKenzie started to protest, getting to his feet, outraged at the accusations being leveled against him. The words died on his lips, however, as the realization that there was a kernel of truth in the allegations slowly dawned on him.

For years now, every instinct MacKenzie possessed had been screaming that SG-1 was too close, that the bonds between them endangered all of them when they were out in the field together, but it had been impossible to make a case based in either fact or science. Every time the topic had come up informally, General Hammond had scoffed at the idea of breaking up the team, citing SG-1's exceptional record. Whenever MacKenzie had sat down to draw up formal recommendations, that same exceptional record had failed to provide the support necessary to justify his concerns.

On some level, MacKenzie realized, he had been aware that his sessions with Sam presented an opportunity to make his case once and for all. It had been, metaphorically speaking, a perfect storm. The men of SG-1 had spent days frantic with worry, ready and willing to tear the planet apart in search of their missing fourth. Upon finding Sam, they'd closed ranks, serving as bodyguards, housekeepers and shoulders to cry on, as the need for each arose. Reeling from an experience no one should ever have to endure, Sam had been leaning on her teammates as she struggled to come to grips with all that Adrian Conrad had done to her. Finally, a situation had arisen in which the members of SG-1 had demonstrated the lengths they would go to for one another and their efforts had taken them well beyond the call of duty with nothing so altruistic as saving the world – any world – to justify it.

Disgusted with himself, MacKenzie slowly started to grasp the fact that he had manipulated Sam, using her to lure the whole team into his office, angry and afraid of being split up. The strength of their reactions to the news was all the proof he needed to make a strong case against allowing the four to remain together. He'd used her for his own benefit with no regard for how it would affect her…

He had to place both hands on the desk to steady himself as recognition that he was no better than Conrad slammed into him with all the force of a speeding train.

"You what?" Jack demanded impatiently, still radiating anger but having managed to rein himself in somewhat.

"You're right. All of you are right, in some way," MacKenzie confessed quietly. Shame twisting his gut, he forced himself to look each of them in the eye.

"We are?" Daniel asked in surprise, sharing an astonished look with the others. _They'd _known they were right all along, they just really hadn't expected MacKenzie to admit it.

"My concerns are _not_ groundless," MacKenzie insisted, ignoring Jack's eye roll at the words. "But Doctor Jackson is correct; the same rules and guidelines that apply to other military teams are ill-suited to life at Stargate Command. 'Too close' in any other military setting may very well be 'not close enough' for the members of an SG team.

"And, Colonel O'Neill, you're absolutely right: your team's record speaks for itself. The four of you have never let the bonds between you stand in the way of acting in Earth's best interest or completing your missions," MacKenzie continued, noting that some of the hostility in Jack's eyes vanished with that admission. "I never intended to imply…"

"Then don't split us up," Sam interrupted, cutting off whatever else he'd been about to say. "Our record is so good because we're so close. We all know how the others think, can anticipate each other's moves and act accordingly. We…"

"I can't make any guarantees that you won't one day be split up," MacKenzie interjected; this time it was his turn to interrupt her. "But it won't happen now and, at least today, it won't be happening because of any recommendations I make."

"You're not going to recommend that we be split up?" Jack checked, still looking skeptical.

"Not today," MacKenzie repeated. He had to make that clear; one day he might find himself with no choice but to make such a recommendation, and he didn't want this moment to come back to haunt him anymore than it already would.

"Just like that?" Daniel pressed, as though they hadn't just spent the last twenty minutes making impassioned arguments, arguing their case and looming over him in the hopes that, if nothing else did the trick, intimidation might swing things in their favor.

"What can I say? The four of you make some pretty convincing arguments," he credited, a ghost of a smile quirking his lips upwards. "Now, if the rest of you wouldn't mind waiting outside, there are a few things I'd like to discuss with Major Carter alone," MacKenzie suggested, looking back and forth between the three men. Seeing the dark, menacing look Jack sent his way, he hastened to add, "It seems I owe the major an apology."

"Major Carter?" Teal'c asked, checking to see if she was comfortable being alone with the base psychiatrist in light of the conversation they'd just had.

She hesitated momentarily, carefully thinking it over before nodding her agreement.

"If he tries to pull anything else, kick his ass," Jack instructed seriously, and Sam knew he was issuing an order that he fully expected her to comply with. "I'll even help you with the paperwork afterwards," he added, directing one final scowl at MacKenzie.

"Yes, sir," Sam agreed, smiling slightly.

"Are you sure, Sam?" Daniel asked, searching her face for any sign that she didn't really want them to leave and was merely putting on a show for MacKenzie's benefit.

"It's okay," she assured quietly, squeezing his arm to show she appreciated his concern.

"We'll be in the hall," Jack stated. Whether it was supposed to be a reassurance for Sam's benefit or a threat issued for MacKenzie's, no one was completely sure, including Jack himself.

Then, pulling the door open, he ushered Daniel and Teal'c out into the corridor, leaving their teammate alone with their psychiatrist.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: **This is my life: the unfortunate combination of another tough chapter to write (blame MacKenzie; he was being difficult) and a huge thunderstorm with really high winds that knocked out power in my neighborhood for almost 14 hours kept me from updating yesterday. Last night I worked on my laptop until the battery died and then I was stuck crossing my fingers and hoping the power came back on some time soon... Which, of course, it didn't. Not only did the stupid blackout interfere with updating, but it also kept me from watching "Continuum"! Grr... Anywho, I think it's high time we get this show on the road... Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

"That son of a bitch," Jack muttered for at least the dozenth time since stepping into the hallway two minutes ago. He punctuated the statement with his clenched fist, thudding it against the top of his thigh over and over again in imitation of what he wanted to do to the base psychiatrist, no doubt.

"Jack…" Daniel's warning drawl did nothing to lessen his friend's increasing agitation.

"I'm going to see Hammond."

"And say what?" Daniel asked. His hands thrown out in exasperation, he fought the urge to pace the corridor while he talked. He'd probably just bump into Jack before either one of them made it through a full circuit anyway. "You can't march into the general's office saying 'Hey sir, did you know Doctor MacKenzie made a mistake? It's completely unacceptable so can we please toss him in front of the next incoming wormhole?' no matter how much you might want to right now."

"You know, Daniel, I _was _going to ask if we could drop him off the top of the mountain, but now that you've inspired me…"

"Enough," Teal'c said quietly. He knew how important it was to intervene before the argument could pick up any additional steam and had probably already let things go a little further than he should have. "Rather than dwelling on the poor judgment Doctor MacKenzie has displayed in his handling of this matter, we should be grateful for the progress the situation has encouraged Major Carter to make."

"She would have made a hell of a lot more progress if MacKenzie hadn't screwed up," Jack insisted.

"Perhaps," Teal'c allowed. "But there is no way we may know that for a fact, O'Neill."

"Look, I think what Teal'c is trying to say is that if Sam can get over her fear of doctors enough to be alone in a room with him after this, we should at least be able to cut the man a little slack."

"Whatever." As soon as the word left his mouth, Jack grimaced; he'd clearly been talking to Cassandra far too much lately. "I'm still going to see Hammond."

Without giving his teammates any more opportunities to try and dissuade him, Jack spun on his heel and stalked off down the corridor. It was true that he was largely intending to vent a little frustration to the highest authority he had the ear of, but he also figured it was only fair to give the base commander a head's up. With no related reports to file and no paperwork to sign off on, there was a good chance General Hammond might not find out about MacKenzie's blunder on his own.

The way Jack saw things, in the spirit of covering his own ass, MacKenzie was unlikely to ever bring this fiasco up with the general. Meanwhile Sam was likely to act as though the close call had never happened, Daniel, in the spirit of forgiveness, would bury the hatchet and Teal'c… Well Teal'c wouldn't say anything because he was Teal'c. That left it up to Jack to make sure Hammond knew what was up.

In silence, Daniel and Teal'c watched their commander disappear around a corner, every line of his body announcing to the world that he was fuming. It was a few seconds after Jack vanished from sight that Daniel realized his departure left just two of them loitering outside MacKenzie's door and waiting for their teammate... Their teammate who could very well leave her appointment even angrier than Jack had.

Daniel adored Sam, really he did, but he'd spent more than his fair share of time with Angry Sam in the last few days. Teal'c and Jack had no qualms about abandoning him when Angry Sam came out to play due to their very incorrect belief that, no matter how incensed, she couldn't bring herself to yell at her favorite archaeologist. That was their story, anyway, and they stuck to it despite mounting evidence that disproved their theory.

When push came to shove, Daniel would gladly be there for Sam if she needed him, but he didn't relish the thought of being yelled at again, especially when he hadn't _done_ anything.

The realization that Angry Sam could be putting in another appearance any moment now seemed to dawn on Teal'c scant seconds after it did on Daniel, and suddenly it was a race to think up a plausible reason to abandon the other to the mercy of their teammate's hair-trigger temper.

"Someone should probably give Janet a head's up," Daniel said quickly, blurting out the first idea that popped into his head. Inching backwards, he left no doubt that he was volunteering himself for the job.

"I will remain here," Teal'c not quite sighed. Jaffa were taught to accept defeat with honor, after all, and Daniel had bested him, fair and square.

Taking pity on his friend, Daniel helpfully suggested, "Maybe it won't be too bad? Janet _does_ keep assuring us that Sam's body is breaking down the stuff making her so…"

"Easily infuriated?"

"I was going to say 'touchy', but yeah, 'easily infuriated' works too." A sympathetic smile, and then, brightly, "Good luck!"

Before Teal'c had a chance to reply, Daniel was gone, scurrying down the corridor as fast as he could without looking like he was running away. Every minute he spent hanging around outside MacKenzie's office was another 297 feet – and yes, he knew _exactly_ how much ground per minute he could cover at a brisk walk; it was an occupational hazard of working with a certified math genius – that he hadn't put between himself and Potentially Angry Sam.

Admitting defeat, Teal'c took up a position across the hall from MacKenzie's office and settled in to wait. He almost wished Jaffa society's pantheon of gods hadn't all turned out to be nothing more than parasitic, megalomaniacal aliens. It sure would be nice to have someone to pray to right about now.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, MacKenzie studied the woman watching him expectantly. He suddenly appreciated how hard it was for his patients to sit in the chairs tucked into the back corner of his office and confess things they were downright ashamed of, to share their secrets with someone who listened with only as much empathy as cool professionalism allowed. After experiencing what it was like when the shoe was on the other foot, MacKenzie knew he would never approach his patients' sessions the same way again.

A deep breath. A second, a third and then it was time to quit stalling.

"Major, let me start by saying how truly sorry I am for the way I handled this situation." With his eyes locked on hers, it was impossible to miss the shadows of skepticism lurking in her eyes. "I took advantage of your terrible treatment at the hands of Adrian Conrad and manipulated you, as well as your teammates, to serve my own interests."

Unblinkingly, Sam stared him down. Everything about her body language, from the tense set of her shoulders to her clenched jaw, made it painfully obvious that granting him forgiveness didn't appear on her to-do list for the day. But even though she didn't seem prepared to let herself be swayed by his words, she was listening to them, taking each and every one in.

It was more than MacKenzie had dared to hope for and it encouraged him to continue.

"Not only did I abuse the power of my position, but I also abused the trust you placed in me and that is absolutely unforgivable."

"Why?" Sam asked quietly. Her voice was calm but tight, as if the effort of holding back the angry words dying to escape was straining her vocal chords.

"I'm sorry?"

"Why did you do it?" Sam clarified. "Were you really trying to protect us from ourselves? Or was that just an excuse you used to make it sound acceptable to our superiors?"

MacKenzie paused before answering, really thinking his reply over to ensure he gave her a truthful one. It was the least he could do, the least she deserved; there'd been far too many half-truths uttered in this room lately.

"My intent really, truly was to help," he said finally. "Splitting SG-1 up would reduce the likelihood that the loss of any one of you would jeopardize _all _of you."

Try as she might, Sam couldn't disagree with that. She'd thought about it, of course – at some point over the course of their time together as a team, all four of them had – about how she would handle losing one of her teammates. About whether she would be able to function if one of them fell in a fire fight. If her training would be enough to overcome the grief and anger she expected to feel in the wake of such a loss.

Sometimes she even had nightmares about it. The worst were the ones that featured Jack's death, leaving the burden of getting the team home squarely on her shoulders. In those dreams, she always allowed the horrible aching hole his loss left behind to compromise her judgment. Sometimes Daniel paid for her errors, and sometimes Teal'c did. Occasionally both were lost thanks to a bad call she made, leaving her to stumble through the wormhole as the sole surviving member of SG-1.

The third scenario was the one that convinced her maybe MacKenzie's concerns weren't entirely groundless. Whenever she dreamed about losing her teammates, she'd wake up drenched in a cold sweat with her stomach rebelling; usually she was already in the bathroom and throwing up before she came fully awake. If she reacted that strongly to losing them in her dreams, would she really be able to function if they were lost on a mission?

"Moreover, it would force you all to broaden your support networks," MacKenzie continued. He was so wrapped up in his guilt that his usually keen eyes missed the telltale shifts in her expression and body language that indicated his words were having an impact.

"It's sort of hard to have a broad support network when the vast majority of your life is highly classified," Sam pointed out. In spite of herself, she realized that she was starting to understand where MacKenzie was coming from, even though she didn't necessarily like it. When he took the time to explain his thought process, she could follow the logic in what he was saying without her knee-jerk reaction to breaking up the team getting in the way.

"That it is," he agreed with a smile. "But most everyone else who works here manages it." As soon as he'd spoken, he wished he could take the words back. Out loud, it sounded terribly insensitive; no other group of people working at the SGC had quite the same personal histories as the members of SG-1.

Daniel had been orphaned in a freak accident, forced to leave the adopted family he'd found on Abydos in order to fight a war he'd never wanted any part of, and widowed to save his life.

Jack was without a single living relative; the closest thing to family he had was an ex-wife whom lingering guilt and self-hatred barely allowed him to speak to on their dead son's birthday.

Teal'c had been forced to abandon his wife and son in order to fight for what he believed in, and now lived on an alien world isolated from his entire race, from everyone and everything he'd ever known.

Sam was no better, with her mother long dead, her father traipsing across the galaxy and out of touch for long stretches of time, and a brother that she had been estranged from until just two years ago.

In light of their histories, it wasn't hard to guess why they preferred to bond with such a small circle of people; the fewer they let in, the fewer they had to lose.

As if reading his mind, Sam murmured, "We _do_ have other people in our lives, you know." She held his gaze, trying hard to make him understand. "General Hammond is a commander as well as a friend; if any one of us ever needed him, he'd be there in a heartbeat. We can always count on Janet to listen and understand and, when necessary, kick our butts into doing the right thing. Her daughter Cassandra is like a daughter to _all of us_, and a living, breathing reminder that no matter how bad things might seem, they could be _so_ much worse. And my dad… Even though he's _my _father, he cares a lot about the others and they know it. If they needed him, he'd be here even if I weren't anymore.

"There might not be a lot of other people we turn to when things get rough, MacKenzie, but the ones we _do_ turn to… Well, we trust them completely."

"I'm beginning to realize that," he admitted. More than anything, he wished he'd realized it _sooner_, but that was one regret he would have to learn to live with; the lessons it taught were simply too important to ever be forgotten. "My biggest mistake was underestimating the importance of the _quality_ of your outside relationships and focusing too much on the _quantity_ of them."

Sam never thought the day would come when she would hear MacKenzie admit that he'd made a mistake. That he did so without Jack or Teal'c looming menacingly over him took her completely by surprise. Some of her still smoldering anger started to ebb away as the base psychiatrist allowed genuine remorse and humility to show.

"Rest assured, Major Carter, that I will speak with General Hammond right away about getting someone with the appropriate clearance to fill in for me until a suitable replacement is found," MacKenzie said decisively, moving on to another topic before Sam had time to completely wrap her head around the fact that he was behaving like a human being. "I'll leave instructions that they contact you to set up…"

"I'm sorry, replacement?" Sam stared blankly at him, a look of confusion on her face.

"Of course," MacKenzie replied. In his mind, replacing him was the only sensible thing for the Air Force to do; the last few days had made it quite clear that he was no longer able to perform his duties objectively. What's more, his behavior had violated the ethical code he'd sworn to uphold.

Again, the realization that he wasn't so different from the people who had done unspeakable things to the woman before him hit hard.

"Everyone makes mistakes, MacKenzie," Sam said slowly, unconsciously repeating Daniel's words from last night. "And some of mine have almost wiped out the populations of entire planets. If I'm still here, _yours_ certainly isn't worth resigning over."

"That decision will be up to General Hammond," MacKenzie retorted somewhat disbelievingly. It sounded almost as if she actually _wanted_ him to stay, but that couldn't possibly be…

"General Hammond's office is going to be a busy place, then. _I'll_ be paying him a visit to recommend he _refuse_ to accept your resignation."

It was hard to say who was more surprised by her words, Sam or MacKenzie. Slightly wide eyed, they stared at one another in silence for a long stretch of time, her trying to decide if she really meant it, and him trying to comprehend her sudden change of heart. For the last few days, she'd been willing to do just about anything to get out of speaking with him, and now here she was prepared to argue that he should be allowed to keep his position. It boggled the mind.

"Major…"

"If you were telling the truth before, about the reasons you manipulated me, I can't really hold it against you," Sam jumped in before he could say anything to make her change her mind. "I want what's best for the rest of my team, and if you were honestly acting in their interests, then I'm not angry. Don't get me wrong, I _really _don't like your methods, but I approve of your intentions."

MacKenzie was pleasantly surprised – he'd expected an angry fit, not reassurances and consolation, out of this discussion – but guilt and shame still prevented him from accepting her words, from absolving himself. "If General Hammond decides not to replace me, I'll see to it that someone else is brought in to run your sessions."

"I don't want to see someone else," Sam said firmly. Even after this morning's revelations, she still trusted him as much as she was probably ever going to trust anyone with the power to permanently pull her from field duty or even discharge her from the Air Force. It was a bit of a shock – she'd never really thought of MacKenzie as someone she trusted – but it was the truth; she didn't want to talk to anyone else. She'd started this with MacKenzie, she'd finish it with MacKenzie.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Positive."

"All right," MacKenzie agreed, nodding thoughtfully. He couldn't help but wonder if she realized how big a step she had just taken. What's more, she'd done it all on her own; he'd given her an easy out – twice – and both times she had refused to take it. "I'll be sure to let General Hammond know you'd like to continue seeing me. The final decision will be up to him."

"I'm sure he'll make the right one."

A tiny ball of tension she hadn't even noticed forming in her stomach dissolved with his assurance. She'd already started opening up to MacKenzie about what she remembered of her kidnapping. Switching her sessions over to someone else would mean starting all over again, re-telling the story from the beginning, and that was the last thing Sam wanted to do. She was sick and tired of reliving her abduction; it was time to stop rehashing the little she remembered and start moving forward. However…

"I'm not trying to be evasive, or to get out of talking to you, but can we call it a day?" Sam asked hopefully, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. "I just… I need a break."

That much was obvious. She didn't look tense or nervous like she had nearing the end of previous sessions. Instead, she looked mentally exhausted and emotionally ragged. MacKenzie could understand why; whether or not Sam realized it, she'd had quite an impressive morning.

"I think that's as good a place as any to end things for today. Although, if you've got some time, I'd like to see you for a while tomorrow. I'll be here all day."

"Can I come by early in the afternoon, say around one?"

"I'll be expecting you," MacKenzie agreed, making a mental note to record the appointment later. Caught off guard as he had been by the morning's events, his omnipresent note pad lay abandoned on his desk, forgotten when they'd migrated over to the armchairs in awkward silence.

Relieved, Sam slid out of her chair and made a beeline for the exit. This time, it wasn't discomfort with being alone with MacKenzie that made her eager to leave, but rather the desire to check in with her teammates and ensure that all was right between the four of them.

"Major," MacKenzie called, just before she reached the door.

Sam froze with her fingers wrapped around the knob, considering ignoring him and simply leaving. Before she could choose between the two, he had started talking again, directing his question to her back.

"How can you possibly forgive me?" MacKenzie really _did_ want to know. He was truly mystified and hoped that something in her answer might give him what he needed to start forgiving himself.

Sam blew out a long, slow breath, thinking it over. It was a fair question, but she wasn't really sure of the answer.

A lot of it, she knew, had to do with the conversation she'd had with Daniel last night. He'd been determined to convince her to give MacKenzie a chance to atone for his mistakes, and he had largely succeeded. Yes, this morning's team session with the base psychiatrist had revealed that MacKenzie had manipulated her to prove his point, but no real harm had come from his actions. Besides it _was_ a mistake; MacKenzie had said so himself, and Sam knew how difficult it was for him to admit when he was wrong. If she could ask him, Sam knew Daniel would urge her to forgive MacKenzie for his latest transgression and move forward. Even though he had come dangerously close to breaking up the team, Daniel would be able to exonerate him.

When you got right down to it, Sam realized, there was a single word that could answer the question.

"Daniel."

"Pardon me?"

"I can forgive you because Daniel can. He doesn't blame you for what happened with Ma'chello's Goa'uld killers," Sam elaborated. She still refused to turn around and meet his eye. "Even though you had him committed and kept him so drugged he could barely see straight, he doesn't hold a grudge. The way I see it, if Daniel can forgive you for what you did to him, I can forgive you for taking advantage of what Conrad did to me."

Then, without waiting for a response, Sam pulled the door open and stepped out into the corridor. She shut it firmly behind her, leaving MacKenzie alone with his thoughts.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N:** This morning I agreed to a spur of the moment camping trip over the long weekend, so this will be the last update of the week. Also, it will now be at least Monday night before I get to watch "Continuum"… Blast! Rest assured that I've got a start on the next bit, so barring any wacky weather, you're guaranteed a new chapter on Tuesday. : ) And now on with the show… Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

"Of all the stupid, half-baked, moronic things…"

"Colonel…"

"… That slimy little weasel of a man has tried to do to my team…"

"Jack…"

"…This one hands down, flat out takes the cake…

"Son…"

"… For being _the_ _most_ hare-brained…"

"Colonel O'Neill!"

The command voice; it worked every time. To Hammond's relief, his second-in-command stopped his fast, furious pacing across the width of the suddenly small, cramped seeming office. Making the most out of the no doubt temporary pause in the other man's tirade, Hammond finally voiced the opinion he had been trying to express for almost ten minutes now.

"I agree that Doctor MacKenzie's actions were highly unprofessional and that he demonstrated poor judgment in his approach to the situation. You and your team can rest assured that I will be discussing this mess with him in the very near future. But officially, there's very little I can do at the moment."

"Then do something _un_officially."

"Jack…"

Reduced once more to one-word interjections, Hammond breathed a heavy sigh and glanced at the stack of paperwork he was supposed to be working through right now. Walter had just been in the process of dropping it off when Jack had arrived, hopping mad and practically foaming at the mouth. Wise man that he was, Walter had beaten a hasty retreat, leaving Hammond to fend for himself.

The general hated budget reports, but given the choice between listening to the ravings of his irate subordinate and wading through accounting data, he'd happily choose the paperwork.

"Daniel thinks you should throw MacKenzie in front of the next incoming wormhole," Jack said, no hint of humor in his words. Sure, Daniel had been channeling _him_ at the time, but Hammond didn't need to know that. If it helped convince his CO that the base psychiatrist had to go, Jack wasn't above lying by omission.

"Forgive me for saying so, son, but that doesn't really sound like the sort of thing Doctor Jackson would advocate. Now you, on the other hand…"

"You know what Teal'c is like when it comes to the whole Jaffa revenge thing," Jack forged ahead. He paid no mind to the fact that Hammond looked increasingly amused with his attempts at persuasion and added, "You've never seen it, sir, but trust me, it's not pretty. Getting MacKenzie far, _far_ away from Teal'c would be doing the guy a favor."

"Let me guess, it's your considered opinion that Doctor MacKenzie's skills would make an invaluable contribution to the Russian government's work with the remnants of their stargate program." Hammond couldn't help but chuckle at the idea.

Ever since learning the Russians had, for a time, operated a stargate program, Jack had been graciously offering to lend the services of many, many people – Earthlings and aliens alike – to their supposed allies. That every name the younger man had put forward was that of someone whom he disliked was merely coincidence, or so he assured Hammond.

"I'm glad we're on the same page on this one, sir," Jack said, grinning. Clearly, he thought he'd managed to score a victory and stick it to the Russians all in one go.

"Colonel, we've been over this. We can't send _everyone_ who bothers you to Russia… Not only would it completely overpopulate Russia, it would also turn Washington into a ghost town."

"You say that like it would be a bad thing, sir." Jack flashed Hammond his most endearing smile and hoped for the best.

"Look, son, I appreciate your concerns – I share many of them myself – but at the moment, my hands are tied," Hammond explained patiently. "There's no official record of Doctor MacKenzie's actions for me to work with right now. All I know is what you've told me and, quite frankly, I'm not even sure you _should_ have told me anything."

"General, he _used_ the fact that Conrad did a number on Carter's head to try and break up my team!"

"Yes, he did. But he did it during therapy sessions that are protected by doctor-patient confidentiality!" Hammond retorted. He had a feeling that if his blood pressure wasn't already up in a range Janet would disapprove of, it would arrive there shortly. "Unless Major Carter files a complaint against the man, I'm not sure there's anything I _can_ do."

A firm _tap tap_ sounded on the door leading out into the corridor, putting a temporary ceasefire into effect. Gritting his teeth, Jack moved to stand unobtrusively at the other door, prepared to make a quick exit if it ended up being necessary. Jack still had plenty more to say, but Hammond had a base to run and despite the mile wide soft spot he had for his flagship team, other, more urgent matters might have arisen that had to take priority over listening to his 2IC's griping. Jack understood, but he didn't like it.

Hammond took a deep, calming breath before calling out, "Come!"

The door creaked open and a familiar head poked through the gap, taking in the room and both its occupants in a single glance.

"If you don't mind, sirs, I'd like to be a part of this discussion."

"What discussion would that be?" Jack drawled. He was less than impressed with the interruption; he'd been on a roll.

"The one that half the base can hear, sir."

"Come in, Major Carter," Hammond replied, trying to head off a brand new argument. Then, spotting a familiar bald head over her shoulder, he broadened the invitation. "You too, Teal'c and Doctor Jackson."

Sometimes it was downright eerie, the knack his premiere team had for finding one another. Sure, it came in handy when they were traipsing around other planets, but there were days when he really wished they would check their team-dar at the gate ramp.

"Daniel Jackson is not with us, General Hammond," Teal'c said. He followed Sam into the office and closed the door behind him before coming to stand in front of the general's desk.

If Daniel wasn't with them, then Hammond would bet a month's pay that he was…

"He is in the infirmary, apprising Doctor Fraiser of what has transpired thus far this morning."

His people were far from predictable, but they were nothing if not reliable.

"Major Carter, you're aware of Colonel O'Neill's concerns regarding Doctor MacKenzie?"

"Yes, sir," Sam assured. Coming to stand in front of his desk, she adopted a stance just slightly more relaxed than parade rest. Then, looking torn between mild amusement and irritation, she added, "I'm aware that the colonel has already voiced a few of his concerns to you, and those that I didn't hear while making my way from the elevator to your office, I can guess at."

"I wasn't _that_ loud," Jack protested, stalling. He leaned back against the door, mentally crossing his fingers that Walter didn't come bursting into the room in the next little while. Folding his arms over his chest, he settled in for a lengthy group discussion.

"Major Carter is not exaggerating," Teal'c said firmly, and just like that, the matter was closed. Even at his most petulant, it took a lot for Jack to continue arguing once Teal'c had voiced his opinion on a subject.

"What was said between yourself and Doctor MacKenzie is privileged and I won't ask you to share that information, Major." Hammond's steely blue eyes locked on hers, wanting to make sure she understood he wasn't ordering her to speak about their conversations. "But I would like to hear your side of things in whatever amount of detail you're comfortable sharing with us."

"From the _sounds_ of it, sir, Colonel O'Neill's already told you what happened," Sam replied calmly while shooting a pointed look at Jack. "Doctor MacKenzie made a mistake and is prepared to deal with the consequences, whatever they may be. He'll be stopping by in a while to try and convince you to accept his resignation…"

"The man may be marginally smarter than I gave him credit for," Jack muttered.

"O'Neill." This time the warning came from Teal'c, and Hammond was glad to let someone else take over the doling out of one-word rebukes.

"General, I'd like to recommend that you refuse to accept his resignation," Sam said firmly, taking all three men by surprise.

Jack shot Teal'c a bewildered look, searching his friend's stoic face in the vain hope of finding some hint as to what was going on. On a normal day – or as close to 'normal' as life at the SGC ever allowed – Jack would have said there was a 50/50 chance Sam would have walked in demanding that MacKenzie be replaced immediately for his little stunt. With the short fuse she'd had lately, he hadn't expected anything less than the seething fury that Sam so easily slipped into over the littlest things.

As it turned out, Teal'c was no help; he was equally surprised by their teammate's decision. She'd been quiet on the way to Hammond's office, but it had been the comfortable quiet she slipped into when lost in thought, not the angry sullen silences she'd been prone to in the last few days. Aware that she'd been trying to think through something, Teal'c hadn't pressed her for answers. At the time, it had seemed like the wisest thing to do. Now, he was regretting not having a grasp on the direction her thoughts had taken.

Looking for guidance, Hammond let his eyes dart back and forth between the other two men. He noted the confusion plain on both their faces and decided it would be best if he pursued the issue himself. "Major, I'll be perfectly honest with you; I'm a little surprised to hear that you want Doctor MacKenzie to remain at the SGC. May I ask why?"

Sam held his gaze, ignoring the twin looks of curiosity on Jack and Teal'c's faces. There would be time to explain herself to them later; Hammond was the one she needed to convince right now. "We've all made mistakes, sir, and we've all been given the chance to learn from them. I think it's only fair that we afford Doctor MacKenzie the same opportunity."

"He _doesn't_ learn from his mistakes, Carter." Jack knew full well that she remembered the time MacKenzie had Daniel committed; she'd made more than one snippy comment about it in the last few days. He couldn't believe he had to remind her of that incident now. "Hell, he doesn't even admit to _making_ mistakes!"

"He did this time, sir," Sam retorted. Her eyes stayed locked on General Hammond, although it was clear she was addressing all of them. "Not only did he admit to making _several_ mistakes, but he also apologized for them. _I'm_ the one he manipulated, General; _I'm_ the one whose trust he betrayed. If his apology is good enough for me, it should be good enough for everyone else."

"Given the classified nature of our work here, it's virtually impossible for me to have Doctor MacKenzie reassigned without any complaints against him," Hammond said slowly. He studied her carefully, adding, "I take it that you won't be willing to file one?"

"No, sir," Sam replied.

"I'd be happy to…" Jack began.

"That's enough, Colonel," Hammond rebuked. "We've already discussed this and I won't go into it again. If Major Carter isn't willing to file a complaint, then, at least officially, that's the end of it. However, I _will_ be having a talk with Doctor MacKenzie, expressing my concern about his handling of this matter and my expectations for the future."

"Thank you, sir." A hint of a smile appeared on her lips. Sam was glad Hammond hadn't allowed Jack's outrage to taint his judgment.

"I believe that is an appropriate course of action, General Hammond." Teal'c's warm eyes shone with gratitude. He was still angry that MacKenzie had abused his authority, but if Sam was able to take a huge leap of progress and let bygones be bygones, the least he could do was try to do the same.

"Colonel?" Hammond asked pointedly. He turned his full attention on his 2IC, awaiting his response.

After thinking it over for far longer than should have really been necessary, Jack finally said, "I can live with it if Carter can, I guess."

"All right then, I'd say we're done here," Hammond said, leaning back in his chair. Studying the three people standing before him, he marveled not for the first time at the power the members of SG-1 had over one another. Nine times out of ten, if you could convince one of them of something, he or she managed to bring the others around eventually. "Now, I suggest that the three of you join Doctor Jackson and fill him in. I'm sure he's anxiously awaiting an update."

A duet of 'yes, sirs' and a 'thank you, General Hammond' solo later, the three teammates were filing out into the corridor, leaving their commander alone with his paperwork and his admiration for one brilliant astrophysicist who never failed to surprise him.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"I can't believe he would do something so _stupid_ – not to mention grossly unprofessional – _now_!" Janet said. Ever since Daniel had told her about MacKenzie's rather spectacular lapse in judgment, she'd been swinging back and forth between anger on her friend's behalf and professional outrage. Now, apparently, the two had melded together to form the ultimate fit of fury.

"I know," Daniel repeated. He must have said 'I know' at least a hundred times since arriving in her office and the way things were going, he was starting to suspect he would be saying it at least another hundred times before Janet started to settle down.

In hindsight, it might have been better to let Teal'c break the news to the petite redhead. If Daniel had really taken the time to think things through properly, he would have realized racing off to the infirmary meant facing Definitely Angry Janet instead of Potentially Angry Sam. He wondered if it was too late to get Teal'c to trade with him.

Shaking her head, Janet resumed her pacing. Although she was sorely tempted, she didn't kick out at her filing cabinet as she passed; the dents would be too hard to explain away later on. "This is going to be a _huge_ setback for Sam."

"I know."

"She had enough trouble trusting doctors _before _MacKenzie pulled this stunt," Janet continued, talking over him. "I _barely_ managed to get her to go to her first session without General Hammond making it an order. After this, we'll be lucky if even an order is enough to get her through the door, never mind talking."

"I _know_, Janet." Daniel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying not to let her frustration feed his own. "Believe me, I've been thinking the same thing. I know you're angry with him – I am too – but you have to try and calm down."

"You think I'm over-reacting?" Janet demanded hotly.

Her pitch and volume made Daniel wonder if she had a banshee hiding somewhere in her family tree, and confirmed that he should have taken his chances with Potentially Angry Sam. Definitely Angry Janet was no longer yelling at the world at large; her words were aimed directly at Doctor Daniel Jackson, favored target of all angry women in the state of Colorado, or so it was starting to seem.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Daniel backpedaled. Raising his hands defensively, he tried to hold off the impending tirade. "That's not what I meant!"

"What _did_ you mean?" Janet asked. Hands planted on her hips, eyes narrowed into thin slits, she looked downright scary in spite of her small stature.

"I meant that Sam will probably drop by as soon as she's done with MacKenzie, and if she sees how worked up you are, it might make things worse."

"Nice idea, but it's a little too late."

Whipping around, Daniel saw that his teammates had crowded in the doorway. Jack and Teal'c looked amused at the scene playing out before them, but Sam, it saddened Daniel to notice, was scowling at him. Again. To quote Jack, 'oy.'

Tossing his hands up in exasperation, Daniel requested, "If you're both going to start yelling at me, can you please co-ordinate your efforts so we can get it over with sooner?"

More amusement from Jack, Teal'c and, surprisingly, even Janet. Not from Sam though. Not even close.

"Are you trying to _handle_ me?" she growled, her expression the mirror image of the one Janet had worn not thirty seconds ago.

"If I've learned anything in the last five years, Sam, it's that there is absolutely _no way_ to handle you." He meant it as a compliment, he just hoped like hell she was in the mood to take it that way. Looking to the others for their assessments, Daniel didn't like what he saw.

While Janet looked on through suddenly very wide eyes, Jack winced, clearly convinced that had been the wrong thing to say, and Teal'c had given his full attention over to Sam, anticipating an explosion of apocalyptic proportions. Daniel joined the trio already holding their breath while they awaited their friend's reaction. To everyone's surprise, there was no scowling, no yelling, no enraged blonde astrophysicists physically attacking archaeologists who really ought to know better, nothing. Sam's only reaction was to chuckle.

Tossing a grin his way, she said, "And don't you forget it."

With a grin of his own, he retorted, "As if you'd let me."

"How are you doing, Sam?" Janet asked. She'd already forgotten that just moments ago she'd been raging against MacKenzie and getting increasingly frustrated with Daniel. Now that the friend she'd been so worried about was standing right in front of her, Janet couldn't possibly care less about everything else; she just wanted to know that Sam was all right.

"And don't say you're 'fine'," Jack said firmly. He didn't want to hear her default response – they'd all heard it plenty in the last few days – he wanted to hear the truth.

Sam considered saying it anyway, just to spite him, but in the end she settled on an honest answer. "I'm angry, frustrated and a little leery of dealing with MacKenzie in the future, but I'm also a lot better than I expected to be."

"Sam, you won't have to deal with him again if you lodge a complaint with General Hammond," Janet pointed out gently.

"Major Carter has already spoken with General Hammond and informed him that she does not wish to file a complaint against Doctor MacKenzie." You had to know him to hear it, but there was pride in Teal'c's voice as he filled Daniel and Janet in on Sam's decision.

"Really?" Daniel asked, surprised.

"Really," Sam confirmed distractedly, her attention already on Janet. "Can we get my blood work done, please? I want to get out of here and head home."

"Absolutely. Out!" Janet shooed the three men right out the door, closing it firmly behind them. Once they were alone in the room, she turned and studied Sam carefully.

She looked drained, yet the dark smudges under her eyes had lightened up some since yesterday; it seemed Sam had finally gotten a good night's sleep. Her eyes had also lost some of the haunted look that had been darkening them for days now. The team talk with MacKenzie had undeniably taken its toll on her, yet it seemed that though Sam's demons were still chasing her, she was starting to outpace them, bit by bit.

"I really am okay, Janet."

"I believe you," the redhead assured "I just want to make sure you know that you don't have anything to prove; no one is going to think less of you for deciding you don't want to see MacKenzie anymore."

"_I'll_ think less of me," Sam corrected. "I could use this whole mess as an excuse to start seeing someone else, but when you get right down to it, that's really just running away."

"It's not 'running away'." Janet corrected her friend as she crossed the few feet between the door and the nearest chair. She perched on the edge of the seat before continuing. "You can't open up to a psychiatrist you don't trust, Sam."

"I don't trust _any_ doctors right now, present company excluded," Sam said as she dropped into a chair of her own. "But if I can get through the next few sessions with MacKenzie, even knowing what he did… I think maybe it might be good for me."

"You're probably right," Janet conceded. She was pleasantly surprised with the approach Sam was taking in dealing with this whole fiasco. "But you have to remember that you could attend a million sessions and none of them would do you any good if you're not being honest with MacKenzie and with yourself."

"Daniel told you." Not a question, not an accusation, just a simple statement of fact.

"Why didn't _you_ tell me?"

"Because if I only had flashbacks on the first day, you could blame it on the drugs Conrad's doctors pumped me full of. If I kept having them, everyone would start to think I was losing it."

"Nobody thinks that, Sam," Janet assured, sympathetic but firm. "Do you have any idea how angry people are about what Conrad did to you? How impressed they are with how well you're keeping it together?"

"I'm not…"

"You are," Janet refuted. "But in typical Sam Carter fashion, you're not giving yourself nearly enough credit."

Sam rolled her eyes at that, but she also blushed; it was as close to acknowledgment that she was right as Janet ever expected to get. Satisfied that her point had been made, she moved on, getting to her feet as she spoke. "Now, let's go get your blood work done so you can get out of here."

Flashing her friend a grateful smile, Sam followed her lead and stood. As she walked past Janet's desk, however, a framed photo caught her eye and made her freeze mid-step. The image of Cassandra, forever frozen in time at the age of thirteen, caused a tidal wave of guilt to wash over Sam.

She knew Cassie had been driving her mom up one wall and down the other, begging to be allowed to see her adopted aunt. As instructed, Janet had been holding the teen off until Sam was feeling less skittish and more sure of herself. More like the Sam Carter she'd been before a group of masked men had abducted her out of a parking lot in broad daylight. But in trying to protect Cassie, Sam knew she was hurting her too; she didn't understand why Sam was avoiding her, _couldn't _because Sam had made Janet promise not to tell. It wasn't fair to either of the Fraisers, and Sam knew it.

Noting what had distracted the blonde woman, Janet quietly reminded, "It's the weekend."

"Mmm." It seemed like forever ago that Sam had said she might be ready to see Cassandra over the weekend. And yet a part of her still screamed that it hadn't been nearly long enough, that it was too soon and letting Cassandra be around her now would be bad for the teen. It wasn't fair to keep Cassandra away indefinitely, but was it any better to let her bear witness to the ugliness of a flashback or its aftermath?

"She loves you, Sam. She just wants to see you; she doesn't care if you're quiet or moody or scared out of your skin when night falls. The only thing that matters to her is _you_."

Deep down, Sam knew it was true. But at the same time, allowing Cassie to observe the toll the last week had taken on her seemed dreadfully irresponsible. Warring with herself, she tried to decide which option was best for the teen while trying hard to set aside her own feelings on the matter. She was grateful that Janet seemed to understand how complicated the decision was for her, giving Sam the quiet and the time she needed to make her choice.

"Invite the guys, make it a group thing. I can't be the centre of her attention. Not yet," Sam finally said quietly. There was no way she could continue to see MacKenzie after he'd so badly abused her trust, meanwhile avoiding Cassandra and all her unconditional love. _That _would be an unfair, irresponsible and, in her own mind if not Cassandra's, unforgivable decision.

"Okay," Janet agreed, an understanding half-smile on her face. The more people that were around, the better the chance that someone would notice and divert Cassandra's attention if Sam's temper flared unexpectedly or if she experienced another flashback. Reaching out, she offered her friend's arm a supportive squeeze, gently urging, "Come on, Sam; blood work and home."

She allowed Janet to lead her out into the infirmary, but not before she stole one last look at the photo that held pride of place on the diminutive doctor's desk. Trailing in her friend's wake, Sam hoped with all her heart she hadn't made a mistake by agreeing to see Cassandra.

**A/N: **Credit for the opening line in this chapter goes to Entropic Cascade…It was "so Jack" and just begging to be used! ; )


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N:** I'm back in civilization and happy to _finally _be a member of the "I Watched 'Continuum'" Club! As promised, here's an update for your reading pleasure. Because I felt bad about making y'all wait so long for the next chapter, today's is another _really _long one. : ) And now on with the show… Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure  
**

Peering out the window overlooking Jack's backyard, Daniel didn't notice the pastel colors of sunset staining the sky, nor the gentle breeze rustling through the blooming trees. All of his attention was focused on the lone figure sitting hunched over her knees out on the deck.

"Do you think one of us should talk to her?" His frown deepened and a furrow appeared between his eyebrows as he asked the question that had been on the tip of his tongue for a while now.

"I believe it would be best to allow Major Carter a few more minutes alone," Teal'c advised. He paused for a moment to look out the window for himself before turning his full attention back to the task at hand. As he sliced another handful of carrots, he added, "She has much to consider after the day's events and if she wishes to share her thoughts, she knows where she may find us."

"I know," Daniel sighed. Teal'c had given the answer he'd been expecting, but it didn't make it any easier to swallow.

It was hard returning his attention to the head of lettuce he was supposed to be chopping, but he managed it.

At least, he managed it for about thirty seconds. Then he was peeking out the window again and saying, "It's just that she looks so miserable out there all by herself."

"She wants the time alone, Daniel," Jack reminded. He sounded a little more frustrated than the situation warranted, but given how unsuccessful his attempts at chopping radishes one-handed were turning out to be, Daniel decided not to take it personally.

"Jack…"

"_But_ if she doesn't come inside in the next five minutes," Jack continued, "I'll order her to get her ass in the kitchen and start helping with the salad she promised Fraiser we'd have to feed Cass tomorrow."

"_Thank _you." It wasn't _exactly_ what he wanted to hear, but he could live with it. After all, what was five more minutes when Sam had already been in the backyard all by herself for almost forty-five?

The three men lapsed into silence, focusing on their respective tasks and periodically sneaking glances out the window to check on their teammate. The pile of chopped vegetables in the stainless steel salad bowl grew slowly but steadily – 'slowly' only because Jack insisted on trying to cut everything one-handed before letting his friends do it for him – as the minutes ticked by. When at last the five-minute mark rolled around, they'd managed to put together a respectable salad; Janet would be so proud of them when she found out.

Setting his knife on the counter, Daniel dumped the final handful of green onion into the bowl before turning to his friend. "Jack…" he began in his best 'please can I have five more minutes to study these ruins?' voice.

"_Yes_, Daniel, I'm aware of the time. Thank you very much," he retorted with a roll of his eyes. "I'll go talk to her."

"Are you certain that is wise, O'Neill?" Teal'c and Daniel traded wary looks, their concern evident. Something was obviously bothering Sam and although Jack was a lot of things, tactful and sensitive weren't on the list. He stood a better chance of exacerbating the problem than helping and they all knew it.

"Why would it be _un_wise?"

On second though, Daniel decided, maybe only two out of three of them knew it.

"You don't exactly do well with… _feelings_," the archaeologist said. With a grimace, Daniel remembered the many, many times Jack had demonstrated just how poorly he did with feelings. A Jack O'Neill attempt at a touchy-feely conversation might not be the last thing Sam needed right now, but it was probably close to it.

"And ordering her to get inside and help with the salad isn't going to work anymore," he added as an afterthought, gesturing at the full salad bowl.

"You think I'm going to set her off!" Jack accused. He looked back and forth between Teal'c and Daniel, his expression alternating between irritation and disbelief.

"Yes." Teal'c's answer was delivered deadpan, but traces of humor danced in his eyes.

"I can talk to Carter without making her angry!" Jack exclaimed. Sure, sometimes he put his foot in his mouth, but over the years, Sam had developed a high tolerance for his uncanny ability to say the wrong thing at the worst possible moment

"On a good day? Occasionally," Daniel teased, sharing a sly look with Teal'c. "But this hasn't exactly been a good day."

"Oh, for crying out loud! I am perfectly capable of having a conversation with Carter that doesn't end with her wanting to yell at, hit or main me," Jack said indignantly. Determined to prove he was right, he spun around to face the counter again. He set down the knife he hadn't managed to do much with and wiped pieces of assorted vegetables off his good hand, before facing his teammates again. "Watch and learn, boys."

Jack's face hardened as if he was going into battle and then he stalked off across the kitchen and out into the living room, making his way to the sliding glass doors leading out to the backyard.

"This could end very, very badly," Daniel muttered to Teal'c as they watched the older man go.

"Indeed."

oOoOoOoOoOo

"Come here often?" Jack asked lightly as he slid the door shut behind him and crossed the deck to join Sam on the stairs.

"Hey, sir," she greeted, not looking up from her contemplation of her toes. The temperature was dropping as the sun slowly dipped below the horizon, but she loved the sensation of the cool grass tickling the bottoms of her bare feet and didn't want to give it up just yet.

Jack settled himself on the step above her, stretching his long legs out in front of him. He couldn't see her face from his vantage point, but he didn't need her expressions to judge her moods or reactions. He was well versed in reading her body language and could do it from behind her as easily as he could from beside her.

Letting his eyes rove over his 2IC, he took in the slump of her shoulders and the small ball she was curled into. Jack had seen her in the same position countless times before, usually when her mind was racing at speeds exceeding those most Goa'uld tel'tacs could reach. Sam wasn't radiating tension or anger like she had been so often over the last few days. In fact, she was calmer than Jack had seen her all week and it made him feel that he could get away with a bit more gentle teasing before delving into the heavy stuff Daniel and Teal'c were so sure he was going to screw up.

"I know you're not big on cooking, but really, Carter, dodging _salad_ duty?"

"Sorry, sir. I was lost in thought and time got away from me. You should have called me in to help."

"You looked like you were thinking through something important." Jack shrugged, more out of habit than anything; he knew she couldn't see him, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

"Not really," Sam said distractedly. Most of her attention was devoted to watching the blades of grass slip between her toes as she gently swung her feet.

He rested his elbows on the step above him and leaned back, still studying her carefully. "I know that brain of yours, Carter," he reminded. "It's _always_ thinking about something important. Care to share?"

Sam blew out a long, slow breath, trying to decide if she really wanted to share or not. She knew that if she told him, he would understand – Jack had been held captive often enough to get it – but did she _want _to tell him? She knew he was her friend, but he was also her commanding officer, and a part of her always hesitated to confess anything that could be construed as a weakness in front of him.

Stalling for time, she dug her toes into the ground and savored the cool, damp feel of the dirt beneath her feet. Jack would probably make her wash them off before she was allowed back in the house, but that was okay. She was determined to delight in everything about simply being outside; for a while she'd truly believed that she'd never breathe fresh air again, never feel the sunshine on her face or the earth beneath her feet. At the moment, she equated simple things like fresh air and sunshine with freedom and she reveled in them whenever she could.

Jack was content to watch her, hopeful that if he gave her enough time, she'd open up. However, as the minutes ticked by, he started to doubt the wisdom in his approach. Just when Jack felt sure she wasn't going to say another word to him, Sam broke her silence.

"I was just thinking about how much has happened this week. It was pretty eventful, considering I wasn't off-world and was hardly on base."

"Trouble magnet," Jack teased affectionately and poked her in the back with his big toe.

"I learned from the best, sir," she retorted and Jack could hear a smile in her voice.

In the next heartbeat, she tensed and the atmosphere shifted. The time for playful banter was over and Jack straightened up in preparation for a serious discussion.

"I thought it was over, when I got back to the SGC," Sam said quietly, raking her toes through the grass. "But first I had another flashback, then the nightmares started and everything with MacKenzie went south…" She trailed off, not needing to elaborate in order to make him understand. If she said anything else she would just be rambling to fill the silence.

He allowed a few seconds to pass before murmuring, "I'm proud of you."

Her surprise at his declaration distracted her and Sam stopped swinging her feet, letting them drop into the cool, lush grass and stay there. "Sir?" She cocked her head to the left in confusion.

The motion made the sun's dying rays glint off her light hair and Jack watched, mesmerized as the blonde strands seemed to catch fire before his eyes. He was aware that the longer it took him to explain himself, the more she tensed, but he still hesitated to answer. If he kept her slightly off-balance, he knew Sam would be more likely to tell him the whole truth rather than an edited version of it.

"The way you dealt with this mess with MacKenzie," Jack clarified almost a full minute later. "I think you handled it better than any of us – you definitely handled it better than I did – and _you _were the one with the most right to be angry with him. I'm proud of you."

She ducked her head in embarrassment and even though Jack couldn't see her face, he knew she was blushing. However, she wasn't arguing with him like she would have a few years ago. It seemed Sam was finally learning how to take a compliment…

"I haven't done much to make anyone proud this week, sir."

Scratch that. She still couldn't take a compliment to save her life.

"The hell you haven't," Jack shot back. He'd been proud of her since he'd talked to the homeless guy now enjoying his _National Geographic_ collection; proud since he'd learned how much trouble she'd given the 'ninjas' who'd snatched her. The more he discovered about what had happened to her, the prouder he became of her and how well she was dealing with all of it.

"_None of this_ would have happened if I'd been better! All the training, all the hand-to-hand sessions with you and Teal'c, _none of it mattered_!" Sam said suddenly. Twisting around in her seat, she looked up at him, clear blue eyes flashing with anger, and continued. "When it counted, I wasn't strong enough or good enough to defend myself!"

Jack resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Only Sam could have a self-absorbed millionaire dispatch a group of highly trained men to abduct her, lose an eight-on-one fight against them, and consider it a personal failing. Anyone else would have been flattered Conrad had thought so highly of their self-defense abilities. Jack was sorely tempted to point that out to her, but the vehemence in her voice warned him that this had been weighing on her mind for a while now and making light of it wouldn't go over well.

"Carter, there were _eight guys_ who grabbed you out of that parking lot!" Jack reminded, trying to reason with her. He rested his elbows on knees and leaned forward, hating that he was looming over her but it was unavoidable at the moment. "You were _way _outnumbered and no amount of strength or training was going to help you."

"Maybe," came the stubborn, non-committal reply. It was clear from her tone that she was humoring him.

"I'm serious, Carter. Eight guys with the right level of training could have gotten even _Teal'c_ in the back of that van. There was nothing you could have done differently."

"There's a hand-to-hand refresher course being offered at the Academy in two weeks' time. I'd like to sign up for it," Sam said, paying no attention to his words. For all Jack knew, she hadn't even heard him.

"Obviously I'm not going to be able to convince you that you don't need it, so why don't you just do it?" Jack asked, holding her gaze.

"I need a superior officer to refer me."

He considered flat out refusal, but that would just bring an end to the discussion. If he could keep her talking, there was a chance he could turn this into a real, meaningful conversation. After only a moment's hesitation, he decided it was a chance worth taking.

"If you can look me in the eye and tell me that you're taking the course for the right reasons, I'll do it," Jack sighed. "But if you're not sure, if you can't promise me that you can handle having someone you don't know coming at you in a sparring session, forget about it."

"I could ask General Hammond," Sam reminded, dodging the issue.

"You could," Jack agreed. "But his answer will be the same as mine."

"Because you'll tell him what to say?" Sam snapped, her tone suddenly accusatory.

"Because it doesn't take a genius to realize that unless you're head's in the right place, sparring sessions with strangers could wind up being a disaster!" Jack said. Frustration started leaking into his words and he forced himself to take a deep breath and count to ten. Losing his temper wasn't going to get him anywhere.

Besides, Daniel and Teal'c were no doubt watching through the window, and he had no intention of proving them right. He could do this without making her mad, really he could.

"You think I'm losing it." It wasn't a question. There was no anger, no heat in her words, just quiet acceptance and a mountain of hurt.

"No, I don't think you're losing it," Jack rebutted. He leaned further forward, trying to bring himself down to her eye level. "But I _know_ that a few days ago, you had a flashback when _Daniel_ of all people touched your shoulder. Come on, Carter, do you _honestly_ think you'd react better to somebody you don't know trying to take you down, even in a controlled environment?"

"I don't know," she replied, looking away. He had a very valid point, but she didn't want to admit it to him, let alone herself. "I'd like to think I'm more in control than I was that day."

"You are," Jack assured. Then, keeping his voice gentle to take some of the sting out of his words, he added, "You've made a ton of progress since Mayborne and I busted you out of those handcuffs, but you've still got a ways to go before you're back to normal."

Sam laughed at that; a bitter, cold laugh completely dissimilar to the light, lilting giggles that never failed to bring a smile to his face. Jack fought to suppress a shiver at the sound. It was a stark reminder that she wasn't the innocent, young captain he'd met five years ago, and even though Conrad was only responsible for a tiny fraction of the changes time had wrought on her, it renewed Jack's desire to get five minutes alone in a room with the man.

"You really think it's possible? That I can ever be normal again after all this?"

"You were never normal, Carter," Jack said seriously, because she already knew it and he wasn't inclined to sugarcoat things, especially not for her. He respected her too much for that. "But it's possible for you to get back to _your_ normal. You might have to redefine it a little, but you can do it if you really want to. You're already well on your way."

"It doesn't feel like it," Sam confessed, the words little more than a whisper.

"It never does," Jack said quietly. Sliding down to sit on the same step she occupied, he caught her eye before continuing. "But then one day you wake up and you realize that you've stopped being terrified of the little things that once scared you so badly, and you're not avoiding things that you used to think might trigger flashbacks. The bad stuff stops worming its way into every thought that runs through your head and you realize that you don't obsess about it anymore… 'Normal' sneaks up on you bit by bit, Carter. If you're not looking close enough, it's easy to miss it until it's right on top of you."

She held his gaze in silence, eyes never wavering from his, and Jack couldn't help but wonder what it was she saw in them. It was uncomfortable, knowing he was revealing more than he'd ever wanted to about himself, but if it helped her in the slightest, Jack knew his discomfort would be worth it.

"Iraq?" Sam finally asked quietly. She knew he'd been held as a POW, knew it had been bad, but he'd never talked about it before and she'd never asked.

"Yeah." Jack ducked his head, not wanting to let her see the tumult of emotions the subject aroused. Occasionally he let a few details slip while lost in the throes of a nightmare, but on the whole, he worked hard to shield his team from his past. He didn't talk about it if he could help it, though once in a while – like right now – he dredged up an experience he'd tried hard to forget in order to illustrate to one of them that on some level, he understood what they were going through.

"What Conrad did to me was nothing compared to…"

"The situations were more alike than you might think," Jack cut her off. He didn't want to dwell – _couldn't _dwell – on the hows or the whys. He was grateful when she didn't press for a better explanation; he knew he couldn't give one and apparently so did she. "I got through it and you will too."

"You really think so?"

"I know so," Jack corrected. He leaned his good shoulder into hers and bit back a smile when she pressed into him in return. "You're stronger than you think you are."

"I want to believe that," Sam said quietly. "I hate giving Conrad – wherever he is – the satisfaction of knowing he was the thing to finally break me."

"You're a little bent right now, Carter, but you're definitely not broken."

Thinking back over the last few days, Sam realized that Jack was right. The way she'd handled herself when she'd found him wounded in the basement of Saint Christina's. The trust she'd placed in Janet without hesitation. The solid nights' sleep she was able to get with a little help from both Daniel and Teal'c. The long run she'd gotten through all by herself. The way she'd handled things with MacKenzie, granting him a second chance rather than condemning him for his mistakes. All of it was proof that although Major Doctor Samantha Carter was a little battered right now, she was still standing with a little help from her friends.

"No, sir, I guess I'm not."

Leaning on her friends was all fine and good, but there was only so long that she could keep it up. She needed to be able to stand on her own two feet; her independence was an integral part of who she was and like she'd told Daniel a few nights ago, she refused to let Adrian Conrad and his hired thugs take that away from her. He'd changed her in little ways – Sam knew there was nothing she could do about that – but she could prevent him from fundamentally altering who she was.

"What's going on in that brilliant head of yours?" Jack asked, after allowing her a few moments to process the idea.

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"I was just thinking about what you said, sir," Sam replied truthfully. "You're right; 'normal' is sneaking up on me in little ways."

"You were the only one who hadn't noticed it," he told her truthfully, nudging her knee with his own.

She flashed him an appreciative smile before continuing. "But the big things? Those are still far from 'normal', and they aren't going to sneak up on me; I need to _make_ those things get back to 'normal'."

"You want to spend the night at home, by yourself, don't you?" Jack asked, trying hard to keep his tone neutral. He'd known it would be coming sooner or later, he'd just been hoping it would be 'later' rather than 'sooner'. Even though Sam felt ready to be home by herself, Jack didn't feel like _he_ was ready for her to take that step. Conrad and his goons were still on the lam and until they were apprehended, Jack knew he would never really be completely at ease with Sam being off on her own.

"I can't camp out in your guest room forever, sir," she reminded.

"Sure you can. You in there, Danny and T bunking together in the living room… It'll be nice and cozy!"

"We'd drive one another nuts inside of a month," Sam retorted, a knowing smile on her lips.

"Give it one more night," Jack negotiated. "Take one more shot at meditating with T before you go home and try it on your own." He bit his tongue to keep from saying 'give us one more night of knowing without a doubt that you're safe.'

After thinking it over for a few moments, Sam agreed. "One more night."

"Good." Jack tried to ignore the wave of relief that washed over him. He'd only bought himself one more night of having her nearby, but it was one more than he'd really thought he'd be able to talk her into and so he was happy to take it. "Ready to go inside?"

"Go ahead, sir. I'll join you in a few minutes."

"You've got five," Jack allowed.

"Yes, sir," she agreed.

With minimal difficulty and a little help from Sam, he managed to get to his feet. Mindful of the twinges in both his knees and his off kilter centre of gravity, Jack started up the stairs. He paused part way up the steps to squeeze her shoulder, then continued up the remainder of the steps and across the deck. Stopping just shy of the sliding glass door, he turned to look at her once more.

"Oh and Carter?"

"Sir?" she asked, twisting around in her seat to face him.

"You should feel free to make use of the bucket of warm soapy water and the towel that will mysteriously appear just inside the door." He cast a pointed look down at her dirt coated bare feet, then dragged his eyes back up to her face. All the while, amusement danced in his warm brown eyes.

"Yes, sir."

Satisfied that he wouldn't have a house full of Carter-prints to clean up _and_ that he could get in five straight minutes of gloating before she came inside, Jack turned and walked back into the house, her quiet chuckle following behind him.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N:** Today's chapter came to me when a roller loaded up with primer fell on my head... Not exactly Newton and gravity stuff, but still, I feel it's important to give proper credit to the roller so that maybe it won't feel the need to attack me again tomorrow! As you might have guessed, if we're using primer, the houses are finally starting to look like houses! All right, enough appeasing menacing paint rollers... Enjoy! : )

**Measure After Measure**

In the close quarters of the elevator, it was impossible not to share in some of the anxiety radiating from Sam. Teal'c and Daniel tried not to let her nervous tension affect them, but they were failing miserably. It was the down side to being so in tune with one another: when one of them was having an off day, _all_ of them had an off day.

It wasn't that she was afraid of sitting down with MacKenzie, Sam had insisted on several occasions. Rather she was uncomfortable being alone with someone who'd given her such a good reason not to trust them. Without fail, though, in the next breath she always made it quite clear that she would do it to prove to herself that she could. Whether she was trying to convince them or herself, none of them – including Sam – could say.

To everyone's relief, she'd managed to keep her temper more or less under control since yesterday afternoon. It had been bouts of nerves rather than piques of anger that her teammates had found themselves struggling to deal with. Given how calm and self-confident Sam usually was, adjusting to her restless anxiety had proven to be something of a challenge.

Another night of movie watching – this time all of Sam's choosing, in an effort to try and keep her mind off things – had proven to be a bad idea. Nothing had held her attention, and she'd slowly driven them all crazy with her constant fidgeting and endless trips to grab everyone more drinks and snacks from the kitchen. Even when Jack had grown frustrated with her restlessness and switched on a documentary on NASA missions, Sam hadn't been able to sit through more than fifteen minutes of it before she was up and busying herself in the kitchen. They'd eventually given it up as a lost cause and accepted that she would be on edge until she had at least one more session with MacKenzie under her belt.

When at last they'd called it a night, meditating with Teal'c seemed to help settle her. It had taken a great deal of patience and persistence, but in the end she'd managed to achieve kel'no'reem, once again using his voice as a focal point while he related one of his favorite childhood tales. After two hours of quiet meditation, she's managed to get a good night's sleep, free of nightmares.

Unfortunately, the restful night had recharged her batteries, giving her a ton of energy to devote to fidgeting the next morning. Jack had cut her off at one cup of coffee, citing that the caffeine would only exacerbate the problem, and in an act of solidarity with his fellow caffeine addict, Daniel had limited himself to one cup as well.

But even one cup of coffee had proven to be one cup too many when Sam was so apprehensive about her looming session with MacKenzie. Her restlessness had reached new levels, compounding her usual inability to sit still and do nothing. The three men were all a little relieved when she disappeared into the guest room, only to reappear in sweats and running shoes. She'd had to promise several times that she wouldn't be gone for more than an hour before they let her leave, but they _had_ let her go in the end, knowing that it was in everyone's best interest that she work off some of her excess energy.

The workout had helped to some extent, and they were all grateful that she'd been more settled for the remainder of the morning. But as soon as she, Daniel and Teal'c had piled into the archaeologist's car on their way to her next appointment, she'd started bouncing her leg so much that it rocked the car every time they came to a stop, earning them some strange looks at stoplights and a visit with twice the usual number of guards at the security checkpoints leading up to the base.

When at last they made it into the elevator, Sam had made to start pacing the small space, but Teal'c's hand on her shoulder had stopped her before she could take more than two steps. Instead, her nervous jitters had been channeled into frenetically twisting her hoodie's drawstring around her index finger over and over again. It was better than watching her pace like a caged animal, but not by much. Daniel was grateful when the doors slid open on the level MacKenzie's office was located on, and he stuck his foot across the track, keeping them from sliding shut again.

"You are certain you do not want one of us to remain in the corridor during your appointment?" Teal'c asked calmly. He was tempted to try talking her through a very light state of kel'no'reem before she sat down with MacKenzie, but ultimately he decided against it. Sam had to deal with her anxiety in her own way; if she wanted his help, she would ask for it.

Truth be told, Sam looked like she was ready to change her mind about everything, not just having one of them wait out in the corridor. Daniel decided it was time to stop biting his tongue and intervened.

"You don't _have_ to do this, Sam. No one is going to think any less of you if you change your mind."

She took a deep breath and then, when she realized how much it helped calm the anxious flutter in her stomach, took another. It would be so easy to drop in on General Hammond and say she'd changed her mind, that she couldn't keep seeing MacKenzie after what he'd done. But she had made up her mind not to do the easy thing, not to take the easy way out. She'd resolved to make the most out of this whole mess and use MacKenzie's mistake to help her face her fear of doctors head on, and Sam was determined to follow through.

"No," she said firmly. "I'll be fine on my own." The confidence behind the words caught her a little off-guard, but she realized it was the truth. She'd faced many things considerably more frightening than the base psychiatrist and lived to tell the tale. Today's appointment wasn't going to be fun – they never were – but it was survivable.

"Then we will take our leave of you." Teal'c bowed his head in farewell. He was glad to see she was sticking to her original decision, and proud of her, even if she didn't know it at the moment. Sam had taken an impressive step forward when she'd made the decision to keep seeing MacKenzie. Actually following through on that decision was a huge leap in the right direction.

"You know where to find us when you're done," Daniel said. He offered her a reassuring smile and squeezed her shoulder briefly, watching as she steeled herself to face MacKenzie again. It ate at him, leaving her alone to face something that unsettled her so much, but he knew it was the right thing to do.

Jack had filled him and Teal'c in on the chat he'd had with Sam yesterday evening, and though Daniel hadn't liked it, he accepted that there was only so much they could do for Sam before they stopped helping and started hindering her recovery. If she was at the point where she felt ready to start facing things that frightened her on her own, they had to respect that. Of course, they would make it clear that if she needed them, all she had to do was say so, but it was time to start stepping back and giving Sam the choice in whether or not she _did_ need them.

"Yeah," Sam agreed. She quickly took the three steps needed to exit the elevator car, then hesitated, unsure of whether she wanted to turn around and face them.

In the end, Daniel made the decision for her.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?" she replied as spun to look at him.

"The truth this time."

"Yeah."

Satisfied, Daniel gave her a little wave, which she returned with a tight smile. Then he pulled his foot back inside and let the doors slide shut, cutting Sam off from her teammates and leaving her alone in the corridor.

Forcing her feet into motion, Sam turned and started towards MacKenzie's office, clamping down on the anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"Good afternoon, Major," MacKenzie greeted awkwardly. He wasn't sure who was more nervous about this afternoon's session: him or her. Regardless, he had the advantage of being able to hide behind professional detachment, while she had no choice but to open up and be honest with him. In light of that, her apprehensions about today's appointment were probably more justified than his.

"Good afternoon," Sam said, offering him a tentative smile.

This was what she'd asked for, Sam reminded herself. If she could face MacKenzie after he'd used her to try and split SG-1 up, Sam was confident that facing other doctors who had never done anything to her would be a piece of cake. She realized she was probably oversimplifying things, but her whole life had been about setting high expectations for herself and she wasn't inclined to change that now.

MacKenzie shifted slightly in his seat and adjusted his pad until it was in a more comfortable position for note taking. Then, with no more excuses for stalling, he said, "I spoke with General Hammond yesterday."

"So did I."

"I know. Thank you for your support," MacKenzie said sincerely. "The SGC does some truly amazing work, and I'm pleased to be part of it… Pleased that I'll _continue_ to be part of it."

Truthfully, he'd expected her to change her mind somewhere between his office and Hammond's, expected her to realize the enormity of his error – his _betrayal_ – and lodge a complaint after all. When MacKenzie had spoken with the base commander late yesterday morning, he'd been pleasantly surprised to find that Sam's original decision had stood. He'd received a stern dressing down from General Hammond and a warning that in the future, similar errors in judgment would not be tolerated, then the matter had been dropped and Hammond had moved on, suggesting that MacKenzie himself do the same. The final outcome was what he'd been hoping for, but not what he'd honestly expected.

"Believe it or not, I am too." Sam averted her eyes and twirled the drawstring of her hoodie idly around her index finger. It was an outward sign of how nervous she felt, but she didn't care all that much about giving anything away with her body language. Not today, when honesty was what she was aiming for. "No offense, but at least with you, I know what I'm getting myself into."

"None taken." He offered her a quick glimpse of a smile before shifting gears and getting down to business.

Maybe it was the coward's way out – changing tracks so that it was easier for him to hide behind his professional mask – but Sam hadn't come here to talk about _him_. It was time to start making these sessions about _her_, just as they should have been all along. "Now, is there anything in particular that you'd like to talk about today?"

Sam felt her face flush and she cursed her fair complexion, knowing that the blush was a dead giveaway that something was up. Untangling her finger from the drawstring, she folded her hands in her lap instead. The more uncomfortable she got, the more she twirled and if she kept it up, she would be in real danger of strangling herself in the not so distant future. With her promise to Daniel echoing in her head, she took a deep breath and confessed the secret she'd tried so hard to keep.

"I haven't been completely honest in the last few days," she admitted. Her eyes flicked up to meet his for a split second, before returning to their careful study of the ground. "When we talked about the flashbacks I experienced… They didn't stop after I got home."

"I know."

That caught Sam's attention. Her surprise widened blue eyes flew back up to his and this time held his gaze. "You knew?" she asked incredulously.

MacKenzie could practically see the wheels in her head racing as she tried to figure out what she'd said, what she'd done to tip him off.

Sam knew it had to have been her that had told him – Daniel had told the rest of their team and Janet, and all four of them had insisted that she tell MacKenzie herself – but for the life of her, she couldn't think of when or how she might have slipped up and revealed the truth.

"Yes," he replied calmly.

His fingers itched to pick up a pen and scribble notes about her reaction, but he resisted; note taking could wait until he'd answered what was sure to be her next question. After all, despite the half truths and outright lies she'd told him over the years, yesterday she had offered nothing but brutal honesty in answer to the most important question he would probably ever ask her, either personally or professionally. The least he could do now was return the favor; honesty was a two-way street, after all.

"I knew you were lying when you said you'd only had one flashback in the basement of Saint Christina's and one on the plane after you'd landed in Colorado."

"Why did you let me get away with it?" Sam asked dubiously. In her experience, MacKenzie was a sanctimonious control freak who considered himself infallible. Letting a patient's lies slide was completely unexpected behavior for the Doctor MacKenzie that she'd come to know over the years.

"There are right times to push and wrong times to push," MacKenzie stated, folding his hands in his lap. "_That _was the wrong time."

Sam started to suspect that maybe she'd been selling the base psychiatrist short for all these years; he was far better at his job and definitely more astute than she usually gave him credit for. She couldn't help but wonder how many times she'd walked out the door, confident that she'd pulled one over on MacKenzie, meanwhile he'd been in his office writing notes about all the things she was so sure she had kept hidden from him.

"And now?"

"Now is the right time." MacKenzie felt another smile steal across his features, lasting a few seconds longer than the first. He'd anticipated this being the most difficult session he'd ever had with Sam but in fact, it was shaping up to be one of the most productive. It seemed that there was something to this new, more honest approach he was taking to psychiatry.

"Why don't you tell me about the other flashbacks you've had?"

"There was only one," Sam was quick to point out.

They were both pleased to note that her response wasn't defensive or angry. She wasn't on guard against tricks, or considering how he might construe every syllable before speaking. She was simply talking to him and _that_, MacKenzie realized, was how things should have been all along.

"All right." He made a quick note on his pad before giving his full attention over to her. "Why don't you tell me about that one?"

It took two deep breaths and another self-reminder that she'd promised Daniel she would be honest, but Sam soon found that she was doing just that.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: **I'm sorry for skipping yesterday's update! I had this chapter sketched out in my head, but I just didn't like the way it turned out on paper so I decided to sit on it for a day and play around with it some more before posting. It took some tweaking, but I'm finally happy with it and hopefully all of you will be too! And now, on with the show… Enjoy! : )

**Measure After Measure**

"Remember what I said about…"

"I _know_, mom." Cassandra rolled her eyes at the admonishment. She'd already heard it several times since pulling out of the driveway a mere twenty minutes ago, and she wasn't in the mood to sit in the car and listen to it again when she could be in the house _finally_ seeing four of her favorite people on this or any other planet.

"Give her some breathing space, Cass, I mean it." Janet fixed a stern look on her daughter, but it didn't do much good, seeing as she was already out of the car and shutting the door behind her. With a sigh, Janet followed her lead, all the while hoping for the best. She hadn't made it more than four feet from the vehicle before the front door was thrown open and Cassandra was scooped up in a hug that was no less enthusiastic than normal, in spite of the fact that only three-quarters of the usual number of arms were involved.

"How's my favorite girl?" Jack asked brightly.

Janet looked on with a smile as he managed to lift Cassie's feet clear off the ground, even though he only had one arm to work with. As expected, the teenager squealed at his antics and squirmed – although, Janet noted with relief, much more carefully than she usually did – to free herself.

"Single," Cassie answered once her feet were back on the ground. "_What_ could you guys possibly have done to Dominic that would have scared off _every_ guy at school?"

"If you're still single? Apparently all the right things," Jack retorted as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, tucking her against his side. He paid no mind to the exasperated sigh the teenager heaved, instead turning his attention on her mother. "Hey, Doc! How's it going?"

"About as well as can be expected when forced to kill half a day with an impatient teenager," Janet retorted. That earned her another eye roll from said teenager. "How have things been here?"

"Replace 'teenager' with 'archaeologist', 'astrophysicist' or 'Jaffa' and you'll have your answer," he retorted with a grin.

They hadn't been _that_ bad, not really, but they _had _all been anxiously anticipating the Fraisers' arrival. None of them were particularly happy about waiting for Cassandra to descend upon them with all her warm hugs and easy smiles; after the week they'd had, all four members of SG-1 craved her bright, happy presence, if only for a few hours.

Besides which, Jack knew he had been as bad if not worse than the rest of his team, not that he would ever admit it.

"Is Sam already here?" Cassandra demanded impatiently. She looked back and forth between the two adults, searching for any indication one way or the other.

"She's out back with the boys, Cass. We figured we'd make the most of the nice weather and sit outside," Jack assured, squeezing her shoulders to keep her from taking off to find everyone's favorite astrophysicist. He shared a brief look with Janet before turning his full attention back to the teenager, patiently explaining, "She's had a pretty rough week, kiddo, and I know seeing you is going to make her feel a lot better, but all the same, be…"

"Be calm around her and give her as much space as she needs," the girl recited, rolling her eyes again. As much as she loved them, sometimes the most important adults in her life drove her crazy with their tag-team approach to parenting. "Mom's told me three or four _dozen_ times already, Uncle Jack. So can I _please_…"

With a chuckle, he pressed a kiss to her forehead before letting his arm fall away from her shoulders. "Go."

She was off like a shot, the front door banging shut after her and leaving behind a trail of doubts that she'd actually paid attention to the three or four dozen warnings her mother had given her on the way over. Neither adult bothered to reprimand her; Cassandra was and probably always would be a whirlwind and they would never be able to change that. Not that they would ever want to. Exchanging grins, Jack and Janet listened to the teen's footsteps fade as she moved further into the house.

Once they were alone on the front porch, Janet studied Jack's face for clues before asking, "How's she doing?"

"She's been a little wound up all day," Jack replied with a frown. He scrubbed his good hand through his hair, adding, "When they got back from the base, she seemed to have settled down some, but she's still… Off."

She'd figured as much, given the shadow of concern that had lingered in his eyes even when he'd been beaming at Cassandra. "How did it go with MacKenzie?"

He shrugged in response, wishing he had a better answer for her. "It went well enough, I guess. She didn't talk about it much, but she's got another appointment for Monday and she's still planning on going home by herself tonight."

"That's good," Janet assured. It was progress and she knew he knew that, but still, a reminder couldn't hurt.

"If you say so."

"It _is_ good, sir. Those are two _huge _steps for her. I know you don't like the idea of her being on her own…"

"I'm _fine_ with Carter being on her own," Jack corrected, bouncing his fist off the side of his thigh. "It's the fact that Adrian Conrad and his band of merry morons are still roaming the streets that I have a problem with."

It wasn't the whole truth and they both knew it, but Jack wasn't willing to admit just how badly the idea of letting Sam go home by herself scared him. That damn separation anxiety was back again, but he had no intention of letting anyone know just how serious it was. Even though _he _considered it to be perfectly justifiable in light of recent events, he knew there were plenty of people who wouldn't see it the same way.

"You guys can't protect her from everything," Janet said gently. She knew this was hard on all of them – herself included – but the truth wasn't always easy to swallow. Like it or not, they had to let Sam get back to her life, even if doing so entailed opening her up to greater risk that the Goa'uld in Conrad or someone else who wanted to hurt her could come after her again. If they didn't give Sam that freedom, then in a way, they would be no better than those people they wanted so much to keep her safe from.

"I know that and I'm not _trying_ to protect her from everything," he insisted. He meant it, but the look on Janet's face said she didn't believe him. "I'm serious. But _this_… Damn it, Janet! We should have been able to protect her from this. Should be able to protect her from it happening again!"

"What do you want to do? Keep her tucked away behind base security for the rest of her life? Give her a security detail specially trained by you and Teal'c? Use a naquadah and trinium chain to tether the four of you together for eternity?"

"For starters," Jack said dryly. It didn't matter that none of those were really practical solutions, nor that Sam would never go for any of them; he was feeling more than a little overprotective at the moment. He'd dare anyone who knew the details of what had happened to her in the last few days to fault him for it.

"Sir, you _know_ that for every measure you take to protect Sam, there's a countermeasure that would enable someone to get to her," Janet reasoned.

"I know." Jack sighed, signaling that he was prepared to accept defeat. "It's just that I really, _really_ don't like it."

"I know." She really did, and they both knew it. That same cold dread that spread through him whenever Sam was out of his sight lately was a shadow that dogged Janet day in and day out. While Jack worried about the things that might one day befall his well-trained, highly capable second in command, Janet lived in constant fear that those same things might happen to her more vulnerable, physically weaker daughter.

"We could always just ship them off to a nice, uninhabited planet in a remote corner of space," Jack suggested hopefully, waggling his eyebrows and shifting the conversation to a more light-hearted topic. "If we try hard enough, maybe we can find one with an asteroid belt that makes it inaccessible by ship."

"Keeping Cassie on a planet totally free of boys? Don't tempt me," Janet grinned. For Sam's sake, she was happy to check serious conversation quite literally at the door and pass the afternoon with friendly conversation and good-natured banter.

"Speaking of boys… I've been meaning to ask you for dear Nathaniel's phone number."

There was mischief in his eyes and a slight hint of menace in his voice, but Janet felt no sympathy for the teen in question. By now, all the boys at the local high school knew what a date with Cassandra Fraiser meant. If one of them wanted to go out with her daughter, Janet fully expected him to jump through each and every last hoop the men of SG-1 dreamed up.

"Cassie has it programmed into her phone. One of us can get it later when she's sufficiently distracted."

"Excellent!"

oOoOoOoOoOo

Daniel had just dumped the last bag of ice into the cooler and put the lid back on it when he heard the front door slam shut. It didn't take a genius to figure out who had entered the house, and seeing as he _was_ one…

"Oof!" he huffed when something that felt suspiciously like an overly excited teenager collided with him from behind and wrapped its arms around his waist, squeezing tight. Daniel was glad his attacker hadn't arrived thirty seconds earlier, otherwise the enthusiastic greeting probably would have sent him tumbling headfirst into the cooler.

"I got an A+ on my last AP Spanish test!"

"Way to go, Cass," he wheezed. He patted her arm as he tried to force some air back into his lungs with little success. "That's great, really!"

"I haven't seen you in forever!"

There was an accusatory note in her voice and Daniel was wiling to bet that she was pouting behind his back. She had been proclaiming herself to be too old for a lot of things lately, but apparently pouting hadn't made the list.

"I helped you study for that test… It was _two weeks _ago!" he defended himself. Twisting his hips, Daniel tried to loosen her grip some, but it did little good. Not for the first time, he wondered just what Jack and Teal'c did with Cassandra when the trio disappeared together. Daniel would be willing to bet good money that self-defense lessons fit in somehow, given his current inability to break free from her grip.

"Your voice sounds funny."

"That's because I can't breathe."

"Sorry," she apologized, although the giggle in her voice made him doubt about her sincerity. Still, he couldn't really complain since she loosened her grip just enough to let him take a deep breath. A second later she was slipping under his arm and hugging him slightly more loosely – although no less enthusiastically – from the side.

"It's okay," he assured. Wrapping his arms around her, he returned the hug. Even if she had tried to suffocate him with affection, he was happy to see her. Whether she knew it or not, Cassandra helped all of them cope with the stresses of their jobs and day-to-day lives simply by being her warm, always-happy-to-see-them self.

"I _did_ miss you." She said it insistently, as if he might doubt her sincerity.

"I know." Daniel couldn't help but chuckle; he knew exactly what was coming next. It was an established fact that Cassandra loved all four members of SG-1 to no end, but one of them would always be a little bit more special to her than the rest of them. He didn't mind, though, and neither did Jack or Teal'c.

"But…"

"She's out in the yard with Teal'c." Daniel smiled down at her just in time to catch the teen rolling her eyes.

"Uncle Jack already told me."

Of course he had. Because Jack, in his infinite childishness, had raced to the door as soon as Janet's car had pulled into the driveway, hogging Cassandra for as long as she would let him. Daniel fought the urge to roll his eyes at the memory and decided that even though she didn't seem to think so, he might be spending too much time with his favorite teenager.

"Look Cass, go ahead and give Sam a hug, but don't sneak up on her like you did me, okay?"

"I've already heard this about a thousand times so far, Uncle Daniel."

Again with the eye rolling, Daniel noted. The anthropologist in him wondered if it would have become such an integral part of Cassandra's non-verbal communication if she'd lived out the rest of her life on Hanka. The rest of him firmly believed that teenagers would be teenagers, regardless of their planet of residence.

With a sigh, he released her. "Go."

She was gone a heartbeat later, disappearing around the corner. Her pounding feet made it clear that she wasn't moving at anything remotely resembling a sedate pace, but Daniel let it slide. If a thousand warnings hadn't managed to temper her enthusiasm, one more probably wasn't going to have much of an impact. Instead of chastising Cassandra, he hefted the drink-filled cooler into his arms and slowly trailed her out to the backyard.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Sam and Teal'c were out on the deck, exactly where Jack and Daniel had said they would be, making the most out of the early spring weather. The pair were setting up for a team plus two get together, moving around the picnic table and one another with practiced ease, and Cassandra felt a weight drop off her shoulders at the sight. Despite another close call – no one had told her so, but she could tell from the way Daniel and Jack had greeted her; all four members of SG-1 tended to hug her a little bit tighter when a bad situation had been too close for comfort – all of them were alive and more or less well.

With a grin on her face, Cassandra slid the door open and stepped out onto the deck before easing the door shut behind her. Teal'c looked up at her, bowing his head in greeting and smiling as much as he ever did, but Sam gave no indication that she'd noticed her yet. That, Cassandra decided, was completely unacceptable.

"We're here!" she announced loudly, remembering too late that she was supposed to keep her voice down. She immediately felt guilty and started hoping she hadn't startled her favorite aunt too badly.

"It's about time," Sam retorted with a smile. She straightened up, abandoning the snacks she'd been in the process of laying out, and held her arms out without any hesitation. The older woman seemed unbothered by her adopted niece's grand entrance, and the teen's guilt was immediately forgotten.

Cassie stepped into the hug, being careful not to barrel into the blonde woman the way she usually did. Janet had assured her that Sam was fine, but it was obvious that everyone was still very worried about her and the last thing Cassandra wanted to do was hurt her by exacerbating an existing injury.

"I missed you," she mumbled into Sam's shoulder.

"I missed you too." Sam closed her eyes and reveled in the hug. There was no denying the calming effect it had on her; no matter how exuberant Cassandra was, simply being around her was enough to put Sam at ease. Even the biggest challenges facing her paled in comparison with those that Cassie had overcome. If the teen could be full of smiles and in love with life after everything she'd been through, Sam knew she herself had no business being morose or depressed.

Twisting around slightly, the teen maneuvered until she could see Sam's face without interrupting the hug. "I'm glad you're okay. I've been dying to see you for days, but mom wouldn't let me. She wouldn't even let me _call_! I was starting to think that maybe something was wrong and that's why she wouldn't let me see you, but that didn't make sense because she brought me to see you after Jolinar died even though things were really, _really_ wrong then, and…"

"Breathe, sweetheart." Sam chuckled.

Cassie did just that, sucking in a huge lungful of air in preparation for continuing her rambling monologue. Still smiling, Sam cut her off before she could start up again.

"I'm fine, everyone else is fine, but things have been a little nuts since I got back. Colonel O'Neill and I have both had a bunch of appointments with your mom, plus I had mandatory daily sessions with the base shrink. Throw in the work we've all had to catch up on," – that was stretching the truth, seeing as she was off-duty until MacKenzie cleared her, but Cassandra didn't need to know that – "and my messed up sleep schedule… Your mom probably thought it was best to let us sort ourselves out first."

Sam felt bad laying all the blame on Janet's shoulders, but if she were here, Janet would insist on it; she always did. She seemed to think that if Sam was in a bad enough way to want to avoid seeing Cassandra, then she was already dealing with plenty and didn't need to be on the receiving end of the teen's unhappiness with the situation on top of everything else. Although Sam appreciated Janet's willingness to take the brunt of Cassandra's displeasure, she knew she would never really feel comfortable letting her do it.

"Whatever. I'm just happy to see you." Cassandra squeezed her a little harder, although still not nearly as hard as she usually did. Sam didn't seem to be in pain, but Cassie was determined to be gentle, just in case.

"Same here," Sam assured, releasing her.

Daniel chose that moment to tap his foot against the sliding glass door, gaining their attention. Sam moved to open the door for him, leaving Cassandra free to launch herself at Teal'c enthusiastically. She never held back when she hugged him, having no qualms about throwing her full weight into the hugs because she knew without a doubt that nothing she did would ever be enough to knock the big man off-balance.

"Greetings, Cassandra Fraiser," he welcomed, his voice full of warmth and affection.

"I haven't seen you in _forever_!" she replied, reverting back to her favorite complaint even if it was an exaggeration. She knew she saw all four members of SG-1 as often as possible, but the way she viewed things, they'd missed out on the first eleven years of her life and had lots of lost time to make up for.

"That is untrue," Teal'c said. He squeezed her a bit tighter as punishment for the lie, making her giggle. "Merely three weeks ago we accompanied O'Neill to a battle between the Bruins of Boston and the Many Avalanches of Colorado."

"It's 'Boston Bruins' and 'Colorado Avalanche'. And it _felt_ like forever."

Smiling at the exchange, Sam opened the door for Daniel and stepped back, allowing him plenty of space to maneuver. While Cassandra and Teal'c debated the issue of whether or not Cassandra was in a position to make claims about what 'forever' felt like, Daniel eased the cooler out the door, just barely managing to squeeze it through. He glanced quickly at the pair of aliens, ensuring that Cassie was sufficiently distracted, before turning his full attention on Sam.

"You okay?" he murmured, leaning in as he brushed past her.

"I'm good."

Given how often she'd claimed to be 'fine' in the last few days when she so clearly wasn't, Daniel figured she'd forgive him for being skeptical. "You sure?"

"Positive."

"Good." He beamed at her, glad that she was genuinely doing better today. Satisfied, he moved past her, lugging the big, awkward cooler over to the far corner of the deck.

Before Sam had a chance to slide the door shut, Jack and Janet appeared. They both paused for a few seconds before stepping outside, letting their eyes adjust to the brilliant spring sunshine. Once the spots had cleared from her vision, Janet's eyes sought out Sam and she offered her friend a warm smile. Sam returned the silent greeting, once again stepping back to allow access to the deck.

"Okay kids, split into pairs!" Jack said loudly, putting an end to Teal'c and Cassandra's debate. He held out the box he carried in his good hand for their inspection, pleased when his offering earned smiles all around. "And no, wunderkind, you can _not_ team up against the rest of us," he added, shooting pointed looks at Daniel and Sam.

"Fine, sir," Sam replied with a sly grin. "I call Jan…"

"Only one doctor per team." Jack tacked the addendum on quickly, before she could finish the thought. "It doesn't matter if we're talking MD or PhD."

"Dibs on Sam!" Cassandra all but shouted, making the adults wince.

Well, almost all the adults winced. Jack was simply inspired.

"I call Daniel!"

His volume earned another round of winces from the adults and a giggle from Cassandra.

"I would be honored to compete at your side, Doctor Fraiser," Teal'c offered graciously, inclining his head at the much shorter woman.

"Thank you, Teal'c." She offered him a smile before mock glaring at Cassie and Jack. "It's nice to know _someone _wants me around."

"We want you around, Doc," Jack teased as he chose a seat around the picnic table. "But _nobody_ can beat Daniel at Trivial Pursuit – he's a walking, talking encyclopedia!"

"Oh sure, _now_ you find my knowledge useful." Daniel rolled his eyes – a bad habit he was clearly picking up from Cassandra – but dutifully took a seat next to his partner anyway. "In the field, you couldn't care less what I know."

"In the field, what you know isn't going to help be beat two of the smartest women on the face of the planet," Jack informed him seriously.

"Hey!" Cassandra protested at her perceived exclusion from the list.

"You still are and always will be a little girl in my eyes," Jack informed her in his best no nonsense tone as the others assembled around the table. "And _that_ is why you will _never_ be old enough to have a boyfriend."

"Okay, seriously!" Cassie demanded, exasperated. She threw herself into the seat beside Sam, so close to the blonde astrophysicist that she was virtually sitting in her lap, but Sam didn't seem to mind. "_What_ did you guys do to Dominic?!"

"We'll never tell," Daniel swore as he exchanged self-satisfied smirks with the other men.

"Saaam!"

"Don't look at me," she said, holding her hands up helplessly. "I think I scared Dominic off first."

Thinking back a few months to when Cassandra had fallen ill with Nirti's virus, she felt at least a little sorry for how she'd reacted to the boy's stuttering explanation that he'd kissed Cassie right before she passed out on the Fraiser's front porch. Sam knew she'd snapped at him, but it had been fear and worry for Cassie's well being that had fed her reaction. Still, to poor Dominic she had probably been the first in a long line of people who'd intimidated and flat out frightened him for having the nerve to date the youngest Fraiser.

"Mom, _do_ something!" Cassie pleaded almost desperately. Reaching across the table, she removed the lid from the box and tucked it under the picnic table for safekeeping.

"Sorry, Cass, but I can't," Janet replied without a hint of apology in her voice. "I quite like having help with scaring the boys away."

The adults traded grins while the teenager rolled her eyes for the zillionth time that day.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N:** Somehow it's already August, and that means gearing up to head back to school!! (Call me wierd, but I _like_ the long days and late nights of university life.) Unfortunately, it also means moving halfway across the country, so updates will probably slow down a little as I try to get myself organized for that. : ( Rest assured, however, that I _will_ stick to daily updates as much as I can in the next little while, and I'll try not to go more than two days between postings. Please bear with me while I try to get my act together! : P And now, on with the show... Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

Stomachs full and plates empty, the group gathered out on Jack's deck was content to chat amiably, enjoying the dimming sunshine of an early spring day. As the sun sank towards the horizon, the temperature began to drop noticeably, a reminder that true spring hadn't really arrived yet. Eventually even the warmth of Cassandra curled into her side wasn't enough to ward off the chill, and Sam began to gather up an armload of dishes, seizing the opportunity to go inside where it was warmer.

A heartbeat later, Teal'c got to his feet and started rounding up all the garbage littered over the table, helping her with the clean up.

"Just stack those on the counter," Jack advised as he passed his plate to Sam. "I'll clean it all up later."

"Really sir?" Janet asked skeptically. She crossed her arms pointedly over her chest and, in a voice dripping with disapproval, said, "I would think you'd have a hard time cleaning up with only one arm. Unless, of course, you were planning on taking off the sling..."

Daniel and Cassandra chuckled at the deer in the headlights look that flashed across the older man's face, while Teal'c and Sam shared amused glances. Showdowns between Jack and Janet were always good entertainment, given that they were both equally stubborn.

"Of course I'm not planning on taking the sling off," Jack scoffed as though the idea that he would ever disobey doctor's orders was absurd. "It's just… I've had lots of practice doing things one handed. You know that; you've read my medical file."

Janet's carefully arched eyebrow made it clear that she didn't buy one word of his so-called explanation, so Jack gave up trying to convince her. The others looked away to hide smiles or muffle laughter. This time, it seemed, Janet had come out victorious.

"It's no problem, sir," Sam assured. She added the next to last plate to the stack in her arms and then, considering how few dishes there were to be done, added, "It'll only take a couple of minutes to wash these up and there's really no point in running the dishwasher for such a small load."

"I'll dry," Cassandra said. She hopped to her feet and quickly relieved Teal'c of the bag of trash he'd collected, sparing him a trip inside. It had been fun to spend the afternoon with her adopted family, but she had some major catching up to do with her favorite aunt and the less the men of SG-1 knew about her news, the better.

"Want another pair of hands?" Daniel offered, trying to make himself useful.

"No!" the teen blurted out, a slightly panicked quality to her voice. Blushing, she realized she'd been anything but subtle and looked to Sam for help.

Catching the beseeching look Cassie was sending her way, Sam said, "We've got it." She accepted the final plate Janet added to the pile before turning and leading her teenaged helper into the house.

Much to Janet's amusement, the three men exchanged a flurry of meaningful glances before they seemed to resign themselves to the fact that there would be a fair bit of girl talk going on in the kitchen and they would never be privy to it. She had to bite down hard on the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing out loud at their disappointment over missing out on an opportunity to gather intel on Cassandra's love life.

Getting over the let down first, Jack called out, "Thanks, you two."

He probably _could _have managed to wash the small pile of dishes one-handed, but it was much more likely that he would have simply taken off his sling and used both hands to complete the task. In all honesty, the only reason he was still wearing the loathsome thing was because his team had been camped out at his house since he'd been released from the infirmary and they hadn't allowed him to remove it, except to shower. As far as Jack was concerned, it was the only downside to converting his home into SG-1 Central Station; he'd never before gone this long without taking one of the damned things off!

"Colonel, I really can't stress enough how important it is that you wear the sling…"

An exasperated Janet was just launching into lecture mode when Cassandra slid the door closed, muffling the sounds of conversation outside the house and granting Sam and herself a measure of privacy.

"So," Sam began knowingly as she deposited the dirty dishes in the sink. "What's up with you and Nathaniel?"

"Nothing," Cassandra said, disappointment clear. "He hasn't asked me out yet." That said, she hurled the trash bag into the garbage can with a lot more force than necessary, leaving no doubt in Sam's mind as to how she felt about the situation.

Because she remembered what it was like to be a teenage girl, Sam sympathized; she recalled what her father had been like with the boys she'd dated in high school and could only imagine how much worse it must be coming from _three_ fronts. But because she remembered what teenage boys could be like, a part of her was cheering the guys on in their efforts to scare off any boy wanting to get within a five-mile radius of Cassandra. She couldn't say that out loud, though, so she decided to offer up a large helping of empathy instead.

"Give him time. He's probably just working up the nerve to ask you," Sam advised sagely. The irony of dispensing dating advice when she herself hadn't been on a date in years wasn't lost on her, but Cassie didn't seem to mind. Apparently she took guidance from wherever she could get it.

"'Working up the nerve'?" Cassandra parroted incredulously. She grabbed a clean dishtowel and hopped up on the counter beside the sink, a scowl on her face. "Geeze, Sam! It's not like I bite or anything!"

Turning on the tap and squeezing a dollop of dish soap into the sink, the older woman reminded, "No, but I'm sure Dominic has warned the other guys at school that you have three very big, very intimidating uncles who _do_. Not that Teal'c looks like he'd need to bite… He's got more of a 'swallow you whole and spit out your bones' type of vibe going for him." From the look on Cassie's face, Sam deduced that she wasn't really helping anymore and let it drop.

She also made a mental note to ask yet again what it was they'd done to poor Dominic. So far, her teammates had all been rather tight-lipped about their little chat with the teen, but Sam knew if she asked him often enough, Daniel would eventually break down and tell her. After all, he wasn't the only member of SG-1 who knew how to use big, blue eyes to their full advantage.

"Are they aware they're completely destroying my social life?" Cassandra asked with all the melodrama she could muster. Considering how much practice she had, she could muster a whole lot of melodrama when she had to, and apparently she felt this was one of those times.

"They know. What you've got to remember is that they don't particularly _care_." Sam couldn't hold back her grin.

Oh, to be a teenager again, when it was normal for a relationship to last no longer than a few dates. At her age, it was just plain sad when that happened. Sadder when years passed without even _one_ date…

Maybe melodrama was contagious, she mused.

"I'm going to college far, far away," the girl declared. It wasn't the first time she'd said it, and it probably wouldn't be the last, but Sam knew that when push came to shove, Cassie would have a hard time up and leaving the people she'd come to think of as her family.

She followed up with, "With any luck, I'll be able to go somewhere that isn't home to an American air base, and where the indigenous language is something Daniel doesn't speak."

"It won't do you much good," Sam said helpfully. As she shut off the water, she elaborated. "Colonel O'Neill would fly commercial if he had to, and a new language is an enticement for Daniel, not a deterrent. Besides…"

"Nothing short of a full-blown Goa'uld invasion would keep Teal'c away," Cassandra finished, tossing in a roll of her eyes for good measure. "I'm doomed."

She loved them, really she did, but if her three favorite uncles would ease up on menacing every teenage boy in Colorado Springs, she just might be able to find it in her to love them a little bit more. She wasn't entirely sure it was possible, but she wouldn't mind giving it a shot and finding out.

"Doomed by overprotective paternal love," Sam pointed out as she pushed up her sleeves. "There are worse ways to be doomed. Trust me."

"I know, but still… What the hell?!" Cassandra demanded, eyes going wide and all the color draining from her face. In a heartbeat, her tone changed from playful grumbling to alarmed repulsion. She plunged her hand into the sink and dragged one of Sam's out from the soapy water, horrified eyes taking in the myriad of bruises and puncture marks marring the older woman's forearms.

With her heart beating wildly against her rib cage, Sam realized her mistake. She'd let the easy warmth of the friendships she'd basked in all afternoon lull her into forgetting about what she'd been subjected to mere days ago. Into forgetting what Conrad's so-called doctors had done to her and the evidence of their actions that they'd so casually left behind. Her stomach clenched as awareness flooded through her; the very thing she'd tried so hard to protect Cassandra from had just been put on display in all its sickening, technicolor glory.

Yanking her hand free of the teen's grip, Sam hastily rolled her sleeves back down, once again hiding her arms from sight. She took a deep breath to try and bring the storm of emotions raging through her under control before looking Cassandra in the eye and trying to play the marks off as nothing.

"Watch your language," she chided much more calmly than she felt. "Janet would flip if she heard you talking like that."

"'_Watch my language?'_" Cassandra said, her voice rising in bewilderment. "You're standing there with _track marks_ up and down your arms and all you can say is '_watch my language_?'"

"They are not _track marks_," Sam retorted coolly as her face hardened. "Now mind your own business."

She was trying so hard to keep calm, but Cassie wasn't making it easy. _This _was the reason Sam had put off seeing her for so long; she hadn't wanted to be bombarded by questions she couldn't – _wouldn't_ – answer and the flood of feelings those questions unleashed inside of her. The fear and anger and disgust and the thousand other things she felt every time she thought about what Conrad had done to her, had _planned_ to do to her, were all clamoring to be let out and even though Sam was fighting with everything she had to keep them all inside, she knew she was losing, bit by bit.

"But Sam…"

"Cassandra, let it go!" Sam barked the words so loud her voice echoed through the kitchen and down the hall. The words seemed to hang in the air between them for interminable seconds before fading away, leaving the pair in excruciatingly cold, awkward silence.

The teenager froze, mouth open, eyes bright with tears. Sam had never spoken to her like that before, not even close. The steely edge in her voice was unlike anything Cassandra had ever heard – even when her adopted family had been bargaining with Nirti for her life a few months ago – and the sound of it lingered in her head, sending a shudder of unease racing down her spine. Blinking against the sharp sting of tears in her eyes, she slid off the counter and landed on her feet with a gentle thud. The sound seemed unnaturally loud in the sudden stillness; even the faint murmurs of voices outside had died away.

Spending the day with Sam didn't seem like such a treat anymore and Cassie wanted to be anywhere but in the older woman's presence.

Blowing out a shaky breath, Sam struggled to reign in the anger hammering through her veins; Cassandra didn't deserve it. The teen was the brightest thing in her life, more precious than anything. She deserved more, deserved _better_. After all, Sam knew it was her own fault that Cassandra was asking questions. If she'd listened to Janet, if she'd given the teen's mother permission to be honest with her from the beginning, none of this would be happening. The only person Sam had to blame for the mess she was currently in was herself.

"Cass…"

"I'm going back outside," Cassandra said abruptly as a single tear traced its way down her cheek.

The sight of it broke Sam's heart and allowed self-hatred to come to the fore, crowding out all the other emotions still raging inside her.

"Wait," Sam pleaded, but the teen wouldn't hear it.

Cassandra was already half out the door before Sam had finished uttering the word. The gentle way she slid it shut behind her was incongruous with the hurt and anger clouding her eyes, and Sam was sure it would have been better if Cassie had stormed out and slammed the door so hard it rattled the walls.

Alone in the kitchen, Sam tried to calm herself, but guilt and self-loathing chewed away at her insides, making it impossible to relax. She had ruined more than just an otherwise enjoyable afternoon; her relationship with Cassie had just taken one hell of a beating.

Despite her resolve not to allow Conrad to change her, Sam knew she had just granted him a final victory over her: she was now the sort of person who lacked the self-control to keep from lashing out at a child who loved her enough to ask hard questions.

Finally giving in to the rage simmering inside her, Sam picked up the nearest glass and hurled it at the far wall as hard as she could.

"Damn it!"

**A/N: **Before I get a billion flames delivered to my inbox, please remember that we're dealing with 'Angry Sam' now, not 'Sam'. We've already established that 'Angry Sam' has quite the temper, and _that_ is whose temper we saw at the end of this chapter.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: **It's been a while, so once again I'd like to say a huge 'thank you' to everyone who is still reading and, of course, reviewing this story. Your patience as my baby has grown into a monster is greatly appreciated. : ) To those of you who are worried about what going back to school might mean for this fic, rest assured that I'm determined to get it finished before I leave (for Vancouver, if anyone is wondering). And now, on with the show… Enjoy!

**Measure After Measure**

As soon as the door shut behind her, Cassandra made a beeline for Janet, paying no attention to the three men watching her in concern. She allowed her mother to pull her down on to the bench and into a tight hug before letting her tears start to fall in earnest.

Janet stroked her daughter's hair, gently rocking her back and forth while trading worried looks with three-quarters of SG-1. They'd all heard Sam's angry yell shortly before Cassandra had reappeared, but none of them had heard enough to guess what had happened in the house. The day had been going so well and Sam had seemed so much more together since getting back from her appointment with MacKenzie that they had all allowed themselves to start believing that the worst of her unpredictable behavior was over. Apparently that had been a mistake.

A few heartbeats later, a crash sounded inside the house and an angry 'damn it!' came from inside.

They were all startled by the rather un-Sam-like behavior. Jack, Daniel and Janet all jumped at the sound, while Teal'c quirked a surprised eyebrow and Cassandra cuddled up a little closer to her mom. Janet snuck a quick glance at Jack but he appeared unconcerned about what damage Sam might be inflicting upon his house, more worried about what could have possibly happened to put her and Cassandra into such states. For all his biting sarcasm and caustic humor, Janet mused distractedly, he was really just a big teddy bear underneath it all.

"Shh, sweetie," Janet soothed quietly, rubbing Cassie's back. "Take some deep breaths and then you can tell us what happened."

Another glance at Sam's teammates made it clear that they were all torn between giving Sam the time and space she needed to get a grip on her emotions and checking in on her to make sure she was all right. This seemed to be the worst flare up of her temper so far and they were all concerned about what could have possibly set it off.

"I didn't mean to make her mad." Still sniffling, Cassandra straightened up and wiped at her eyes. Twisting slightly in her seat, she leaned into Janet and rested her head on her mother's shoulder, allowing the fingers still running through her hair to calm her. She was too caught up in her hurt to notice the silent communication flowing back and forth between the adults.

Janet tossed another quick look at the others, making it clear she would handle this. They looked relieved that the responsibility wasn't going to fall on their shoulders and were content to sit quietly while Janet explained. "Honey, remember when I said that Sam had been given a few injections while she was missing, but they were all breaking down in her system?"

"Yeah," the teen said, her voice still thick with tears. Blinking up at her mother, she asked, "So what?"

"Well, one of the drugs in Sam's system is breaking down a lot more slowly than usual because of the naquadah in her blood," Janet continued, simplifying as much as she could.

Cassandra stiffened in her arms, the last few minutes instantly forgotten. No amount of anger or yelling mattered when there was a chance that something was wrong with her favorite aunt. "You said she was fine."

Squeezing her daughter with the arm still wrapped around her shoulders, Janet assured, "She is. But the drug still in Sam's system can wreak havoc with people's brain chemistry, making them a lot more prone to anger than they usually are."

"That's what's happening with Sam?"

"Yeah, kiddo," Daniel cut in before Janet could speak. "The drug your mom is talking about is making it hard for Sam to control her temper. She's yelled at all of us in the last couple of days, but she hasn't meant any of it. She yells for a few minutes, and then she gets over it; she can't help herself right now."

In a lot of ways, he mused, it was similar to the mood swings Cassandra herself had been prone to when she'd hit puberty, but he didn't think she'd appreciate it if he pointed it out.

"You don't understand," Cassie argued, sniffling. "She's really, _really_ mad."

More than anything, she wanted to believe that they were telling her the truth, that Sam wasn't really angry with her and in a matter of moments, all would be forgotten. But no matter how hard she tried, Cassandra couldn't stop Sam's harsh words from running through her head over and over again. Sam had been so furious; how could she possibly set aside all that outrage and forgive her so quickly?

"She is not, Cassandra Fraiser," Teal'c said calmly. His confidence did little to reassure her. "If we were to go inside at this moment, we would find that Major Carter is as upset about what has transpired as you are."

She looked torn between believing what they were telling her and holding on to her hurt feelings just a little longer. Sensing her hesitation, Jack reached under the table and squeezed her knee supportively, drawing her eyes to him. He offered her a tight smile and she managed to return it, even if hers trembled a fair bit.

Seeing how calmly the four adults were taking Sam's outburst did a lot to put Cassandra at ease. It was obvious they were all worried about her, but at the same time, none of them were all that surprised to hear that Sam had acted so out of character. In light of that, it was a little easier for the teen to believe that Sam would get over it quickly. The adults all noticed the subtle shift in Cassie's facial expression when she finally became convinced that they were telling the truth.

Satisfied that she was calming down, Jack finally asked the question that had been on the tip of all their tongues since Cassandra had first appeared in tears. "Cass, what happened right before Sam got angry?" He had a hunch, but he hoped he was wrong for both Sam and Cassie's sakes.

"I saw the marks on her arms," the teen explained, wiping an errant tear away. "She was putting her hands in the sink when I saw all the bruises, so I asked about them and pulled one of her hands out of the water…"

"You grabbed her?" Janet clarified, exchanging worried looks with Jack. She knew what he was thinking and, after hearing what Cassandra had done just before Sam had snapped at her, she was starting to fear the same thing.

"Sort of… I know I was supposed to be gentle, but…" Suddenly she felt guilty. Everyone had been so insistent that she be careful, quiet and calm around Sam, but she hadn't paid much attention to the warnings. Until just minutes ago, Cassandra hadn't seen much need to act differently around her, but maybe she had been wrong to be her usual boisterous self. Maybe Sam's outburst had somehow been her fault…

"Was she yelling at _you_, Cass?" Jack asked quietly. He ignored the way Daniel's eyes snapped around to stare at him, trusting Teal'c to keep their archaeologist from saying more than they absolutely had to in front of the teen.

Cassandra frowned, thinking that was a pretty dumb question and not knowing why it mattered. "Of course she was; I was the only one around."

"I know. But when she was yelling, did it seem like maybe Sam thought she was talking to someone else?"

"She said my name. She knew it was me. Why wouldn't she?" Cassandra said firmly, a confused furrow appearing between her eyebrows. "What's going on? You promised me she was fine!" she said accusingly. She turned to her mother, demanding an explanation.

Janet looked back and forth between the three men, searching for a hint as to what she was supposed to do now. They all knew Sam had been determined to shield Cassandra from her kidnapping and its fallout as much as possible, but her angry outburst had complicated things. It was impossible to really explain anything else to her daughter without trampling all over Sam's wishes, and Janet wasn't sure which was more important in this moment: keeping her best friend's confidence or putting her daughter's mind at ease.

Whatever help Janet had hoped to get from the men of SG-1, she was disappointed; Daniel offered her a shrug, and Teal'c quirked an eyebrow at her. Surprisingly, Jack was the most help.

"Your kid, your call," he said quietly, eyes locked on hers. Sympathy shone from their brown depths; he understood the difficult position she'd suddenly found herself in.

Janet weighed her options while four pairs of eyes bored into her. The mother in her screamed that it should be an easy choice; her daughter came before anyone and everything else. But the rest of her knew that Sam's logic was sound; both women were trying to protect Cassandra, they simply felt it was necessary to protect her from two different things. It was hard to say which one of them was right – Janet could even admit that maybe they _both_ were – but in the end, there was only room for one approach and Sam wasn't here to argue with her.

"Sam _is _okay, sweetheart," Janet said, running her fingers through her daughter's long, copper colored hair. "The reason Colonel O'Neill asked if Sam knew she was talking to you is because she's had a few flashbacks since she's been back. Do you know what those are?"

"Like on TV, when someone starts thinking about the past, right?" she replied, her nose crinkling in confusion. She really didn't understand where this conversation could possibly be going.

"In a way," Daniel agreed. Reaching across the table, he squeezed her hand. "But in real life, it can be a little different than it is on TV."

"Different how?"

Once more, the adults traded looks, unsure of how best to explain it to her without frightening her or compounding her worries. Cassandra was a smart girl and they all knew it was inevitable that she would ask questions. Unfortunately, _because_ Cassandra was a smart girl, there was no telling what her questions would be, and that made it hard to prepare their answers ahead of time. Teal'c and Daniel both looked to Janet, wondering how much she wanted to share with the teen, but she looked as uncertain as the rest of them.

"Different _how_?" Cassandra repeated impatiently. She glanced around the table, searching for a hint as to who might be willing to answer her.

She expected to see awkward shifting and pointed looks being traded, but she hadn't anticipated seeing Jack get out of his seat and move around the table to stand beside her.

"Come with me," he said quietly. He ignored the surprised looks Janet and his teammates were giving him, instead focusing on Cassie.

Jack knew that Janet could give her explanations from a medical perspective, and Daniel and Teal'c could both do a decent job answering many of her questions in layman's terms. But he was the only one who could speak from firsthand experience and that, Jack knew, would go a long way in helping Cassandra understand what Sam was going through right now.

"Where are we going?" Even as she asked, Cassandra was following his lead and getting to her feet.

"We're just going to have a little chat. I know you've probably got a lot of questions…"

He was starting to look like he regretted making the offer, so Cassie hurriedly interrupted, agreeing before he could change his mind. "Okay."

Without another word, Jack turned and led the way to the big oak tree in the far corner of the yard. Paying no mind to the protests his knees issued, he lowered himself to the ground and leaned back against the tree's trunk. He patted the ground beside him, indicating that the teen should take a seat next to him on the grass. Cassandra did as she was told, but rather than leaning against the tree, she settled herself against Jack's side, letting his body heat keep her warm in the cooling evening air.

Jack wrapped his good arm around her shoulders, holding her close. He studiously ignored the curious looks Daniel, Janet and Teal'c kept shooting his way, instead focusing all of his attention on Cassandra. "Ask away," he said quietly.

"Anything?" she asked uncertainly. She knew enough to guess that Jack would be drawing on personal experience to answer her questions; if she were in for merely a recitation of medical fact, the explanations would have been left up to her mother. But it was no secret that Jack didn't like to talk about his past – he never did it unless he absolutely had to – and she was reluctant to ask the wrong thing or dredge up the wrong memory; she'd already hurt Sam, she couldn't bear the thought of hurting him too.

"Anything," he said, squeezing her shoulders. He was a bit apprehensive about what she might ask, but for her and, in a way, for Sam too, Jack was determined to answer anything she threw his way as honestly as he could.

It took a few moments for Cassandra to decide what she wanted to ask first, but she finally settled on a question. Once Jack started explaining, more and more questions filled her head and she grew less hesitant in asking them. Cassie wanted to understand what Sam was _really_ going through.

She wanted the whole truth, not the sanitized version that she'd been fed all week, and she was grateful to Jack for giving her a piece of it.


	34. Chapter 34

**Measure After Measure**

The front door creaked open, shattering the stillness, but Sam refused to turn around and acknowledge that she was no longer alone. She didn't trust herself to be around others at the moment and a part of her hoped that whoever was joining her would change their mind once they realized how unwelcome their presence was. She should have known ignoring them wouldn't be enough to dissuade them though; the only people it could possibly be were four of the most stubborn, persistent individuals she'd ever met.

Unfazed by the frosty welcome, her visitor crossed the porch and settled on the step beside her.

"Hey," he said quietly.

Daniel. Faithful, rock steady, loyal to a fault, Daniel.

"Don't," she warned, the word hissing through gritted teeth.

He was so easy to hurt because he wore his heart on his sleeve. Sam knew all the things to say that would get under his skin, push him away and break his heart; she couldn't talk to him now without running the risk of doing irreparable harm to their friendship.

As usual, Daniel paid no heed to the warning, plowing ahead as if she hadn't just risked their entire relationship simply by opening her mouth. "Cassandra told us what happened. Did you have another…"

"I yelled at her, Daniel. I lost my temper, plain and simple." The sympathy and concern in his voice made her heart skip a beat. She didn't deserve it, didn't deserve him or any of the others. Not now that Adrian Conrad had succeeded in turning her into such a callous, cruel person. The kind who lashed out at whomever was nearby with no regard for how badly she hurt them.

Remembering the look on Cassandra's face when she'd snapped made her feel sick. Fighting down the nausea clawing up her throat, she hugged her arms to her stomach and curled around them. He had to go; Sam had to make him leave before she could put a similar expression on his face.

"She doesn't know what happened," Daniel reminded. "Janet told her you were kidnapped again and Cass assumes it was for information. She thinks you were just pumped for intel for a few days and because you asked us not to tell her the truth, nobody's bothered to correct her."

Daniel might have appeared to be oblivious to the 'leave me alone' vibes she was giving off, but in reality, he was well aware of what was going through her head. Her face was an open book to him, one he could read as easily as any of the ancient tomes he had squirreled away in his office. He could see how afraid she was of hurting him, of losing control and driving away the only people she trusted enough to lean on when her whole world seemed to be falling apart around her, but he resolved not to let her, no matter what. Nothing Sam could say or do would ever be able to hurt him as much as she was hurting right now; he would be there for her, no matter how difficult she made it.

"She doesn't need to know," Sam stated firmly. She still refused to look at him, afraid of what she might see. A part of her was worried that she'd hurt Cassandra so badly that even if the teen forgave her, Janet and the rest of SG-1 never would. Seeing confirmation of that in Daniel's eyes was more than she could take at the moment, so Sam decided not to risk it.

"Janet thinks she _does_, and the rest of us agree," Daniel argued calmly. "She's a smart girl, Sam. It's only a matter of time until she figures it out, if she hasn't already."

"She's just a kid." The last thing she wanted was to destroy the final shreds of Cassandra's childhood. To shatter the promise that she was safe on Earth by revealing the possible future awaiting the teen if she wasn't careful enough, didn't guard her secret closely enough.

"She's not 'just a kid'; Cassandra hasn't been 'just a kid' since the day Nirti laid hands on her," Daniel said patiently. He knew Sam knew this already, but it wouldn't do any good if he let his frustration show, so he buried it deep. This conversation wasn't about him – in truth, it was about Sam even more than it was about Cassandra – and throwing his own emotions into the mix would only further complicate things.

"I can't tell her, Daniel. I won't." Sam shook her head, as if to rid herself of the idea before it could take root. "You can't ask me to do that to her, to take away the rest of her innocence. It would make me no better than Nirti."

"It's not the same…"

"It is!" Sam insisted passionately. Finally, she turned to face him. She didn't care what she saw in his eyes; she had to make him understand. The sooner he got it, the sooner he'd leave. "Nirti ripped away Cassandra's belief that Hanka was a safe place, and now you're asking me to do the same when it comes to Earth!"

"Earth _isn't_ safe, not if she isn't careful. She already knows that."

Janet along with all four members of SG-1 had made certain Cassandra understood the dangers that life on Earth posed to run-of-the-mill, everyday Earth kids; they'd been determined not to let her naïveté about life on their planet be the little girl's downfall. Lectures about looking both ways before crossing the street and never talking to strangers had been reiterated until Cassandra had understood that Earth could provide a safe environment for her to grow up in, so long as she was cautious.

As far as Daniel and the others were concerned, people wanting to get their hands on her for nefarious purposes was just one more thing Cassandra needed to be cautious about.

Sam knew he had a point, but she refused to admit it out loud. "I won't do it."

"Fine," Daniel said, the word passing his lips on a rush of air. Even as he signaled surrender and got to his feet, he made one final bid to change her mind. "But think about how you're going to feel if what happened to you ever happens to Cassie and you never talked to her about it, never warned her about the danger. Do you think you could live with the guilt and regret? Because I don't think you could, Sam, and _that_ would hurt Cassandra more than anything you said or did this evening."

He watched her process his words, watched as they slowly penetrated the blanket of guilt and self-hatred that Sam had shrouded herself in. Daniel knew he'd gotten through to her when her shoulders sagged and her head dropped; her whole body seemed to buckle under the weight of the realization that he was right. His mission accomplished, Daniel turned to head back inside, granting her the time she needed to sort her thoughts out.

Sam let him get as far as opening the door before giving voice to the question that had been churning her stomach this whole time. "Will she even talk to me?"

She hated how small her voice sounded, how it seemed to get lost in the descending twilight.

"It's what she wants more than anything."

That one simple sentence brought her more relief than she'd ever thought possible; it felt impossibly good to know that Cassandra didn't hate her like Sam hated herself. Suddenly filled with hope that maybe she hadn't done as much to harm to her relationship with the teen as she'd first thought, Sam twisted around to look at Daniel.

"Talk to her, Sam," he urged, making his way back over to her.

She wanted to, but there was one lingering fear that kept her rooted to the spot.

"She shouldn't have grabbed my arm like that. I could have…" Sam trailed off because the list was long and she wasn't sure which possibility frightened her more: that Cassie could have inadvertently triggered another flashback, or that she might have lashed out and hurt the teen.

Daniel understood the things she wasn't saying, understood how hard it was for her to admit just how much the thought of another flashback scared her. Using the most soothing tone he could muster, he said, "She knows that now. Janet and Jack explained some things to her, and she understands why you reacted the way you did."

That made one of them. Maybe Cassandra would be willing to explain it to her.

"How do I tell her without scaring her?" And there it was, the question she'd been wrestling with for days.

"I don't know," Daniel said honestly. He wished he had an answer, or speaking notes she could work from, anything to make this easier for her. But he didn't, because as much as he'd listened in the last few days, as much as he'd seen the changes in her, he could never fully grasp what she'd been through; even Sam herself didn't really understand it.

"What if I mess this up?' Sam barely breathed the words, fearing that asking the question aloud was as good as tempting fate.

"You won't. Not if you're honest with her," Daniel said confidently. He extended a hand, offering to help her to her feet, but there was still so much uncertainty in her eyes, he wasn't entirely sure she would take it.

"And honest with myself," she murmured, echoing the words she'd heard several times in the last few days.

Her mind made up, she grasped his hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Seated on one end of the couch, Sam kept her hands clasped in her lap to stop them from shaking with nerves. She forced herself to take deep breaths, trying to calm the butterflies in her stomach that felt as though they were slowly morphing into a squadron of dog-fighting death gliders with each second that passed.

She didn't turn when the glass door out to the yard slid open, nor when it closed again. It wasn't until Cassandra moved to stand in front of her, looking as anxious as Sam felt, that she let her eyes take in the girl's tear streaked face and red rimmed eyes. A fresh wave of guilt washed over her, but she forced it down; there would be time to wallow in her own misery later. Right now, she needed to focus on making things right with Cassandra.

"I'm sorry for losing my temper earlier," Sam apologized, earnest and from the heart. She regretted her lapse in self-control more than words could ever express, but she owed it to the teen to at least try. "I shouldn't have snapped at you; there's no excuse for that."

"It's my fault… I grabbed you," Cassandra rebuffed, shaking her head. She blinked rapidly to keep a fresh batch of tears from falling, feeling terrible about what her thoughtless actions might have forced the older woman to endure. "I'm sorry, Sam, I didn't know…"

"I didn't want you to know," Sam interrupted as she got to her feet. She blew out a shaky breath before adding, "It _wasn't_ your fault, kiddo."

"You forgive me?" She'd wanted to believe it would be as easy to earn Sam's forgiveness as her mom and the men of SG-1 had insisted it would be, but a part of her had been expecting Sam to blow her off.

Keeping her voice calm and gentle, she said, "There's nothing to forgive, Cass, I swear." This was the last thing Sam had expected, to be standing here fielding apologies instead of offering them.

The next second, Sam found herself with an armful of teary-eyed teenage girl. A pair of arms snaked around her waist and squeezed as hard as they could, confirming that as far as the teen was concerned, all was forgiven. Relieved that she had so easily made amends for her lapse in self-control, Sam held her tight. Not for the first time, she was grateful that Cassie was mature beyond her years and not inclined to hold a grudge.

Hiding her face in Sam's shoulder, Cassie tried to calm down. As soon as Jack had started explaining what flashbacks were _really_ like, she'd felt awful for not listening to the repeated warnings to be a little more subdued than usual around her favorite aunt. The thought that she might have inadvertently forced Sam to relive even a single second of her kidnapping made her want to throw up. Still, even though she hated the idea of bringing it up, especially so soon after Sam had forgiven her, there was still one question Cassandra needed an answer to.

"Mom and Uncle Jack explained flashbacks to me. They said you'd had a few since you came back… Did I…?"

"No," Sam said firmly. She rubbed a soothing hand between Cassie's shoulder blades, trying to settle her down. "You didn't trigger one."

"Good." She still felt bad about upsetting Sam, but she felt a lot better knowing she hadn't caused her to relive a bad experience.

Sam forced herself to relax. She didn't allow herself to dwell on thoughts of what Janet and Jack might have revealed in trying to help Cassandra understand what was going on because it didn't really matter any more; Daniel had already convinced her to tell Cassie the truth, and what the others may have let slip was inconsequential at this point.

"I hear you've been pestering your mom to learn more about what happened," Sam said quietly as she smoothed a hand over the teen's hair.

"Yeah."

A deep breath helped strengthen her resolve before Sam said, "If you still want to know, I'll tell you."

"You don't have to," Cassandra said quickly, pulling away so she could study Sam's face. "I know enough to know it was pretty bad. You don't have to talk about it."

"It's okay," Sam assured, feeling strangely calm. "I want to."

Here she was, poised to share the whole, terrible ordeal in full and her heart wasn't racing, she didn't feel sick to her stomach. Right here, right now, it wasn't about her; it was about preparing the precious young woman before her for the danger she faced because she was from another planet, because she was a survivor of not one but two Goa'uld atrocities. For her own sake, Sam hadn't been able to open up much, but for Cassandra, she would do whatever it took to prepare her for what might lie ahead.

Reclaiming her seat on the couch, Sam took a fortifying breath and waited for Cassandra to get comfortable. She didn't let the weight of the teen's eyes make her feel anxious or self-conscious. It was important that she choose her words carefully because even though she was determined to be honest, there was a way to do it without frightening Cassie and _that_ was the only acceptable way for the conversation to go.

Slowly but surely, she let the words she'd been holding in for so long fall from her lips. She explained how she'd been grabbed in broad daylight, just feet from a busy street. How no amount of training or strength on her part could have bested her abductors' superior numbers.

She spoke of fleeting recollections of waking up surrounded by strangers claiming to be helping her, but who hadn't been able to look her in the eye as they rattled off the lie. Of knowing she was in danger but being helpless to escape.

She glossed over the Q and A sessions, the endless rounds of injections, the battery of medical tests, acknowledging that they had happened, that they had been the main motivation behind abducting her, but sparing Cassandra the horrific details.

For every word she spoke, there were ten more she didn't say and Sam added those to the list of things she needed to confess to MacKenzie during her next session.

When she reached the end, the odd tear tracing down each set of cheeks, Sam stressed the importance of continuing to fight, no matter how badly the odds were stacked against you, of holding out hope until your final breath, of trusting that help was on the way. After a few moments of indecision, she confessed that her struggles, though they had seemed utterly futile at the time, had bought Jack those few precious seconds he needed to make it to her, to save her from certain death.

It was her story, describing the latest nightmare she'd survived, but Sam told it as a cautionary tale, warning Cassandra of the dangers in ever letting her guard down, of giving in or giving up, of losing faith in the people that loved her.

"You think it could happen to me one day," Cassandra observed quietly, once all was said and done. She'd hung off every word, unconsciously committing every lesson to memory, lest she need them one day.

"Yes," Sam replied honestly. She hated that she had to shatter the illusion of safety on Earth for the child that had already had to grow up far too quickly, but Daniel was right: if Cassie ever found herself in a similar situation and they'd never had this discussion, Sam knew she wouldn't have been able to live with the regret, the guilt, or the self-loathing.

"Okay," Cassandra said slowly, thinking it over as she wiped drying tears away. Then, taking Sam completely by surprise, she asked, "Are you okay?"

"That's it? Just 'okay?'" Sam blinked at her, befuddled. She'd envisioned several different ways that the conversation might end, but this certainly hadn't been one of them.

"I've overheard enough over the years to know that the NID try to do some awful things to aliens, Sam. It makes sense that they wouldn't be the only ones who view someone like me as something to be studied," the teen explained, sneaking glances at the older woman from beneath her bangs. Her fingers plucked at a stray thread from the hem of her shirt, providing a much-needed distraction from the disbelieving look she was getting. "I'm not surprised to learn I might one day wind up on someone's radar."

"And you're okay with that?" She couldn't keep incredulity from creeping into her voice, nor could she ignore the unease that balled up in the pit of her stomach.

Awful things to_ aliens_…

"No," she scoffed, "But there's not much anybody can do about it." Cassandra raised her head and shook the hair out of her eyes, meeting Sam's gaze. "If they ever kidnap me, I just need to hold on as long as I can. You'll find me in the end, the same way the others found you, right?"

Such faith in her, in her ability to protect, to save the day, to come through; it brought fresh tears to Sam's eyes.

"Absolutely," she swore. It was a promise Sam knew she would keep, no matter what it cost her. Then, still in awe over the teen's easy acceptance of the truth, she said, "You're pretty amazing, you know that?"

"I had a great role model," Cassie replied sincerely as a shy smile lit her features.

Then, with all the enthusiasm she'd had when Earth and all it had to offer were still new, she lunged across the couch for a hug. She was gentle – this time bearing in mind the many warnings she'd received to that effect over the course of the day – but she also held on tight, sensing that this time it was Sam who needed comforting. Kneeling on the couch allowed Cassie to rest her chin on Sam's shoulder, and she made the most of the rare opportunity; she was too short to manage it when standing.

Then, remembering that she hadn't gotten an answer the first time she'd asked, Cassandra quietly repeated, "Are you okay?"

The lie was right on the tip of Sam's tongue, ready to fall from her lips as it had so many times in the past few days. But Cassandra didn't deserve a lie; she deserved better in return for her unconditional love and unwavering faith in Sam's ability to fix anything and right even the worst injustices.

"No," Sam finally admitted. "I'm not okay, not yet. But I will be."

"Yes, you will," Cassandra murmured, squeezing tight. "Because you're brave. We're both very brave."

It shouldn't have felt so good, shouldn't have buoyed Sam's spirits so much to hear the words she'd offered to a terrified little girl repeated back to her years later, but it did. Cassandra was right; she would be all right because she was brave, could face her fears and work through them without letting them define her life, her world. She would do it because the teenager in her arms believed she would. Would do it because if Cassandra could embrace life after surviving the death of her entire world, _she_ could certainly survive a little battered self-confidence and shaken faith in people.

"We are both very brave," Sam agreed quietly, running her fingers through the teen's long hair. "But I had a great role model."


	35. Chapter 35

**Measure After Measure**

When at last Cassandra reappeared out on the back deck, four pairs of worried eyes landed on her, searching for any clues as to how her chat with Sam had gone. Given that she'd already been red eyed and tear stained, it was hard to judge whether she looked worse now than she had before.

"Cassie?" Janet asked quietly, hoping things had gone well.

"It's okay," the teen said, offering the group a genuine smile. She didn't miss how much they all seemed to relax at that.

Teal'c spoke for all of them. "We are pleased to hear that, Cassandra Fraiser."

"Sam told me everything."

The adults looked at one another, trying to decide on the best approach to ascertain how much 'everything' actually meant. There was a whole lot to the story, after all, and it would have been easy for Sam to relate only a fraction of it to Cassie, all the while claiming that her adopted niece was getting the full version of events.

Seeing that they weren't quite sure whether or not they should believe her, Cassandra added, "She told me about the guys in the parking lot and the sleazy doctors who gave her a ton of shots and all the tests they ran on her, trying to figure out what Jolinar did to her brain… Sam told me as much as she remembers."

Cassie's summary seemed to hit on all the highlights that Sam had shared with _them_, so although the adults still weren't convinced Sam had shared _everything_ with her, they believed that the teen had heard a watered down version of the story from start to finish. As they'd all anticipated, Cassie was dealing with the news rather well; telling her had been the right thing to do after all.

Jack reached out, grasping her hand and pulling her down on the bench beside him. Wrapping his good arm around her, he hugged her tight, knowing she must have been upset by what her favorite aunt had been through. "How are you holding up, kiddo?" he asked quietly.

"I'm fine, just worried about Sam," she assured even as she snuggled into him. "That's a whole lot of bad stuff for one person to deal with all on their own."

"She's not dealing with it on her own," Daniel reminded. "She knows she can talk to us if she needs to, and so can you."

"I know." Even though her words were muffled against Jack's chest, the four adults could all hear the smile in her voice.

"Where is Major Carter now?" Teal'c asked. He'd been expecting the pair to come out together and Sam's continued absence gave him a bad feeling deep in his gut. If anything, he would have expected Sam to stay close to Cassie and spend the rest of the night trying to make her outburst up to the teen.

"Inside. She said she wanted to clean up the glass she broke before coming back out."

That solved the mystery of what had suffered an untimely demise at the hands of Angry Sam earlier in the evening.

"I never _did_ like those glasses," Jack quipped, making Cassie giggle.

It sounded reasonable enough, but Teal'c's instincts were still insisting that there was something else going on with their resident astrophysicist. He didn't want to cause his friends any additional worry if he turned out to be wrong, however, so he kept his concerns to himself. If Sam didn't join them in the next few minutes, he would head inside and check on her…

"I'll…" Janet began, making to get out of her seat.

Apparently he wasn't the only one with concerns.

"I will go," Teal'c cut her off, grateful for the opportunity to check on his teammate. He got to his feet and came around the picnic table to squeeze Cassandra's shoulder before making his way inside. Not wanting to alert Sam to his presence too soon, he took care to be silent as he entered the house; something was up with her, and the less warning she had that he was on to her, the more likely he'd be to get a straight answer.

Jack, Daniel and Janet all watched him go, a little surprised by his behavior. Yes, he could be overprotective, but Teal'c wasn't nearly as prone to overt hovering as Jack and Daniel were. It was clear to all of them that something wasn't sitting right with the big Jaffa, but they trusted him to handle the situation, whatever it turned out to be. Shaking off their lingering concern, the trio turned their attention back to the teenage girl who never failed to amaze them with the maturity she demonstrated when push came to shove.

"Are you sure you're okay, honey?" Janet asked quietly. She tipped her head to one side, trying to catch a peek of her daughter's face beneath the cascade of hair blocking her view, but it didn't do much good. Cassandra was still pressed tight against Jack's chest, apparently trying to make up for the fact that he was giving her a one-armed hug by becoming an extra appendage.

"Yeah," she said. "I don't like what happened to Sam, and I don't like that it could happen to me one day, but still, I'm glad she told me."

Cassie was oblivious to the way three sets of eyes darted uncomfortably around the backyard at her words. All three adults hated adding that concern to the nice, normal teenaged things that weighed on her mind, but given the NID's increasingly devious behavior and the rather spectacular security breech that had allowed at least one unauthorized person to learn about Sam's experience with Jolinar, they couldn't, in good conscience, _not_ warn Cassandra of the potential threat to her safety.

"Is everything okay between you and Sam now?" Daniel hoped the answer was 'yes'; he didn't think Sam was up to dealing with hard feelings right now, especially not from Cassandra.

"Yep. You were right, she isn't mad at me anymore."

"I don't think she ever was, Cass," Jack said, giving her a quick squeeze. "Sam was just scared of how you might react when she told you how her arms got so marked up. Sometimes being afraid and being angry can seem a lot alike." No one knew that better than he did.

The flood of questions seemed to be over, and Cassandra was glad. But all three adults were still worried about Sam, especially since she hadn't joined them outside, and Cassandra tried to put their minds at ease.

"She promised me she didn't have another flashback," she murmured, confident her voice would carry easily enough through the still of the early evening. "That's a good sign, right?"

Janet smiled warmly at her daughter. "That's a _very_ good sign."

They already knew that – it had been the first thing out of Daniel's mouth after he'd sent Cassandra inside for a heart-to-heart with Sam – but it still felt good to hear it. It had been days since her last flashback, and they were all hopeful that Sam wouldn't experience any more. Even without flashbacks, their resident astrophysicist had plenty to deal with at the moment.

Satisfied that she'd done all she could to put their minds at ease, Cassandra lapsed into silence. Although the day had taken a few unexpected turns, on the whole, she felt good about how things had gone. Now, with the questions that had been plaguing her all week answered and her relationships with her adopted family as strong as ever, she was content to stay curled up against Jack while 'grown-up talk' – and yes, Jack _did_ still call it that, just to annoy her – flowed around her.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" Daniel double-checked, leaning around Jack to get a better look at her.

On second thought, maybe she wasn't quite ready to surrender the floor to 'grown-up talk' just yet.

With a mischievous grin, the teen looked up at him and asked, "How about what you guys did to scare off Dominic?"

Jack and Daniel replied at the same time, smug smirks back in place once more.

"No."

oOoOoOoOoOo

"Are you well, Major Carter?" Teal'c asked quietly. Considering how hard it was to miss her watery red eyes and the tears running down her cheeks, it seemed like a ridiculous question, but he wasn't sure how else he could broach the subject.

Sam jumped at his sudden appearance in the bathroom doorway and hastily wiped at her eyes, trying in vain to get rid of the evidence that she'd been crying.

"I'm fine," she said. The still unshed tears choking her voice said otherwise, but she hoped he wouldn't call her on it.

"You are not," he refuted, calmly clasping his hands behind his back.

Apparently, this was not the day for having her hopes realized.

"I do not understand why you continually insist that you are 'fine' when it is obvious to those around you that you are not. It is a trait that is common in Jaffa and Tau'ri alike, however I have never before encountered a warrior as determined to always be 'fine' as you are, Major Carter."

Although she wasn't entirely sure it was intended as one, Sam decided to take that as a compliment. "I know, but this time I _am…_"

"You are not," he repeated. After all, she wasn't the only one who could be stubborn and he truly believed she needed to hear what he had to say.

"I admit, talking with Cassandra brought up all the bad memories again, but I'm okay… And please, don't say 'you are not'. I _am_ doing better."

"You are," he agreed. His eyes danced with amusement when it became clear Sam was waiting for the 'not' to be tacked on to the end of the sentence, but it never came. Instead, he said, "In recent days, you have become more willing to discuss your fears in front of your friends, but you continue to hide many of your other feelings from us. You seem to have forgotten that no matter what you reveal to us, our opinions of you will remain unchanged."

"I know. It's not about any of you," Sam sighed. Drumming her fingers idly on the bathroom counter, she added, "It's me; I can't keep falling apart for _my own_ sake."

"Rarely in the last few days have I left your side, Major Carter. I have yet to witness you fall apart," Teal'c said calmly, his voice even. "Perhaps that is the problem."

Sam stared at him in silence for a few moments, as though she was considering his words. He was relieved when it seemed he had finally gotten through to her, but that relief turned out to be short-lived.

"Do you know what Cassie said when I told her? When I told her _why_ I told her?" Sam demanded suddenly, taking the conversation in a radical new direction. "She said 'okay'. That was it, just 'okay.' She wasn't even surprised, because she already knows the NID treats aliens like crap, so why wouldn't other people do the same?"

"Major Carter…"

"Those were her exact words; people do 'awful things to aliens'," she continued, ignoring him. Her drumming fingers clenched into a fist and she started bouncing it on the countertop in agitation.

"Cassandra Fraiser speaks the truth," Teal'c pointed out. His own run-ins with the NID over the years were testament to that.

"But I'm _not_ an alien!" Sam said, her voice getting progressively louder. "I'm _human_! I was born on the same planet as the people who work for the NID, and Adrian Conrad and everyone he hired to kidnap and experiment on me! _I'm human_!" she repeated.

Teal'c regarded her in silence, affording her the opportunity to reign in her emotions before he responded to her outburst. A handful of deep breaths seemed to do the trick, easing some of her agitation. When she seemed more in control, he said, "In my experience, there are people of all races who have no qualms about treating those of their own kind poorly. Your experiences at the hands of Adrian Conrad in no way reflect how human you are; they reflect only on him."

"You're wrong, Teal'c." she argued, shaking her head for emphasis. "I'm _not_ human anymore, not really. I haven't been since Jolinar crawled inside my head, and the more people that find out about her, the more people there are that see me as just a _thing_ that they can do with as they please."

"To those that matter, you remain as human as ever," Teal'c insisted. He was the very model of patience, determined to help her address this concern that obviously weighed heavily on her mind.

"'Those that matter' would never dream of _experimenting_ on me!" Sam spat. "They're not the ones I worry about."

"Those that matter will never allow you to be treated as merely an object of curiosity," he swore. "And those who attempt to treat you in such a manner will suffer severe consequences."

"When you can find them." She didn't mean to sound so bitter – she knew it was killing her teammates, not being able to give her the security of seeing Conrad and his cronies behind bars – but she couldn't help it. It was really eating at her, knowing they were all walking free and able to come after her again, if they chose to.

"Indeed." There was no point in lying to her, not when she already knew the truth anyway.

"Doesn't it bother you?" Sam asked quietly, studying him carefully. "Knowing that every time you set foot off base, the NID or somebody else could be following you, waiting for a chance to make you disappear so they can perform their experiments and study you until they get all the answers that have eluded them so far?"

"It does," Teal'c confessed. After all, how could he urge her to be honest with him and then lie to her in the next breath? "However, should such a situation ever arise, I know that there is nowhere my friends would not search in order to find me. That certainty is enough to set my mind at ease."

"Yeah." Her teammates had proven time and again how far they would go for her. It was comforting, knowing that she had not one but three people in her life that would do anything for her, even if it did scare her a little sometimes.

Sam sighed, wiping a hand over her eyes again. "Sorry. I guess what Cassie said got to me more than I thought."

That much was obvious and suddenly Teal'c regretted not considering much sooner how her most recent abduction might have affected her perceptions of herself. Although this was the first time Sam had mentioned it, he was confident that these doubts had been in the back of her mind for days – maybe longer – otherwise Cassandra's words wouldn't have had such an impact on her.

So far she wasn't making it easy, but Teal'c was determined to get through to Sam, and so he refused to let the matter drop, even though she seemed prepared to.

"It is not your planet of birth, nor the composition of your body that determines your humanity, Major Carter; it is what is in your heart. For that reason, you must never be ashamed to show those closest to you what you are feeling."

Sam felt her eyes filling with a new batch of tears, but rather than fighting to hold them back, she allowed them to fall. He would never know how much those words meant to her because she'd never have the words to tell him. Caught up in relief at having gotten her insecurities off her chest and gratitude for Teal'c's ability to always say the right thing, she was surprised when he laid a gentle hand on her shoulder; she hadn't even noticed him closing the distance between them.

But her surprise was nothing compared to Teal'c's when a split second later, a teary astrophysicist wrapped her arms around him. Despite his shock – this was _completely_ new territory for their friendship – he took her unexpected actions in stride and hugged her back, albeit somewhat tentatively. He knew how badly she must have needed the emotional release if she was doing this now, with him rather than waiting until she was alone with Daniel or, even more likely, at home by herself.

Besides, he'd encouraged her to stop hiding her feelings away; what kind of friend would he be if he turned and walked away now?

oOoOoOoOoOo

When Jack heard the sliding door open, he tightened his arm around Cassandra, silently instructing her to stay right where she was. Turning his head allowed him to get a good look at his 2IC and he was glad he'd kept the teen from making a beeline for her favorite aunt. Sam had obviously been crying – probably for a while, if the redness around her eyes was anything to judge by – and sicing a concerned Cassie on her right at this moment probably wasn't the best idea.

Aware of the worried looks that landed on her as soon as she stepped outside, Sam offered the group a tight smile, trying to reassure them that everything was all right. Teal'c's hand on her lower back propelled her towards the picnic table, guiding her around it. Giving her no choice in the matter, his other hand came to rest on her shoulder and pressed down slightly. The pressure on her shoulder eased up as she stepped over the bench, and then resumed, parking her in the seat between Janet and Daniel. Apparently satisfied that Sam was right where she needed to be, Teal'c moved around the table once again and took a seat next to Jack and Cassie.

"How are you doing, Sam?" Janet asked quietly, turning in her seat so she could study her friend.

Even in the dim light spilling from the house, it was obvious that she was emotionally wrung out. Whatever had happened inside, first with Cassie and then with Teal'c, it seemed that Sam had finally given up completely on trying to convince everyone – herself included – that she was fine.

"Better," she said. Her hoarse voice confirmed that she _hadn't_ been 'better' up until just a little while ago, but by silent agreement, no one commented on it.

Daniel was glad Sam was no longer trying to maintain the illusion that everything was hunky dory, but he hated seeing her so upset. Taking a chance, he slowly slid his arm around his teammate, giving her plenty of opportunity to shrug him off if she chose to. He was pleasantly surprised when Sam leaned into him and let him pull her against his side; after the day she'd had, apparently she was willing to allow herself the luxury of accepting a little comfort.

Sam had just gotten comfortable when something nudged her knee underneath the table. She shifted slightly, moving away from the disturbance, but it found her knee again. Looking up, she discovered Jack watching her carefully, one eyebrow creeping up his forehead as something bumped into her knee for the third time. Finally understanding, Sam kept her leg in place, letting Jack's knee rest against hers. It wasn't much, but all the same, the simple gesture was reassuring and she appreciated it.

"Are you still awake, Cassandra Fraiser?" Teal'c asked quietly. He bent his head to try and get a peek at the teen, but she had more or less burrowed into Jack's embrace, hiding her whole face from view.

"Mmm."

When Cassie was reduced to monosyllables, it was a sure sign that she was either fuming about something or close to falling asleep. Given the circumstances, Janet was confident that in this instance, it was the second option and Cassandra had long ago grown to be too big to be carried to bed, and too much of a stereotypical teenager to be woken up unless absolutely necessary. Smiling affectionately at her daughter, she said, "We should probably head out soon."

They were all a little surprised when sounds of protest came not from Cassandra's direction, but from Sam's.

"Not yet," she requested quietly. She didn't bother raising her head from where it had fallen on Daniel's shoulder, content to let his warmth leech into her and chase away the cool night air.

It was a huge relief to step outside and see that there were no hard feelings stemming from her outburst earlier in the day. No one was angry with her for upsetting Cassandra, no one was sick and tired of dealing with her and her mood swings; yes, her friends were worried about her, but they were all still willing to do whatever they could to help her. Sam might not always feel like she deserved the people seated around her, but there was never a time when she didn't appreciate their unwavering support.

Squeezing her friend's arm, Janet agreed, "Not yet."

Teal'c had taken great care to ensure that Sam was surrounded by the group, and though Janet didn't know the reasoning behind his decision, it was obvious that he'd made the right call. Sam was slowly but surely relaxing, taking comfort from their company. In light of that, Janet would stay as long as Sam wanted her too, even if it meant she would have to deal with a grouchy, half-awake teenager on the drive home.

"Did you guys hear what happened to SG-11 on Planet Typhoid?" Jack asked suddenly, seizing on the first thing he could think of that would lighten the somber atmosphere slowly descending over the group.

Earlier in the week, SG-11 had stumbled across a village experiencing an outbreak of something similar to typhoid. A round-the-clock effort on the part of the infirmary staff had determined an effective course of treatment for the sick, and an inoculation program had been launched, vaccinating the unaffected members of the population in order to curb future outbreaks. It felt like forever ago that they had first learned of the situation, but in reality, it had only been a few days.

If this hadn't been the longest week in history, Sam mused, it must have been a close second.

Judging by the smirk on Janet's face, Sam decided that she'd already heard the tale. Craning her neck, she managed to sneak a peek at the blank look on Daniel's face and the tilt of Teal'c's head that usually indicated he was interested. It was nice to know that the rest of her team was as in the dark as she was. Sometimes the most frustrating part about being on medical stand down was being out of the loop about the goings on at the SGC and having to play catch up.

Cassandra mustered enough energy to ask, "Is that the team you had to work overnight for, mom?"

"That would be the one," Jack confirmed on Janet's behalf. "Anyway, it seems the locals were so grateful to Mason and his team for helping out with the outbreak that their leaders tried to send the whole team home with wives."

Sam couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Not again."

Occasionally 'gift marriages' worked out well – Daniel had ended up loving Sha're with all his heart – but the idea of it really didn't sit well with Sam. As much respect as she had for the cultures they encountered off-world, there were certain aspects of some cultures that she would never really get used to.

"Oh, it gets better," Janet assured, grinning widely.

"They wanted to give them wives, plural. They wouldn't take no for an answer, so Mason dialed home and asked Hammond for permission to bring home forty-odd women between them."

The same grin that most of the men at the SGC wore when discussing proposals for polygamous marriages to the most beautiful women a world had to offer slid across Jack's face as he spoke. Deciding that it was completely unacceptable that he be so happy when thinking about such a terrible thing, Sam pulled her knee back from his and gave him a decent kick in the shin.

"Ow!"

"You deserved it, sir," Janet assured, knowing exactly what had transpired.

"Did not," Jack protested. Even as he said it, he let Sam settle her knee against his again; it was as close as he'd ever come to conceding that maybe he _had _deserved it, at least a little.

"Back to the story… Please tell me General Hammond said 'no'," Cassie piped up, proving that she was still awake enough to follow the thread of the conversation.

"He did," Janet picked up the story, her grin now stretching from ear to ear. "But the local leaders assumed he was jealous, so they offered to throw in an extra two dozen wives, just for him... I thought Walter was going to rupture something, he was trying so hard not to laugh."

Sam could picture the look on the general's face as he stood in the control room, surrounded by people under his command and trying to find a diplomatic way to spare himself the trouble of interplanetary divorce proceedings. In spite of herself, she started to giggle.

It was contagious. Cassie joined in, then Janet and soon all five humans were laughing while Teal'c looked on with a hint of a smile. It was hard to say how much of their laughter was the result of SG-11's mission and how much was simply stress relief, but in the end, it didn't really matter. After the last few days, it felt good to finally have something to laugh about.


	36. Chapter 36

**Measure After Measure**

The four members of SG-1 dutifully waved until Janet's car turned at the corner and disappeared out of sight. When the taillights vanished and they were positive they wouldn't be getting in trouble with Cassandra, they let their arms drop and looked at one another in silence, each wondering what the others were expecting to happen next.

Finally, Daniel decided someone had to break the stalemate and asked, "Are we ready to call it a night?"

He caught Sam's eye, hoping she understood what he was really asking. With her car still being held as evidence by the local police, Jack's arm still in a sling and a moratorium on Teal'c driving until he agreed to obey speed limits, Daniel was her only chance at a ride home. Assuming, of course, that she still _wanted_ to spend the night at home. Given the rough evening she'd had, she might very well have changed her mind, something he certainly couldn't fault her for.

"Yeah," she agreed without hesitation. "Are you sure you don't mind taking me home?"

"Are you sure you still want to _go_ home?" Jack asked. He ran a practiced eye over her, trying to assess whether or not she was really ready for this. If she tried spending a night on her own before she was ready and it went badly, Jack knew it would do more harm than good.

"Yes," she said. It was a pleasant surprise to find that she sounded confident in her decision; she certainly didn't feel that way.

"Are you certain you do not wish one of us to accompany you this evening, Major Carter?" It wasn't that Teal'c didn't believe her, but he wanted to make sure Sam knew it was all right for her to return to some semblance of her normal life in smaller steps. Whether or not she went home on her own tonight, she'd made _huge_ progress today; there was no reason to rush things.

"I need to do this," Sam said quietly. She looked each of them in the eye before continuing, "The more I put it off, the harder it's going to be to spend a night on my own."

She'd been telling herself that very thing ever since last night, when she'd decided it was time she spent a night on her own. Each time the thought crossed her mind, Sam found it a little easier to believe that it was the truth; the sooner she did this, the better.

"Guest room… Sleepover… Cozy…" Jack reminded in a singsong voice, trying to make the offer sound as enticing as possible.

He knew his efforts were unlikely to make her re-think her decision, but still he did his best to sway her. He wasn't foolish enough to think that Sam was untouchable when she was with the rest of SG-1, but at least if somebody came after her when she was tucked away in his guest room, he and the others would know about it in time to try and stop them. For what felt like the hundredth time this week, separation anxiety reared its ugly head, making Jack think that maybe MacKenzie hadn't been _totally_ off-base with some of his observations, not that he would ever admit it to the base shrink.

Sam smiled even as she shook her head. "No thanks, sir."

It was obvious that her mind was made up, so Daniel disappeared into the living room to gather up their things, leaving her to start saying her goodbyes. Normally it would take only a few seconds, but this was far from a 'normal' situation, even for SG-1; their leader probably had a patented, last minute Jack O'Neill pep talk up his sleeve and Daniel wanted to be sure his friend had ample time to deliver it.

Maybe it was simply habit after spending so much time camping out off-world, but no matter how long the four teammates ended up spending at one another's homes, their overnight bags always remained packed and ready to go. As a result, 'gathering up their things' turned out to be as simple as picking up their bags. Daniel was just slinging the second bag over his shoulder when Teal'c rounded the corner.

"Ready to go?"

"I will remain with O'Neill tonight," Teal'c said quietly. The fact that he was keeping his voice down made it clear that Jack and Sam were having a conversation that he felt was best had without interruption.

"Are you sure?"

"Doctor Fraiser remains unconvinced that he will follow her instructions if left on his own."

It might not have _seemed_ like an answer to his question, but to Daniel, the reply said it all. "Don't we all?" he asked rhetorically as a smirk crossed his face. "Are you going to want a ride in to the base tomorrow?"

Teal'c dipped his head to convey his gratitude. "That would be most appreciated, Daniel Jackson."

"You _know_ he's going to be insufferable tonight," Daniel said, feeling compelled to state the obvious. "Are you sure you don't want to get a drive back to the SGC tonight? Or you could crash at my place?"

Yes, Janet was probably right in assuming that Jack would remove his sling at the first opportunity, and leaving Teal'c here would keep that from happening, but the archaeologist clearly recalled that just a few days ago, Jack had managed to drive even _Teal'c_ up the wall with his well-intended concern for Sam's well being. At least then she had been on base or in Daniel's presence; tonight she would be all by herself, and _that_ was sure to drive Jack to new levels of worry.

Teal'c didn't bother pointing out that once Sam was alone, the archaeologist would likely be just as bad as Jack. Instead, he settled for a simple, "I am."

"Okay." Daniel shrugged. If anyone could handle Jack at his most trying, it was Teal'c. But even so… "Best of luck to you."

"I will need it, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said gravely, though the light dancing in his eyes made it clear he was joking. Mostly. Then, with all the appropriate arrangements made, he spun on his heel and led Daniel back to the front hall where Sam and Jack waited.

Just as they rounded the corner, Jack reminded, "You know if you need anything…"

"I won't." Again with the confidence that she didn't feel, but Sam knew she had to think positively if she was going to stand any chance of pulling this off.

"But if you do…"

"If I do, I know who to call, sir." Somehow, Sam managed to muster a reassuring smile. Maybe she was more ready for this than she was giving herself credit for; as her friends had been pointing out a lot this past week, she _did_ have a tendency to sell herself short at times.

"Good." Jack nodded, both for extra emphasis and for lack of anything better to do.

He was trying hard to silence the voice in his head that was demanding he order Sam to stay another night in his guest room. Though he was ashamed to admit it, a part of him had been hoping that she would have been so rattled by all that happened in the last few hours that she would scrap the idea of going home tonight. But that was nothing more than a selfish desire to keep her close so he could keep her safe; he wouldn't be doing her any favors by issuing such an order. Sam was right: the longer she waited to spend a night on her own, the harder it would end up being. For all of them.

Daniel waited, giving both Sam and Jack a chance to add something more, but it soon became clear that there was nothing left to say. A comfortable, companionable silence settled over the group and although the bespectacled man would have been content to let it stretch on indefinitely, doing so would have only delayed the inevitable.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked quietly. He didn't pay any attention to the frown his question put on Jack's face, instead keeping his attention on Sam; in the end, hers was the only answer that really mattered.

There was a heartbeat of hesitation and the three men all thought that maybe she was about to change her mind, but then Sam replied, "Yeah."

Pleasantly surprised, Daniel made to brush past Teal'c on his way to the door, but Jack stopped him in his tracks.

"Wait a second," Jack requested, twisting awkwardly. It took a fraction of a second for his frustration to become apparent, however it took significantly longer for his teammates to realize what it was he was trying to accomplish with his contortions. Jack knew his intentions had finally dawned on them when he was treated to three deep frowns.

"O'Neill, Doctor Fraiser warned…"

"I think," Jack interrupted somewhat triumphantly as he finally managed to wrestle his injured arm out of the sling, "That just this one time, the good doctor would approve. C'mere, Carter."

Sam shook her head at his antics, but she did as instructed and stepped into his open arms. Janet probably _wouldn't_ approve, but she wasn't here right now, so Sam did her best not to dwell on the talking to the diminutive doctor would give the pair of them if she were still there. Besides, it was the first proper hug Jack had given her all week, would probably be the last, and she was determined to make the most of it.

Daniel and Teal'c shared an amused look that the other half of their team remained completely oblivious to. Only Jack could ask for a hug and make it sound like an order.

Ignoring the twinges it sent up through his shoulder and down to his fingertips, Jack wrapped both of his arms around her and pulled her close. Experience said that if all went well tonight, Sam would start pulling away from then and reasserting her independence, whether or not the rest of her team was ready to let her. Making the most of what could very well be the last time she allowed it for quite some time, he held her tight, hoping it brought her even a fraction of the comfort it gave him.

As if sensing his thoughts, Sam quietly said, "I'll be okay, sir."

"Yes, you will," he agreed, rubbing one hand in slow, soothing circles across her back. He indulged in a few more seconds of holding her, putting off the moment when she'd walk out the door for as long as possible. But he could only stall for so long and much too soon, she was loosening her grip and easing out of his arms, gently yet determinedly and mindful of his injury.

"You'll call in the morning?" Jack checked. Although he aimed for indifference, flexing his fingers and carefully working muscles that had cramped up after days of forced inactivity, he knew his tone of voice had given away how concerned he was about her.

"Yes, sir," Sam assured. Then, anticipating what was coming next, she smiled at Daniel and said, "I'll call you too, I promise."

"You'd better," he replied, nudging her with his elbow.

Smiling wider, Sam squeezed Teal'c's arm, silently bidding him farewell. He bowed his head at her in return. Anything that needed to be said had been seen to during their heart-to-heart earlier in the evening. No more words were needed.

Then, knowing that if she lingered any longer she might never leave, Sam turned and led the way out the door. She didn't go any further than the porch, not wanting to make the trek down Jack's driveway with its poor visibility of the surrounding area on her own in the darkness. She was feeling brave tonight, but not quite that brave.

Following her lead, Daniel bade his teammates good night over his shoulder before stepping out into the cool evening air.

Two 'good nights' reached his ears as he transferred both overnight bags to the same arm before slinging his free one around Sam's shoulders. He hadn't been sure it was the right thing to do, but as he felt the tension drain out of her muscles, he knew he'd made the right choice; apparently she was still nervous about being outside at night. Considering what had happened to her in broad daylight, Daniel certainly couldn't blame her for being a little uncomfortable in the dark.

His hand rubbed her upper arm soothingly as he asked, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Just tired," she reassured as they made their way to his car.

The trip was a short one and she felt a little silly, needing Daniel beside her in order to make it, but she ignored it. All week, her friends had been trying to convince her that there was nothing wrong with leaning on the people that cared about her; the least she could do was give it a shot.

As the pair neared the car, Sam slipped a hand inside the front pocket of Daniel's sweatshirt and easily found his keys. Without removing them, she used the remote to unlock the vehicle and then withdrew her hand.

"It's been a long day," he said. He made to open the trunk, but Sam's hand landed on top of his where it rested on her arm, keeping it in place. Happy to oblige, Daniel left his hand in place and let her open it for him before dropping the overnight bags inside. "You're sure you want to do this tonight?"

Her exasperation was clear. "Daniel…"

He'd figured he was pushing his luck, but he couldn't help himself; Daniel suspected there was a good chance he was even more nervous about Sam spending the night on her own than she was. "Sorry… I couldn't help myself."

"I know." She was smiling again as she slammed the trunk closed. "And I appreciate it, but…"

"You need to do this," he finished for her. He understood why she felt like she had to start getting her life back on track, he just didn't think she had to rush things.

Squeezing her shoulders, he walked around to the passenger side and opened the door for her. Sam was determined to give this a shot and even though he didn't like it – admittedly, for selfish reasons – he would support her decision.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"Do you want me to come inside for a while?" Daniel asked, shifting the car into park. Twisting in his seat, he studied Sam by the warm yellow glow of the streetlights.

She let out a long, slow breath, weighing her options, before answering. "No."

He didn't take it personally. "Do you want me to walk you to the door?"

"No," Sam repeated, unbuckling her seatbelt. She flashed him a grateful smile as she reached for the door handle. "But thanks for offering."

"Anytime," he assured, mirroring her actions. Daniel ignored the frown stealing across her face and got out of the car, coming around to meet her on the passenger side of the vehicle. As Sam joined him outside, a scowl on her face, he held up his hands in surrender, trying to hold off the impending chiding. "I'm not going to go more than a few steps from the car," he promised.

Amusement warred with annoyance and Sam fought the urge to roll her eyes. "I can get my own bag, Daniel."

"Darn right you can. I'm a taxi service, not a man servant!" he teased, making her scowl transform into a grin. It was good to see Sam acting more like herself, and he couldn't help but grin back at her.

Three short steps closed the distance between them and Daniel wrapped his arms around her. In a way, he thought tonight might end up being harder on him, Jack and Teal'c than it was on Sam, but he offered the hug as though it were more for her benefit than his.

Sam smiled as she hugged him back, savoring the rare moment. It was testament to how much he cared about her; Daniel wasn't really a tactile person, but in recent days he'd been showing his concern and support through little touches, slinging an arm around her shoulders and even offering her the occasional hug. She appreciated it more than he'd ever know, but there were no words she could think of that could adequately express her gratitude, so Sam hoped her actions spoke for her.

"If you change your mind, call right away. I don't care what time it is," Daniel reminded, pressing his cheek against her hair. The reminder was little more than a delaying tactic, keeping her in the relative safety of his presence for a few extra seconds, but at this point, he would gladly use any excuse he could think of.

"I will," she promised into his shoulder. Then, knowing they both needed to hear it, she added, "I can do this."

"You can," he agreed. He tightened his arms around her briefly, then let go and took a step back. Studying her carefully, Daniel noted that although she looked a little nervous, she was also the calmest he'd seen her in the last few days.

Sam offered him another smile as she walked backwards towards the trunk. "If the police call to say they're releasing my car…"

"Give me a call; I'll take you to pick it up," Daniel said. Any excuse to be near her, to make sure she was okay.

"Thanks." Her smile widened momentarily, then she opened the trunk, blocking her face from view.

Although Daniel couldn't see it, the smile faltered as lingering doubts demanded that she not spend the night on her own. Sam forced those doubts down, quashing them as best she could before grabbing her overnight bag. She forced a smile back on her face before slamming the trunk shut once again.

"Drive carefully," she said unnecessarily. Daniel was nothing if not a safe driver. Truth be told, he was the only member of SG-1 Janet allowed Cassie to take driving lessons from; Janet swore the three speed demons on the team would only teach her daughter bad habits.

"Lock the door once you're inside," he fired back.

All three of her teammates had said those same words to her countless times over the years. It wasn't a reminder of what had happened to her, but rather a reminder that she had people that looked out for her, that she could turn to if she needed to. The exchange was comforting in its familiarity, and Sam was relieved to have that little slice of normality back.

"Night," she said by way of reply, as she started up the walkway towards her house.

"Night."

Daniel stood rooted to the spot as she made her way to the front door, the weight of his eyes on her back reassuring Sam that nothing bad could possibly happen to her before she got inside and locked the world out. His presence steadied her nerves so that her hands didn't shake when she tried to fit her key in the lock, and kept the panic at bay as she swung the front door open, leaving herself vulnerable to attack for a split second. He kept her heart from pounding as she fumbled in the dark for the hall light, and gave her the courage to close and lock the door behind her, sealing herself inside her house.

Then, knowing she was on her own from here on out, Sam forced a deep breath in and out of her lungs before turning to her alarm system's console. It may have seemed like a minor achievement for someone who could have put 'blew up a sun' on her resume – if the story wasn't classified, of course – but Sam knew she had just taken a big step and she was proud of herself.

Still, that didn't stop her from peering outside, watching with mixed feelings as Daniel got back in his car and drove off, leaving her on her own.


	37. Chapter 37

**Measure After Measure**

"O'Neill…"

Teal'c's warning drawl was all it took for Jack to slump back in his seat, letting the overstuffed couch cushions swallow him up. Returning his attention to the TV, he tried to get into the hockey game that was playing, but it didn't do much good. Just two minutes later, he was leaning forwards again, moving slowly on the off-chance that Teal'c was too engrossed in the game to pay any attention to his surroundings.

"O'Neill."

Jack hadn't really expected it to work, but he was still disappointed to be reminded once again that all his stealth training was no match for a Jaffa's skills.

Sighing heavily, Jack repositioned himself on the couch and tried once more to get caught up in the play-off match he'd been looking forward to for almost two weeks. But as much as he loved hockey, his heart just wasn't in the game. His thoughts kept straying back to the same topic over and over again. As his mind started wandering, so did his fingers, sliding towards his pocket of their own volition.

"O'Neill!" Teal'c's sharp reprimand made Jack jump, knowing full well he'd been caught. "If you persist in your efforts to contact Major Carter, I will be forced to remove all telephones from your…"

The electronic ring of the cordless phone interrupted Teal'c's warning, and Jack leapt to answer, snatching it off the coffee table before the second ring. He ignored the look Teal'c gave him, which was an odd combination of amusement at Jack's antics and displeasure that he'd been cut off mid-threat. Instead, Jack focused all of his attention on the call, both hoping and dreading that it might be the one he'd been waiting for all night.

"Hello?"

"Have you heard from her?"

Disappointed, Jack slumped back into his seat for the third time in less than five minutes. A quick glance at Teal'c confirmed that his Jaffa teammate was smirking at him rather smugly. Jack glared in return.

"No, but she could very well have tried calling one of the many, _many_ times I've been on the phone with _you_ so far tonight," he said shortly.

"_You've_ called _me_ three times in the last two hours," Daniel reminded patiently.

Jack couldn't see his archaeologist, but he could clearly hear the smirk in his voice and it was, as far as he was concerned, totally unacceptable. But the younger man spoke the truth, making it hard to argue with him. Jack settled for, "That's not the point."

"Of course it's not," Daniel agreed, though it was clear he was simply humoring his friend. "Anyway, are you sure she hasn't tried…"

Jack could guess how Daniel would have finished his sentence, but he never got to hear it. Without warning, the phone was unceremoniously yanked from his hand. Whipping his head around, Jack could only glare up at his self-appointed babysitter. He knew there was no point trying to wrestle the phone back from Teal'c when he only had one arm to work with, so he grudgingly allowed his teammate to take over the call.

"Good evening, Daniel Jackson," Teal's said pleasantly into the phone, all the while smirking smugly down at his commander. "We have yet to hear from Major Carter tonight. Given that O'Neill has insisted on keeping both his home telephone and his cellular telephone within reach, I am certain that, had Major Carter attempted to contact us, we would be aware of it."

Teal'c's sudden silence made it clear that Daniel was saying something, although Jack couldn't for the life of him guess what. He made to get up off the couch, intending to pick up the phone in the kitchen and listen in, but a stony glare from Teal'c made him change his mind. Glaring back, he folded his good arm across his chest and regarded his teammate impatiently.

"I do not believe that would be wise, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said. His eyes never left Jack's; he was enjoying the extremely paranoid behavior his teammates were exhibiting and had no qualms about showing it. "Major Carter made it very clear that she did not want to be disturbed this evening."

Teal'c fell silent again, listening, no doubt, to a rebuttal from Daniel. Getting impatient to find out what was going on, Jack shot his teammate a 'well?' look, which said teammate proceeded to ignore. Huffing his exasperation, Jack turned his attention back to the TV. He and Teal'c both knew he wasn't really paying attention to the game, but it was better than staring at a smirking Jaffa having way too much fun at his commander's expense.

"I am, however I will respect Major Carter's wishes in spite of my reservations."

That, at least, Jack didn't need Daniel's side of the conversation to make sense of. Not above fighting dirty when he _really_ wanted to get his way, Daniel had apparently played the concerned friend and teammate card. Jack admired his tenacity, but if it were _that_ easy to change Teal'c's mind, surely Jack himself would have managed it by now…

"That would be acceptable, Daniel Jackson. I approve of this new plan."

Acquiescence was clear in Teal'c's voice, making Jack's head whip around again. Had Daniel found a way to change Teal'c's mind after all? Studying his friend's face for clues, Jack encountered only the stoic mask that was so effective at hiding what Teal'c was really feeling. However, what looked suspiciously like laughter danced in the other man's eyes, making Jack suspect that Teal'c was intentionally giving nothing away.

That confirmed what Jack had suspected all along: Teal'c was evil.

"I will relay our conversation to O'Neill and await your arrival."

With that, Teal'c ended the call and tucked the phone behind his back, keeping it out of his friend's reach. Thoroughly enjoying himself, he regarded Jack calmly, knowing it would only be a matter of moments before the other man's impatience got the better of him.

He wasn't wrong.

"Well?" Jack demanded.

"Daniel Jackson will be arriving shortly," Teal'c said helpfully. He knew his response was a non-answer, but it was fun riling Jack up and he wanted to stretch the moment out for as long as possible.

"I know _that_," Jack retorted, rolling his eyes. "I want to know _why_ he's coming over. And what's this about a new plan?"

Teal'c _could _have given him a straight answer, but it was much more entertaining to drag things out a bit longer. "Daniel Jackson has persuaded me that there is a better way to grant Major Carter the opportunity to spend the night alone in her own home _and_ assure ourselves of her continued safety."

"And how, pray tell, do we do _that_?"

"Perhaps it would be best to wait until Daniel Jackson arrives," Teal'c said. Ignoring the scowl his words earned him, he re-claimed his seat, adding, "It is, as I have said, his plan."

Settling in to watch the last few minutes of the second period, Teal'c paid no attention to the grumbling, grousing and demanding coming from Jack's direction. Sometimes, Teal'c mused, it was far too easy to toy with his teammates.


	38. Chapter 38

**Measure After Measure**

It was a little ridiculous, how proud Sam was of herself for being able to sit still and catch up on her science journals. So what if she had to leave the TV on because silence made her jumpy? Being able to settle into something when she was alone in her house at night was a major accomplishment and _that_ was what she was determined to focus on.

But she couldn't stay up all night – Janet would kill her if she did that again this week – and Sam knew it. Delaying the inevitable, she left the TV and the lights on while she tried to slip into a light state of kel'no'reem. It was a lot harder to do without Teal'c's soothing voice keeping her focused, but with a little determination and a lot of patience, she managed it. Characters from a bad late night movie kept her company, their voices providing just enough background noise to drown out the normal sounds of nighttime that were so detrimental to her efforts at relaxing.

So far, meditating before sleep had helped keep the nightmares away, calming her mind and sorting out her thoughts before surrendering control of both to her subconscious. If she was going to make it through the night on her own, Sam knew it was absolutely necessary that she clear her mind before going to sleep. It could be hard enough to keep from dwelling on her kidnapping when she was awake; asleep, such fixation threatened nightmares to rival the worst Sam had ever experienced.

Dreams about her most recent abduction brought with them a sense of helplessness that threatened to crush her under their weight. None of her other nightmares had ever revolved around victimhood, something for which Sam was increasingly grateful. Even in the weeks and months after Jolinar had hijacked her body, before Earth had met the Tok'ra and developed even a rudimentary understanding of how they differed from the Goa'uld, her nightmares hadn't focused on the fact that she had been held hostage in her own mind, but rather on the things Jolinar could have done and, in some instances, _had _done using her body.

Now, Sam's nightmares centered on her inability to stop her kidnappers and the others in Adrian Conrad's employ from using her to satisfy their own curiosity. Tests she didn't want performed, drugs she didn't want injected, places she didn't want to go, all had been forced on her for a few endless days, and there had been nothing she could do to stop any of it. When she fought, they sedated her. When she proved to be resistant to their drugs, they gave her more. When she escaped from their restraints, they caged her inside the hospital. Sam had been utterly helpless – helpless like she'd never been before – and that didn't get easier to accept with time.

Despite all the trouble she'd found herself in off-world, never before had she been in a situation that compared to the one Conrad had orchestrated. Usually she was captured with some if not all of her teammates; no matter the circumstances, the four of them together were never entirely helpless. As bleak as things had sometimes seemed, there had often been the comfort of knowing that the SGC knew where they were, and always the comfort of knowing General Hammond would tear the galaxy apart searching for them; the SGC didn't leave their people behind. Even when at the mercy of extra-terrestrial interrogators, she was used to having some measure of power over the situation; lying, obfuscating and exaggerating were always empowering, even when doing so accomplished very little. But when push came to shove, there was little about her kidnapping that life as an interplanetary traveler had prepared her for.

As much as Sam had wanted to believe her teammates would come after her, it had been hard to hang on to that hope. The rational, logical part of her had insisted that it simply wasn't possible that they would find her in time for it to matter. Because even before those so-called doctors had been prepared to force a lethal injection upon her, a little voice in her head had screamed that she wouldn't be walking away from the situation alive. The fact of the matter was that the rest of SG-1 hadn'tbeen with her, and even though that should have inspired hope – free, they were able to do whatever it took to find her and help her – all it had done was make the things she had to face that much more unbearable.

The lengths General Hammond would go to for his people when they were in trouble off-world were matched only by the lengths he would go to for his people when they were in trouble at home. But again, he'd had no idea where she was, no idea where to start looking, and from the beginning, he'd been struggling to play catch-up. Again, although Sam had known he would do anything within his power – and even things that weren't, if he could get away with it – to find her, she had held out little hope that his efforts would be rewarded. The galaxy was big, but in some ways Earth was bigger, and nice, normal Earth people disappeared without a trace every day.

More unbearable, more frustrating than anything, however, had been the fact that there was nothing Sam could do to withhold information from her captors. She couldn't lie to them, couldn't hide information from them, couldn't trick them because what they wanted they could take, no matter how much she resisted or how hard she fought. There was no way to feed them misinformation when they had hard science to disprove her lies, and Sam had hated every second that she had been denied even the most minute acts of defiance. Even within the relative safety of her own mind, she had been denied the consolation of making her captors' lives at least a little difficult.

With those thoughts swirling in her head, Sam realized that even when being honest with Cassandra about what had happened, she had artfully manipulated the truth. She'd told the teen how important it was to trust that help was coming, to never give up, to fight with everything she had, and yet Sam herself had been unable to do all those things. It wasn't a lack of faith in her teammates or General Hammond, nor was it any sort of weakness on her part; she was simply too realistic for her own good sometimes. Still, it was a reminder that she'd underestimated the people that cared about her and, she was starting to realize, herself. It was a mistake she hoped never to repeat.

Although she'd often thought that there was nothing her teammates wouldn't do for her, and that General Hammond, in turn, wouldn't do for the team, a part of Sam had always accepted that to be little more than hyperbole. She knew now, though, that that simply wasn't true. The rest of SG-1 had no qualms about pulling out all the stops, utilizing every last resource at their disposal – as well as some that, technically speaking, weren't – for her, and Hammond would happily authorize them to do it when he could, or put his neck on the line to cover for them when he couldn't. No matter the circumstances, no matter the situation, they would always come through for her in the end. Never again would she make the mistake of believing there were limits on what any one of the four men would or could do for her.

Nor would she ever again make the mistake of believing that there could be no defiance without conscious effort. Even when drugged into oblivion, strapped to a bed by thick leather restraints and sequestered from the rest of the world by padlocked doors, she hadn't been powerless, though it had seemed that way at the time. Even if Conrad hadn't wanted her dead– and Sam didn't believe for one second that he _hadn't_ – his cronies certainly had. It didn't matter what information they forced from her resisting or unconscious body, didn't matter that she couldn't help but give them exactly what they wanted, because the ultimate act of defiance had still been within her grasp. With every breath she took, she denied them the satisfaction of getting their way. So long as she had lived, so long as she _continued_ to live, she defied them. No matter how powerless they made her feel, she would never be just a helpless victim; as Daniel had tried so hard to make her see, surviving was her ultimate victory.

Releasing a long, slow breath, Sam let her concentration wander and slipped out of the comforting calm of meditation. She opened her eyes only to close them again quickly, blocking out the harsh glare of the overhead light. Trying again, she squinted and cast about the room, reassuring herself that no one had broken in while she was distracted. Satisfied that she was still alone, she reached her arms up over her head, arching her back to stretch out stiff muscles.

It felt good to be relatively at ease in her own home. Sam felt like she had gained back a huge measure of her independence, and, more importantly, had slipped back into her own skin. More than she had at any other point in the last few days, she felt confident that she could handle being on her own for a full night. After all, she'd done it a million times before and, inevitably, she'd do it a million times more.

She slowly got to her feet and reached for the remote, hesitating only for a moment before turning off the TV and plunging the house into silence. Not allowing herself the time to process the change, she strode confidently over to the light switch and flicked it off, letting darkness swallow up the living room. Determinedly leaving the cordless phone on the coffee table – she could cover the distance between her living room and her bedroom without it – Sam turned on her heel and confidently strode up the stairs.

She could – _would_ – do this. Every breath she took might be a victory over Adrian Conrad, but every breath she took while alone was a victory over her own fears, and Sam was determined to be victorious over both.


	39. Chapter 39

**Measure After Measure**

Stuffing her feet into a pair of old, beat up sneakers, Sam didn't bother tying the laces. After all, she was just planning on darting out to the mailbox and then racing back into the house, doing her level best to avoid getting soaked to the bone by the spring storm currently drenching Colorado Springs.

It figured that _this_ would be the first day she'd convinced her teammates to leave her completely to her own devices; it would have been nice to have someone else around that she could send out in the downpour.

Pulling the bright yellow rain slicker – the one Jack always teased her about wearing, so maybe it was a goodthing no one was around after all – tight around her body, Sam drew the hood over her head and opened the front door. As soon as she did, her pant legs started to soak through, absorbing rain drops that splashed up from the puddles already covering the ground, and Sam immediately gave up on all hope of getting out of this ill-thought out venture dry. Head bent low to protect her eyes from the stinging drops, she hurried down the front steps and along the walkway down to the street.

Thrusting a hand into the mailbox, she grabbed the wad of papers waiting for her attention and quickly withdrew it, stuffing the pile under her jacket in the hope of keeping it from simply disintegrating in the pounding rain. Her strategy didn't work: she could feel a rectangular wet patch forming where the mail rested against her denim-clad thigh.

Sighing in defeat, she turned to face the house once again when she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Dismissing it as the same paranoia that still made her relatively uneasy being in public, Sam ignored it and continued on her way. She'd taken all of two steps back up to the house before her instincts started screaming for heightened caution; the uncomfortably familiar sensation of being watched stole over her and Sam gave in to the urge to scan the area for threats. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted something further down the street that gave her pause, but she wasn't entirely sure what it was. Pausing mid-step, Sam squinted through the driving rain, trying to make out what it was that had her instincts on high alert.

Water was coming down in sheets now, working with the gloom to obscure her view of the neighborhood, but she was experienced enough to hone in on the direction of the threat, even though she didn't know _what_ that threat was. With a patience that she didn't feel, Sam stilled and waited for the rain to ease up a little, hoping it wouldn't take long.

Almost a full minute later, a car drove past from the opposite direction. For a fraction of a second, she feared that she was about to be attacked from behind, but the vehicle passed without incident, its high beams lighting up much of the street stretched out before it. Despite the fact that the car's approach had raised her heart rate well above normal, she was grateful for the light and made the most of it, scanning the area before the car disappeared.

She didn't have to look very hard.

There. Four houses down. A black SUV with the outlines of two men sitting in the front seat. A pair of binoculars unmistakable where they sat on the dashboard.

Heart in her throat, blood pounding in her ears, Sam took a few cautious steps forward, trying to make out any details that might be useful when she reported the vehicle to General Hammond. The vehicle was rather nondescript, void of any distinguishable features aside from a license plate she couldn't read through the gloom. She almost missed it, but just before she could turn and race into the house, her eyes landed on a familiar sticker in the driver's side window.

In that same instant, hot anger replace the cold fear sliding through her veins.

Marching down the street towards the vehicle, she paid no heed to the splashes of water that soaked her pant legs with every outraged step she took. The hood slipped off her head halfway there and the icy rain instantly plastered her hair to her head, so she left it down around her shoulders. When she arrived, blinking rainwater out of her eyes and looking like a drowned rat, the driver's side window was already down.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded. She jammed her frozen fingers into her pockets to keep from planting her hands on her hips and stared down the driver.

"Good morning, Major Carter."

"That's what _you_ think," she retorted. Eyes narrowing, she leaned to the left and got a good look inside the vehicle, taking in the other occupant, who was dozing in the passenger seat.

Actually, make that 'occupants'; a third person was sprawled out across the back seat, sound asleep. "Oh, for the love of… Have you been here all night?"

"Yes."

"Do you have coffee?"

"Yes."

"Pour some down both their throats, give them ten minutes for the caffeine to kick in, and then get their butts in my kitchen," she commanded.

Then she turned on her heel and stormed back the way she'd just come, slowly seething. It wasn't the uncontrollable anger that had consumed her so often in the last few days, but rather indignation that made her blood boil.

Sam let the front door slam shut behind her, pausing just long enough to reset the security system before stalking into the bathroom to towel off and change into dry clothes. She briefly contemplated dropping a few towels along the little trails of puddles between the front hall and the bathroom, but she quickly dismissed the idea. It seemed like a suitable punishment for the visitors she was expecting. Instead of cleaning up after herself, she dropped the towels on the table in her front hall. After all, _she_ was the only one allowed to drip water all over her carpets.

By Sam's count, there were still about fifteen seconds left on her deadline when a firm knock rang out through the house. She answered promptly but with a scowl; she wanted her unhappiness to be very, very obvious.

"Greetings once again, Major Carter," Teal'c said as soon as the door opened. He paid no attention to how displeased she looked, confident that _he_ wouldn't be on the receiving end of her temper for very long.

Daniel was oblivious to the fact that she was glowering at them, rendered blissfully ignorant by the multitude of raindrops splattering against the lenses of his glasses and making everything appear to be one big, watery blur. Based on what Teal'c had said in the car, however, he was smart enough to know they were in trouble. "Hi, Sam."

"_Good_ morning, Carter," Jack said, injecting as much innocence as he could into his voice. She was _not_ a happy camper and he was hoping that if he were endearing enough, the yelling would be kept to a minimum.

"It was," she retorted coolly. Folding her arms across her chest, she leaned casually against the door, being careful to stay out of the splash zone. "And then I went out to check the mail and discovered that I was under surveillance."

Daniel still couldn't see a thing, but it was quite obvious that she was furious. It wasn't Angry Sam – she wasn't yelling – but there was no mistaking the quiet anger characteristic of Normal Sam, who could be scary in her own way. "We were…" he began.

"Dry and now we are very, very wet," Jack interrupted impatiently. "Can we come in?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I believe we must apologize to Major Carter's satisfaction before she grants us entrance to her home," Teal'c guessed. He appeared unbothered by the rivulets of water cascading freely over his bald pate and dripping into his eyes and ears, but in reality, he was just as uncomfortable as the other two men.

Trading guilty looks with the others – at least, Daniel _assumed_ Jack and Teal'c looked guilty; things were still extremely wet and blurry – he pasted his groveling face on and said sincerely, "I'm sorry we were sitting out on the street watching your house. We wanted to be nearby in case you called, but despite our good intentions, what we did was wrong and we won't do it again, I promise."

"Thank you, Daniel." Sam replied pleasantly, apparently appeased. "Come on in and help yourself to a towel."

Grateful to be out of the doghouse as well as the rain, Daniel did as he was told. Brushing past Sam, he tried to drip on her as little as possible but he was so thoroughly soaked that he wasn't sure it made much of a difference. Happy to be out of the rain, he removed his glasses and toweled off his wet hair. Once the short strands were relatively dry and sticking up in a thousand different directions, he started wiping at the tiny rivers flowing down his face and neck. He couldn't see much of anything, but he could still hear the rest of his team and, as usual, that in itself was plenty entertaining.

"Carter…" Jack virtually whined. "You let _Daniel _in."

"Daniel apologized, sir."

Teal'c jumped in before Jack could continue his protests. "Major Carter, I too would like to offer you my sincerest apologies for establishing surveillance on your home without either your knowledge or your permission. Such actions, regardless of the intent behind them, are an invasion of your privacy and we will not engage in such activities in the future."

"Apology accepted, Teal'c. Please, come in out of the rain." Sam smiled and opened the door wider to grant the mountain of a man access to her home.

Still blind, Daniel shuffled back, giving Teal'c room to join him and Sam in the hall. With a smirk, he watched as a very blurry Jack moved to step inside but was blocked by a very blurry Sam, arms folded across her chest and – he assumed – a displeased expression on her face.

"Carter…."

"Sir…"

"It's _raining_."

Daniel couldn't be sure, but he thought maybe Teal'c snickered a little at that very astute observation.

"Yes, sir."

"Let me _in_."

"Not until you apologize, sir."

"You know, I _am_ still your superior officer, even early in the morning and while slowly drowning on your front porch."

"Yes, sir."

"The 'superior' part is debatable," Daniel murmured to Teal'c.

"Indeed," the big Jaffa replied.

Daniel could have sworn he was snickering again.

"Fine," Jack sighed. "I'm sorry we had the nerve to worry about you, care enough to borrow an SUV from the base, and camp out front of your house all night so that we could be here in about five seconds flat if you needed us."

It wasn't exactly an _apology _per se, but knowing Jack, it was the most he'd ever offer.

"Apology accepted, sir." With a grin, Sam stepped aside and granted him entrance. Now that she'd secured a trio of apologies, she was happy to see her teammates and had no qualms about letting it show. "And don't even think about going any further than the hallway until you've toweled off… Sir."

The honorific was clearly an afterthought, making Daniel join Teal'c in a few moments of plausibly deniable snickering.

The archaeologist slipped his glasses back on just in time to see Jack step inside with a scowl on his face. The older man made a point of brushing his sopping wet sleeve over Sam's warm, dry arm, getting a little revenge after being left out in the rain for so long. He knew he'd be paying for it later, but the act made him feel better _now_, and that was what mattered.

"Are you well this morning, Major Carter?" Teal'c asked calmly, seemingly unperturbed by being caught spying on her and then left standing out in the rain.

"I'm good," she said with a smile on her face.

He didn't mean to sound so skeptical, but Daniel couldn't help himself. "Really?"

"Really."

"Slept okay last night?" Jack pressed, helping himself to a towel. Peeking around the edges of the rapidly dampening material, he searched her face for traces of dishonesty, but he couldn't find any. Satisfied, he set to work removing some of the excess moisture from his hair in the hopes that doing so would stop the cold, uncomfortable trickle of water running down his back.

It was a little embarrassing, being so proud of herself for being able to say, "Yes, sir."

She'd fallen asleep easily; the lingering exhaustion of the last few days coupled with yesterday's emotionally draining events had left her dozing off almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. She'd made it through the night without a single nightmare and, after getting over her momentary disorientation come morning, had even felt comfortable enough to laze around in bed for a while; she'd felt confident that if anyone had broken into her house overnight, the security system would have warned her. Now that she had a full night alone under her belt, Sam found it hard to believe that she'd been so nervous about the very idea of it less than 24 hours ago.

"That's great, Sam," Daniel said warmly. He offered her a big smile, sharing in her sense of accomplishment.

"So…" Jack drawled as he rocked back on his heels. It felt awkward, doing it with one arm strapped to his chest and the other in his pocket, and he had to be very careful not to over-balance and topple right over. "Everything is good?"

"Everything is good," she reassured.

Coming as close to beaming as he ever did, Teal'c smiled warmly at her and said, "We are pleased to hear it, Major Carter."

"Does that mean you don't want us to stick around?" Jack fought the urge to wince when he realized how disappointed he sounded and hoped that no one called him on it.

"No offense, sir, but I think it would be best if you didn't." Unlike last night, there was no hesitation before she rejected the offer of some company. Making it through the night on her own had done wonders for Sam, bolstering her self-confidence and making her feel like she was _finally_ getting back some control over her own life.

The three men couldn't help but notice the real, honest to goodness conviction in her words. Unlike so many other times in the last few days, she wasn't telling them what she thought they wanted to hear. This was Normal Sam saying normal Sam things because she truly believed them, and they were all happy to hear them.

"Then we shall take our leave of you, Major Carter. However, before we depart, are you certain there is nothing you require?"

"I'm fine… Daniel bought enough food to feed the entire SGC for a month and a half," Sam reminded, rolling her eyes.

Daniel blushed at that – admittedly, he _had_ gone a bit overboard when he'd run out to pick up 'a few' groceries earlier in the week – but he refused to rise to the bait.

"Too bad Daniel doesn't stock _his_ _own_ place so well," Jack said wryly.

_That_ bait however…

"I have food in my apartment," the archaeologist protested.

"You do not," Teal'c argued, trading amused looks with Jack and Sam.

"I do so!" Daniel cried indignantly.

"Coffee beans and chocolate bars are _not_ food," Sam said firmly.

And suddenly _everything_ felt completely normal. Good-natured banter, friendly teasing and three-on-one tag teaming were all business as usual for the four teammates. Yes, there were still traces of worry and concern in the air between the quartet, but those undercurrents were always there; they were just a little more pronounced than usual. Daniel embraced the dose of normality and did his part to keep it going.

"Do you _really_ want to go there, Major Doctor My-Fridge-Contained-Only-Stale-Granola-And-Mold-Until-A-Certain-Archaeologist-Filled-It-With-_Real_-Food?"

"Granola is real food!" Sam insisted.

"Children, play nice!" Jack interrupted before the good-natured argument could go any further. Then, because he couldn't help himself, he added, "And just for the record, Carter, granola is _not_ real food."

Sam rolled her eyes, but she knew better than to argue. If it didn't come in a bottle with a 'Guinness' label slapped on it, a thick layer of either melted cheese or sweet frosting, or hadn't 'moo'-ed at some point, he didn't think it was worth eating.

Daniel grinned triumphantly, happy to have shifted attention away from his own rather poor eating habits.

Teal'c made more suspiciously snicker-like sounds.

"Are you sure you're gonna be all right on your own all day?" Jack asked, suddenly feigning seriousness. When a frown started to steal across Sam's face, he followed up with, "I mean, you're not going to go stir crazy and dismantle every appliance in the house before lunchtime or anything?"

"No, sir." Sam's frown turned back into an easy grin. "I _think_ I'll be able to keep myself amused without resorting to such drastic measures."

That was that, the end of the discussion. Sam was determined and, being Sam, there would be no changing her mind now. Even though they were still a little wary of leaving her on her own, the men of SG-1 had no choice but to respect her decision.

For real this time. If she caught them lurking outside her house again, they all knew Normal Sam would give Angry Sam a run for her money in the yelling department.

"You're going to make us walk back to the SUV in this rain, aren't you?" Daniel asked, pouting ever so slightly.

It was a wasted effort.

"Consider it your punishment." There was no trace of sympathy in her voice, nor on her face; Sam didn't teach them lessons often, but when she did, she always made sure those lessons were memorable.

"I thought our punishment was standing out in the rain until we apologized," Jack reminded, frowning.

"No, sir," Sam replied. Her grin grew wider and a spark of mischief lit her eyes. "That was just for fun."

"Evil." He said it with pride, clearly giving himself credit for her increasingly wicked sense of humor.

The look on her face made it clear that Sam was pretty proud of herself too. "Thank you, sir."

"I don't suppose you could be convinced to take pity on us and lend us an umbrella or two?" Daniel asked. He schooled his features into the most pleading expression he could muster, hoping he could convince her to do just that.

Sam toyed with the idea of saying no, just to make sure the lesson really sunk in, but she didn't have the heart to make them traipse back to the SUV in the rain. Yes, they'd violated her privacy and nearly given her a heart attack with their surveillance efforts, but their hearts had been in the right place; it was hard to be angry with her teammates when they'd just been watching out for her. Acquiescing, Sam opened her hall closet and rooted around inside until she emerged with not one but three umbrellas…

"Hey! I've been looking for that!" Jack groused, snagging his long-lost umbrella out of her hand.

"Me too!" Daniel added, doing the same with the umbrella he'd been unable to find since last summer.

"_You_ left them here," Sam pointed out. "All things considered, do you _really_ want to blame me for holding on to them?"

As if on cue, the rain began falling harder, lashing fiercely against the roof.

"No," Jack and Daniel replied in unison. Both men turned slightly, putting their bodies between Sam and their umbrellas, just in case she decided to confiscate them as further punishment.

"Perhaps in the future, you will be more careful with your possessions, O'Neill, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said smugly. Retrieving the third and final umbrella – a relic from Cassandra's early days on Earth, if the bright rainbows splashed across a hot pink background were anything to judge by – he quirked an eyebrow at Sam but said nothing about the rather juvenile motif.

Instead of complaining, he dipped his head in her direction and said his goodbye. "Farewell, Major Carter. I hope you have an enjoyable day."

"Thanks, Teal'c," Sam replied with a warm smile. "You too."

Then, unbothered by the fact that he was going to look absolutely ridiculous walking down the street with a little girl's umbrella, he stepped back out into the driving rain and opened the hot pink contraption, holding it proudly over his head.

His teammates watched him go, Daniel and Jack both glad that they had forgotten their umbrellas at Sam's house at some point. Goodness only knew what other umbrellas Cassandra might have left at her favorite aunt's house. They both recalled a purple umbrella dotted with unicorns that the little girl had been particularly proud of and could only imagine how absolutely ridiculous either one of them would look taking shelter underneath it.

"What I wouldn't give for a…"

A bright flash of light made Jack stop short. He blinked spots away as he turned to locate the source of the disturbance and found a grinning Sam holding a...

"… Camera." He finished his thought as a matching grin crept across his face. "I _so_ want a copy of that."

"Me too," Daniel said, imagining how much fun they could have helping the photo circulate around base.

"Don't worry," Sam assured. She winked at him as she stuffed the camera back in its case and put it back in the hall closet. "I'll be making _lots_ of copies."

"Excellent!"

"Don't you guys think you should…"

"Go before he leaves without us?" Daniel guessed. He slipped his glasses off and tucked them into his coat pocket in the hopes that they would stay dry that way. "Yeah, I think so… Especially if he realized that flash of light was from your camera and not a bolt of lightning."

"He wouldn't do that…" Jack began, his voice trailing off as he thought about it a little more. "Actually, scratch that. He absolutely would."

As a rule, they didn't let Teal'c drive, but during the stakeout, Jack had given their Jaffa teammate the keys so he could control the temperature of the SUV. In hindsight, it wasn't the best idea they'd ever had, especially now that Teal'c had something to seek revenge for.

"If I don't have my car back, can I get a ride in with you tomorrow, Daniel?" Sam asked. She wanted to have plans in place before they left, otherwise she'd be treated to a flurry of phone calls throughout the day as her teammates checked up on her under the pretense of making arrangements for the next day.

Masking his disappointment that he'd just lost a legitimate excuse to call later, Daniel agreed, "Of course. You're supposed to see MacKenzie at nine tomorrow?"

"Yep."

"So, pick you up at 8:30?"

"Sounds good."

"See you then!" And with that, Daniel turned and ventured back out into the raging storm, leaving Jack and Sam alone in the house. He opened his umbrella and walked as quickly as he could down to the street, trying to step lightly in order to avoid sending up huge splashes of water. It didn't do him much good, and even with the heat cranked up on the drive back to Jack's, it was sure to be a cold, uncomfortable drive.

Watching Daniel's progress and studying Sam out of the corner of his eye, Jack made one last bid to put his own nerves at ease. "You're sure…"

"Sir, I'm _fine_."

"I was _going _to say, 'you're sure that picture is going to turn out?', Carter, relax." It was a lie, but it made him seem a little less paranoid, so he decided to stick with it.

"I'm fairly certain, sir."

"Okey dokey," he relented, flashing her the cheekiest grin he could muster. "I guess I should go before the boys decide to leave without me."

"Probably, sir."

"If you need anything…"

"Call. I know." She was indulging him and they both knew it, but the sight of a syringe carrying a lethal injection zeroing in on her would haunt both of them for a long time to come. In light of that, it was hard to blame Jack for his over-protective hovering. "I think I'll be okay, though, sir."

"Right," Jack said, opening the front door and feeling splatters of rain begin to immediately soak his pant legs all over again. Opening the umbrella one-handed, he stuck it outside first and then stepped out after it, ducking under the meager protection the black nylon offered. "Lock up after us."

It would drive her nuts before long, but for the moment, his concern was still endearing. "Yes, sir."

Unwilling to dillydally out in the driving rain, Jack hustled down the steps and hurried for the vehicle. Despite the downpour, he stopped halfway between the front door and the street, turning back to see Sam still standing in the doorway, watching his progress.

"Carter?"

"Sir?"

"Welcome back."

Another wide grin spread across her face and Jack decided that even though he was getting wetter by the millisecond, the delay was worth it.

"Thank you, sir."

Satisfied, Jack offered her a jaunty little three-finger wave with his good arm before turning around again. He was pleasantly surprised to find that Daniel and Teal'c had taken pity on him and driven the SUV right up in front of Sam's house. Through the dark tinted windows, he could make out Teal'c's hulking form leaning forward from the backseat to unlock the front passenger door.

It was impossible to get inside the vehicle without getting drenched, so Jack just gave it up as a lost cause and collapsed his umbrella before opening the door and boosting himself up into the seat.

Sam watched him pull the door shut behind him and then, with a parting flicker of the headlights, the SUV pulled away from the curb and disappeared into the pouring rain. A few moments passed, but she didn't feel a single flutter of panic at the thought of being alone, and it was such a big relief it left her feeling a little weak in the knees.

Still smiling at her teammates' antics and warmed by their concern for her, Sam shut and locked the front door before reactivating the alarm system. As she did, she ran Jack's parting words through her mind over and over again. She was feeling more like herself today, like she was comfortable in her own skin again, but hearing confirmation that the subtle shift wasn't all in her head was reassuring.

When the house was secure once more, Sam picked up a handful of towels and re-traced her steps from the hallway to the bathroom. She had a week's worth of housework to catch up on; now was as good a time as any to start, especially since she would be doing it all on her own.

Whether or not they knew it, her teammates had gotten off lightly this time.

**A/N: **Almost there folks, just the epilogue to go. Watch for it sometime tomorrow!


	40. Epilogue

**A/N:** As promised, here's the epilogue! Please forgive me for any errors that made it into the final chapter; I'm racing the clock to post this chapter and finish packing before my flight tomorrow... You'll all be happy to know that I said 'to heck with packing the rest of my stuff up tonight, fan fic comes first!' What can I say? I've got my priorities straight! And now on with the show... Enjoy! : )

**Measure After Measure**

"I didn't know we were expecting company," Jack said flippantly to General Hammond over the wailing claxons.

Bounding down the stairs to the control room in the older man's wake, he relaxed slightly as he got a good look at the personnel already in the room. Nobody looked too concerned about the wormhole that had just blossomed to life, and that, at least some of the time, was a good sign.

"We weren't, sir," Walter informed him helpfully. Then, directing his next words to Hammond, he added, "We just received the Tok'ra's IDC, sir."

Hammond didn't hesitate before instructing, "Open the iris."

Walter did just that, pressing his hand to the palm scanner and making the panels of the iris peel backwards, granting the incoming travelers access to Earth. The gate room was bathed in the shimmering, cool blue light of the active wormhole, casting constantly shifting shadows over the defense team that raced inside, prepared to defend the base against attack. Although the Tok'ra were allies, there was always the risk that one of their operatives had been compromised and given up the IDC. As a result, the SGC liked to exercise a little extra caution when opening the door for them.

As tense seconds ticked by, Jack shot Hammond an appraising look out of the corner of his eye. They hadn't had much contact with the Tok'ra lately, though not for lack of trying. Three weeks ago, when they'd realized Sam had been abducted out of a parking lot near her house, the general had made several attempts to reach her father, but the High Council had thwarted his efforts. Insisting that Jacob and Selmak were deep under cover on a mission of the utmost importance, the Council had promised to relay their messages to Jacob at the first opportunity, but had warned that it could be weeks or even months before they could safely communicate with him. Earth's last contact with their allies had been two weeks ago, when Garshaw, frustrated by the SGC's continued efforts to send a message through to Jacob, had re-introduced the 'don't call us, we'll call you' policy that had characterized the early days of their alliance.

"Sir, maybe I should go get Carter, just in case it's Jacob," Jack suggested innocently. He wanted to be as far from the retired general as possible when he found out that Jack had lost his only daughter. _He_ knew it hadn't been his fault, but he couldn't be certain Jacob would see things his way.

"Not a chance, Jack," Hammond replied, smirking. He was wise to his 2IC's plan and put a stop to the impending retreat before it could even get underway. "If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me."

"I'll make you a deal, sir," Jack said, making one last bid for freedom. "If it's _anybody else_ – even Anise and Freya – I'll deal with it. If it's Jacob…"

Demonstrating a deeply disturbing ability to make Jack's life miserable even from the other side of the galaxy, Jacob chose that exact moment to step through the wormhole. Everyone in the gate and control rooms relaxed, glad to see a familiar face walking down the ramp.

Well, almost everyone in the gate and control rooms relaxed. Jack and General Hammond took in Jacob's malevolent expression with growing dread.

"Where the hell is my daughter?" Jacob demanded, eyes flashing – the snaky way, not the angry way – for emphasis.

"After you, sir," Jack graciously offered. With a sweeping arm motion, he gestured for the general to precede him down the stairs so they could chat with Jacob face-to-face.

"Now is _not _the time for you to develop an affinity for protocol, colonel," Hammond retorted grimly. "After you."

Grudgingly, Jack turned and started making his way down to the gate room. He went as slowly as he dared with Hammond right behind him, ready and willing to employ a strategically placed boot to hurry him along. He stalled for as long as possible, but there was only so long the walk from the control room to the gate room could take when unimpeded by alien invaders. All too soon the blast door was sliding open, leaving Jack toe-to-toe with his 2IC's irate father.

"Jacob, long time no…"

"Where _the hell_ is my daughter?" the older man repeated, louder and more insistent than the first time.

"She's in her lab."

"Excuse me?

"Sam's in her lab, Jacob," Hammond confirmed from behind Jack. He was smart enough to keep some distance between him and his old friend, giving himself as much of a head start as possible, should his fellow general decide to attack.

"You found her?"

"Ye…"

"_And nobody thought that was worth mentioning?!"_

Jack winced and fought the urge to shrink back from the enraged ambassador, wondering just how far Jacob's diplomatic immunity would go if he snapped and killed a general and a full-bird colonel in front of a room full of witnesses. Glancing quickly at the defense team, which was slowly edging out of the opposite blast door, he realized that a mutiny was underway. If Selmak gave her host free reign to do as he pleased to the base commander and his trusty colonel, even the guys with guns wouldn't be willing to get in the way.

Cowards.

"We sent several messages to the Tok'ra, assuring you that we'd found her and that she was all right," Hammond said calmly. It was easy to appear unflappable when Jack stood between him and Jacob. The colonel would prove to be somewhat of an obstacle and would buy him a few extra seconds to make it to the elevator if Jacob's tenuous grip on his self-control slipped much further.

Jacob's jaw was clenched so tightly that his strained "Who?' was almost incomprehensible.

"Excuse me?" Jack asked, stalling once more. It wasn't that he _liked_ the Tok'ra he was protecting, but no one deserved long, painful death by incensed father, not even the System Lords.

"Who did you leave those messages with?" Every word seemed to take a heroic amount of effort for the retired general to force out, but he managed it in the end.

Strictly speaking, it should have been '_whom_ did you leave the messages with', but Jack didn't think now was the time to point that out. "Delek."

"I'm going to kill him!" Jacob announced, loudly and hotly.

Apparently he felt that his diplomatic protection was sufficient to shield him from whatever laws the Tok'ra had against pre-meditated murder, otherwise, Jack could think of no reason for him to announce his intentions before a few dozen witnesses. Jack idly wondered if he would enjoy the same protection, should he announce his intentions to off some of the more annoying politicians in Washington prior to the next Tok'ra-Tau'ri summit. He suspected not, but he was still tempted to try; if it didn't pan out, he could just blame some alien influence or other and skate by without punishment.

Probably.

"Why don't we talk in my office?" Hammond suggested.

Jack was more than happy to let his commander finally take charge over the situation because it significantly reduced the likelihood that Jacob would turn around and continue yelling at _him_. Sure, he knew Hammond had been hanging back on purpose, letting Jacob blow off some steam before getting involved, but still, it was nice to hand this mess over.

"I want to see…"

"My office, Jacob," Hammond interrupted, his tone sharp. It was General Hammond, not George, who was speaking now, and General Hammond was done letting Jacob cause a scene in the gate room, even if General Carter seemed content to let him carry on.

"Not until I…" Jacob began to protest. However, his head suddenly dipped without warning and when it came up again, he was speaking in the dual tones that indicated the symbiote was in control. "Greetings, General Hammond, Colonel O'Neill. Please forgive Jacob, he is very concerned about Samantha."

"That's understandable, Selmak," Hammond assured. "Why don't _you_ come up to my office; it'll probably be easier than trying to talk to Jacob at this point."

"I agree, as does Jacob, albeit reluctantly," Selmak said, an amused sort of half-smile appearing on Jacob's face. "However, before we do, he would like me to confirm that Samantha is all right."

"She is," Jack swore. Now that Selmak was the one in control, he felt much safer. Host and symbiote might feel as one as a rule, but in this case, only the host felt the need to make heads roll on his daughter's behalf.

"Then Jacob has agreed to allow me to remain in control while you explain what has happened in our absence," Selmak agreed. "Please lead the way, General Hammond. Jacob is understandably anxious to have his questions answered."

Nodding, Hammond spun on his heel and led the way back up to his office. Selmak fell into step behind him, leaving Jack to bring up the rear. He still wasn't looking forward to the impending conversation, but at least with Selmak in control, he was likely to make it out of this little tête-à-tête with all of his limbs still attached and without too many bruises.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Exiting Hammond's office a long time later, Jack slid a quick glance at Jacob. The retired general had resumed control part way through the discussion, however Jack really wouldn't be surprised if any minute now, Selmak took over again. Jacob looked pale and shaken, having learned what his daughter had been subjected to while she'd been missing. All things considered, Jack couldn't blame him for being rattled. If it had been _his_ kid…

Forcing thoughts of Charlie out of his mind, Jack focused on the man striding through the corridors at his side. There were occasions – although not many – when he could relate to Jacob, one father to another, but here and now, he could relate only as a friend; asking anything more from him was simply asking too much.

"You okay?" Jack asked quietly. He was expecting an affirmative – after all, claiming to be 'fine' when you clearly weren't seemed to be a common trait in the Carter clan – but filling the trip with ridiculous questions was preferable to walking along in awkward silence, and it had been the first thing to pop into his head.

"I'm fine, it's just…" Jacob trailed off. He shook his head slightly, as if trying to sort his jumbled thoughts into some semblance of order. Disbelief quickly gave way to disgust, as he asked, "How the hell could someone do that?"

That was the million-dollar question. Even knowing that there were unscrupulous people who'd do just about anything to save their own skins didn't make it easier to comprehend how Adrian Conrad could have orchestrated something so despicable. He had a three-week head start on Jacob, but Jack still hadn't been able to wrap his head around it, not really. It was too bad, because more than any of them – with the exception of Sam, of course – Jacob deserved answers.

"I don't know," Jack said honestly. He scrubbed a frustrated hand through his hair, wishing he had a better explanation to offer.

Jacob didn't look disappointed at receiving such a woefully inadequate reply. In truth, Jack wasn't even sure he'd heard it. He recognized Jacob's look of fierce concentration, so like the expression that usually indicated Sam's brilliant brain was hard at work – another Carter trait, no doubt – and could only wonder what was racing through the older man's head.

He didn't have to wait very long.

"You're sure she's all right?" Jacob said, trailing Jack down the final stretch of corridor to the elevator. "I mean, really all right? She'll swear up and down that she's fine, but…"

"She's doing well, Jacob," he assured. "For a while, she wasn't, even though she was pretending to be. But then she started talking about it and opening up more, and once she did, she started getting better."

"Jack, you _know_ what Sam is like. She'll tell you exactly what you want to hear…."

"You're right, Jacob, I know what she's like, and I'm telling you, knowing her as well as I do, she's doing really well." Jack found it easy to keep his voice calm and relaxed. He'd had this conversation countless times since they'd found Sam – although he was usually reciting Jacob's lines – and thanks to all that practice, he knew exactly what to say to calm the other man down at least a little.

"She's been talking with MacKenzie almost daily and even though his screw-up did a real number on her head, everything seems to have worked out in the end. To be honest, I think Carter trusts him more than ever before. Yeah, she's had some nightmares that were pretty rough but she's got a handle on them now, and she hasn't had a flashback in weeks."

"Says who? Sam?" Jacob said it skeptically, but his desire to believe every word he was hearing was written plain on his face. Yet it seemed too good to be true. How his daughter could possibly have been through all that she had and have already moved past it all was beyond him. Then again, Sam never failed to amaze him, be it with her brilliance, her resilience, her strength or sometimes all three.

Jack understood how hard it was to believe. He'd had the same problem at first and had even dropped by MacKenzie's office to make sure the base shrink wasn't rushing to get Sam back in the field in some effort to make up for betraying her trust. But to spend any length of time with the woman in question was to see that she truly was coping with all that had happened and was moving forward.

"Just wait, Jacob; once you see her, you'll see she's doing fine."

Stabbing an impatient finger at the elevator call button, Jack let the other man process his words. He knew there was more weighing on Jacob's mind, but he wasn't sure whether those were questions for him, or if they were things better left for Sam to field herself. Whatever was going on in that head, be it Jacob's thoughts, Selmak's or both, it was none of his business unless someone decided to fill him in.

Ignoring Selmak's firm insistence that Hammond and Jack had left out some details on purpose and that no good could come from opening certain cans of worms, Jacob wasn't able to hold his tongue. Paying no heed to the exasperated 'what good is it, being blended with the oldest and wisest of the Tok'ra if you never _listen_?' that echoed in his head, nor to the mental cold shoulder Selmak gave him at the snub, he finally asked, "How close was it?"

Jack was saved from answering by the arrival of the elevator. He stepped aside, letting two scientists out before stepping inside the car. Jacob followed him in and watched, clearly waiting for an answer. Staring straight ahead as he pressed the button for the level of Sam's lab, Jack hoped that maybe the other man would forget his question or at least decide not to press for an answer.

Luck wasn't on his side.

"Jack…"

Wincing against the wave of cold dread that swept over him at the memory, he replied, "Too close."

Selmak firmly instructed Jacob to let it go, but he couldn't. Like a moth to a flame, he needed to know how close he had come to losing his daughter while he'd been wrapped up in a pointless mission that had yielded no meaningful results and no worthwhile information. The soldier, the operative in him knew he was being unfair; there was no way to tell which missions would turn out to be fruitful until all was said and done, and he had willingly accepted the mission, knowing it stood equal chances of being a success or a failure. But the father in him railed against the High Council for not trusting him and his dedication to their cause enough to let him know Sam was in trouble. They had decided the mission came before his daughter and it made anger flare, racing white hot along his nerve endings.

"I'm being serious, Jack," he growled, allowing some of his rage to slip into his voice.

"So am I," the younger man retorted hotly. Then, trying to reign in his temper, Jack let out a slow breath and finally gave the answer Jacob so wrongly thought he wanted to hear. "One more red light, one more intersection and we would have lost her."

Jack kept his eyes front and centre, not wanting to see the older man's face when he realized just how close he'd come to losing his daughter. He'd seen that expression on Jacob's face before, when missions went south and Sam had a close call, but with how infrequently he was on Earth anymore, Jacob was somewhat ignorant of the dangers being on-world presented. Sure, he worried about the same things every father dreaded, but in his mind, Earth was still a more or less safe place. It was missions, not downtime that concerned him.

Jacob's brain seemed to process the words in slow motion and eventually Selmak had to speed things along. When at last his brain caught up, the enormity of Jack's words slammed into him with the force of a hyperspace exit without the luxury of inertial dampeners. The air whooshed out of his lungs as if he'd just been punched in the gut, and Selmak took control of their body for a fraction of a second, firmly planting their hand against the wall to steady their suddenly weak knees.

When at last he managed to drag a breath into his aching lungs, he quietly asked, "Why didn't one of you tell me?"

"Because you didn't need to know," Jack said honestly. He was still doing his best to avoid looking at Jacob, but there were only so many other things he could look at in the utilitarian elevator. "Because there was no point in dredging up _that_ memory again. Because she's your kid and she runs around the galaxy fighting alien bad guys, so you've got more than enough to worry about already and telling you would just add one more worry to a way too long list." He shrugged helplessly before adding, "Take your pick."

Shaking his head, Jacob tried to dispel the image that now seemed to be burned into his memory, though he had never seen it himself. Sam, handcuffed to a bed and unable to do more than flail helplessly as two doctors went about preparing her execution by lethal injection…

"We got there in time, Jacob." Jack's voice, though low and calm, sliced through the horrendous images and snapped him back to the here and now. "Dwell on that; forget about the other stuff."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

It was at that moment that the doors rattled open, but Jacob didn't miss the younger man's answering murmur.

"If you ever figure it out, be sure to let me know."

oOoOoOoOoOo

"Any super sensitive experiments in the works, Carter?" Jack asked, poking his head around the corner.

"No, sir," she replied distractedly. Tapping an erasable marker against her thigh, most of her attention remained fixed on the white board in front of her.

"So you're up for some company now?"

"Just don't break anything, sir."

That was as close to a 'yes' as Sam ever got; she was frighteningly protective of her lab equipment. Satisfied that nothing was going to explode if she turned her attention elsewhere, Jack waved Jacob forward. He was glad to see that the older man seemed to have set aside his shock and revulsion about what Sam had been subjected to. She didn't need the people around her dumping their feelings about it on her; she had plenty to deal with already.

"Hey kid," Jacob greeted warmly. In spite of everything that had happened so far that day, seeing her safe and in her element was doing wonders for his mood.

"Dad?" Sam asked, her surprise obvious. Swiveling around, her eyes landed on her father and her frown of concentration morphed into a broad grin. "What are you doing here?"

"Just checking in," he assured. Crossing the threshold into her lab, he crossed the floor quickly and swept her up in a tight hug. "God, Sam, I'm so sorry I wasn't…"

"It's okay, Dad," she interrupted. Hugging him back enthusiastically, she assured, "I know you would have been here if you could."

It should have made him feel better to know she understood, but it didn't; she'd come to be so understanding because he'd missed out on so much of her life over the years. Knowing how close he'd come to losing her a few weeks ago made Jacob yearn for each and every one of those lost moments. Selmak was sending soothing vibes throughout their shared body in an effort to comfort him, however she was careful to stay in the background, affording father and daughter as much privacy as possible.

Turning his head, Jacob pressed his cheek against his daughter's temple and let out a slow, relaxing breath at Selmak's urging. "How are you holding up, kiddo?" he murmured in her ear.

"I'm great, Dad, really," Sam reassured. She bit back a smile as her father's hand smoothed over her hair, offering her the comfort she'd been denied for the last three weeks. "My blood work's been clean for a little over a week and a half, and MacKenzie cleared me for a return to field duty three days ago. We're just waiting for the colonel to finish with physio before SG-1's back on the mission rotation."

"That's good."

He let go of her reluctantly but kept his hands on her shoulders, holding her at arms' length while he studied her. Normally Sam would be rolling her eyes at this point, assuring him that she was fine and shrugging off his concern, but she was doing none of that right now. Instead, she was smiling patiently and letting him appraise her, apparently willing to let him satisfy his need to ensure she really was all right.

As far as Jacob could tell, she was better than all right. She looked relaxed and happy, content to have some quiet time to tinker in her lab. Even the ever-present bags under her eyes were hardly noticeable, suggesting that she'd either been sleeping well lately or had become much more adept at applying make-up to hide them; Jacob suspected it was option number one. Overall, he was pleasantly surprised to find that Sam looked better than she had in a long time.

"Well, I guess I'll leave you guys to it, then," Jack said from the doorway.

Jacob jumped ever so slightly at the interruption; he'd been so caught up in relief and surprise that he'd forgotten the other man was there.

"Thanks, sir," Sam said, smiling at him over her father's shoulder.

"You two should join us for lunch," he suggested, returning the smile. He slowly backed out into the corridor, adding, "Jacob, I'm sure Danny and Teal'c would love to see you again… You too, Selmak... Well, as much as we ever see of _you_…"

"Sounds like a plan," Jacob agreed. He ignored Selmak's mental eye roll at the younger man's rather poor attempt at 'symbiote humor' and added. "We'll meet you guys in the commissary at noon."

"Make it 1230," Sam suggested. "Daniel has a briefing until noon, but he thinks it might run a little late."

"1230 it is," Jack agreed. "Have fun!" With that, he disappeared from sight, leaving them to their mini-family reunion.

Jacob appreciated the thought, but it didn't feel right, letting Jack slink off after being yelled at, snarled at, threatened and generally treated poorly for the better of the morning. Especially now, after seeing how well he and the rest of the team had looked after Sam in the last few weeks while Jacob himself hadn't been around to do it.

"I'll be back in a minute," Jacob said, backing out of the room after the younger man.

Sam frowned slightly, looking a bit confused. "Okay…" He was out in the hall before she could say anything else.

"Jack!"

The colonel turned slowly, as if expecting he might be in for another bout of yelling. "Jacob?"

There were a million things he could say in that moment, but in the end, only one felt right. Holding his gaze, Jacob settled for a heartfelt, "Thank you."

Jack held his gaze for the briefest of moments and nodded in acknowledgment. Then, without a word, he spun on his heel and continued down the corridor. There was nothing he could say that wouldn't sound flippant or trite, and though Jack usually didn't mind being either, now wasn't the time.

Satisfied with the exchange, short and largely silent as it was, Jacob returned to Sam's lab. He knew she wouldn't mind being kept away from her work if it meant spending some quality time with him, especially after the last few weeks; she'd already proven that. Rounding the corner with somewhat of a spring in his step, he came face to face with his suddenly cross looking daughter.

"Be nice to him," she said sternly. She folded her arms over her chest and stared her father down expectantly.

"I have been!" Jacob defended himself. He tried hard to ignore his symbiote's mental harrumphing at the lie.

"Oh really? Why don't we ask Selmak? Let her be the judge?" Sam asked knowingly.

Admitting defeat, Jacob conceded, "Fine. I might have yelled a little, but on the whole, I'd say I was more or less nice."

Selmak was harrumphing again, reminding her host of the long litany of 'less' nice thoughts about Jack that had run through their head back in General Hammond's office. Shushing her, Jacob insisted that those didn't count, since he hadn't said them out loud. Besides, Jack had probably thought worse about _them_ over the years.

"Be nice to him… To all of them," Sam repeated, amending her earlier statement to include Teal'c and Daniel as well. "If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be here right now, and I definitely wouldn't be back on active duty. They've been great; they don't deserve to be yelled at."

Inside their head, Selmak voiced her whole-hearted agreement with Sam and Jacob had no choice but to acquiesce when faced with the disapproval of the two most important women – even after all these years, it was hard to think of his symbiote as anything but female - in his life. "All right, all right, I'll be nice."

"Thank you," Sam said, smiling.

Seeing her smile made him feel better about keeping the promise he'd just made, but it didn't make him feel nearly as good as Selmak's promise that he could yell at Delek for as long as he wanted once they were back with the Tok'ra. Increased endurance was just one of the advantages of blending, and Jacob was confident that with Selmak's help, he would be able to yell long enough and loud enough to put his basic training drill instructors to shame.

Craving time with his daughter without security cameras and other personnel watching their every move, he asked hopefully, "You feel like taking a little walk up on the surface?"

"Sure," Sam agreed. "We've gotten a head start on spring this year; the weather's been fantas..."

Before she could finish, her computer beeped, announcing the arrival of a new e-mail. He didn't miss the almost longing look she gave the laptop, nor the way her hand started towards the keyboard before she caught herself and pulled it back.

Amused, he asked, "Are you waiting on something important?"

"The R&D guys at Area 51 are waiting on test results from a device SG-7 encountered off-world," she explained. Her face lit up with excitement as she elaborated, the familiar spark of discovery lighting her features. "So far, the properties of the material it's constructed out of are unlike anything we've ever encountered before. If the results come up the way we expect them to, we'll be able to add another element or two to the periodic…"

"Check your e-mail, Sam." Jacob had to roll his eyes; obviously he'd been worried about nothing.

If his physicist daughter could get this excited about a chemistry breakthrough, she had to be absolutely fine. The only time Sam immersed herself in physics to the exclusion of all other branches of science was when the fate of the world hung in the balance, or when she was trying to distract herself from reality by getting lost in complicated equations.

Flashing her father a grateful smile, she promised, "Two minutes." And then her head was bent over the laptop and her fingers were zooming across the touchpad, opening the new message.

Settling in for a wait that he fully expected to last longer than two minutes, Jacob let his eyes rove over his daughter, committing every detail to memory. The slight furrow that formed between her eyebrows when she concentrated. The twinkle of excitement in her clear blue eyes, unchanged since childhood, although brought on by different things now that she was an adult. The way straight, white teeth peeked out to nibble ever so slightly on her bottom lip, just like her mother had done when waiting impatiently…

His quiet study was interrupted by a bark of laughter, quickly smothered. Eyeing her suspiciously as he moved around the workbench, Jacob asked, "Not the test results, then?"

"No, definitely not," she grinned.

Sam made no effort to hide the screen from him, so Jacob took that to mean he had permission to see what had amused her so much. He stared at the open email – more precisely, the photo attached to the open e-mail – for a few seconds before his brain could process what he was seeing. Eyes widening with surprise, he asked, "Why is Colonel Dixon sending you a photo of Teal'c carrying a hot pink umbrella?"

"It's his entry for the photo caption contest," Sam informed him matter of factly. She folded down the laptop screen so the machine could hibernate while they were gone, adding, "His is a good one: 'Striking fear in the hearts of false gods since 1997'… You have no idea how many _Singin' in the Rain_ jokes have been submitted; Colonel Dixon's suggestion makes for a nice change."

Jacob shook his head and smiled affectionately at his daughter. She was definitely over the worst of what Adrian Conrad had done to her; no one messed with Teal'c unless they were fighting fit and fully prepared to deal with the 'Jaffa revenge thing', as Jack liked to call it.

"Come on, Dad," Sam urged, starting for the door. "We're wasting a perfectly good spring day."

Catching up easily, Jacob fell into step beside her and slipped an arm around her shoulders. She let him get away with it, even though they were on base and in plain view of passing personnel, apparently craving the close proximity as much as he was. Tucking her a little tighter against his side, Jacob let his daughter's voice wash over him as she delved into greater detail about SG-7's find. He didn't pay attention to the words because, in the grand scheme of things, they weren't important.

For the moment, all that mattered was that his little girl was happy, healthy and safe.

- - - The End - - -

**A/N:** We did it! You bore with me while I slowly posted this ridiculously humungous 'little episode tag', and I managed to wrap this fic up before The Big Move (just barely, but that's not the point)! Virtual cookies for all of us! : ) One last time, a huge, heartfelt 'thank you' to everyone who has taken the time to read and review this fic. Your encouragement, kind words and constructive criticism are all truly appreciated, as is your patience! Now, if you'll all excuse me, I need to go write something short and unbelievably fluffy, otherwise my brain just might explode. ; )


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